Review Category: Movie

Review: 300 – Rise of an Empire / Cert: 15 / Director: Noam Murro / Screenplay: Zack Snyder, Kurth Johnstead / Starring: Rodrigo Santoro, Eva Green, Sullivan Stapleton / Release Date: Out Now

The follow up to the now-iconic 300 is pretty much what you’d expect – lots of stylized gory violence, with slow-mo shots and six-packs aplenty, all in impressive 3D.

Murro’s Rise of an Empire is a prequel, concurrent story and sequel to 300 all in one, based on Frank Miller’s upcoming graphic novel Xerxes. Early on we see the impressive transformation from Xerxes the hairy soldier through to the 10-foot tall enigmatic god-king introduced in the previous instalment (both Rodrigo Santoro). However, there isn’t as much of him as one would like – the main focus of the movie is on his bitter commander Artemisia (Green), doing his dirty work while he rules from a golden throne.

While the 300 Spartans are putting in a shift of work elsewhere, the popular Athenian general Themistokles (Stapleton) has the small task of uniting all of Greece against Persia, including Spartan queen Gorgo (Headey), Dilios (Wenham) and others returning from the first film. More familiar faces also return in the form of cameos, but very briefly and without impact.

The battle of wits between Themistokles and Artemisia make for an interesting movie, especially as the main battles take place at sea. Several new characters are introduced, buffed up from historic Greek workout regimes of course, and there is one of the angriest sex scenes you’ll ever see.

Unfortunately Rise of an Empire is a victim of its own precedent – it’s something you’ve seen before and feels neither as new or fresh as 300. The normally reliable Green hams it up a little too much, and although a new cast (including Jack O’Connell and Callan Mulvey as father and son soldiers) add something to the proceedings, it’s all been done before.

Sullivan Stapleton takes up Gerard Butler’s reins well and there may be another film in the franchise yet. Rise of an Empire is worth a watch, with a couple of new lines to quote and some comedic moments, but falls slightly short of its predecessor.

Expected Rating: 7 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: The Wind Rises / Cert: 12A / Director: Hayao Miyazaki / Screenplay: Hayao Miyazaki / Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, John Krasinski, Emily Blunt / UK Release Date: May 9th

For decades, Hayao Miyazaki has made it his mission to deliver top-notch animated fare to the masses, going above and beyond in making each film fun, unique, and incredibly entertaining. He’s dabbled in many genres, and even dared to blend some that had no business being put together. His work ranges from the fantastical to the grounded, injecting each project with a level of emotion and magic that is all too rare. It is with heavy hearts, then, that we here at Starburst realise this is the last Miyazaki film we’ll get to review. It’s been an exciting and memorable run, and his retirement will definitely have a significant impact on both the industry and our emotions.

If he’s going out, he’d want to go out strong, and that’s exactly what he does with his poignant, moving, and thoughtful swan song. What at first seems to be a biopic about a gifted aeronautical engineer quickly transforms into a haunting, contemplative, and touching tale about love, loss, and the price of passion. Miyazaki carefully illustrates his point with cleverly placed symbolism and surrealism, turning what could have been a bland historical piece into a creative commentary on the price one must pay for success.

Jiro can’t fly aeroplanes on account of his nearly crippling vision impairment, but he can design them like nobody’s business. His love for airborne machines thrusts him into the complicated and controversial world of aeronautical engineering, where he learns that the key to success isn’t all just knowing nuts and bolts. Fate and a massive earthquake introduce him to Naoko, the beautiful daughter of a Japanese hotel owner and the future love of his life. Naoko becomes infatuated with Jiro, and after years of being apart, the two become reacquainted and kindle a romance. But Jiro soon finds out that Naoko is suffering from tuberculosis and is dying before his eyes. With Naoko’s days numbered and an aeroplane to complete, Jiro is torn between his dream and his love.

The film’s most glaring misstep is its plodding pace. No one should expect high-octane action or perilous danger, but long stretches of minimal plot progression and dull character exchanges isn’t exactly welcome here, either. It really is a shame that the movie’s middle act suffers, but its strong opening and its even more powerful final scenes pack such a punch that at the end of the day, this complaint turns out to be fairly trivial.

The Wind Rises is anime in its deepest, most incredible form, presenting themes and ideas that will no doubt spark some fierce controversy but that will also move and inspire countless viewers. We salute you, Mr. Miyazaki, and all of the groundbreaking things you have done for cinema.

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: War of the Worlds – Goliath / Cert: TBC / Director: Joe Pearson / Screenplay: Joe Pearson, David Abramowitz / Starring: Adrian Paul, Adam Baldwin, Elizabeth Gracen / Release Date: TBC

Imagine what a steampunk War of the Worlds would be like, and you’ve basically got War of the Worlds: Goliath. Directed by Joe Pearson and starring Adrian Paul, Adam Baldwin, Elizabeth Gracen and many others, this brilliant re-imagining of a timeless story takes viewers on a thrilling adventure through a very different Earth. Pearson’s world-building inspires and amazes, and it won’t take long to become completely immersed in his vision.

It’s 1914. The world is still reeling from a devastating attack by Martians decades before. Various world leaders (Nikola Tesla being one of them) know another, deadlier invasion is inevitable, so they put together a strike force to combat and stop the invasion before it’s too late. Almost on cue, the Martians return, this time in greater numbers and with even more firepower than last time. Led by a ridiculously outgunned group of soldiers, the human resistance find themselves overwhelmed by Martian foes and must take a noble stand against the forces trying to steal their planet from them.

The film’s voice cast is, for the most part, more than competent, but some of the minor players desperately needed to be recast prior to the movie’s release. Luckily, their screen time doesn’t take up much of the film’s 82 minute runtime, so the lack of talent or energy on their end is easily overlooked. The main cast, on the other hand, shines and establishes a deep connection between audience and character that just isn’t common in modern cinema. Wilson (skillfully played by Adam Baldwin), Patrick O’Brien (Adrian Paul) and Eric Wells (Peter Wingfield) stand out as the best of the bunch, blending humour with an almost off-putting sincerity that fosters genuine sympathy from the viewer.

Pearson’s inventive take on the classic alien invasion tale focuses almost entirely on the militaristic side of the conflict instead of showcasing the terror of Earth’s citizens, which could have been an absolute disaster. Luckily, he makes the heroes interesting and lovable enough that viewers likely won’t mind.

A minor quibble we have with this otherwise phenomenal movie is that it moves too fast. The climax feels slapped together and predictable, slightly soiling an otherwise incredibly imaginative film. It’s mildly disappointing, and definitely had us scratching our heads at the derivative and soulless approach Pearson took to closing his movie.

All in all, though, War of the Worlds: Goliath is top-notch animated fare, complete with gorgeous animation and some truly memorable characters. We just wish everything came together a bit better.

Expected Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Actual Rating:

Review: Pompeii / Cert: 12 / Director: Paul W.S. Anderson / Screenplay: Janet Scott Batchler, Lee Batchler, Julian Fellowes, Michael Robert Johnson / Starring: Kit Harington, Emily Browning, Kiefer Sutherland, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Carrie-Anne Moss, Jared Harris, Sasha Roiz / Release date: May 2nd

January and February typically act as a dumping ground for the major US studios’ unloved outputs. The Lego Movie managed to buck the trend this year but usually cinematic turkeys such as I, Frankenstein or A Good Day to Die Hard are rushed out under cover of winter darkness to indifferent audiences while the punters patiently await the summer blockbusters. None of which bodes well for Pompeii. That sinking feeling only grows when the dreaded words “A film by Paul W.S. Anderson” appear on screen, but despite initial appearances, this is no rehash of the Resident Evil films with volcanic lava standing in for waves of zombies. For a start Milla Jovovich is nowhere to be seen, the film instead focusing on Kit Harington’s Milo, essentially Jon Snow from Game of Thrones, missing his big fur coat and with his stunning abs on prominent display. Orphaned by evil Romans, Milo has grown up as a slave and a gladiator, proving his mettle in the dank province of Britannia before being shipped off to greater glory in Pompeii.

Once he arrives, the film turns into an enjoyable mash-up of Gladiator and Titanic, as it takes the arena combat from Ridley Scott’s epic (lifting the siege of Carthage arena sequence almost verbatim) and the star-crossed lovers, an imminent disaster and a scheming, moustache-twirling villain from James Cameron’s watery romance, as Milo must deal with the other gladiators, abusive handlers, scheming parents and a delightfully hammy Kiefer Sutherland in his quest to survive the coming storm, and hopefully romance Emily Browning’s Cassia in the process.

The film spends a surprising amount of its time setting up the players and the world of Pompeii before springing the inevitable cameo from our old friend pyrocastic flows in a small but essential role, and the film is all the better for it. The effects are well done with the Roman times well realized and some political shenanigans thrown in to reflect the coming fall of the Roman empire. Moss and Harris are adequate as Cassia’s parents and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje fits the Djimon Hounsou role from Gladiator like a glove. As for the rest of the cast, all the Romans appear to be graduates from the James Mason school of Roman acting, all clipped English accents and over-pronunciation. Kiefer Sutherland takes this one step further by seemingly adding pebbles to his mouth for a cartoonish, lispy performance as Senator Corvus; war criminal, scheming would-be husband to Cassia and chewer of scenery. Sutherland’s over the top performance borders on comical but is so completely different to the scowly, rasping characters he’s been playing since Jack Bauer that he is a joy to watch and thankfully he doesn’t manage to completely destabilize the film.

Once Vesuvius does pipe up, it’s a race against time to reunite the separated characters and escape Corvus and the city before it’s too late through numerous actions scenes and false escapes. The inclusion of a mini-tsunami does come off a little crass after all the terrifying footage from the Japanese tsunami of 2011 that was seen around the world, but apparently it has some basis in fact.

Anderson directs competently and clearly, with action scenes where the audience can actually see what is going on and his camera drinking in the devastation wrought by the volcano, without making it too flashy. He is ably assisted by Clinton Shorter’s score, which never quite scales the heights of Hans Zimmer’s Gladiator soundtrack but does manage to elicit the appropriate emotions without coming across as cloying.

All this, along with a very surprising ending, hopefully marks an increased maturity and the start of a new chapter for Anderson as a director. He’s managed to create an enjoyable historical disaster movie, rather than a disastrous one.

Expected Rating: 5 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Only Lovers Left Alive / Cert: 15 / Director: Jim Jarmusch / Screenplay: Jim Jarmusch / Starring: Tom Hiddleston, Tilda Swinton, Mia Wasikowska, John Hurt, Anton Yelchin / Release Date: Out Now (Limited)

Legendary indie director Jarmusch gets in on the vampire film in his own unique way, and comes up with a brilliant transcendental experience.

Adam and Eve (Hiddleston and Swinton) are a married couple living on different continents. Eve in Tangier, living a bohemian but solitary lifestyle, Musician Adam in Detroit, composing on his archaic, analogue equipment and much more reclusive. Adam’s only friend, Ian (Yelchin) acts as his portal to the outside world, securing his fix of expensive, rare guitars, and accepts a commission to produce a wooden bullet. The pair are centuries old vampires, living off a diet of safely acquired blood; Adam’s from a hospital, Eve’s from Elizabethan poet and fellow vamp, Christopher Marlowe (Hurt). Sensing her beau is depressed, she travels across the world to be with him; their idyllic lifestyle only broken when Eve’s wayward sister, Mia (Wasikowska) turns up.

Trust a maverick like Jarmusch to produce a vampire film that, while it lacks bite and fright, is thoroughly engrossing and immersive. It’s a dialogue-led film, but has so many rich flourishes which mesmerise, and an equally stunning score by Jozef van Wissem. The similarities of the vampire lifestyle and addictions are obvious, and handled with the director’s usual wit; a nightclub scene, for example, has ‘dealer’ Ian selling a rare vinyl record as if it were heroin. It’s a film which will appeal to the hipster crowd, who will no doubt delight in the retro-chic of Adam’s abode (his laptop is connected to an old CRT television and he has reel-to-reel recording equipment lining the walls) and numerous cultural references (“There’s Jack White’s house”). However, it’s coolness has substance, and never feels forced. Although, it’s melancholic, brooding atmosphere may be heavy going for casual viewers.

Both leads are brilliant; Hiddleston no doubt destined to be a poster boy for the post-Edward crowd with his rock star flowing locks and sullen demeanour and Swinton is enigmatically resplendent in her usual, unique, kooky way.

While it’s not a film for every taste, like the very best O’negative, it is absolutely delicious.

Review: I Declare War / Cert: 15 / Director: Jason Lapeyre, Robert Wilson / Screenplay: Jason Lapeyre / Starring: Siam Hu, Kolton Stewart, Gage Munroe / UK Release Date: May 9th

Who doesn’t wish they could still spend their days playing guns in the woods on long hot summer days with their buddies? I Declare War takes you back to childhood, mixing the reality of sticks, stones and name-calling with the fantasy of real guns, real explosions and real war. With red liquid-filled balloons at the ready, when these kids clash there will most definitely be blood. But as tempers fray, insecurities rise and jealousy boils, will the wounds be real or fake?

A group of 12 year old friends play ‘Capture the Flag’ in the woods, armed only with sticks, balloons and a simple set of rules to stick by. Their imagination fills in the blanks and I Declare War treats their rivalry as reality with real risk injected by the presence of genuine guns in their hands instead of the twigs they actually hold. P.K. (Munroe) leads one group with knowledge of generals from Patton to Napoleon ingrained in his brain. On the opposing team are leader Quinn (Aidan Gouveia), mutinous Skinner (Michael Friend) and the only girl of the group; Jess (Mackenzie Munro).

I Declare War has everything a good war movie should. There is friendship, rivalry, conflict, heartbreak, strategy and sacrifice. In the minds of these kids, the war, the weapons and the stakes are as real as the emotions they feel while playing them. It’s like Lord of the Flies but the kids can just go home anytime or The Hunger Games without the very real threat of death. Call of Duty has nothing on the power of their imaginations.

Some take it far more seriously than others; P.K. is a little boy on a big power trip and Skinner is letting resentment and insecurity affect his ability to play by the rules. Meanwhile when Jess wants a juice break, she simply stops playing and takes a juice break.

From P.K. to Paul to Skinner and Jess, the characters are neatly drawn but the script never reaches out to make any bigger or bolder statements about the games they play. The performances and script make the boys and girls come to life with as much verve as their vivid daydreams but at the end of the day, I Declare War is forever just child’s play.

There are moments where the threat of real violence rears its ugly head and as a result there is some tension as the war builds through minor skirmishes to bigger battles and finally a showdown. However I Declare War is really all about immersion in imagination. From the opening sounds of helicopters and gun shots to the laser gun eyes of one boy, these kids rarely step out of the world they create in their heads. Their emotions may be real but the violence and the threat rarely is. Co-directors Jason Lapeyre and Robert Wilson excel at blending fantasy and reality but stop short of making these kid’s games mean anything. Like playing war in the woods then, watching I Declare War is mostly harmless fun; at times tense and exciting but most importantly far more enjoyable than sitting at home playing a video game.

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: The LEGO Movie / Cert: U / Director: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller / Screenplay: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, Dan Hageman, Kevin Hageman / Starring: Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Banks, Will Arnett, Morgan Freeman, Will Ferrell, Liam Neeson, Charlie Day, Nick Offerman / Release Date: Out Now

The very concept of a LEGO movie seemed absurd. What else could it be but a crass marketing ploy to extend the reach of the ubiquitous building blocks even further into the hearts and minds of children everywhere, as well as into the wallets of their parents? Yet screenwriters and directors Lord and Miller have achieved the seemingly impossible and assembled a genuinely funny, touching, inspirational and absolutely lunatic love letter to those tiny bricks, as well as to imagination and creativity in general, that can’t help but bring a smile to even the most stony of faces.

In a genius use of verisimilitude, everything in the world of the film is made up of LEGO pieces (with a few very well-explained exceptions) and the animation style of the movie stays true to the restrictions this imposes. Unlike the successful line of licensed LEGO video games, from LEGO Harry Potter to LEGO Star Wars, the dimensions of the minifigs are never obviously distorted for the sake of portraying drama. Characters will never close their claw-like hands around an object, instead “snapping” onto it. Neither will they bend their non-existent elbows to scratch their face or develop a knee to bend for the sake of a dramatic pose. It really does look like a movie made out of LEGO with everything, including elements like fire and water, all available in a box of LEGO somewhere.

In this world Emmet Brickowski (Pratt) is an unassuming citizen of Brickburg, working on a construction site, blindly following “The Instructions” for every aspect of his life until he accidentally happens upon “The Piece of Resistance”, the only thing capable of stopping Lord Business’ (Ferrell’s) evil plans. Emmet is then swept up in an adventure to different LEGO worlds, such as “The Old West”, learning to embrace his creativity, encountering numerous concussions and meeting a host of heroes along the way.

This simple synopsis belies a host of incredible detail as every step on Emmet’s journey is lovingly filled with blink-and-you’ll-miss them background sight gags and laugh out loud jokes for all ages. The clever plot focuses on the importance of creativity and imagination and constantly throws surprises at the audience. It may be a cliché to say that providing any further detail would ruin the surprise, BUT the story takes some truly mind-boggling turns near the end that need to be experienced to be believed. A constant sense of “How did they get away with this” accompanies almost the entire movie.

What can be said is that The LEGO Movie must have been some lawyer’s nightmare, as characters from all the various lines of LEGO get to interact with each other. Dumbledore and Gandalf share a scene; Superman appears numerous times, becoming increasingly irritated with Green Lantern and in an unexpected move, not only is Batman (Arnett) present, but he is one of the main characters and a major source of humour in a film littered with characters and clever references that demand repeat viewings.

The rest of the voice cast are uniformly excellent, Pratt and Banks carrying the movie easily but Liam Neeson AND Morgan Freeman really shine. Neeson gleefully sends up his recent hard man image as both sides of the Good Cop/Bad Cop trope, while Freeman’s tie-dyed hippy Vitruvius plays on all the wise old man stereotypes that Freeman himself has contributed to over the years. If you listen carefully you might even catch a mini-reunion from another Lord and Miller film, 21 Jump Street.

The LEGO Movie confounds expectations and shows that there is still plenty of originality, inventiveness, fresh humour and most surprisingly of all, heart left in modern blockbusters, and it will inevitably result in a tonne of LEGO being sold.

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: Mr. Peabody & Sherman / Cert: U / Director: Rob Minkoff / Screenplay: Craig Wright / Starring: Ty Burrell, Max Charles, Ariel Winter / Release Date: February 7th

There are certain readers out there who will see the images and adverts for DreamWorks’ Mr. Peabody & Sherman and not even realise it is based on anything. And why should they? The advertising has not even alluded to these characters’ roots and thus it seems this is only a big occasion for the party faithful. To fill in anyone in the dark, Mr. Peabody & Sherman is based on the Peabodies’ improbable history segments that were a regular part of the late ’50s/early ’60s Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon series. The premise was simple, the world’s smartest dog (award-winning scientist, Olympian and businessman) Mr. Peabody adopted an orphan boy called Sherman and together the two travelled through history using their own time machine.

Here things are a little different. The father-son dynamic between Mr. Peabody (Burrell) and Sherman (Charles) is far more dwelt upon and there are certain differences to the source material throughout. The plot sees Peabody and Sherman encounter trouble throughout history when Sherman’s classmate Penny (Winter) gets in between the two time travellers. Mr. Peabody & Sherman in some senses is a hard sell, in a market stuffed with animated features, but in many other ways is easy peasy – talking dog, time travel, Leonardo da Vinci acting like a prat… While fans born and bred on the original cartoons will undoubtedly find fault in the character tweaks, voices and plot, there is a lot to enjoy in Minkoff’s film.

Mr. Peabody & Sherman is warm, unoffending, family viewing. The film offers some very worthwhile and admirable messages for younger audiences, about respecting parental figures and accepting our guardians. Its greatest achievement is that it might just engage kids in certain historical events, whilst adults can have a chuckle at some of Peabody’s delightfully corny puns (who doesn’t love a punning Beagle?) and historical observations.

Undoubtedly the film has its problems, of which there are a few. For instance, the plot is zippy and energetic but the final third really becomes somewhat chaotic, combining too many historical figures and elements for its own good. As well as this, the character of Penny initially grinds your gears – it was not the best tactic, introducing her in a somewhat realistic bullying scene. The plot is pretty unoriginal, and so the parental issues and adventurous mishaps are all as expected; that being said we shouldn’t forget the intended audience. As a family offering Mr. Peabody & Sherman is a nice safe bet for fun. At 92 minutes the pace is steady, the 3D is not garish and despite some liberties with the source material, this is not the hatchet job that Top Cat – The Movie 3D was (no prison rape gags here, thankfully).

If you were to draw a direct comparison to any other film, Mr. Peabody & Sherman is like 2001’s Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius. The energy is constant, the voice work is snappy (particularly Burrell as the Sherlockian pooch Peabody) and Craig Wright’s screenplay is incessantly silly but occasionally warm, witty and it even makes time for a slight Raiders of the Lost Ark homage. You may not be talking about Peabody & Sherman when 2014 ends and it makes no solid impact of any kind but you’ll have inoffensive fun with the family and that has to be worth the trip. Plus you get an amusing Oedipus gag, can’t be bad!

Expected Rating: 5 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: RoboCop / Cert: 12A / Director: José Padilha / Screenplay: Joshua Zetumer / Starring: Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson, Abbie Cornish, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael K. Williams, Jennifer Ehle, Jay Baruchel, Aimee Garcia, Zach Grenier / Release Date: February 7th

For those few not familiar with the 1987 original, José Padilha’s RoboCop mostly follows the same plot – it’s 2028 and crime and terrorism are still rife. In Detroit, a large corporation called OmniCorp is developing the warfare technology of tomorrow – large robots accompanying trained men into battle. Only, they’re not very popular with the public, especially when they shoot people who aren’t perceived threats.

What they need is a man inside a machine. A more human touch. Some sort of… robot cop (well, cyborg actually). Step in Alex Murphy, a dedicated police officer who meets his untimely demise at the hands of the ruthless gang he’s chasing. If this rings any bells, that’s about where the similarities with Verhoeven’s version stop.

As expected, the 12A classification of the film severely inhibits the dark humour and ultraviolence that made the original so popular. For starters (spoiler), Murphy is not sadistically blown to pieces, or even killed, but is blown up by a car bomb. In a change from the first film, his family are well aware of his situation, as Murphy is himself, with Joel Kinnaman displaying some great acting amongst an all-star cast as the emotionally turbulent man living on in a cybernetic suit, unable to forget his attempted murder.

Unfortunately, you’re not really rooting for him though – the street criminals are tossed aside in favour of the corporate bad guys, updated to a more PR/brand-concerned team of creatives headed by CEO Raymond Sellars (Keaton). The anger and desire for revenge is missing – while the ‘bad guys’ certainly lack ethics, they also lack personality, reflecting a more disinterested modern generation. What is interesting is how the date of RoboCop is unchanged – 2028 – the real-life bankruptcy of Detroit presumably making the sci-fi vision seem closer to reality.

There is no sense of cruel dystopia however, another theme from the original that added to the world Murphy inhabited and made you more interested in his fate, and the fate of those who deserved to be taken in, dead or alive. There are a few hit-and-miss nods to the original, such as several (but largely unimportant) ED-209s. Disturbing questions about the nature of humanity still raise their heads. Elements of cynicism remain – some are relatively hidden (look out for news ticker tapes), and some are more obvious and welcome, such as Samuel L. Jackson’s brilliant right-wing TV anchor Pat Novak. However, there are no happy families playing Nukem and nothing is bought for a dollar.

Despite impressive CGI and a quick reimagining of Murphy becoming half-machine, Padilha’s RoboCop only really gets going halfway through. A scene featuring a battle test for RoboCop impresses, and there’s a brilliant sequence where he scans a friendly crowd for potential criminal suspects. RoboCop 2014 is sleeker and more driven by empathy than revenge, with a lot of emphasis on human relationships – particularly with sympathetic Dr Norton (Oldman), abrasive soldier Rick Mattox (Haley) and Murphy’s loving wife Clara (Cornish). There is no shortage of action but it is somewhat unfulfilling without a solid purpose, and although the ensemble cast’s acting is exceptional, perhaps surprisingly so for an action movie, the film doesn’t keep the momentum going when it should.

One can only wonder what Darren Aronofsky would have made of this, or even what Hugh Laurie may have added to the film, if anything. Fans of old may already be smirking (‘It’s a 12,’ ‘The suit’s black,’ ‘He has his hand,’ ’Lewis is a man!’) but the film is definitely worth a watch on its own merit. The reboot is here, and it would be nice to see Robo kicking ass again (preferably an ass belonging to a nastier, certificate 18-rated bad guy). 

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Actual Rating:

Review: The Strange Colour of Your Body’s Tears / Cert: TBC / Director: Hélène Cattet, Bruno Forzani / Screenplay: Hélène Cattet, Bruno Forzani / Starring: Klaus Tange, Ursula Bedena, Joe Koener, Jean-Michel Vovk, Birgit Yew, Sylvia Camarda, Sam Louwyck, Anna D’Annunzio, Manon Beuchet, Hans de Munter / UK Release Date: April 11th

One of the most bizarre films in recent years, The Strange Colour of Your Body’s Tears is directors Cattet and Forzani’s follow-up to Amer. It follows a man called Dan Kristensen (Tange – who looks like a cross between the Bounty Hunter from The X-Files and Peter Capaldi) searching for his missing wife.

After waking up with no recollection of what’s happened to her, he begins to investigate the mysterious old Belgian apartment block where they live, alerting a police detective (Koener), who begins to suspect him.

The search turns into a nightmarish journey as Dan encounters strange characters with equally weird tales as he starts to witness a terrifying world of sex and violence. Despite this, the film is not as pornographic or gory as you might think, with an overtly arthouse tone – Videodrome meets Delicatessen, with the surrealism somewhere in-between.

There are several shots of eyes in-between fast cuts, disorientating camera angles and overbearing, uncomfortable music straight from Irreversible. The film starts strongly, both intriguing and foreboding, but the rest of it is hit and miss. Some scenes are shown over and over again – particularly one with an annoying doorbell – and there is a sudden, self-aware sidestep into another story (at which point Dan knowingly asks ‘What has this got to do with my wife?’).

The experiments with colour, sound, stop-frame techniques and some leather S&M that Pinhead would be proud of all contribute to a thoroughly fascinating film that pays homage to ’70s European horror, but unfortunately the audience is often left confused and unsatisfied when the tension has started to build only for the direction of the story to be suddenly interrupted. A shorter, more focused film would perhaps be more satisfying but then again, this film wasn’t meant to follow the rules.

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Actual Rating: