WHY DON’T YOU JUST DIE! [Celluloid Screams 2019]

Why

DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: KIRILL SOKOLOV | STARRING: ALEKSANDR KUZNETSOV, VITALIY KHAEV, EVGENIYA KREGZHDE

It’s not for nothing that this film has been picking up top prizes at small film festivals across the UK, being simultaneously a solid piece of entertainment and a filmmaking tour de force. Why Don’t You Just Die! is a film that tells you exactly what it is right from the exclamation mark of its title. Beginning with an atmosphere of excruciating tension before exploding into gruesome, imaginative, occasionally hilarious and always immaculately timed (and shot) acts of violence, the film starts as it means to go on and refuses to let up.

The film follows Matvei who is visiting the monstrously charismatic corrupt detective Andrei, with clear malign intentions which take little time to erupt, unleashing all the wild chaos that follows. The following interplay between the two, bringing in a small cast of outside figures that brought them to this point, plays out in a series of cutaways, reminiscent of early Tarantino, that lend a surprising level of nuance and depth. In this world, no character is really good, all are morally compromised, although none are entirely evil either.

Aside from these cutaway stories, the whole film is kept within the taught confines of a single tiny Moscow apartment as it slowly becomes more riddled with holes and drenched in blood. So, so much blood. From beginning to end there is brutal and grisly violence, delivered with total control by director Kirill Sokolov who veers the audience between suspense, shock and outright belly laughs (at the screening this reviewer attended, one unexpected blow to the head drew a wave of gasps, followed by a precise musical beat of silence and then an eruption of laughter as the audience processed what it had just seen).

The balance between humour, violence and tragedy could be queasy but Sokolov is an expert high wire artist of a director, always pulling the film back in another direction whenever it seems to be too much one thing. In the led roles, Alexander Kusnetsov as Matvei is a quietly magnetic on-screen presence, doing great work with his eyes when opportunities for dialogue are denied him, and Vitali Khayev as Andrei is far more than a simple baddie, for all his monstrousness (especially the way he eats spaghetti) and worryingly easy to sympathise with.

For a film that lays out what it is and what it’s going to do right from the start, this could be a predictable piece of entertainment but, within that format, it continuously wrong foots your expectations about where characters are coming from or what they might do next, maintaining the tension as the film drives its steady course towards the inevitable and, along the way, showing you just how hard (and occasionally easy) it is for someone to just die.

KILL BEN LYK

CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: ERWAN MARINOPOULOS / SCREENPLAY: ERWAN MARINOPOULOS, JEAN-CHRISTOPHE ESTABLET, OLIVER MALTMAN / STARRING: EUGENE SIMON, SIMONE ASHLEY, ASHLEY THOMAS, GRETCHEN EGOLF, MARTYN FORD / RELEASE DATE: NOVEMBER 22ND 2019 (VOD)

After three people with the same name are murdered, young YouTube starlet Ben Lyk along with a host of other Ben Lyk’s are put under police protection in this new British comedy.

The story revolves around our central protagonist, a 20-year old London based YouTube vlogger Ben Lyk (Eugene Simon) who refers to his viewers as “Lykers”. Soon after the other London-based Ben Lyk’s start dropping like flies, he meets a whole host of fellow humans with the same name including some colourful characters such as Female Ben Lyk (Simone Ashley), the Charming Ben Lyk (Ashley Thomas), the Nervous Ben Lyk (Bronson Webb), the Vicar (built like a brick shithouse) Ben Lyk and the Grizzled Old Veteran Ben Lyk. Whilst under police custody in an attempt to keep them all safe from this mysterious attacker, the Ben Lyk’s begin to drop like flies as they all end up suspecting each other is the killer.

With comedy being a very subjective genre, particularly British comedy, this kind of take on a mobster/hitman action tale was always going to be a difficult one. However, in the case of Kill Ben Lyk, Director  Erwan Marinopolous does a solid job at keeping a consistent pace with a handful of laughs spread throughout its runtime. With the main character being an arrogant and, at times, highly unlikeable YouTube personality it’s easy to feel disconnected from him but Simon’s quirky performance as our titular character manages to take him on a stable arc as the audience will begin to resonate with him. Simon’s chemistry with fellow star Simone Ashley is arguably the best aspect of the movie – the sexual tension and constant teasing between the two Ben Lyk’s provided a plethora of laughs when others around them failed to come up with the goods.

