Review Category: Movie

Review: Escape Plan / Cert: 15 / Director: Mikael Håfström / Screenplay: Miles Chapman, Jason Keller / Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, Jim Caviezel, Vinnie Jones / Release Date: Out Now

The Expendables franchise in 2010 gave action fans an orgasmic situation on-screen, the first meeting of ’80s icons Sylvester Stallone and (then governor) Arnold Schwarzenegger in one scene… together. The 2012 sequel further expanded their screen time but never have the two shared one film entirely, until now. Escape Plan, despite a bland title, has a lot to ingratiate itself to ’80s kids brought up on a strict diet of Cobra, Commando, Predator and First Blood. However, this film is not quite the explosive, balls-to-the-wall, all-out actioner many may be expecting and indeed those awaiting a grand Arnie vs  Sly showdown may leave a touch disappointed. That being said, this action-thriller (with sci-fi elements) came to entertain and it certainly accomplishes that aim.

The story focuses on Ray Breslin (Stallone), a man who tests the security of prisons for a living. However, with a new ‘shady’ assignment he is offered the chance to test a whole new level of prison. Not too soon after, he is set up and imprisoned in a structurally sound complex known as ‘The Tomb’. In his attempts to escape, he must work with fellow inmate Swan Rottmayer (Schwarzenegger) and formulate a plan. The plotting, though smarter than the norm, is a little Lock-Up in nature.

There is no doubting that this film may have come 30 years too late to reach its full potential but as they say, better late than never. Though the action is not as plentiful as some of the stars’ biggest hits, there are engaging thrills to be had and the comedic backbone is most welcome. Schwarzenegger looks to be having a ball in his part, dropping cheesy lines and chomping up the atmosphere. Stallone shows once again, for a fella his age, he has many rounds left yet and there are some surprising (and well played) appearances from the likes of Vinnie Jones, Curtis Jackson and Sam Neil, as well as a tie-strokingly over-the-top bad guy in the shape of former on-screen Jesus, Jim Caviezel. Everyone is having fun with the preposterous material and it’s infectious.

In fairness, the action, though fun, could have been much better and the brief scrap between Stallone and Schwarzenegger is not the one fans have been eager to see all these years. Additionally the camerawork occasionally vibrates too vigorously during the fight sequences, meaning some aspects are hard to fully take in. Håfström directs with a firm touch and one machine gun scene in particular plays on Arnie’s cinematic reputation. Even so, there is a feeling more could have been done with Escape Plan (formerly The Tomb but renamed– perhaps to avoid jokes regarding the leads’ respective ages).

Escape Plan is not as playfully knowing as The Last Stand or as action-packed as Bullet to the Head but it’s entertaining and it utilises its leading men’s macho chemistry (ironic considering their off-screen past) to a good effect. It may not be art but when Arnie pronounces, “You hit like a vegetarian”, I doubt anybody will be crying over not getting the film equivalent of a Monet. Good Saturday night, ’80s saluting, fun.

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Ender’s Game / Cert: 12A / Director: Gavin Hood / Screenplay: Gavin Hood / Starring: Asa Butterfield, Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley, Abigail Breslin / Release Date: October 25th

Based on Orson Scott Card’s 1985 novel, Ender’s Game is a very curious cinematic creature indeed. As a cross between Harry Potter and Starship Troopers, it’s undoubtedly a powerful and at times thought-provoking sci-fi parable but it does seem to fall between two poles-apart stools. Is it a children’s film (the core cast are all youngsters) or is it an adult sci-fi movie using young characters to craft a subtle political allegory, which holds up a mirror, as the best SF should, to the world we live in today? Superficially it’s a big, broad space opera but it’s also desperately talky, low on action and proper thrills and it delivers the most anti-climactic climax in recent genre cinema history. In some ways Ender’s Game is to be applauded for giving the audience what it doesn’t expect and foregoing empty spectacle for something a little more introspective but the end result is a film which seems oddly uncommercial and which may seriously struggle at the box office.

