Review Category: Movie

It may come as a surprise to some of you that not everyone watches crime or horror movies. Whereas a STARBURST reader would never disturb a dead body or take a huge bag of money that has clearly been stashed by some sort of criminal, it seems those in movie-land aren’t as sensible.

Good People is a gritty London crime drama where a lovely couple (James Franco and Kate Hudson) decide to let their fixer-upper home out to a dodgy London geezer who just happens to be an armed robber. When they discover their tenant dead, they tell the police but fail to mention the enormous duffel bag filled with cash. Being middle-class, boring and rather dim, the two use the big wedge of money to sort out their financial problems. This leads to a crime lord who calls himself Genghis Khan to come after them. Fortunately, the local police detective is not quite as stupid as the couple and soon figures out what’s going on.

What could be a taut drama on the nature of greed along the lines of Shallow Grave is sadly nothing of the sort. Franco and Hudson phone it in as a couple very much confused by the real world, and the rest of the cast seem equally bored. There are few scenes of genuine menace, but these are lost amid a leisurely paced drama that seems more interested in the domestic affairs of the main characters rather than telling a story. The central problem is that good people tend also to be quite boring. This is neither a moralistic tale about what happens when the well intentioned do bad things, nor is it a character driven crime drama. There are no characters to move the story here, just good actors doing their best to deal with a wooden script.

It doesn’t help that the ending, which involves a booby trapped home, is also poorly implemented. What could have been a darker version of Home Alone may have saved the entire thing, but the obvious lack of budget means it doesn’t really go anywhere.

Good People, bad movie.

GOOD PEOPLE / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: HENRIK RUBEN GENZ / SCREENPLAY: KELLY MASTERSON / STARRING: JAMES FRANCO, KATE HUDSON, TOM WILKINSON, OMAR SY, ANNA FRIEL / RELEASE DATE: AUGUST 21ST
 

Although its premise has been tackled before – vampires and werewolves as real creatures, only this time manufactured over hundreds of years – this stylish short manages to be avoid being too derivative, generating an engrossing mood and packing some impressive visuals.  

Eva (played by director and co-creator Dark) is a former vampire assassin – as in a killer who happens to be a vampire – who has managed to escape a government-run research facility and is now only interested in killing, rather than being paid for it. With an enemy closing in on her and her kind, she may have to go against her instinct and side with the werewolf packs to avoid something terrible happening.

Although it has all the hallmarks of being another run of the mill Underworld rip-off, Ms Dark’s sophomore short has enough additional angles and an infectious energy to keep it fresh. The story sets up a realm of nether-creatures that exist alongside us. Shooting the film around the dockland areas of London at night certainly conveys a sinister atmosphere, and it looks as though it cost a lot more than it probably did, thanks to striking cinematography (complete with de-saturated look), some impressive action scenes (the stunt moves were coordinated by Roy Scammell, whose work goes back decades and has numerous big titles to his name), and an imposing score. There’s even a nice digital special effect towards the end, which is startling.

The story itself has enough to draw one in. But herein lays the problem. Seize the Night is too big to be a short film. The trouble with creating such a high concept world is that with only twelve minutes to work with, it leaves the viewer feeling a little unsatisfied. Which could be a good thing, if they can raise the budget to make either a series or a feature film, but a casual audience may feel short changed after the impressive build-up. Let’s hope someone decides to come on board and enable the story to continue in some form, because what we have with this taster is impressive enough that it would be a crying shame if we didn’t see more. Keep and eye open for it on the festival circuit.

SEIZE THE NIGHT / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: EMMA DARK / SCREENPLAY: RICHARD HUMPHRIES / STARRING: EMMA DARK, CAREY THRING, ANTHONY ILOTT, PAUL EWEN / RELEASE DATE: TBC

 

Guy Ritchie’s latest directorial effort is a suave, sparkling, sexy, ‘60s-set spy flick that manages to keep things interesting despite how many times the era and similar material has graced the silver screen. Bond is an obvious comparison, and a fair one seeing as Bond’s creator, Ian Fleming, worked on the original 1960’s US TV show, but Ritchie mixes things up enough to make U.N.C.L.E. stand on its own.