The film’s cinematography is well-produced and consistent even though at many times the writing makes it feel like a slightly higher budget YouTube video rather than a feature-length film – that also goes for a lot of the characters who are either undeveloped (some on purpose) or are overbearing in their exuberance nature.

At the end of the day, Kill Ben Lyk is a passable British comedy which blends together a few genres and ideas to decent effect – Eugene Simon’s eccentric performance and chemistry with the ensemble cast manages to keep the average-at-best script afloat and is the biggest supply of the majority of the films limited laughs.

EXTRA ORDINARY [Celluloid Screams 2019]

extra ordinary

DIRECTOR: MIKE AHERN | SCREENPLAY: MIKE AHERN, DEMIAN FOX | STARRING: MAEVE HIGGINS, BARRY WARD, WILL FORTE

Extra Ordinary opens with weathered VHS footage of a paranormal phenomenon show from the ‘90s, documenting the hauntings and strange happenings that are possible in small-town Ireland, which carries with it a warmth and familiarity and a series of laugh out loud lines and images. This doesn’t just set the tone for the whole film, it sets a bar which Extra Ordinary just keeps meeting.

We flash forward to the present day where Rose Dooley (Higgins), the daughter of the TV show’s host and ghost hunter, is trying to put ‘all that’ behind her and pursue a normal life and career as a taxi driver, still blaming herself for the ‘dadslaughter’ of her father and is afraid of the forces she could unleash. When approached by local widower Martin Martin (Ward) for ‘driving lessons’, Rose is tempted back to using her powers, before the appearance of (literally) diabolical failed pop star Christian Winter (The Last Man on Earth’s Will Forte enjoying himself way too much in the role) forces her hand.

In the role of Rose, Higgins is perfectly balanced, relatably unsure of herself, and playing the role so utterly straight at times that you forget quite how silly the whole set up is and her chemistry with Ward is compellingly sweet. In fact, overall, the ordinary characters are beautifully (and hilariously) observed and all given something to love about them, for all their otherwise obvious flaws. This could easily have been a portrait of a wacky small-town Ireland filled with loveable idiots, grotesques and haunted wheelie bines (although you won’t be disappointed on this last score) but instead is filled with love and respect for even characters who seem to be eccentric to the point of mad (Rose’s Dad) or controlling to the point of abusive (the ghost of Martin’s dead wife, Bonnie), or Martin who is inherently good but also a horrible moral coward and Rose is lonely, riddled with guilt, lacking in the practice of meaningful self-care but actually quite a good driving instructor. It also isn’t afraid to make jokes about willies when it has to. Because willies are funny.

If there is a criticism it is that, for this writer, Rose and Martin’s ghostbusting exploits with wheelie bins were way more entertaining than the satanic pop star Christian Winters’ evil plot, and the latter, although the central driver of the plot, sometimes felt too dominant.

It’s not necessarily the greatest film in the world but it is hilarious, warm-hearted and , as a celebration of ordinary people and their victory over the greedy, powerful and selfish (and diabolical forces of darkness), Extra Ordinary really is genuinely extraordinary. This is the Ghostbusters franchise we need for the 21st century. More please. And soon.

OUTBACK [Celluloid Screams 2019]

outback

DIRECTOR: MIKE GREEN | SCREENPLAY: MIKE GREEN, BRIEN KELLY | STARRING: KYM CRAMP, BRENDAN DONOGHUE, LAUREN LOFBERG

 

Outback is not a horror film but it is, in its gruelling intensity, based closely on real life events, pretty horrifying. There are no jump scares, no mutated hillbillies, no masked slasher or supernatural menace, just a young couple with no idea of the dangers they face and the wild Australian landscape.

Starting out as portrayal of a romantic holiday gone wrong (after a rebuffed public proposal on the flight – this writer would have done the same) we initially see a young American couple, awkward, prickling and bristling at things unsaid, often coming across as spoiled and annoying. On a whim they decide to ditch their meticulously plotted drive along the Australian coast and head into the outback to see Ayers Rock, armed with nothing more than some variation of Google Maps on their phone to guide them and a hasty stocking up on little more than kangaroo jerky and a bottle of water on the way. Predictably enough, given the sheer hubris of this particular road trip, things soon start to go wrong.

A cynical viewer might watch all this thinking ‘Well these idiots have earned their Darwin award’ (and the truly cynical may never get beyond this) but, as things spiral from worrying to terrifying to staring death in the face, the obvious love and self sacrifice depicted in the film should hopefully melt those assumptions, showing a more resilient, resourceful and determined side to characters we might have written off as spoilt millenials at the beginning of the film.

This depends solely on the strength of Lauren Lofberg and Taylor Wiese in the central roles, whose time in screen amounts to at least 90% of the film, lingering scenery shots included. The two invest in their roles completely and, coupled with some solid make up work and a lack of fear in covering themselves in good Australian dirt, they do allow for sufficient immersion in their peril to make Outback a difficult watch built on empathy, rather than a sneering one built on derision.

And, on the subject of deriding the characters’ poor choices, it should also be borne in mind that this is a true story. Whatever a viewer might think about the implausible naivety of these characters walking into danger unprepared, these characters really did do that. This also makes all the more impressive the sacrifices and struggles to come.

It’s an intense film but sadly, being based on true events, any attempts to draw a moral or central theme (which Outback does rather clumsily try) are likely to fail, leaving the film somewhat empty at the end, which is disappointing, especially after the gruelling journey it takes to get there.

THE NIGHTINGALE [Celluloid Screams 2019]

NIGHTINGALE

DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: JENNIFER KENT | STARRING: AISLING FRANCIOSI, SAM CLAFLIN, BAYKALI GANAMBARR | RELEASE DATE: NOVEMBER 29TH

The unexpected success of The Babadook has given writer/director Jennifer Kent freedom to try any project she wants. Choosing a sprawling two and a quarter hour period epic set in 1830s Tasmania, coupled with a tone of grim violence graphic enough to cause cinema walkouts, seems like one of the more ambitious things she could have tried. But fortunately she has the talent needed to match the ambition.

The film begins with Clare Carroll (Franciosi), a new mother and ex-convict tapped in indentured servitude to a clearly smitten Lieutenant Hawkins (Claflin) desperate to be allowed to move away with her husband Aidan. When this is refused things spiral out of control and Aisling is liberated of her responsibilities and filled with desire for vengeance against Lieutenant Hawkins.

The Nightingale is 100% a revenge drama, probably best compared to The Revenant (but less boring, with more point, more cultural sensitivity to indigenous people and better shot scenery) where the anger of one woman drives both the action and the lead herself through threatening environments, injuries, grief and, most importantly, her own bigotry, to bring the man who destroyed her world to justice. As the villain of the piece, Lieutenant Hawkin is perhaps too broadly drawn, corrupting everything  he touches with a vague sense of bored inevitability rather than pleasure, Claflin occasionally rendering him as somewhere between pantomime villain and, what this writer would call, ‘sulky bellend’. However, he is less relevant to the film than Clare’s anger. In this Aisling Franciosi is a captivating onscreen presence and her rage, when it emerges, genuinely terrifying.

Clare is assisted, initially deeply begrudgingly, by indigenous Tasmanian Billy who knows the treacherous territory between them and Hawkins like the back of his hand. There is no disguising the obvious racism in Clare’s attitudes to him and the language, authentic to the period, is shocking to modern sensibilities. But their shared quest soon sees the cultural barriers between them breaking down, allowing Clare to see the true monstrousness of what her fellow whites, not just Lieutenant Hawkins and his ilk whose task is to ‘tame the land’, have done to the indigenous Tasmanians (making Hawkins wrongdoings to her somewhat pale by comparison).

The film is beautifully crafted but unquestionably overlong, not because 136 minutes is too long, but simply that it loses its way, dragging out the simple revenge plotline to allow other layers to come into the film that are insufficiently deeply handled to fill the space. In a way there are two films here, both potentially incredible, fighting for attention to the detriment of one another, so, while The Nightingale is a gruelling and masterfully shot film, it is sadly not the masterpiece we might have hoped for.

SYNCHRONIC [Celluloid Screams 2019]

synchronic

DIRECTOR: JUSTIN BENSON, AARON MOORHEAD | SCREENPLAY: JUSTIN BENSON | STARRING: JAMIE DORNAN, ANTHONY MACKIE, ALLY IOANNIDES

In New Orleans something strange is happening… Drug users are being found dead from inexplicable causes, from sword wounds to horrifying burns to impossible falls. What could be behind it? Only two curious paramedics may have the answer.

Dennis (Dornan) is a family man with a nearly adult daughter and brand new baby tying him down, while Steve (Mackie – you know, Falcon out of the MCU) is a freewheeling independent hedonist suddenly forced to reconsider life by an unexpected medical diagnosis. While navigating their own complicated lives, the paramedics are presented with the mystery of synchronic, a synthetic drug that seems to have time bending (and fatal) effects on those who use it.

Synchronic is an odd animal. It’s easiest described as a buddy cop time travel movie (except replace ‘cop’ with ‘paramedic’) and, as such, lives and dies, not on the sci-fi concepts at the heart of it (which are very silly) but on the charisma and chemistry of its buddy leads. Thankfully it has Anthony Mackie who, pretty much on the merits of his charisma alone, carries the entire film, straddling comedy (as he begins to experiment with the effects of Synchronic) and a very believable world weariness and sense of grief as he goes through diagnosis and treatment for a terrifying condition. As mentioned, the reasons for the time travel in Synchronic are genuinely laughable (a scientist turns up at one point to make a metaphor using some vinyl before quickly and permanently disappearing, adding nothing to the believability of the plot) but it does its best to handle the implications with a straight face, particularly the implications of a black man travelling back to periods in US history where being black would be enough to endanger and render a time traveller powerless on its own. However, the whole time travel bit comes late enough in the film that it has little time to breathe before resolution, which is a shame as Anthony Mackie’s adventures through American history is a film series this writer would sign up for watching in a heartbeat.

The chemistry between Dornan and Mackie is certainly good enough to sustain the buddy element of the film, although Dornan’s character rapidly begins to feel somewhat superfluous to the plot as events go on, and there is clearly more love between the two of them than any of the female characters they interact with, but it is a film that is suddenly over before it’s begun, possibly due to juggling too many plot elements, and, although nicely shot and fairly entertaining it would be very empty fare with Anthony Mackie centring it all.

Roll on ‘Anthony Mackie’s adventures through American history’. Two season tickets please.

THE GOLDEN GLOVE [Celluloid Screams 2019]

the golden glove

DIRECTOR: FATIH AKIN | SCREENPLAY: FATIH AKIN | STARRING: JONAS DASSLER, MARGARETHE TIESEL, KATJA STUDT, DIRK BÖHLING

The Golden Glove is a relentless and unstinting film, keeping its eye almost constantly on the sad life and horrifying deeds of real-life serial killer Fritz Honka. As it opens Honka is already a murderer and we are witness to his desperate, amateurish attempts to escape detection and from there we follow his life as he drinks at The Golden Glove, with a cast of hopeless and washed up characters, a bar in the infamous red-light district of Hamburg.

Director Fatih Akin captures the bleak hopelessness of the seamy side of the 1970s perfectly, immersing you in a bleak yellowish gloom that you can almost smell, focussing on the dirt cragged and alcohol-dependent ageing regulars of The Golden Glove, a generation still scarred by Nazism and the war, people who veer between tearful sentimentality and explosive anger.

Jonas Dassler is disturbingly compelling as Honka, more disturbing for his making a shuffling nobody so magnetic. The objectively beautiful Dassler is transformed by Oscar-worthy make-up into the objectively ugly Honka but annoyingly also adopts a hunchback Igor-shuffle walk (like Channing Tatum in Foxcatcher) possibly because this is how actors think real people walk.

But for all the meticulous detail invested in recreating Honka’s world, what the film doesn’t answer is why. Not just why Honka was a killer (although alcohol does seem to be a chief baddy in the narrative) but why we the audience are watching all this. The violence is repetitive and predictable and incredibly difficult to watch and, since we witness all but one of the killings, it is a gruelling film to sit through with little prospect of any resolution, or even a moral lesson, in sight.

There are moments in this film that remind us of the importance of the #MeToo movement, of reporting violence and calling out the men who perpetrate it. Throughout the film (and a cursory reading of Wikipedia will reveal even more) we see many opportunities missed to report incidents that could have stopped Honka before he killed again. But the film also gives us a portrait of prostitutes, drunks and sadly ageing people who no one in society seems to care about, less still miss. Perhaps their accusations would still have been ignored.

So if there is a point to The Golden Glove it is this, it may not make us care about its sad and hopeless characters but it forces us to see them, to watch their every move up until their sad and horrifying end. It’s not a pleasant process, and it may not even be rewarding, but it is unstinting and meticulous in its reconstruction of lost people from a lost world, and perhaps Honka’s victims are at least owed that.

LITTLE MONSTERS

little monsters

LITTLE MONSTERS / CERT: PG / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: ABE FORSYTHE / STARRING: ALEXANDER ENGLAND, LUPITA NYONG’O, JOSH GAD, STEPHEN PEACOCKE, DIESEL LA TORRACA / RELEASE DATE: NOVEMBER 15TH

Mix some crude Aussie humour, a school outing and zombies and you get a surprisingly enjoyable film.

Little Monsters starts as more of a rom-com (which, in effect, it is), introducing us to immature loser Dave (England) getting dumped by his girlfriend for not wanting children. He moves in with his sister Tess (Stewart) and his tractor-obsessed nephew Felix (La Torraca), taking an active interest in Felix’s life after falling for his school teacher Miss Caroline (Nyong’o).

Dave tags along on Felix’s school outing to an Australia Zoo-like park which just happens to coincide with a nearby zombie outbreak. Armed only with a ukulele and trapped with the selfish, sex-addicted, alcoholic children’s entertainer Teddy McGiggle (Gad), they must work together to survive and escape.

The zombie genre has been explored to the point of exhaustion in recent years. There are the usual elements – are they fast or slow? Are they smart or dumb? Do they eat animals or only humans? Is it an experiment gone wrong, a curse, a comet over the planet or something else? Are the characters aware of what zombies even are in this universe?

Refreshingly, Little Monsters breathes fresh life into the genre whilst managing to be funny, crude and even heart-warming. We can’t think of another movie that will have you humming along to Taylor Swift and laughing about frog puppets, porcupines, and shooting kids.

WEEDJIES: HALLOWEED NIGHT

weedjiies

WEEDJIES: HALLOWEED NIGHT / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: DANNY DRAVEN / SCREENPLAY: SHANE BITTERLING / STARRING: BRETT HARGRAVE, VICTORIA STRANGE, YO YING, JOHNNY LEE, DENISE MILFORT, JAMES ADAM TUCKER / RELEASE DATE: TBC

In a rundown Las Vegas hotel, a trio of young women throw a Halloween party to raise money for college, attracting revellers with a scavenger hunt for a bud of powerful marijuana created by their science nerd friend. Unfortunately, the blowout catches the eye of the mysterious Baroness, who convinces them to use an odd Ouija board that releases the weedjies, mischievous critters who the girls must capture by midnight, or they will become sucked into the netherworld and become such creatures themselves.

Although the heyday of Charles Band and Full Moon was firmly in the ‘80s, along with the popularity of the kind of horror comedy with which he was most successful, he still manages to churn out multiple titles a year, and Weedjies: Halloweed Night is a gloriously unrestrained throwback to that decade of excess and overkill. The blend of humour and horror is very much in favour of the former and what surprisingly little violence features is so cartoonish there are even the occasional sound effect reminiscent of Loony Tunes.

The titular quartet of creatures are mesmerisingly hideous creations, reminiscent of titular monsters of Ghoulies (on which Band was also a producer), Critters, and Gremlins. Brought to life through puppetry and practical effects, they fit in perfectly with the colourful setting, and you never question for a moment they are a true part of events rather than artificial props. Each of them is so distinct in design that any scenes featuring their antics never even approach repetitive, instead growing into elaborate set pieces as fun as they are ridiculous.

As well as providing a large pool of people to be killed in inventive ways, central notion of a Halloween party also provides great potential for variance in costumes for supporting character and extras and does not disappoint. Some are skimpy and eye-catching while others are themed and imaginative, including a pair dressed as Blade and Tunneller from the Puppet Master films.

The main issue is the film’s pacing, with it being over half an hour into proceedings before the titular creatures even make an appearance. For film that runs less than 75 minutes (including credits), it doesn’t leave a great deal of time for the chaotic rampage that is the film’s main appeal. When it gets underway, it delivers all the grotesquely comical set pieces hoped for, but you do come away with the feeling of having wanted a few more of them.

Weedjies: Halloweed Night is an unrestrained riot that delivers pretty much exactly what you would expect from it. With a central notion of cute girls in sexy outfits hunting mischievous monsters the film knows exactly the kind of audience it’s appealing to, and as it fully embraces the unbridled sense of its own anarchic absurdity and camp fun it only asks that you do the same.

POLAR SQUAD

polar squad

POLAR SQUAD / CERT: U / DIRECTOR: AARON WOODLEY / SCREENPLAY: BOB BARLEN, CAL BRUNKER, BRYAN THOMPSON, AARON WOODLEY / STARRING: JEREMY RENNER, HEIDI KLUM, JOHN CLEESE, ALEC BALDWIN, ANGELICA HOUSTON, JAMES FRANCO, OMAR SY, MICHAEL MADSEN / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Arctic fox Swifty works in the mailroom of a courier service, but longs for the respect of being the one to make the deliveries, an important role in the polar wilderness. When he stumbles upon the plan of mad scientist Otto Von Walrus that will melt all of the region’s ice, he and his misfit friends set out to prevent the end of their world.

Children’s animation has a long tradition of weaving life lessons in simple stories, exposing kids to things important for them to know about via a medium that renders them straightforward enough to take in. There are several such issues that Polar Squad (also known as Arctic Justice and Arctic Dogs, just to make things unnecessarily confusing) touches on, such as the dangers of climate change, arbitrary rules that deny people opportunities through no fault of their own, the difficulties faced when living in a remote location, and the ever-important message of embracing what’s special about yourself and figuring out how best to utilise it. The problem is that they are only ever briefly addressed, leaving nothing but a flat and uninspiring story for the rest of it that utterly wastes its impressive voice cast. Marketing for the film makes it sound like a ragtag bunch of anthropomorphic arctic animal losers banding together to battle a megalomaniacal walrus, and if that was in any way accurate to what the film actually is, it might have at least been fun.

The illogical behaviour of many characters is grating, especially when it becomes apparent that each is only acting in a certain way because this is what the plot demands of them at that particular given moment, regardless of how nonsensical or unprompted their actions and thoughts are. Similarly, the story hits several familiar beats as it progresses, but it feels as though they have been copied from the plots of other films without understanding how best to incorporate them at organic junctures, instead just crowbarring them in at jarring moments because there was nowhere else to put them.

Various aspects of the film echo the likes of Zootropolis, Despicable Me and Monsters, Inc, but rather than affording the film lofty contemporaries, it only serves to remind you how good each of those other movies were and thus highlight how inferior this one is in comparison. Most crucially for a kids’ film, although the tone is light-hearted the movie is not particularly funny, with some of the humour even descending to bad puns and fart jokes.

Polar Squad begins well and had the potential to be a meaningful, if flawed, exploration of the importance of teamwork and ambitious optimism, but its swift descent into unimaginative tedium leaves you as cold as the arctic its events are set against.