In the future the Earth has successfully repelled – at some cost to life, limb and property – an invasion by a race of alien insects called the Formics (renamed from the much more sniggerable ‘buggers’ of the novel). Earth’s governments are twitchy about a possible second attack and they’re monitoring gathering Formic forces out in deep space. What they need is a new and imaginative way of tactical thinking and to this end(er) they recruit a bunch of game-literate kids who, it’s hoped, can bring a more instinctive and intuitive approach to the battlefield. One such ingénue is Andrew ‘Ender’ Wiggin (Butterfield), an introverted but brilliant young boy who is press-ganged into joining the International Fleet’s Battle School space station training facility. Here Ender slowly earns the respect of his contemporaries and his elders and finds himself in the Command School and potentially in charge of the entire space fleet. But first he has to prove himself in one final strategic war game simulation where the stakes are the future of Earth itself…

Ender’s Game, despite its good intentions and its remit to tell a proper, hard SF story instead of the usual humans vs. monsters stuff, is just a bit dull. There’s plenty of CGI loveliness to gawp at if you’re so inclined – the initial recreation of the final battle in the first confrontation between humanity and the Formics promises thrills and spills to come – but much of it is fairly mundane spacescape/space station stuff which has a certain 2001 realism about it but quickly becomes tedious to look at. Weightless training sequences seem to go on forever without much in the way of incident and it’s this uneventfulness, which scuppers the back half of the movie once it’s established its world and its story. Ender himself is painfully young-looking and is cold and rather emotionless as a lead character – that’s sort of the point of him, it’s what makes him special and ideal for the task he’s being trained for – but it makes it tough to root for him or care much what happens to him. And unfortunately, not much does happen to him. Under the watchful eye of gruff Colonel Graff (Harrison Ford looking suitably grizzled and war-weary) Ender slowly becomes more assured and more determined. Unfortunate casting ensures that scenes of Ender being tormented by young senior trainee Bonzo, are left floundering by the fact that the actor who plays him (Moises Arias) is about half Butterfield’s size and what looks like a budding romance between Ender and fellow student Valentine (Breslin), which would have given the film a much-needed touch of humanity, comes to nothing. A last-minute appearance by Ben Kingsley as a bizarrely face-painted military hero seems to have little point other than to give Ender a confidence boost and it serves merely to undermine the dramatic punch of the battle which ended the first war between Mankind and the Formics.

Ender’s Game struggles to engender much real enthusiasm but there’s still plenty to admire in its visual aesthetic (it builds its world with utter conviction), its faultless FX and its very worthy attempt to tell a more intelligent SF story than cinema audiences may be used to. But it’s the very fact that it is intelligent and doesn’t go in for cheap thrills and spills which is likely to prove to be its undoing. Time may well see Ender’s Game become a genre classic but modern blockbuster-soaked audiences are likely to be frustrated by its heel-dragging and its sense of inertia.

Expected Rating: 8 out 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Magical Sisters Yoyo and Nene / Cert: PG / Director: Takayuki Hirao / Starring: Sumire Morohoshi, Ai Kakuma, Miyuki Sawashiro, Takahiro Sakurai, Takako Honda, Rio Sasaki / Release Date: TBC

Scotland Loves Anime is an annual festival that takes place in Edinburgh and Glasgow, showcasing the new and the classic while celebrating all the weird, wild and wonderful worlds that Japanese anime has to offer. Magical Sisters Yoyo and Nene was among its offerings.

Yoyo and Nene are the Cursery Sisters, witches with a freelance curse-breaking business in the magical realm of Sorceria. When odd buildings begin falling from the sky, Yoyo takes it upon herself to investigate, bringing her to Yokohama in our world. When buildings continue to disappear and drop into Sorceria’s forest, along with anyone becoming cursed if they make a wish using a mysterious mobile game, Yoyo must uncover the cause of the chaos if she ever wants to be able to go home. But with magic in our world considerably less potent, she may need help. 

Billed as a mystery film and with very few specific details given, Magical Sisters still managed to almost sell out the screening; such is the power of challenging people to take a chance. It’s very much a family film; one that children can watch by themselves, but also one where parents certainly won’t get bored if required to sit through it with them. The story is simple and undemanding, but never once even approaches boring, even during lull points where it figures out where it’s going next.

The vanishing buildings and spreading curses provide most of the conflict, the danger for the most part remaining in the background, with Yoyo’s antics in investigating instead providing much of the events of the story. Her boundless enthusiasm for this world, which to us is mundane but to her is a mysterious adventure, makes her impossible not to love. That, along with her dedication in doing the right thing, means you’ll never stop rooting for her. It’s a long way into the film before any adults even appear, and even then it’s still only through the combined efforts of the kids that things are resolved. From this, children can take away the message that even young people can and should always do what they’re able to in order to help others. 

