Review Category: Movie

Review: I, Frankenstein / Cert: 12A / Director: Stuart Beattie / Screenplay: Kevin Grevioux, Stuart Beattie / Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, Miranda Otto, Jai Courtney / Release Date: January 29th

When a film so clearly takes its “inspiration” from those that have gone before, it’s not unreasonable to expect it to add something to the formula. Not so with I, Frankenstein.

Like the eponymous monster I, Frankenstein is a hideous assemblage of spare parts, in this case from the Underworld films and 2004’s Van Helsing. It takes some of their visual styling and the motif of a secret war between legendary monsters, replacing vampires and werewolves with demons and gargoyles (yes… gargoyles!), spliced together with the concept from Van Helsing that Frankenstein’s creature somehow holds the key to the war. I, Frankenstein adds nothing to this mix and even fails to meet the expectation set by the worst moments of either of those films.

Jumping off from where Mary Shelley’s novel ended, Frankenstein’s monster returns from the frozen North in 1795 to bury his creator, only to be set upon at the family plot. One of the attackers helpfully melts his own face off to reveal a demon head underneath and the battle is joined by winged stone creatures, who whisk the monster away for a horrendous infodump from Miranda Otto’s Leonore.

Charged by the Archangel Michael to battle demons, Leonore is leader of the order of the gargoyles who fear what plans the demons have for the monster. After being named Adam and taught how to “descend” the demons back to hell, the monster stops off at the weapons shed and returns to the generic “North”.

After 300 years hiding in the wilderness, an attack prompts Frankenstein to return to the city to stamp out all the demons. No other motivation is given for his return, our “hero” does not come to some great realisation, he simply decides after a second attack by demons that now they must be wiped out, and it’s not just the monster’s motivation that seems half-baked. The whole film feels badly thought out and hastily arranged. The dialogue is lumpen, the plot plods from A to B to C to D (and sometimes back to C a number of times), never taking any narrative chances or surprising the audience in any way, and the whole thing is completely lacking in humour. There are some minor glimmers of style in some of the fight sequences but most of these consist of slightly moving slowmo images with fire and flying monsters, without much of the feel of an actual fight. All of this combines to make the film feel like a series of events happening just so the next set piece or infodump can occur while ignoring all the questions and issues raised by earlier scenes.

Why do the demons looks like the Wishmaster? Why do the gargoyles bother turning into humans with a CGI budget-friendly sweep of their wings, seeing as they seem to have no undercover lives? Why can’t either side get reinforcements from their respective bosses? Why has no one realised the demons’ lair is ten minutes’ walking distance from gargoyle HQ? Why is Adam seemingly indestructible in one scene and easily harmed in the next? Why does the whole film go out of its way to avoid naming the city, or even the country that the story takes place in? When trying to escape and backed against a window why does Adam bother to wait for Bill Nighy to finish his speech before jumping through it? Will Jai Courtney have any career left after this and last year’s A Good Day to Die Hard? Why did Aaron Eckhart agree to do this?

Eckhart delivers a raspy performance as the monster, the minimal makeup not quite hindering his attractiveness, but he’s not given all that much to do. He growls and glowers from scene to scene, while Otto poses and Nighy faxes over a copy of his performances as Viktor in the Underworld films, minus the violent neck twitching.

Any interesting ideas raised by the film, such as whether it’s possible for Adam to have a soul or not, are completely glossed over in favour of another unimpressive action scene in this lazy and aggressively dumb film.

Expected Rating: 5 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Devil’s Due / Cert: 15 / Director: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett / Screenplay: Lindsay Devlin / Starring: Zach Gilford, Alison Miller / Release Date: Out Now

Fears that the found footage film fad had faded appear to be unfounded in the wake of the recent release of the umpteenth entry in the Paranormal Activity franchise, quickly followed by this must-try-harder effort from Bettinelli-Olpin and Gillett, whose contribution to the original V/H/S anthology showed much more promise than this feature-length debut delivers. Devil’s Due superficially looks a sure bet for the Halloween season crowd but on closer inspection it reveals itself to be little better than any number of similar cheapo horrors which lurk unloved in the nether regions of straight-to-DVD world.