Acting as both a prequel and a reboot to the TV show, the latest cinematic U.N.C.L.E. sees C.I.A. agent Napoleon Solo (Cavill) and KGB agent Illya Kuryakin (Hammer) reluctantly paired with each other by their superiors to find a missing nuclear scientist who could be the key to destabilising the fragile nuclear balance of the Cold War. Thankfully, Solo has already secured said scientist’s daughter Gaby (Vikander), having spirited her out of East Germany and out of Illya’s clutches in the opening scenes of the film, nicely setting the tone for the film; the rivalry between the two and their contrasting approaches to the spy game.

Now all three must travel to Italy and use all the usual accoutrements of the spy genre to find Gaby’s father and prevent nuclear proliferation: secret cover identities, infiltration of both swanky parties and mysterious manufacturing facilities, a number of fist- and gunfights as well as car, boat and dune buggy chases, with the two agents constantly trying to out-do each other, slowly earning each other’s trust and respect along the way.

It’s a testament to Ritchie’s maturation as a director that such a familiar premise is delivered in such a fresh and enjoyable fashion. The action throughout is engaging, the humour nearly always hits the target and apart from a very small number of scenes that that divide the screen into multiple panels, Ritchie mostly steers clear of any of the showier tools in his director’s toolbox. Much of the novelty can be attributed to the music choices, with a canny selection of era-appropriate songs that haven’t yet been used in this type of film, from the likes of Roberta Flack, Nina Simone, and Ennio Morricone amongst others, working beautifully in harmony with the on-screen action.

There are a few scenes where information is blatantly withheld from the audience to build suspense, only for it to be revealed a moment or two later, which do come off as a bit pointless but overall his direction is quite restrained.

Cavill and Hammer spark off each other excellently; whether arguing over women’s fashion or the placement of surveillance bugs, their bickering only ever remains humorous and never becomes annoying.

He may not be as… unique an actor as Robert Vaughn, and while he doesn’t do an impression of Vaughn, Cavill does effect a slightly clipped style of speech that is reminiscent of the previous incarnation of Solo, although sometimes it can sound more like Ed Bishop from UFO. Hammer easily keeps up with Cavill, however there are more drastic changes from the original to his Illya than Cavill’s Solo.

Vikander gets to play much more than the standard damsel in distress here and an on-form Hugh Grant is a delight when he joins the action.

For fans of the original show, however, there are a few changes that may rankle. Neither agent is a member of U.N.C.L.E. at the beginning of the film, U.N.C.L.E. doesn’t even exist for most of the film, and most of the well-known trappings from the show, like the distinctive triangular U.N.C.L.E. security clearance badges and communicator pens, don’t appear. Like the other successful 60’s franchise reboot, Star Trek, the characters are also ‘amped up’ somewhat to appeal to modern audiences. Solo is now an ex-G.I.-turned-art-thief who is only coerced into joining the C.I.A. when facing jail time for his crimes. Kuryakin, meanwhile, has been reinvented as something of a Russian rage monster, with a troubled family past, a history of psychotic breaks and a short, explosive temper.

If you can accept these changes to the formula, and wait for the inevitable sequel, fans will surely find much to enjoy here and will probably see more elements of the show in future cinematic chapters, but for now, this episode is one of the more enjoyable action experiences this summer. It’s certainly the best dressed.

THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. / CERT: 12A / DIRECTOR: GUY RITCHIE / SCREENPLAY: GUY RITCHIE, LIONEL WIGRAM / STARRING: HENRY CAVILL, ARMIE HAMMER, ALICIA VIKANDER, ELIZABETH DEBICKI, HUGH GRANT, JARED HARRIS / RELEASE DATE: AUGUST 14TH

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Actual Rating:  
 

Rarely has a movie received such a vitriolic response from critics as Pixels, Sony’s late entry into the summer blockbuster maelstrom; to say that it hasn’t exactly been welcomed with open arms is to bring a whole new meaning to the word understatement. It’s been loathed, detested with a vengeance, ripped to bits and just generally been written off as not much cop. In truth, it really isn’t much good but it’s not quite as bad as advance word of mouth might have you believe. The main problem is that Pixels doesn’t seem to be aiming for the right target audience. By and large its weak humour is entirely family-friendly (and it’s quite refreshing to see an American comedy not falling over its own feet in its desperation to set a new low in foul language and stomach-churning gross-out antics); but by the same token, as the core of its plot is driven by references to now-primitive arcade computer games from the early 1980s, much of it will sail way over the heads of a young audience who, despite some nifty, colourful visuals, are likely to be both bored and baffled by the appearances of the likes of Space Invaders, Pac-Man, Donkey Kong and Centipede.

Inspired by a 2010 two-minute animated French film of the same name by Patrick Jean, Pixels appears, superficially, to be quite clever. An extra-terrestrial intelligence misinterprets decades-old video feeds of classic arcade computer games as a declaration of war by the human race and launches an attack on Earth using manifestations of arcade game characters. Earth’s only – and utterly unlikely – line of defence is a bunch of ageing former gamers whose number includes, of course, the US President. Sadly, precious little hilarity ensues…

Pixels wants to be Ghostbusters so much it hurts. When the aliens attack London and, in the climax, New York, it’s inevitable that similar – if less ambitious – scenes in Ivan Reitman’s 1984 classic will spring to mind. Later on the team become known as ‘Arcaders’; they wear boiler suits and fight off the invaders with super-powerful light beam weapons. But here the comparisons end; Pixels has neither the wit or charm of Ghostbusters and, despite its spectacle and visual pizzazz, it feels lumpy and clumsy and its long, dull lifeless scenes which are supposed to add colour to the largely-irritating characters will surely leave you yearning for the next special effects blitz, if only to pass the time.

Adam Sandler – last good film Punch-Drunk Love – phones in his usual languid slacker performance (he’s 48 years old now and should really be thinking twice about accepting roles which require him to wear hideous orange shorts) as former gamer Sam Brenner and the appalling Kevin James, Sam’s former school friend, plays a US President so inept even the American public would never vote him into office. Michelle Monaghan is Sandler’s unlikely love interest – there’s no chemistry there at all – and Josh Gad plays the inevitable irritating fat dorky team member with Peter Dinklage doing his best with feeble material as Eddie Plant, Sam’s childhood gaming nemesis. But Pixels just isn’t funny – at all – and it’s forced to resort to simple knockabout humour, unsophisticated wordplay and childish slapstick.

Yet the film isn’t an utter write-off. The visual effects are dazzling and an older audience will delight at the appearances of computer game characters fondly remembered from their youth. Even this reviewer felt a bit of a thrill at seeing a sudden unexpected turn by Max Headroom, voiced as ever by Matt Frewer. One or two ideas work quite well; the aliens communicate by using manipulated archive footage of 1980s icons and the final battle in Donkey Kong’s lair is especially well-realised and briefly lifts the film from the torpor of its undemanding, unambitious screenplay.

Not nearly as clever as it thinks it is and with no clear idea who it’s really aimed at, Pixels might well have been intended to launch a whizzy new film franchise. But unfortunately (or more accurately, fortunately) it looks like it’s ‘Game Over’ for that one…

PIXELS / CERT: 12A / DIRECTOR: CHRIS COLUMBUS / SCREENPLAY: TIM HERLIHY, TIMOTHY DOWLING / STARRING: ADAM SANDLER, KEVIN JAMES, MICHELLE MONAGHAN, JOSH GAD, PETER DINKLAGE, BRIAN COX / RELEASE DATE: AUGUST 12TH

Expecting Rating: 5 out of 10

Actual Rating:
  

Jason Bateman has made a career playing nice guy characters with a thinly hidden streak of dickishness (at its most heartbreaking in the last series of Arrested Development); and that, essentially, is what informs The Gift, a film which very cleverly plays on audience expectation throughout.

Moving into his beautiful new home with lovely wife Robyn (Rebecca Hall), life seems to be on the up for the handsome, moderately wealthy Simon. But during a chance encounter in a local store, Simon crosses paths with old schoolmate Gordo (writer/director Joel Edgerton). Phone numbers are awkwardly exchanged and promises to meet again are insincerely dropped. Only Gordo has other ideas, and keeps stopping by at the family home with little gifts, pet fish and pirate copies of Apocalypse Now. While Robyn is happy enough to humour the socially awkward loner, Simon is less patient. Simon says get lost, Gordo the weirdo.

While the Blumhouse Productions label might not lead audiences to expect much from The Gift, there’s more going on here than your simple home invasion movie. Or less, even – you’d be disappointed if Gordo suddenly turned up with a roll of duct tape and a chainsaw. Instead, a slow, atmospheric psychological thriller is crafted by Edgerton – think Fatal Attraction by way of the underrated Pacific Heights. There are jump scares and an incredibe tense sense of escalation, but The Gift bears almost nothing in common with the movies name-dropped on its poster. The body count is low and the violence virtually non-existent, but this is never to the film’s detriment. There’s a remarkable confidence in letting Gordo be creepy without resorting to cheap tricks or having him murder a random cop/family friend just so as we can see how dangerous he is (see: Knock Knock).

Ignore this review – the best way to see The Gift is unspoiled and without expectation. Those expecting a jump-filled home invasion movie may come away disappointed, but everyone else should find much to enjoy in this tense, uncomfortable work of high melodrama.

THE GIFT / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: JOEL EDGERTON / STARRING: JASON BATEMAN, REBECCA HALL, JOEL EDGERTON, ALLISON TOLMAN / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

 

We all have that one friend, who always calls on you to help them out, don’t we? Maybe even you’re that person? After Izzy Lee’s latest short, you’d probably reconsider doing those favours a little too often.  

Jackson (Callaghan) just wants a quiet night in watching the game on television. The nachos and beer are ready, but as he’s about to settle down, he gets a call. It’s his friend Liz (Porter), who appears to have a problem. It’s clear it’s not the first time his services have been called for, and although it’s really putting him out, he agrees to help.

Once at Liz’s house, the favour Jackson has been asked to do is revealed to be something horrific. A body lies on the floor and Liz doesn’t have any plastic sheets. But that might be the least of Jackson’s problems…

Anyone who has seen Ms Lee’s earlier shorts, particularly Picket, Legitimate, and Postpartum will know her work has something of a political and social edge, but with A Favor she has chosen a story that displays a lot more humour. Writer Christopher Hallock’s simple set-up allows for lots of visual -almost slapstick – gags and provides a final great payoff, which although one might see it coming, is delivered so well it’s worth it.

The macabre nature of the story is never allowed to become too nasty, although as one’s mind conveys the situation, filling in the gaps of what’s actually gone on prior to Liz’s call, and realising it isn’t the first time she’s done this, the scenario becomes even darker. Although it’s a simple conceit, the execution ensures that there’s still a few amusing surprises.

Over the short space of the ten-minute film, Izzy Lee proves her worth as a confident director, not feeling the need to go over the top, instead allowing the horror and humour to develop naturally. Hopefully one day we’ll get to see what she can bring to a feature-length production. But for now, savour any chance you have to catch her shorts, which should be playing film festivals soon.

A FAVOR / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: IZZY LEE / SCREENPLAY: CHRISTOPHER HALLOCK / STARRING: SHAUN CALLAGHAN, DIANA PORTER, JOSE GUNS ALVES, STEVEN LAWLOR JONES / RELEASE DATE: TBC

 

2011’s incredible Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol raised the bar for modern action movies so high that it was unlikely any of its competitors in the genre – Bond, Bourne, etc – would ever realistically be able to reach it. Its heady concoction of extraordinary, pulse-pounding, globe-trotting set pieces and death-defying stunts set a new gold standard for Hollywood blockbusters. No surprise then, that much-anticipated sequel Rogue Nation not only doesn’t reach the giddy heights (quite literally, in the case of the last film’s Burj Khalifa money shot) of its predecessor but actually doesn’t seem particularly inclined to try. Rogue Nation has its bravura action scenes, of course, but this is a markedly different kind of movie. Written and directed by Christopher (Usual Suspects) McQuarrie, this is a slinkier, serpentine film, concerned more with the mechanics of its dense storyline and richly-drawn characters, and sometimes the throbbing action scenes almost come across as a distraction from the sharp, intricate narrative. This is a Mission Impossible film with both brains and balls.

Ethan Hunt and his impossible chums are up their neck in it again as it all kicks off. The much-publicised Cruise-hanging-from-a-plane sequence is merely your pre-credits teaser before we plunge into the meat of a story which sees the Impossible Mission Force (IMF) disbanded following a Government enquiry in the wake of the mayhem caused by Hunt and co in Ghost Protocol. But CIA time-server Alan Hunley (Alec Baldwin) is frustrated by the fact that while he is able to absorb the rest of the IMF team into his organisation, Ethan Hunt’s still on the loose and on the trail of The Syndicate, a terrorist group no-one seems to believe actually exists. But exist they do – they’re described at one point as “an anti-IMF” – headed up by the urbane, chilling and softly-spoken Soloman Lane (Sean Harris) and, funded by some mysterious source, they’re determined to destabilise the world’s economy through a series of apparently-random terrorist atrocities. Hunt is hot on his trail and his escapades bring him into contact with the mysterious, high-kicking Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson), who appears to be Lane’s right-hand woman-cum-weak spot – or is she something else entirely? Cut adrift from the defunct IMF and with no official Government sanction, Hunt slowly draws his team back together as he tries to second-guess the wily Kane and for a while it looks as if our hero has finally met his match in a foe who is always one step ahead of the game.

McQuarrie – doubtlessly with the help of Cruise, who seems ferociously-protective of the franchise which keeps him at the top of Hollywood’s A-list – has created a clever, witty, exciting modern espionage thriller which not only pays its dues to the earlier titles in the series, but also tacitly acknowledges that Ethan himself is starting to get a little long in the tooth. The IMF is seen as outdated and prehistoric and Ethan too is struggling to stay the distance. Frustrated and outwitted by his opponent at every turn, Ethan still takes his lumps and bumps and throws himself recklessly into danger for the greater good but he’s starting to suffer. Punch-ups leave him dazed, he looks shell—shocked as he hurls himself through windows and he sails closer to death than ever before when an underwater exploit doesn’t go quite as planned.

So whilst the plot is a little more sophisticated than we’re used to in the MI series, it’s generally otherwise business as usual. McQuarrie’s script is peppered with wry asides and witty one-liners – this time Simon Pegg’s returning computer geek Benji Dunn doesn’t get all the best gags – and when they come the action scenes are pretty magnificent. In the gantries and walkways of a Viennese opera house, high above the stage and an unsuspecting audience, Ethan plays a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with a lethal assassin, a car/bike chase around the streets and mountain roads of Casablanca is ridiculously exhilarating, and the race-against-time infiltration of a computer identity recognition system sees our hero forced to hold his breath underwater for six minutes with consequences which very nearly prove fatal. Back to join the still-charismatic Cruise and one-time simple comic relief Pegg (much more front-and-centre to the action this time) are Renner’s William Brandt and Ving Rhames as the practical, no-nonsense Luther Stickell who’s been with the IMF since the very beginning of its cinematic incarnation. But the standout new cast addition is Rebecca Ferguson as the mysterious Ilsa Faust; we’re never quite sure who she is and if we should trust her, but in the end she’s not only a worthy adversary/ally but she’s more than a match for Ethan as he battles to stay relevant in a world which seems to be moving faster than ever. Whilst there’s an unspoken attraction between the two, the movie mercifully spares us the smouldering romantic subplot we might expect from lesser movie series although we suspect we’ve not seen the last of the resourceful Ilsa.

Rogue Nation is never less than electrifying entertainment but some may be disappointed that the adrenalin rush isn’t quite as marked as in Ghost Protocol and that the emphasis here is on a compelling and multi-layered story rather than just a succession of outlandish stunts. The final confrontation between Hunt and Lane – which was never going to be a Ghost Protocol-like punch-up due to Harris’s leaner physicality – is a slight damp squib and parts of the third arc stumble close to the absurd as Tom Hollander’s British Prime Minister tips the script dangerously close to the farcical. But these are really minor quibbles in a proud, funny, gutsy and intelligent action film comfortable in its own skin and made with style, conviction and a refreshing determination not to rest on the laurels of former glories and do something a little bit different and unexpected. Rogue Nation is a Cruise-missile of a movie.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – ROGUE NATION / CERT: 12A / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: CHRISTOPHER MCQUARRIE / STARRING: TOM CRUISE, SIMON PEGG, REBECCA FERGUSON, JEREMY RENNER, VING RHAMES, SEAN HARRIS, ALEC BALDWIN, TOM HOLLANDER / RELEASE DATE: JULY 30TH

Expected Rating: 10 out of 10

Actual Rating:
  

Historians often talk about key moments in history; points in time where one can identify a shift in culture. Often these are seemingly minor things and can be used to track if a society is continuing to rise or fall. Sharknado 3 is a phenomenal cultural event. The significance of it, however, is best left as an exercise for the reader.

In case the franchise has passed you by, the Sharknado movies are set in a world where tornadoes filled with sharks are a thing. It rains predatory fish so hard that the creatures can smash through walls and devour anyone in sight. This happens with alarming frequency. Sharknado 3 opens with lead character Fin Sheppard (Ian Ziering) being honoured by the President at The White House for all his shark fighting shenanigans in the previous movies. He is honoured with a gold-plated chainsaw for his services, and alas, festivities are cut short when a rain of sharks attack, bursting through the White House walls.

Cue a series of very silly action scenes in which a host of C-list celebs (including Lou Ferrigno and Jackie Collins) get devoured by the fishy fiends. Fin fights the beasties, assisted by a less-than-Presidential-looking President (played by entrepreneur and producer Mark Cuban). After a spot of patriotism and some exploding public buildings, the opening titles appear.

The action quickly shifts to an American theme park. Amidst the product placement and celebrity cameos, we meet Fin’s pregnant wife (Tara Reid), his daughter (Ryan Newman) and mother-in-law (Bo Derek). The sharks attack from the skies yet again, this time landing on rollercoasters in order to snack on unsuspecting thrill seekers. More celebs get chomped (including the likes of Chris Jericho, Jedward and Jerry Springer) as well as a whole host of American TV types we neither recognise nor care about. By the time we get to the appearance of franchise regular Nova Clarke (Cassie Scerbo), enough blood has been spilled to open a very red aquarium. Nova explains that these sharks live in the clouds, feasting on birds. Of course they do.

The silliness continues in a similar vein throughout. The pattern includes unlikely locations, random celebs, some sneaky adverts and CGI gore. By the time we get to Penn & Teller talking to Fin’s deadbeat astronaut father (played by David Hasslehoff), we’re pretty much sharked out. Surely, we think, it can’t get sillier. It does. Trust us, it does.

Director Anthony C. Ferrante takes every opportunity to turn the movie up a notch. Just when you think it couldn’t be dafter, gorier or more ridiculous, it goes there. With its many, many cameos, rampant product placement and repeatedly silly moments, you may be forgiven for thinking that Sharknado 3 is a parody of Hollywood excess. It isn’t. It is instead the inevitable result. It sets the bar for movies that are made solely to wow the audience. Michael Bay take note: if your next awful franchise feature does not have laser chainsaws and space sharks, then you are doing it wrong.

To give this film a decent score would be an insult to the many low-budget features out there that scrape every penny they can find together to produce something good. Sharknado 3 was made to make as much cash as possible whilst making you giggle at how cheap it looks.

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! is a very bad movie, and deliberately so. When a movie suggests how you should react to it in its title, take note. It’s trying to warn you. On the other hand, if you need a truly terrible movie in your life, then Sharknado 3 is perfect.

SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO! / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: ANTHONY C. FERRANTE / SCREENPLAY: THUNDER LEVIN / STARRING: IAN ZIERING, TARA REID, CASSIE SCERBO, BO DEREK, DAVID HASSELHOFF
 

Found footage movies are ten-a-penny these days (or three for a tenner if you hit the sales). House of This, Haunting of That… you can’t move for the bloody things when you pop to your local supermarket to stock up on your five-a-day. Occasionally there’ll be a bit of a gem in amongst the lo-fi dross, but as a rule if you take a punt on a cheapo found footage title you pretty much deserve what you get and you’re usually going to get disappointed. The fact that The Gallows has escaped straight-to-DVD hell and made its way to your friendly neighbourhood multiplex is frankly astonishing and can only be attributed to the fact that it’s another conveyor belt offering from Blumhouse Productions, who have scored sit-up-and-take-notice hits with Sinister, Insidious and The Purge and their associated sequels. In a sane world, however, The Gallows would never have been gifted a cinematic release; in an even saner world it would never have seen the light of day at all. It’s soul-crushingly, unutterably terrible and it makes eighty-one minutes in the cinema feel like a month sitting in sheep-dip.

Clumsy and confusing – and entirely uninteresting – even by found footage standards, The Gallows really has very little going for it. Twenty years after an accidental High School hanging during a performance of a play called ‘The Gallows’, the school – with a spectacular lack of taste – mounts a new production (on an identical stage set, oddly). A bunch of dumb, irritating, highly unlikable teens who all have the same names as the actors playing them (including Ryan Shoos… hardly the life and sole of the party) concoct some inane scheme to destroy the play’s set so one of the kids, who doesn’t really want to appear in the play, can wriggle out of it without looking like a twat in front of his girlfriend. Naturally this bunch of halfwits break into the school at night and are quickly stalked by some sort of supernatural Hangman who has clearly watched too many cheap found footage horror films as he terrorises them by banging doors, creeping about and leaving the telly on. One of the kids has a camera, another one watches mobile phone footage and, inevitably, it all ends up as a horrible nasty muddle of running feet, shrieking, and long, shaky close-ups of walls which help to make a boring, predictable storyline even more incoherent and incalculably tedious. There are no scares and not a drop of blood is spilt.

The Gallows was made on a budget of just $100,000 and in all honesty it’s hard to see where the money was spent. It’s a shameful waste of time. If you’re thinking of swinging by to check out The Gallows, we really wooden recommend it. It’s seriously ropey.

THE GALLOWS / CERT:  15 / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: TRAVIS CLUFF, CHRIS LOFING / STARRING: REESE MISHLER, PFEIFER BROWN, RYAN SHOOS, CASSIDY GIFFORD / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Expecting Rating: 4 out of 10

Actual Rating:
 

Most studios just don’t grasp storytelling the way Pixar seems to do naturally. Their commitment to creativity, coupled with a standard for excellence that would make most producers blanch, puts them in a league they made for themselves. Their latest masterpiece, Inside Out, crackles and pops with invention, raising the bar for not just the studio that made it so lovingly, but for animation and the possibilities the medium poses. Poignant, heartfelt, and endearing, Pixar’s latest outing challenges us all to dream, to feel, to be.

The film dives deep into the pre-pubescent mind of 11-year-old Riley, whose world suddenly gets much bigger when her family packs up and heads to San Francisco for a new start. Unsurprisingly, she’s less than happy about the transition but masks her inner turmoil with a half-hearted smile and feigned enthusiasm. Meanwhile, inside her head, Joy, Disgust, Fear, Sadness and Anger (emotions personified as hilarious little pseudo-sprites) work to keep her happy and stable when life’s pressures begin to weigh on her. But when Riley’s “core memories” (bright little orbs that contain her most important moments) are separated from their appropriate spots at her inner “control center” (getting tired of quotation marks yet?), it’s up to polar opposites, Joy and Sadness, to bring them back and restore balance to Riley’s emotional state. Can they make it back in time before all goes to shit? Of course they will, but the how and why are the cool parts.

Inside Out could be called a lot of things. It’s a celebration of emotion, a testament to the power of feeling and letting yourself feel without the shame that usually accompanies such unbridled emotion. It’s a trust exercise for people who don’t necessarily expect their emotions to pull them through hardship. And finally, it’s a passionately written love letter to director Pete Docter’s young daughter, who finds herself grappling with the same intrusive thoughts and feelings that Inside Out‘s Riley finds herself facing after her family moves. We could try to pin down what Inside Out is all day, but what really matters is that it’s fun and has something meaningful to say.

On the surface, Inside Out may appear to be another run-of-the-mill children’s flick with lessons to be learned and fun to be had but no real substance underneath it all. However, anyone who knows Pixar knows that this simply will never be true of anything the studio puts out. If there’s anything their movies are not, it’s nondescript. They put too much time and energy into crafting the best stories to let mediocrity even be an idea in their storyboarding room. Docter even hopped on record to say that he and his creative team remade the film eight times before he was satisfied with the final product. We’d bet money that the folks over at Blue Sky and Dreamworks don’t spend half as much time perfecting their films.

Pixar has always been great at coaxing our eyeballs out of our fat heads with awe-inspiring visuals and vibrant colors, but Inside Out takes the metaphorical cake as the studio’s most impressive piece of eye-candy yet. The company has tried (and succeeded) to evolve in more ways than one can count, but telling a killer story with flawless visuals has always been paramount to these masterful yarn-spinners.

Pixar has enjoyed international fame and acclaim since it first stormed onto the scene in the 1990s, but few, if any, of their endeavors reach the visual splendor or emotional heft that Inside Out so innately exudes. It’s a ridiculously tough act to follow, but here’s to hoping the studio’s next effort can confidently stand beside this one-of-a-kind moviegoing experience.

INSIDE OUT / CERT: PG / DIRECTOR: PETE DOCTER, RONALDO DEL CARMEN / SCREENPLAY: VARIOUS / STARRING: RASHIDA JONES, DIANE LANE, AMY POEHLER, KYLE MACLACHLAN, MINDY KALING / RELEASE DATE: JULY 24TH