The animation is bright and colourful but not so much as to induce a sensory overload, while everything is portrayed with the innocence of a child’s perspective and the welcoming acceptance that goes with it; despite having a bare skull for a head, Yoyo’s pet cat Bikhau is still cute and adorable. There are a few emotionally poignant moments that may upset very young children, but they are swiftly moved past and shouldn’t affect anyone’s enjoyment.

Although Yoyo and Nene are referred to as witches, they are not the hex-slinging hags of western tradition: the term is instead a rough and ready translation for the anime convention of so-called “magical girls” (think Sailor Moon). Magical Sisters is a colourful, vibrant and joyous delight from start to finish, and it’s impossible to be left cold by its infectious energy.

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: In Fear / Cert: TBC / Director: Jeremy Lovering / Screenplay: Jeremy Lovering / Starring: Ian de Caestecker, Alice Englert, Allen Leech / Release Date: November 15th

In Fear is powered by a beautifully simple dramatic conceit. A young couple, just two weeks into a new relationship, is on their way to a music festival somewhere in Ireland. As a romantic gesture, Tom (De Caestecker, now one of the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) has booked a room in an off-the-beaten-track country hotel so that he and Lucy (Englert) can get to know each other a little better before they meet up with friends. But they quickly get lost in wild, unfamiliar countryside, signposts directing them to the hotel send them round and round in circles; it’s getting dark, the petrol’s running low and there’s someone outside intent on seriously spooking them.

Writer/director Jeremy Lovering has crafted an incredibly taut, uncomfortable and intensely claustrophobic thriller. Set largely inside Tom’s car, the film is for the most part a two-hander, the playful and yet slightly nervous getting-to-know-you relationship between Tom and Lucy, turning into something edgier as they begin to appreciate first that they’re completely lost in unfamiliar territory and later that they’re being targeted by someone with a grudge out in the encroaching darkness. Tom’s jokey, eager-to-please banter and Lucy’s slightly coy standoffishness are quickly forgotten as night falls and desperation and panic set in. Lovering employs tight close-ups inside the car to create a real sense of dread accentuated by subtle, underplayed scares; half-seen figures looming out of the darkness or lurking at the side of the road, Lucy’s clothes stolen from the car during a moment when it’s left unattended (the first real sign that something a bit odd is going on) and finally an ominous encounter with the terrified, bloodied Max (Leech) who quickly becomes an unwanted passenger.

A grim situation starts to get a whole lot worse – and just a little bit less plausible – for Tom and Lucy and it’s only now that the pair, who have already shown a tendency to behave irrationally, by constantly getting in and out of their relatively secure car in the dead of night on the vaguest of whims, begin to make decisions that can only encourage the audience to throw their hands up in despair and wail “Why the Hell did you do that?” There’s one particular moment when Tom, perhaps to reassert his mastery over the situation and his own masculinity, takes matters into his own hands and thereby sets the tone for the film’s last act which is at once unbearably grim and impossibly frustrating because it could have been so easily avoided.

But for the most part In Fear, largely improvised with the two leads only broadly aware of the general direction of the story, is a quiet triumph. Gripping and immaculately staged, it’ll strike a chord with anyone who’s found themselves driving along narrow, muddy, unfamiliar country lanes in the early evening with no real idea where they’re going and hopefully serve as a reminder that, sometimes, there’s nothing quite like a handy Travelodge.

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Thor: The Dark World / Cert: 12A / Director: Alan Taylor / Screenplay: Christopher Yost, Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely / Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Kat Dennings, Stellan Skarsgard, Christopher Eccleston, Anthony Hopkins, Rene Russo, Chris O’Dowd / Release Date: October 30th (UK), November 8th (US)

As DC Comics dither or else fumble the ball with the cinematic exploitations of their superhero titles, Marvel Studios continue to knock it out of the park time and again with their immaculately planned slate of costumed hero action movies. Thor: The Dark World hammers home the advantage, leaving recent Dark Knights and Men of Steel grubbing around in the dirt looking tired, underwhelming and derivative. TDW joins and possibly even surpasses Iron Man 3 as the superhero movie of 2013; it’s bigger, brasher, bolder and a damn sight more fun than Kenneth Branagh’s worthy, pompous, low key (it’s the joke that never stops giving) 2011 debut for Chris Hemworth’s twinkling, muscle-bound Asgardian adventurer. Taking its cue from Marvel’s Avengers Assemble this a movie with a spring in its step, its tongue in its cheek and its money right up there on the screen.

One of the great delights of Marvel’s movies is the sense of interconnectedness they’ve achieved across the last few years, with each film harking back to the last (or earlier) and hinting at the next (or later). In this second solo outing for Thor, Loki (Hiddleston) has been returned to Asgard to face the wrath of Dad Odin (Hopkins at his booming best) to atone for his attack on New York in the Avengers movie. With his bitter half-brother imprisoned, Thor sets about bringing peace to the Nine Realms, but lurking in the darkness is an ancient, timeless enemy of Asgard – the monstrous Malekith (Eccleston), and his army of elves will stop at nothing to secure the terrible power source known as the Aether, which will give Malekith dominion over all Creation. Back on Earth, Jane Foster (Portman) has been waiting two years for Thor to return and she’s moving on – just as her ditzy assistant Darcy Lewis (Dennings) and the new intern (“my name’s Ian”) make a discovery which will bring two worlds quite literally together.

Thor: The Dark World sets out its stall from the outset with breathless battle sequences depicting the fall of Malekith and his elf army and his loss of the Aether at his moment of glory, sending him into a self-imposed exile as he regathers his strength, followed by Thor’s titanic struggles to save the realm of Vanaheim from invaders. Fortunately the film quickly finds its sense of fun as we’re taken back to Earth to see Jane playing the dating game (a glorious cameo from Chris O’Dowd) and, right across the spectacle and adventure which follows, it never really loses its sense of fun. The script, driven by newcomer Alan Taylor‘s zesty, enthusiastic direction, finds the perfect balance, leavening potentially heavy Asgardian God-stomping with zippy one-liners and neat visual gags (Thor considerately hanging Mjolnir on a handy hatpeg in Jane‘s flat being a particular favourite). But where Iron Man tends to get its humour just from Robert Downey Jnr, here everyone gets a look in and the chance to let a bit of light into the drama; from Stellan Skarsgard’s Erik Selvig and his determination to remain trouserless, to Loki trading whip-crack witticisms with the more stoic and square-jawed Thor. And of course it’s the relationship between Thor and Loki (and the growing bond between Thor and Jane) which underpins the movie despite all the chaos, carnage and good-natured (or maybe that should be God-natured?) comedy; they hate and distrust each other but ultimately they have to stand and fight side by side in the name of the greater good. And it’s one Hell of a fight, from Malekith’s Ark vessel ploughing into Asgard itself, laser-blasting  soldiers chasing Thor and his group fleeing the stunningly-realised realm of Asgard on a zippy Stars Wars-like skimmer, to the final apocalyptic finale in Greenwich which does for London what the Avengers did for New York.

Some may sniff at the general perfunctoriness of the plot which basically entails a big super-powered God/baddy (Eccleston missing much of the fun in an unavoidably one-note role) trying to lay his hands on an awesome weapon which will give him ultimate power.  There’s also much convenient scientific mumbo-jumbo which is pretty much a Macguffin to allow characters to leap handily across space and between worlds (itself leading to a couple of tasty gags). But the guts of the story serves not only to add flesh to the Thor/Loki dyanmic but to strengthen Thor’s bonds to humanity and point him in the general direction of his true destiny. The obligatory cameos and codas are all present and correct from one hilarious in-movie sequence (and we’re not talking the inevitable appearance by Stan ‘The Man’ Lee) to two post-credits codas, one of which suggests a weird and wonderful Marvel movie yet to come.

The Dark World plays with an infectious joy, charm and energy which can only have been generated by the success of the Avengers movie, allowing the Thor team to craft this thrilling, dynamic and occasionally laugh out-loud sequel that sets a new bar for the cinematic superhero genre.

Expected Rating: 7 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Wolf Children / Cert: PG / Director: Mamoru Hosoda / Screenplay: Mamoru Hosoda, Satoko Okudera / Starring: Kumiko Aso, Yukito Nishii, Haru Kuroki / Release Date: October 25th

It’s the old story. Girls meets boy. Boy turns out to be a wolf. Boy and girl get together and have cubs. Then boy drowns in a canal and is dumped by his tail into a black bin liner. What’s a girl to do – except, perhaps, go on The Jeremy Kyle Show?

Answer: move to the country. And this is what Hana, the heroine of Wolf Children, does, settling into a crumbling, My Neighbour Totoro-style house in the sticks with her two shape-shifting kids, Yuki and Ame, after the untimely death of their father. Yuki, a boisterous little girl, loves the change of locale, but Ame, her timid younger brother, is far less keen. However, as the years roll by and one learns more about being a human while the other learns more about being a wolf, their roles slowly reverse: now it’s Ame who feels the call of the wild and Yuki who feels the call of, y’know, having a boyfriend and hanging out with her besties at school. But can the children control the two sides of their nature, or will they end up tearing the family apart in a flurry of flying fur?

Wolf Children begins in unpromisingly mawkish fashion. The bits where Hana and her bloke play happy families in a cramped starter flat are too twee for words, and that whole section looks slightly cheap too, the simplistic character designs not gelling at all well with environments cluttered with washing machines, rice cookers and electric heaters. However, things buck up considerably once the shift to Totoro-land is made. There’s an enjoyable sequence where Hana learns the ins and outs of farming from her grumpy but kindly neighbours, and the kids become more interesting as they grow up and achieve self-awareness.

The animation budget seems to be stacked towards these latter stages too – witness the exhilarating scene where Ame, in wolf form, explores the mountains above his home with an animal that has become his mentor, and a powerful, climactic storm sequence full of rushing cloud, pelting rain and swirling foliage. Stick with it and Wolf Children eventually rewards your patience, but there’s no doubt that it gets off to an iffy start and that it could have done with taking itself a little less seriously – after all, it’s hard not to smirk knowingly at these lupine shenanigans in this post-Twilight age. Still, you’ve got to love a film that takes time away from the drama to teach you how to grow potatoes.

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Young, High and Dead / Cert: 18 / Director: Luke Brady, Jonathan Brady, Daniel Fenton, Thabo Mhlatshwa / Screenplay: Luke Brady / Starring: Hannah Tointon, Louisa Lytton, Philip Barantini, Matthew Stathers / Release Date: Available Now

A group of friends, celebrating impending nuptials, head to the woods for a weekend of camping, boozing and getting well and truly stoned. This film, as the old saying goes, does what it says on the tin. When our heroes inadvertently pitch up at the impromptu burial site of a murdered young child, we have the recipe for a traditional slasher bloodbath on our hands. Only this time, with ex soap opera actors.

Tointon (Hollyoaks) and Lytton (gangster’s daughter Ruby Allen in EastEnders) are our scream queens, and a fairly solid job they do of it, too. With the film working on a very low budget scale, we can’t hold it to the same standards as your average slick Hollywood slasher, but it does beg the question ‘how cheap is it to hire an ex-soap actress (or two) anyway?’ Whatever the cast were paid, they were worth it, since they carry the film past its dizzying handheld shaky-cam opener. By the time Gary shows up with his big box of drugs, we were hooked enough to see Young, High and Dead through to its conclusion.

Detractors of no-budget horror will no doubt be unimpressed, but the more resilient fans of indie cinema should find something to enjoy. Tointon, who acquit herself well enough in The Children, is the best of the bunch here, although everyone is a cut above the usual amateurs who tend to populate this sort of thing. We’re sure there’ll be plenty who disagree once they hear Gary’s awful Brummy accent though, and it would be nice if the film could kill off a few of its characters a bit quicker.

Well-written, creepy and with a startlingly, authentically nasty streak, it’s inherently British (you don’t get much more English than chugging cider and Kronenberg beer in the woods) and refreshingly not terrible.

Review: Hell Baby / Cert: TBC / Director: Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon / Screenplay: Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon / Starring: Rob Corddry, Leslie Bibb, Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon / Release Date: TBC (UK)

Hell Baby is exactly the type of movie you would make with your friends if some studio executive got high, gave you $2 million, and told you to have something on his desk after the long weekend. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Ironically though, the makers of Hell Baby were given full studio backing and carte blanche to do practically whatever they wanted, by executives still in control of their motor skills. Allegedly. Actors/screenwriters Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon also share directorial duties on the film, which has more in common with the Reno 911! duo’s early sketch comedy troupe The State, than it does with any of the recent horror/comedy offerings.

The film opens with married couple Jack and very pregnant Vanessa (Corddry and Bibb), moving into their newly purchased New Orleans McMansion, lovingly nicknamed ‘Maison de Sang’ (or, ‘House of Blood’ for those unfamiliar with Louisiana creole). Very quickly they suspect that all is not as it seems, as Vanessa begins to exhibit demonic tendencies severe enough to garner the attention of the Vatican’s most elite exorcism duo, Fathers Sebastian and Padrigo (Garant and Lennon). Throw in a pair of improv-heavy cops (Rob Heubel and Paul Scheer), a possessed foetus, and a 1970s playboy, and you have the ingredients of the year’s most ridiculous and self-indulgent horror-comedy.

This decadence, however, proves to be the proverbial double-edged sword. Though prolonged scenes chronicling the principle cast demolishing Po-Boys and ‘pizza salad’ are funny in isolation, the overuse of them at the peril of narrative turns the film into a trivial and absurd exercise.

It’s also a shame that Rob Corddry is forced to be the straight man to Keegan Michael Key’s frankly exasperating neighbour, F’resnel – a character who demonstrates the oppressive restrictions of the budget better than any – using the same old joke over and over again, to the point of numbing the audience.

Yet in reality, Hell Baby is solid B-movie material, something you won’t regret watching at 2am with a handful of your closest friends. If the film were a pizza, it’d be a 28” Meat Feast with chillies, chicken nuggets, and chocolate raisins (I don’t know, I don’t eat pizza), held together by a disappointingly weak ass cheesy base.

Extras: None

Review: How I Live Now / Cert: 15 / Director: Kevin Macdonald / Screenplay: Tony Grisoni, Jeremy Brock, Penelope Skinner / Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Tom Holland, George Mackay, Harley Bird, Anna Chancellor / Release Date: Out Now

Based on Meg Rosof’s popular ‘young adult’ novel, Kevin (Last King of Scotland) Macdonald’s How I Live Now is very much a film of two halves… but fortunately the second half – gritty, uncompromising and sometimes brutal – makes up for the slightly mawkish soppiness of the first half. Ronan (last seen in the forgettable The Host) is Daisy, a disenfranchised and troubled New York teen packed off to live in the English countryside with distant family as a worldwide nuclear conflict looms. Frosty and offhand, Daisy soon learns to tolerate her new makeshift family and, in time (probably too quickly) falls in love with… er… her cousin Edmond (Mackay). We might have to think about that one…

So far, so lovey-dovey. Fortunately signs and portents are all around us; the military have been mobilised, jet fighters scream overhead, the kids’ activist mother (Chancellor) is making feverish phone calls as she tries to guarantee her family’s safety from something she seems certain is About To Happen. Unfortunately the sickly and cloying first thirty minutes, as Daisy slowly acclimatises to her new surroundings and falls for hunky cow-whispering Edmond (Mackay) just seems to be delaying what promises to be a much more interesting story of survival and terrible hardship. Luckily the film shifts out of first gear when a nuclear device is detonated in London and the kids, frolicking in the woods, hear the blast and hurry home to find out that the country is falling into chaos and the lights have gone out. They quickly adapt to their new circumstances  (but don’t seem hugely troubled by the fact that their mother, who jetted off to Geneva, doesn’t seem to be coming home) when the military arrive and split the group up. Torn apart, Edmond and Daisy both promise to find a way back to the farm but before long Daisy and cousin Piper are shacked up with a family in a darkened suburban estate and forced to forage potatoes and fruit from towers of rotting crops. Eventually the pair escape and set off on a long and dangerous journey through a treacherous countryside in which wander vicious bandits and potential rapists.