It starts off brightly and breezily as loved-up newlyweds Zach (Gilford) and Samantha (Miller) set off on their honeymoon in the Dominican Republic. Naturally enough, they’re filming every minute of it for the delight of future generations. On the last night of their holiday they take a taxi back to their hotel but find themselves taken to a dingy underground nightclub where much illicit booze is quaffed and an unconscious Sam becomes the centrepiece of an eerie supernatural ritual. Back home in the good ol’ US of A the couple’s lives are disrupted by the unexpected news that Sam is pregnant. Family and friends share their joy… and then the creepy stuff starts…

The trouble is, we’ve seen all this creepy stuff before. Devil’s Due manages to build up a decent sense of creeping dread as the audience waits for the first signs of inevitable funny business and we can almost tick them off the list of horror movie clichés – spontaneous nosebleeds, ferocious tempers, suspicious barking dog, demonic eyes, banging and crashing. The ‘found footage’ gimmick itself creaks here like an old barn door and the script has to leap through too many unlikely hoops to maintain its illusion that the story’s all been recorded on Zach’s camera, car park CCTV, supermarket security cameras and the phalanx of secret cameras rigged up around the couple’s house by the mysterious and unexplained cult who have engineered Sam’s unfortunate predicament.

Any fragile subtlety flies out of the window in the last act as Devil’s Due can’t decide whether it wants to be The Exorcist, Rosemary’s Baby or Paranormal Activity, so instead decides to pilfer liberally from all of them. But despite all the blood, the shrieking, the demonic possession and scenes of people flying through the air, Devil’s Due just ain’t scary because it’s doing nothing new with its box of tricks and seems happy to just wheel out familiar clichés with no real idea what to do with them.

To give the film its due though (ha), it passes the time, the performances are better than they really need to be but, like this reviewer, your soul may die just a little at the end at the realisation that a lot has been left unresolved and that the way has been paved for the inevitable sequel. Devil’s Due 2 anyone?

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Evangelion – 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone / Cert: 12 / Director: Hideaki Anno, Masayuki, Kazuya Tsurumaki / Screenplay: Hideaki Anno / Starring: Megumi Ogata, Megumi Hayashibara, Kotono Mitsuishi, Yuriko Yamaguchi, Fumihiko Tachiki / Release Date: TBC

Scotland Loves Anime is an annual festival, which takes place in Edinburgh and Glasgow, showcasing the new and the classic while celebrating all the weird, wild and wonderful worlds that Japanese anime has to offer.

In the near future, after a global cataclysm known at the Second Impact, gargantuan creatures called Angels have begun descending upon the world. In the fortress city of Tokyo-3, the headquarters of the NERV organisation, combat mecha named Evas have been constructed to battle the monstrosities, as standard artillery has little to no effect on them.

The story follows Shinji Ikari as he is summoned to NERV by his father Gendo, the organisation’s Supreme Commander, to become a pilot for EVA Unit-01 as he is one of a few who meet unspecified criteria for being capable of doing so. Slowly, he begins to learn the reality behind the assaults, while sinister and unseen forces plot in the shadows.

You Are (Not) Alone is the first instalment of the as-yet unfinished Rebuild of Evangelion tetralogy, a remake of ’90s anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion. Although mecha have been a staple of anime for decades, it was only with the recent release of Guillermo del Toro’s Pacific Rim that that the average filmgoer gained at least a passing familiarity with them, and in this film it can be truly seen just how much of a debt that blockbuster owes to anime.

The story assumes no familiarity with Neon Genesis (indeed, one of the reasons for the films’ production was to simplify the overly complicated saga) and while no time is wasted in launching into the action, a great many scenes are spent developing the characters rather than racing to the next fight sequence. Through Shinji’s experiences as an Eva pilot and trying to readjust to his uprooted life, in particular his relationships with vibrant and lively guardian Misato and introverted EVA Unit-00 pilot Rei, the human side of the conflict is given just as much prominence. Shinji is plunged in introspection regarding his place in the world, and given the lack of appreciation received for what he puts himself through; he questions why he should even bother in the first place.

Small touches drive home the sheer scale and power of the Evas, such as an ejected shell from its assault rifle falling to crush a car, while Unit-01 going “berserk” during a fight strongly implies they are not entirely mechanical. The wildly inconsistent natures of the Angels – one is vaguely humanoid, another like some chimeric hybrid of a woodlouse and a lobster, and a third is a shapeshifting crystalline octahedron – renders them all the more eldritch and enigmatic, and deepens your desire to know more about them.

The film asks far more questions than it answers. What was the Second Impact? What makes the Eva pilots special? Where do the Angels come from? What do they want? How are the Evas created? But as the opening instalment of a series this is to be expected, and more detail will no doubt be given in the subsequent films.

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Evangelion – 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance / Cert: 15 / Director: Hideaki Anno, Masayuki, Kazuya Tsurumaki / Screenplay: Hideaki Anno / Starring: Megumi Ogata, Megumi Hayashibara, Kotono Mitsuishi, Yûko Miyamura, Maaya Sakamoto, Fumihiko Tachiki / Release Date: TBC

Scotland Loves Anime is an annual festival, which takes place in Edinburgh and Glasgow, showcasing the new and the classic while celebrating all the weird, wild and wonderful worlds that Japanese anime has to offer.

Humanity’s war against the alien Angels continues. Attacks intensify, mysterious plans are hinted at and shadowy figures begin to make their move. All the while Eva pilot Shinji struggles to accept his place in the world, along with justification for the cost of what he is required to do in order to protect it.

After the comparatively small-scale introduction of You Are (Not) Alone, You Can (Not) Advance expands the scope of Evangelion, giving us greater comprehension of the apocalyptic world the characters inhabit. The true cost of the war was something never properly highlighted in the first film, but this time around we get a greater feel for it. It’s one thing for worldwide devastation to be briefly described in dialogue, but quite another to see mass graveyards for bodies never recovered, survivor’s guilt becoming as painful as the death of loved ones. With so much already lost, you have to wonder if anyone has a sense of purpose greater than simple survival. A view from orbit shows us the still-visible concentric shockwaves of the Second Impact covering about a fifth of the earth’s surface, daring us to ask what could possibly have happened to cause such devastation. Millions of people were killed, the sea turned red and much of the planet’s wildlife was utterly and irrevocably wiped out.

New characters introduced include two new Eva pilots: Asuka Shikinami, an obnoxious and arrogant American who becomes more sympathetic as the film progresses; and Mari Makinami, an enigmatic British girl who appears to be slightly mad. With this increased number, the point is further driven home that while the Eva pilots are utilising state of the art military technology to battle alien abominations, they are also just teenagers; kids with everyday problems and worries and insecurities that the adults seem to forget cannot just be pushed aside.

The religious undertones of the story – previously little more than basic Christian iconography – now begin to become more prominent. With references to a mysterious object named the Key of Nebuchadnezzar, the Dead Sea Scrolls Apocrypha and the possibility of apotheosis seen as an ultimate goal, various branches of spirituality are the driving force for many of the characters, their ultimate intentions nevertheless still remaining veiled.

The physical appearance of the Angels has become even more esoteric, and the film’s animation is at its most vibrant and inventive as the Evas battle them. Choral chanting used in battle sequences continues the religious themes, but in a jarring departure, one of the film’s most grisly sequences – the terrifying power of an Eva unleashed without inhibition seen in all its grotesque glory – is soundtracked with a breezy children’s song, the juxtaposition rendering it all the more horrific. As the operation of an Eva is a symbiosis of the power of a machine and the compassion of a person, removing the latter to attain greater destructive force is symbolic of attempting to win a conflict at the cost of sacrificing humanity.

One final point: if you are coming to the film for the first time, be aware that the mother of all cliffhangers on which it ends is craftily averted in a post-credits scene, and sets up further mysteries and revelations for the next instalment.

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Paranormal Activity – The Marked Ones / Cert: 15 / Director: Christopher Landon / Screenplay: Christopher Landon / Starring: Andrew Jacobs, Jorge Diaz, Gabrielle Walsh, Carlos Pratts / Release Date: Out Now

The Paranormal Activity franchise, while painted by some as a mere cash cow, has been surprisingly durable since the original haunted its way to critical acclaim back in 2009. However last year saw one of the first activity-free Octobers, so to celebrate new year here is the delayed Latino themed spin-off, The Marked Ones. After the worst film of the franchise, Paranormal Activity 4, which delivered some fun jolts and frights but no distinctive developments, we now have a film that does exactly the opposite. Say what you like about the Paranormal Activity films but they have built their own mythology admirably and in that regard this film works pretty well.

The film sees recent graduate Jesse (Jacobs) and his family get involved with forces he does not fully understand. Especially when their outcast neighbour Anna (Gloria Sandoval) is spontaneously murdered by another student and the strange activity and forces that surrounded her come to rear their malevolent head. Early opinion from the avid fanbase called this a definite reinvigoration of the series, which is a bit of a stretch. However, this spin-off, despite its lagging moments and sparsity of scares, just about makes up for it with some fun scenes of haunting and a very neat and intriguing direction for the series’ mythology. Of late, certain horror films have overdone this sort of thing.Grave Encounters 2 felt pompous and Insidious: Chapter 2 over-explained, but this film (part 4.5 if you will) leaves enough ambiguity and interest to keep things moving until this October’s Paranormal Activity 5.

The biggest issue with this film is really much more basic. Landon has indeed crafted an interesting MacGuffin but the scares are really starting to get threadbare. The first film tested patience pace-wise but delivered a low-fi idea that worked on the big screen, the second spiced things up with better camera work and action, and the third (the best of the entire series) delivered shocking terrors and a powerful climax. Even Part 4 had its moments, but this film is somewhat predictable. You can see the scares a mile off and aside from the odd twist (mainly in an enjoyably OTT climax), you know where much of this is heading scare-wise. The start is slow too, even by the previous films’ standard, but overall the film is just about fun enough to work.

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is by no means a great horror film but it is interesting and lively enough addition. Exclude a few unnecessary scenes and you have a reasonably effective feature that doesn’t feel drowned in Latino clichés. If you were to describe it, this is like a fun episode of American Horror Story: Coven with influences from the likes of Chronicle, just without the meatiness of either. It’s not the best of the series but at the same time it isn’t a damning indictment of it. The character of Jesse is a rationally sound core for the drama and in spite of the film’s inability to force you into leaving the lights on for days, fans will be happy to see the narrative tie-ups. Which is more than many horror franchises (Halloween, Leprechaun, Saw, etc) could say at this point. Lets just hope that this October’s fifth instalment gets the balance of mythology and fright just right.

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty / Cert: PG / Director: Ben Stiller / Screenplay: Steve Conrad / Starring: Ben Stiller, Kristen Wiig, Sean Penn, Adam Scott, Shirley MacLaine / Release Date: Out Now

Walter Mitty works for Life, but he doesn’t really have one. For 16 years Ben Stiller’s Walter Mitty has toiled as a “Negative Asset Manager” for the famous magazine, wrangling photographic negatives for publication and daydreaming his life away in self-empowerment fantasies. Lately his reveries have heavily featured new hire Cheryl (Wiig), as well as the obnoxiously bearded Tim Hendricks (Scott), manager of the magazine’s transition to a digital only publication. When a negative destined for the front cover of the final print issue goes missing, a picture from renowned superstar photographer Sean O’Connell that apparently captures the quintessence of human existence, Mitty has to rouse himself from his daydreams and embark on his first real adventure, to find O’Connell, the negative and, hopefully, the guts to go out with Cheryl.

Mitty’s life may be dull but it’s not due to any lack of direction on his part. The film slowly reveals a family tragedy in young adulthood that thrust upon him a whole world of responsibility, and pushed him into a lot of unhealthy behaviours, such as daydreaming through boring jobs. Behaviours that only now can he evaluate and possibly change. If only the film had as much direction.

Mitty is not a comedy; there are a few jokes sprinkled about but they don’t carry the film. The antics of a drunken helicopter pilot, a fisherman who constantly misquotes American slang and a spoof of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button all fail to provoke many laughs. As for the gags that focus on Mitty’s fish-out-of-water antics, while they seem reasonably amusing when lumped together in the trailer, they don’t quite work when spaced out across an entire film.

Neither is Mitty an out and out fantasy movie. Many of the fantastical sequences (and the realistic ones) are both audacious and impressive but they can come off as Stiller trying to prove that he’s able to handle more ambitious special effects films than Tropic Thunder and Zoolander. Stiller does successfully demonstrate an ability to use a wide variety of styles and types of effects throughout the film, from an uncomfortable-to-watch fight scene with sped up action and extreme close-ups, to a superhero-style street surfing/skiing sequence with an angry Stretch Armstrong doll, to a shark attack in the Atlantic, to a scene that is played out in its entirely via the point of view of a full body airport scanner, but the emotional glue to hold them all together seems to be missing.

Judging by the numerous landscape beauty shots, where the subject of the frame is dwarfed in relation to the world around it while uplifting music from Arcade Fire or Of Monster and Men plays, the goal of the film seems to be as inspiring and life-affirming as possible, but it falls a little flat in this regard. Once the location of the missing photo and its subject become obvious to the audience, two or three steps before it occurs to the characters, the nagging feeling that any one of Walter’s adventures could turn out to be a daydream prevents the audience from truly engaging with him in the important later stages of the film.

The film’s feel good message of living fully in each and every moment (and never to daydream while cycling a bicycle at speed) is also hindered by the glaring product placement all the way through the film. A number of fast food chains are referenced by name, with Mitty very obviously visiting a few. A prominent real world online dating site is also referred to throughout, as Mitty chats with his tech support guy over the issues caused by his completely empty dating profile. This unbalances the narrative and makes it all feel a little too mechanical to be heartwarming.

The best films about the human condition should inspire your heart to soar and while The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is enjoyable, it fails to inspire a song in the heart as much as it sets out to.

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: 47 Ronin / Cert: 12A / Director: Carl Rinsch / Screenplay: Chris Morgan, Hossein Amini, Walter Hamada / Starring: Keanu Reeves, Hiroyuki Sanada, Kô Shibasaki, Tadanobu Asano, Min Tanaka, Rinko Kikuchi / Release Date: Out Now

The vultures have been circling 47 Ronin for quite some time. Multiple delays in the film’s release, as well as rumours of a budget escalating north of $225 million led to the production being labelled as “troubled” long before tales of reshoots and the exclusion of the director from the editing suite by the studio came to light. A recent investor warning that the film could lose up to $150 million appeared to be the final nail in the coffin, dooming 47 Ronin to join John Carter (previously of Mars) and The Lone Ranger in the annals of film as movies destined to be flops before they were even released. However, news of 47 Ronin‘s (critical) death may have been greatly exaggerated.

The film tells the respected historical story of 47 samurai in the service of Lord Asano of Ako, who were instantly branded masterless ronin and banished from their lands after their lord invited dishonour on his house.

Keanu Reeves plays Kai, a Japanese “half-breed”, found by lord Asano on a hunting trip when a child. Exhausted, marked by scars and immediately looked down upon by members of Asano’s house, Kai nonetheless grows to become a valuable, if barely tolerated, part of the lord’s household.

Upon a visit to his house by the Shogun and other lords, a witch, in service to Asano’s rival Lord Kira, enchants first Asano’s champion in a tournament and then the lord himself in order to dishonour him and have his lands granted to Lord Kira. The title of the film gives away the fact that that she succeeds, as the house is disbanded and the shogun prohibits the now ronin from seeking any revenge on the new master of their lands, while Kai is sold into slavery.

A year later the ronin regroup to seek revenge, knowing that to do so dooms them in the eyes of the law, but first they need to seek out Kai, who has some experience dealing with demons.

The film takes its time getting to this point in the story and this may work against it with audiences. 47 Ronin is definitely not the western-style action film it may appear to be in the trailers. While most of the backstory could have been told in a more efficient fashion, the film is aiming squarely for historical epic territory and hits its mark pretty well. The physical sets and costumes are sumptuous and the overall look of the film is only let down by some weirdly hazy GCI landscapes that work against the sense of realism provided by the closer shots.

The supernatural CGI elements fare much better, despite being somewhat muted in their handling. The hunting of a mythical beast at the start of the film and a confrontation with magical Tengu creatures are enjoyable but lack any real dazzle. In a climactic battle sequence Kai slices a concrete column in two with his enchanted sword, but this moment is barely acknowledged. The film could have benefited from a few more moments like this.

Keanu acquits himself well , as do the other actors. Hiroyuki Sanada (Shingen in The Wolvervine) delivers a stoic performance, and a select few of the 47 come to the forefront of the story. Tadanobu Asano (Hogun from Thor) provides a master class in sneering as Lord Kira, and Rinko Kikuchi gets a hell of a lot more to do than she did in Pacific Rim, playing Kira’s witch. As Kai’s love interest Kô Shibasaki comes off a bit weak as Mika but this is probably due to the social mores of the time portrayed rather than any issues with the actress or script. This element of the story was never going to go anywhere anyway, as those familiar with the tale will know. Even with the fantastical trappings, 47 Ronin sticks very close to the true story.

Don’t believe the anti-hype, 47 Ronin is by no means a disaster. Yes, it does demand some patience from its audience but those who persevere will be rewarded with a strong tale, well told.

Expected Rating: 4 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Walking with Dinosaurs – The 3D Movie / Cert: U / Director: Nell Nightingale, Barry Cook / Screenplay: John Collee / Starring: John Leguizamo, Justin Long, Skylar Stone, Tiya Sircar, Karl Urban / Release Date: Out Now

When dinosaurs roamed the earth, it’s hard to imagine what it was like. Left with only bones and fossils, humanity can really only imagine the sight of a Tyrannosaurus Rex walking past us (although surely Jurassic Park is a trustworthy reconstruction!). Well, back in 1999, the BBC attempted to take the nature documentary format and some new CG technology and tell us what the prehistoric nature of the Mesozoic period was like in Walking with Dinosaurs. So comes this new film adaptation, which takes the visuals to a whole new level. Sadly this quality is scuppered by questionable decisions made along the way. This film focuses on the journey of one pachyrhinosauruss called Patchi (voiced by Justin Long) and charts his growth in a Jurassic journey of love, conflict and leadership.

The original BBC mini-series aimed to educate a family audience about dinosaurs and did so through narration and visuals. Which makes this film version all the more baffling as it is almost carved from a different stone entirely. Kids love dinosaurs, heck we all do, so why did anyone feel it necessary to turn the documentary format into a soapy plot that already feels prehistorically dated? In fact the film feels ripped off from Disney’s 2000 film Dinosaur. This lazily scripted feature opts to give the dinosaurs annoying voices, instead of relying on balanced narration to educate and inform. Children are not stupid and do not need dinosaurs spewing colloquialisms to “connect” to them. This film takes the animators strenuous hard work and ruins it.

It’s hard to fathom just why the producers felt they had to make this film into more of a cartoon. The animation works wonders but the misplaced addition of forgettable pop songs and the grating dialogue make you wish there was a mute option in cinemas. On the plus side, the very young kids will probably enjoy it and there are educational aspects to this visually majestic film. The 3D fantastically complements those visuals too and there are occasional moments of strong emotion. It is just unfortunate that so much focus has been put on making this film accessible and marketable (surely it was already) when it could have been both without all this Disney-baiting nattering.

Had the film relied on funny, witty and educational narration over sluggish humour and plotting to tell this story, this film really could have been special. As it is, Walking with Dinosaurs: The 3D Movie attempts to anthropomorphize these creatures but consequently puts the film at odds with its source material and itself. Such a shame.

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Gatchaman / Cert: TBC / Director: Tôya Satô / Screenplay: Yûsuke Watanabe / Starring: Tôri Matsuzaka, Ryôhei Suzuki, Gô Ayano, Ayame Gôriki, Tatsuomi Hamada / UK Release date: TBC

Gatchaman is NOT Battle of the Planets. In fact Gatchaman doesn’t even seem to be Science Ninja Team Gatchaman, the Japanese cartoon that Sandy Frank Entertainment edited into Battle of the Planets for western audiences in the late 1970s.

There’s no Mark, Jason, Princess, Key-op or Tiny here and especially no 7-Zark-7. Instead the Gatchaman team consists of leader Ken, dark and brooding Joe (incorrectly referred to as George in the subtitles), siblings Jun and Jinpei and the happy-go-lucky Ryu. In this reboot, the Gatchaman team must defend Tokyo and the International Science Organisation from attacks by the Galactors, humans infected with the X-virus, who have already conquered most of Europe and are each protected by a shield that renders them immune to conventional weapons. Only receptors, such as the team members, can use mysterious stones to harness the power of G-particles to defeat the faceless, armoured Galactors.

While the films starts with a sense of fun and some reasonable CGI, it soon shifts to weightier themes as Joe and Ken’s reunion triggers a lot of agonising over their lost teammate and former love interest Naomi, who fell to the Galactors years earlier.

Rather than an upbeat, loving remake of the original, such as the Wachowskis’ Speed Racer (for all its sins), Gatchaman falls squarely into the category of dark, gritty reimagining. Many elements of the original series are referenced but many more are left by the wayside. While the team’s costumes retain facets of the designs from the cartoon, such as the style of the helmets and each member’s signature weapons, they are no longer bird themed at all. Ken and Ryu’s outfits might mirror their cartoon counterparts relatively closely but Jun no longer sports her iconic (if impractical) white dress, opting instead of a black and purple suit.

After an opening battle, the film turns quite sombre with Ken wrestling with a crisis in leadership and Joe obsessing over his lost love while handling a mission that involves the Galactor responsible for her death, with the other characters barely getting a look in. What little humour there is comes from squabbles between young Jinpei and Ryu, and Jun’s mooning after Ken, but these will barely raise a grin. The team also come across as intensely annoying, bickering amongst each other at times while their supposed mentor Dr Nambu looks on dispassionately. Similarly, the film’s effects are sub-par. The team flit about unconvincingly in the fight/flight scenes, lacking any real weight or heft.

While early scenes have a slight flavour of Power Rangers to them, this feeling becomes all too strong once three “super Galactors” turn up looking as if they walked straight out of an episode of the Tokusatsu show (one of them even has pigtails and is wearing a pink dress over her armour!).

As the film reaches its climax, more series stalwarts show up such as the god-phoenix plane and leader of the Galactors Berg Katze (aka Zoltar from Battle of the Planets) and the film even manages to homage his/her roots as a shape-shifting hermaphrodite, without having to go down that slightly more adult route. But by this point the effects work has degenerated to sub-PS2 level, the sets look plastic and any sense of fun or adventure has completely dissipated. Plot points may be laid out for future sequels but based upon the evidence here it’s doubtful they’ll be able to follow through on that promise or else they will be even smaller budget affairs than this one. A disappointment.

Expected Rating: 7 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Oldboy / Cert: 18 / Director: Spike Lee / Screenplay: Various / Starring: Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olson, Samuel L. Jackson / Release Date: Out Now

Stop us if you’ve heard this one before… a man, seemingly without rhyme or reason, is kidnapped and locked away in a spartan prison cell minus explanation, company or means to contact the outside world. Twenty years later, he is released – also without explanation – and sets about searching for both answers and vengeance. The crucial question he hasn’t asked – why on Earth would you try to remake Oldboy? And has Spike Lee kept that ending intact?

Volumes are spoken by the fact that no octopuses were harmed in the making of this feature. Not that we were particularly desperate to see Josh Brolin wrap his jaws around a live, struggling octopus, but it does give away the fact that Lee’s Oldboy is the compromised, toned down American retelling we had all assumed it would be. Make no mistake, this is far from toothless (at times, it’s even more brutal and gory than the original movie) but it lacks the punk attitude and sheer ferocity of Chan-wook Park’s film.

It starts well, with an extended prelude in which we are introduced to Josh Brolin’s unpleasant alcoholic Joe Doucett (pronounced ‘Douche-tte’), a less charismatic, handsome and successful Don Draper. After a crucial business meeting goes belly-up, Doucette embarks upon a binge drinking session from which he will never recover. The twenty years (or minutes) we then spend with Joe is when Oldboy is at its best. It’s a damning indictment of the quality of the writing that Joe’s friendship with a family of mice is the most compelling, affecting relationship in the film. Scenes in which Doucette experiences 9/11 from the confines of his cell have a certain resonance, as does his transformation from chubby schlub to scary muscleman. And then, one day, Doucette is released…

If you’ve seen the peerless original, then there are few surprises to be found here. There are a few nifty additions and clever technological updates (Joe’s dad-like attempts to get to grips with Google and an iPhone are particularly amusing) and Samuel L. Jackson is diverting in his role as a mohawk-wearing, fashionable hotelier, but by and large, it’s an inferior redo of a much better film. Lee’s version of the hammer fight is well done, and there’s a really good flashback sequence towards the end, making Oldboy a hard film to completely disregard. Brolin may lack Min-sik Choi’s mesmerising mania, but he’s still a fine screen presence. If Elizabeth Olsen is underused as the love interest of the piece, then Sharlto Copley is massively overdone as its villain, giving a camp pantomime performance that feels at odds with (Samuel L’s wardrobe aside) the grubby realism the film aims for elsewhere. Lee tries to have his cake and eat it with the denouement, which attempts to be both faithful and uplifting at the same time. Neither works in its favour, resulting in an ending which will disappoint viewers who have seen the original and confuse those who haven’t.

Which is not to say that Oldboy is a bad film. It’s ill-advised, tonally inconsistent and unwilling to take risks, but it is an enjoyable, slick, occasionally brutal oddity. Some will call it pointless, which it is, but then, isn’t most entertainment pointless? The original Oldboy is still out there for you to enjoy, and is entirely unaffected by the existence of this remake. Oldboy may be something of a low point in his career, but at least Spike Lee tried to Do The Right Thing with it…

Expected Rating: 7 out of 10

Actual Rating: