Review Category: Reviews

BLOOD TIDE (1982)

CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: RICHARD JEFFERIES / SCREENPLAY: RICHARD JEFFERIES, NICO MASTORAKIS / STARRING: JAMES EARL JONES, JOSÉ FERRER, LILA KEDROVA, MARTIN KOVE, LYDIA CORNELL / RELEASE DATE: MAY 25TH

An obsessed treasure hunter mistakenly frees an ancient monster on an idyllic Greek island, forcing the locals to return to a previous practice of virgin sacrifice in order to keep the beast at bay. It sounds like a decent idea, and it should have been a decent film. But Blood Tide stumbles along a wearily formulaic path, descending into Greek tragedy rather than bloody horror flick.

The plot revolves around honeymooners Neil (Kove) and Barbara (Cornell), who venture to a remote island in search of the former’s missing sister. They discover she is hanging around with the aforementioned treasure hunter Frye (Jones) with his oddly nubile hanger-on and that the locals are strange and unhelpful – aren’t they always? Lastly, and rather crucially there is a bloodthirsty deity just waiting to be released from an underwater cave. All very B-movie-esque. And that would be fine, if the whole thing were not so badly executed as to slip beyond the boundaries of so-bad-its-good into the territory of plain dull.

You know you are in trouble when even the beautiful, picturesque scenery cannot detract from the tiresome script, and as for the virgin-feasting creature, it is on screen so little as to barely warrant being labelled a cameo. As it looks like a skinned muppet that may well have been a wise decision, but a monster movie without a monster?

Issues indeed, but the most irritating stems from the performances. Some grace must be allowed for the lacklustre script but at times you really do get the sense that the cast got together one evening and, realising there were on to a loser and after too much ouzo, decided to try and out do each other. Jones is pantomime itself, shirtless and scowling for the duration while Kove is bland to the point of barely registering. Even the legendary José Ferrer as the head local struggles with the woeful dialogue; what should be portentous is hammy at best. The worst culprit, however, is former Miss USA and future Dallas regular Deborah Shelton who genuinely appears to be having some sort of breakdown.

As extras go on this Blu-ray release there is truly little to talk about apart from an extensive interview with Nico Masterakis. Producer, director, author and talk show host amongst other things, Masterakis is certainly an interesting character, although you do get the sense he thinks so too.

As ‘80s B-movies go Blood Tide is probably not worth your time. It is neither gory, interesting or titillating enough to warrant seeking out, and even if you come across it late one night surfing the digital channels its probably best avoided.

MAGIC: THE GATHERING – COMMANDER RUTHLESS REGIMENT

PUBLISHER: MAGIC: THE GATHERING / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Commander is easily the most accessible way to play Magic: The Gathering in. Not only does it allow for up to six players (rather than the traditional two-player duel format), it’s also quite story lead as it relies on a Legendary Creature card to serve as the deck’s leader, the titular Commander. It’s also tricky to pull off, as you need a lot of cards and they can’t be duplicates. Ruthless Regiment is a pre-built deck for playing the Commander version of Magic, and it’s a rather good one.

Ruthless Regiment is a Mardu Deck (Red, White, and Black). The theme is humans, mostly soldiers, who will stop at nothing to win their war. The deck is designed to get as many soldiers and leader types into play as possible. The deck also then let’s you sacrifice your own men for tactical advantage, and then bring those troops back from the dead to continue to attack other opponents.

This is a ‘stack them high, knock them down, and then knock them out’ style deck. Your first few turns are going to be defensive ones, filling the table with disposable minions in order to ward off probing attacks. You’re also going to be quite weak at the start; a lot of the land cards come out tapped – this means that you’ll be low on fuel to power spells and summon creatures early on. However, they are worth it. Cards such as Bojuka Bog’s give you the power to exile graveyarded cards, which will foil other black decks. For a RWB deck, there’s a lot of disruption built into the deck’s design, which means you’ll be annoying various opponents early on. Which is always fun to do in these games.

You’re going to be gently increasing power as the game progresses, cards such as Thalia’s Lieutenant, Thraben Doomsayer and Dearly Departed will turn humble soldiers into real threats (either through leadership or supernatural shenanigans). Titan Hunter and Magus of the Disk will disrupt your opponents and slowly bleed the dry for resources, and if things look grim, Disciple of Bolas, Ambitions Cost and similar cards let you shift tactics and focus. The theme of grim sacrifice works very well; for example, we have a character called Trynn, Champion of Freedom who pairs beautifully with Silvar, Devourer of the Free to build the sort of attack that’s both epic and tragic in concept and execution.

Ruthless Regiment is also crammed with gorgeous art and the sort of storytelling unique to these sort of card games. It’s a strongly themed deck that will entertain most Magic players one way or another. The list is also fun to tinker with as the idea behind the deck is very accessible. A fun addition to a great format.

Funeral Parade of Roses (1969)

CERT: 18 / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: TOSHIO MATSUMOTO / STARRING: PÎTÂ, OSAMU OGASAWARA, YOSHIO TSUCHIYA / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

The BFI’s Japan 2020 project is celebrating the past century of Japanese cinema, from Kurosawa’s classics to anime and horror, not forgetting the taboo-breaking New Wave of the 1960s. That includes Toshio Matsumoto’s Funeral Parade of Roses, now available on Blu-ray, which subverts any perception we may have of mid-century Japan as rigid and straight-laced as it dives into the hedonistic queer underground of Tokyo.

Eddie (Pîtâ) is one of several cross-dressing “gay boys” (they’d probably identify as transgender women today) who entertain middle-aged men at the Genet Club. Outside of the club, Eddie hangs out with hippy youths – one even calls himself Guevara – who smoke pot, talk revolutionary politics, and have a whole lot of sex.

The main plot is Eddie’s rivalry with club madam Leda (Ogasawara); Eddie is simultaneously taking over the club and having an affair with Leda’s partner Gonda (Tsuchiya). Later on, violent flashbacks of Eddie’s childhood and a twist in the affair story turn the film into a contemporary adaptation of Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex, with an intense, shocking culmination.

It’s a thin plot, but the world in which it takes place makes the film fascinating; a look into both a queer and a revolutionary counterculture that we’ve seen many Western depictions of but may not know also took form in Japan. Despite the downbeat final act, Matsumoto’s filmmaking is celebratory of its sexually progressive subjects, with sex scenes depicted tenderly – erotic but not exploitative – and documentary interviews allowing the real ‘gay boys’ to tell their stories.

There’s an avant-garde style throughout, reminiscent of the French New Wave. As handheld camerawork takes us away from studios and around the real Tokyo, Matsumoto is playful with editing, music, and other cinematic devices, most notably in a confrontation between Eddie and Leda that’s first depicted as a cowboy duel before descending into a Benny Hill-like sped-up scrap. Matsumoto has fun pushing the boundaries of cinema, and for the most part – a couple of more meta devices may test patience – the sense of fun passes on to the audience.

This Blu-ray release is, as we’ve come to expect from the BFI, stunningly packaged. The 4K restoration is gorgeous and crisp, and the same can be said of the eight included short films by Matsumoto. The highlight of these is Nishijin, a 25-minute documentary about Kyoto’s weaving industry; most others are shorter, less narrative-based pieces that show Matsumoto experimenting with technology to depict psychedelic experiences – if you ever wanted to know what footage of a toilet electronically processed by a medical imaging device would look like, you’ll find out here. There’s also a feature-length commentary from punk poet and historian Chris D and a 34-page booklet of essays.

I SEE YOU

CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: ADAM RANDALL / SCREENPLAY: DEVON GRAYE / STARRING: HELEN HUNT, JON TENNEY, JUDAH LEWIS, OWEN TEAGUE / RELEASE DATE: MAY 25TH

It follows a suburban family beset by unexplainable events that may be linked to the recent disappearance of a young boy. Whilst cycling home through the woods a ten-year-old boy is seemingly snatched by an invisible entity. Detective Greg Harper (Tenney) is assigned to the case, and whilst searching the woods clues are discovered that relate to similar disappearance cases a decade before. To add to Harper’s woes his family is navigating the fall out of his wife Jackie’s (Hunt), affair. Suddenly, the Harper family is beset by unexplainable events that may be linked to the recent disappearance of the young boy.

I See You is director Adam Randall’s sophomore feature, and what an ambitiously complex film it is. It may be low budget, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it. Writer Devon Graves’ screenplay is pared right back to the bone, and Randall directs like he’s a seasoned professional. I See You is a taught, slow burn exercise in nerve shredding tension.

Philipp Blaubach’s cinematography adds to the tension. It’s bright, light and airy, which only serves to emphasise the eerie shenanigans, TVs and record players switching themselves on; draws empty of cutlery; photographs disappearing from their frames, and Greg being shoved into, and locked, in a closet.

About the midway point, Randall and Graves perform an audacious move and one that could have spectacularly failed. The film stops and begins again, but from a different perspective. It’s certainly not a unique concept, but it happens so abruptly and flawlessly, and with such panache that it works brilliantly. Certain characters are revealed to something entirely different from what has previously been portrayed, as well as two new major characters being introduced. To say anymore would dangerously cross the line into spoiler territory, suffice to say that this film has twists and turns aplenty, and begins as one thing whilst ending as something else entirely.

As this is an Arrow Blu-ray, the extras are more than you’d get with a standard studio release. There’s the obligatory trailer, which as is so often the case these days portrays the film to be something more than it actually is. A making of… is also included and at only twenty minutes or so in length it is engaging and informative without outstaying its welcome. There are also filmed interviews with Helen Hunt who clearly had a great time straying into low budget genre film territory, and Adam Randall whom expounds points he made in the making off of how he became involved in the project. Finally, there’s a very short extra demystifying the bike stunt that opens the film, and the requisite director’s commentary.

DUNGEONS & DRAGONS EXPLORER’S GUIDE TO WILDEMONT

PUBLISHER: WIZARDS OF THE COAST / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

It’s safe to say that Critical Role is a cultural phenomenon and one that has helped make Dungeons & Dragons cool again. Or if not cool, at least something that seemingly everyone wants to play these days. In case you’ve missed it, Critical Role is an online show that has very talented actors/improv experts playing a game of D&D. The Explorers Guide to Wildemont is a new official Dungeons & Dragons book that details the world where the bulk of these stories are set.

It’s safe to say that this world has been given the full Wizards of The Coast treatment. The illustrations are lush and inspirational. We have roughly 300 pages of charts, maps, family crests, location information, character creation variants and so on. It’s very, very detailed and there’s pretty much something here for every type of play-style. There are actual adventures to be ran, but also lots of other information so storytellers can weave their own tales to delight their players.

It’s partially a gazetteer, partially a campaign guide and mostly a toolkit filled with fresh ideas and rules. The whole thing still feels very D&D and that’s actually part of the charm. This is an extensively play-tested and very well thought out campaign setting that exceeds the usual expectations. For example, the gods from standard D&D are here, but their stories and mythologies are different and filled with things to hang whole campaign from. There’s a whole new type of magic here, one shrouded in mystery, and again the magic comes with such a depth of story that there are plenty of things even the most inexperienced gamer can do with it. However, the supplement doesn’t try to re-invent the basics, most of this will slot neatly into your campaign.

Previous Dungeons & Dragons campaign settings for the game’s fifth edition have been very slick and a huge boon to a busy Dungeon Master. The Explorers Guide to Wildemont takes this to another level by simply adding more cool ideas onto what’s already there. It’s easy to understate just how much and how useful this book can be. The setting is also the books biggest flaw; Wildemont isn’t a massively different setting from vanilla D&D. It’s just that sort of D&D done very, very well.

Unlike previous settings such as Ravnica or Eberron we aren’t looking at a sharp departure from philosophy or design. If you’re after something radical, this isn’t it. However, if you’re looking to enhance your game with some smashing ideas and some lovely plot notes, this is ideal. Wildemont won’t turn your DM into Matt Mercer overnight, but it will fill their head with some delicious ideas for the next adventure.

DUNGEONS & DRAGONS FORGOTTEN REALMS LAERAL SILVERHAND’S EXPLORER’S KIT

DEVELOPER: DUNGEONS & DRAGONS / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Dungeons & Dragons is a game that is at the height of its popularity right now with over 40 million fans worldwide. With more people than ever before reaching out to each other to play games, the demand for new and accessible material is higher than it’s ever been before. And, of course, you’re going to need dice to play. Which is where the incredibly deluxe Forgotten Realms Laeral Silverhand’s Explorer’s Kit, because it’s essentially a load of dice in a very nice box.

Sure you can use an online random number generator or an app, but there’s something unique about actually rolling dice that gamers take very seriously. After all, if you’re about to sweet-talk the Lords of Waterdeep or take on Tiamat herself , you want that physical feeling of actually touching the dice that will either save or doom you. This explorer’s kit includes a very nice box of rolling dice in, some information cards and of course, dice.

These are lovely and chunky ice-blue bits of plastic, with a translucent ‘swirl’ effect that makes them look like frozen pieces of magic. The numbers are very clearly marked in silver ink and they’re just a little bit larger than most sets of dice. We get eleven dice in total. We get four six-siders , two-ten siders (each inked differently to work as percentiles), one twelve-sider, one eight-sider, one four-sider and, of course, two twenty-siders.

We also get a felt lined box that doubles as a pair of dice trays. (It helps to have two; one for active rolling and the other to rest the dice in). It works as storage for the dice and is nicely roomy. Like the dice, there’s plenty of space for big hands, which is good.

We also get a map insert detailing the Sword Coast and Waterdeep, two major locations in the Forgotten Realms setting. We also get twenty illustrated, double-sided card that have in-universe descriptions of the major locations, characters and organisations that you can find in a typical Forgotten Realms game. These are pretty and reasonably concise, useful for Dungeons Masters looking to get players up to speed quickly and great for players looking for snippets of information. The only drawback is the set doesn’t come with anywhere to store these cards if you’re using the box as a dice tray.

Understand that you absolutely do not need the Forgotten Realms Laeral Silverhand’s Explorer’s Kit. There are cheaper dice and dice mats. This set is very, very pretty however and it’s wonderfully presented. This a set intended as treat for players, either as personal indulgence or as a gift. It’s a great way to welcome someone to the game.

THE PERSISTENCE

THE PERSISTENCE / DEVELOPER & PUBLISHER: FIRESPRITE / PLATFORM: PC, PS4, SWITCH, XBOX ONE / RELEASE DATE: 21ST MAY

Originally released in 2018 as a PSVR exclusive, The Persistence earned countless plaudits thanks to its brutally immersive take on survival horror (it made it onto our 2018 “games of the year” list, if you might care to take a look). Non-VR owners are now able to experience possibly the greatest sci-fi roguelite ever made with this regular flat-screen edition on PC and consoles – and on top of that, PSVR owners can now go flat via a free update and, conversely, the new PC version can be played in VR!

Set in the year 2521, players attempt to repair a stranded space station and bring it back to earth from the grip of a black hole, while dealing with murderous crew members who have been turned into a variety of monstrous aberrations. Your mission will take you through several different areas of the ship, completing objectives, scavenging the environment for upgrade materials and, of course, fighting (or fleeing from) all manner of savage foes.

Each time you start a new game, the ship’s layout changes so you’re never quite sure what you’ll find at any given moment. You always have access to a map to guide your path, but the constant creaking of the ship, clanking of its pipes and strange scuttling noises from behind the walls mean you’re constantly on edge, and that’s before we even think about the half-headed Listeners, relentless Bloodhounds, gigantic Berserkers and countless other nasties that stand in your way.

Luckily, The Persistence gives players a huge amount of toys to mess around with, from futuristic weaponry and super-powered modifications to environmental hazards that can be turned to your advantage. You might use your riot baton or other melee weapon to beat an enemy to a pulp, inject a dose of Ivy Serum to make a bad guy fight alongside you, drop a noise-making grenade to lure enemies into a malfunctioning electrical panel, or use your Grav Hook to lift an enemy into the air and slam it into walls until it’s dead. Perhaps you’d prefer to teleport behind them for a silent kill? Or, you know, just shoot them in the face…

Every weapon can be upgraded, as can your stats which can also be improved through a huge range of collectable schematics. All of these upgrades need to be earned and unlocked using credits, tokens and enemy DNA cells, which gives the perfect reason to spend time creeping around the darkest and most terrifying recesses of the ship. The catch is, with this being a roguelite, you lose all of your weapons when you die. You do keep all of your credits though, and your starting point in the ship – where your new body is “re-printed” – contains upgrade stations which enable you to power yourself up a bit before heading back out again.

Presentation-wise, The Persistence has some of the most user-friendly menus we’ve seen in years. Everything is simple, clear and straight to the point, and it’s highly unlikely you’ll be getting lost in sub-menus or over-complicated weapon wheels. It controls beautifully on PS4 and Xbox One, although the aiming and turning seems a little slow on the Switch version (but you can change this in the options if it bugs you too much). If we had one minor nitpick, some of the text can be a bit on the small side… Oh, and for those considering picking this up on Switch, we’ve given it a right good going over during the last few days and yes, it does indeed seem to run perfectly in both handheld and docked modes!

Genuinely thrilling sci-fi games are pretty hard to come by, let alone genuinely thrilling sci-fi games that successfully incorporate survival horror elements and excellent roguelite mechanics. In those respects, The Persistence is a rare thing indeed. If even one of these things is your cup of tea, we’d strongly urge you to give this a look. And if you’re keen on sci-fi, horror and roguelites, this is a definite must-buy without a doubt!

SLAINE: THE HORNED GOD (COLLECTOR’S EDITION)

AUTHOR: PATT MILLS | ARTIST: SIMON BISLEY | PUBLISHER: REBELLION | FORMAT: TRADE | RELEASE DATE: MAY 28TH (DIGITAL), SEPTEMBER 3RD (PRINT)

By now, The Horned God has been collected in more books than Sláine has lopped off heads. Still, we don’t think it too many. After all, this is the character’s definitive arc and one of the greatest 2000AD stories of all time.

This sumptuous collector’s edition collects Pat Mills and Simon Bisley’s all-time-best work in one deluxe graphic novel. Again. The story, for the uninitiated, follows Celtic warrior king Sláine as he attempts to free Tír na nÓg from the oppression of the drunes, and the dominion of their vile, decaying leader, Lord Weird Slough Feg. Really, though, The Horned God is but a showcase for Simon Bisley’s breathtakingly beautiful artwork – surely the most gorgeous thing 2000 AD has ever put out, and one of the most beautiful comic books of all time.

Crudely narrated by Sláine’s dwarf companion Ukko, we learn of his quest to unite the four kings of Tír na nÓg, battling his way through hordes of man and monster alike. Hilarious, super violent, and profoundly – almost unsettlingly – sexy, it’s the epitome of late eighties 2000AD, and a storyline so good that the character never really recovered from it afterwards.

Granted, the story is too reliant upon Ukko’s narration to flow as smoothly as it should, but this remains Pat Mills’s masterpiece, effortlessly weaving Celtic mythology into a tale of barbarian ultraviolence, insidious Lovecraftian malice, and heaps of nudity that somehow never feels gratuitous. Keep an eye out, during the back half of the book, for Sláine’s schlong, peeking out from under his kilt in almost every panel, should you care to look hard enough. Game of Thrones take note: now this is how you do tits and dragons.

A treat for newcomers and long-time fans alike, age has in no way lessened the impact of The Horned God, which remains as exciting, amusing and arousing a read as it ever was. Dredd may keep the lights on, but The Horned God is 2000 AD’s masterpiece, and one of the greatest comic book stories ever told.

DUNGEON MAYHEM – MONSTER MADNESS

DEVELOPER: DUNGEONS & DRAGONS / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

The original Dungeon Mayhem game was an adorable Dungeons & Dragons-themed Battle Royale-style card game which had a barbarian, paladin, rogue and wizard compete against each other. The new addition to the series is Monster Madness, a standalone game that also expands the previous core game. Or to put it another way, this edition adds to the fun and is a full game in its own right.

This new iteration of Dungeon Mayhem adds classic D&D monsters rather than adventurers. We get adorable versions of the beasties, so we have Owlbear called Hoots McGoot, a Red Dragon called Lord Cinderpuff, a Beholder called Delilah Deathray and so on. Each character has their own special attacks and themes. For example, the Mindflayer manipulates others people’s cards, the Mimic copies opponent’s defensive abilities and the Gelatinous Cube absorbs you in various ways.

It’s still basically the same game; timing is really important and figuring out how to stack your cards so you can do the most harm to your opponent requires some planning. That said, younger players still have a chance if they hammer away and strike quickly.

The game integrates seamlessly with previous versions in more ways than one. For a start, the actual box it comes in has space and dividers to let you put all the decks in one place, including those from the Baldur’s Gate set. This is lovely because shelf space is at a premium for most gamers. There’s also a little tuck box to put the various tokens. It’s also quite pretty.

The characters from the previous games interact very well also and there’s no slack here; each character choice feels competitive and fun to play. The quirky artwork and clever theme adds to feel of the game. This is the silly and whimsical side of Dungeons & Dragons that we’ve come to know and love. We find it very likely that this is not the last we’ve seen of Hoots McGoot and chums. Monsters they may be, but they’re the cuddly kind that we’d quite like to see in plush form.

Despite the wide range of playable characters, it’s still only really optimal at four players. Rules for up to six are included, but like many quick-fire games, this means that things go on a little too long if you add more people. It is easy to play and if all of your players know what they’re doing then six players is fine. This is a game best served as a starter; it’s perfect for playing while waiting for people to arrive, or as a way to start or end a lovely games session.

SCREAMERS (1995)

CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: CHRISTIAN DUGUAY / SCREENPLAY: DAN O’BANNON, MIGUEL TIJADA-FLORES / STARRING: PETER WELLER, ROY DUPUIS, JENNIFER RUBIN / RELEASE DATE: MAY 25TH

Before this century is out, mankind has ventured out into space to try to solve the fossil fuel problem but discovery comes with hindrances. Two warring factions, the Alliance and the N.E.B., are at each other’s throats, causing the Alliance to create lethal machines that hide below the surface of the ground, called Screamers – so called because of the noise they make as they zone in on their prey.

Colonel Joseph Hendrickson (Weller) receives a communication from the N.E.B. offering an olive branch, and so he ventures out with an army grunt across the eradicated wasteland of the planet that once held so much hope. What they find, however, is that the Screamers have evolved, even being able to impersonate humans, and that there are now only three people left at the N.E.B. base. Now Hendrickson has to work out who he can trust and how to survive in a situation that is spiralling out of control.

Screamers is a perfect example of a mid-‘90s film that had ideas well above its budgetary station. The special effects veer wildly from impressive to poorly executed throughout. There are some good plot points, unsurprising considering O’Bannon’s involvement, that are sadly wasted and the film would probably have been better if it focused more on the human perspective. There is a real lack of tension throughout which, considering the Screamers should be the ever present shark that can strike at any time, is a major flaw.

Instead, as you watch, you can play movie bingo as you spot all the better films that this riffs upon – The Thing, The Terminator, Aliens, Jaws, and Tremors. The twist ending is as obvious as it is nonsensical, as if the filmmakers had painted themselves into a corner. Jennifer Rubin is totally wasted and characters are cast aside as quickly as they are introduced. If you go in expecting an action-packed space romp as the trailer suggests, you will be disappointed as there are long sequences of travelling that are briefly punctuated by the odd action scene. There are some decent extras included with this rerelease and it would be interesting to see what would be possible if this was remade with a decent budget now, otherwise, if you need to scratch the itch as you haven’t seen it before, watch one of the other films it rips off instead.