How I Live Now has its faults – mainly its sluggish and deceptively-dreary first act – but behind the soft-focus spooning and rural romping there’s a tough, brutal story which evokes everything from 1970s’ post-plague TV series Survivors to 28 Days Later and the brilliant Children of Men. This is a typically British dystopia of mud, guns, cold food and blisters, a nightmare apocalypse made more unnerving by the fact that we’re never fully apprised of exactly what the situation really is. We’re told of a massive nuclear detonation killing tens of thousands in London, gun-wielding guerilla forces who ruthlessly slaughter refugees, and terrorists poisoning the country’s water supply, but we don’t know who the aggressors are or what’s really going on beyond the world Daisy and her family inhabit. And their world just gets grimmer and grimmer; the scene where Daisy tentatively investigates crumpled, bin-bagged corpses in the camp where Edmond and his brother Isaac have been interred is almost unbearably bleak. Many may find the film’s ending a bit too glib also – it seems that World War Three isn’t necessarily the end of the world as we know it – and the relationship between Daisy and Edmond is ultimately bittersweet at best. How I Live Now, powered by dynamic performances from Ronan and young Harley Bird as Piper and atmospherically-directed by Macdonald, is unlikely to find a huge audience because it’s often cold and challenging stuff, its heart far blacker than its familiar and deceptive fish-out-of-water first half-hour might suggest. Apocalypse aficionados will find the film agreeably stark and thankfully worlds away from the cheery devastation offered up by the likes of Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich. Uncomfortable viewing but highly and surprisingly accomplished.

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Starburst Rating:

Review: Machete Kills / Cert: 15 / Director: Robert Rodriguez / Screenplay: Kyle Ward, Robert Rodriguez / Starring: Danny Trejo, Alexa Vega, Mel Gibson / Release Date: October 11th

Make no mistake, Machete Kills certainly lives up to its name. As the film goes on, those luckless chaps working for the villains happen on new and extravagant ways to die. Deaths involving the rotor blades of helicopters seem to be a particular favourite, and our grizzly protagonist (or as one character labels him, a “people-fucker-upper”) is only too happy to provide them. For our money, the best death has to be killing some nameless bloke by using his own body as a conductor for a lethal dose of electricity (with Machete somehow not falling foul of it himself after the enemy collapses).

But naturally the $7,000 question is “how good are the writing and storytelling?” Well, we can’t say we care for the way in which some characters’ fates are telegraphed to an even worse extent than the “shows picture” guy in Black Dynamite (if you haven’t seen that, watch it as it’s very similar to Machete except it’s Blaxploitation rather than Mexploitation), but the dialogue is excellent and leads to about as many laughs as the deaths do. (If you’re wondering how many that is, the answer is ‘lots’.)

As for the plot, what can we say? It’s obvious that Ward & Rodriguez wanted to get to the stuff with sci-fi and space shuttles (we can’t blame him; we’d feel the same way) but had to go by way of Mexico first (to take part in what we are branding the “Marcos Mendez Power Hour”). This is perhaps a moot point as a lot of moviegoers won’t care. They’ve got the right attitude. It’s not worth getting worked up over the excuse plot because this film knows exactly what it is. The plot doesn’t need to be great for a film like this. But that’s what anybody would expect after having seen the first one – having an excuse plot is pretty much part of the point of Machete. As a result, Machete is given a fetch-quest to go on (taking out evil revolutionary Marcos Mendez and stopping him from launching a missile at the States).

However, it’s when Machete gets back to the US that things take a turn for the very freaking bizarre. In fact, the second half of the film is basically the first half of a Moonraker remake. We’re okay with this; that film is one that needs to be remade. It’s here we’re introduced to one of the best things about the film, Mel Gibson in the role of super-evil super-scientist Luther Voz. Voz claims to be able to see into the future, which is part of the reason that he’s managed to gather so much futuristic technology. Gibson is suitably villainous while also somehow managing to be extremely lovable, getting lots of laughs. Certainly does a lot to take the edge off recent scandals!

It would be rather remiss of us not to mention the other major talents on display here. Carlos Estevez (Charlie Sheen going by his real name) shows up here as a loveable rascal of a President who sends Machete on his mission (hell, we’d vote for him). Sofia Vergara does a turn as crazed brothel madame, who employs weapons made out of things that really shouldn’t dispense bullets (such as bras, in what appears to be a fitting shout out to Austin Powers). You’ll never see strap-ons in the same way again…

Of course we can’t forget Danny Trejo as Machete himself. He embodies the myth that is Machete, morphing from a mere mortal Mexican into an unstoppable force of nature. We can’t say we entirely approve of taking his character in this direction but you’ve got to hand it to the man, he certainly plays it well. Hell, depending on how well these films do at the box office, he’s got potential as a long-term leading pensioner in a series of Machete films (and all we’re saying is that if Danny Trejo can do this, Harrison Ford can do Indy 5). We’re looking forward to many more films of Machete getting the guns, the girls (and occasionally the men) and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Bring on Machete Kills Again… In Space! 

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Actual Rating: