Review Category: DVD/Blu Ray

In the Dark Ages, Kaulder (Diesel) hunts down witches with his group of witch hunters. They discover the lair of the Queen Witch and invade it to try and take her out before she unleashes the Black Death upon the world. They seemingly succeed, although Kaulder is cursed with immortality.

Fast forward to present day and Kaulder is now the last of his kind, ably assisted by a Dolan – a man of the cloth who helps the witch hunters a la Giles in Buffy. When his 36th Dolan (Caine) retires and is killed on the same day, he is replaced by the 37th (Wood). Tracking down the killer of the previous Dolan, the pair start piecing things together and realise there is more than meets the eye going on. Kaulder reluctantly receives assistance from a witch, Chloe (Leslie), in the investigation until it becomes clear that the Queen Witch may not have died after all.

There is so much CGI and unnecessary lens flare on show here, it’s as if the filmmakers knew that the thin storyline needed to be covered up by some gaudy effects. This is a prime example of CGI riding roughshod over a film rather than enhancing it. It’s flashy but dull. It may have been more interesting to keep the action in the past, even going through history as Kaulder has to move on from each Dolan, as they pass on from their own mortal coil. Instead, by rushing through to the present day, we are presented with a comfortable environment for the main character. Even the introduction of an adversary in the form of Belial (Olafsson) seems purely to fill screen time until the big reveal is made.

We are provided with a convoluted and confused plotline that appears to be the mixed up love child of a YA fantasy and an action vehicle devoid of any real action. It tries to make witches ugly and scary again, but fails miserably with its execution, probably due to its devotion to a lower age rating. There are moments that you feel like you are watching a mash-up between Beautiful Creatures and Babylon A.D. 

The plot twists that are used can be seen coming a mile off and, as a result, there is no sense of tension or trepidation. For a fantasy horror, criminally, there are no genuine moments of horror or scares. A major monster that is there to challenge Kaulder is nothing more than a weak CGI creation. What is shocking is the complete waste of talent. Caine and Wood are completely underused in their roles.

A prime example of the studio system not understanding what was required at inception, hopefully this will be the last we see of this character.

THE LAST WITCH HUNTER / CERT: 12A / DIRECTOR: BRECK EISNER / SCREENPLAY: CORY GOODMAN, MATT SAZAMA, BURK SHARPLESS / STARRING: VIN DIESEL, ROSE LESLIE, ELIJAH WOOD, OLAFUR DARRI OLAFSSON, MICHAEL CAINE / RELEASE DATE: 7TH MARCH

Some of us thought it would never see the light of day, but at last, here it is: Eli Roth’s infamous cannibal apocalypse, The Green Inferno. Filmed in 2013 and stuck in pre-release hell ever since (a brief showing at FrightFest 2014 aside), it’s been a long wait for this modern jungle cannibal movie. Hell, after all that time, is there any chance it could ever live up to the hype and controversy? 

Whatever else, it’s a cannibal holocaust, Eli Roth style. That ensures three things: the first being lashings of gore, the second a sense of infectious enthusiasm that’s both palpable and undeniable. The third? Well, one of the first pieces of dialogue spoken by the script is the word ‘retarded’. College jocks and horny thrill seekers may have been left behind in his Hostel, but this gang of dim social media activists and walking boners are your fairly typical Eli Roth brand of doomed dipshits.

As with Hostel, The Green Inferno is most effective in its setup. Well-meaning but naïve Justine, (Lorenza Izzo) determined to prove herself to the campus activists, joins their trip to Peru, protesting the timber industry at a shady Amazon logging site. One plane crash later, she and her fellow well-meaning simpletons find themselves out of their depth, depleted in number and surrounded by jungle dwelling cannibals. We all know what’s coming, but the tension is in seeing all the pieces fall into place, one wrong decision racking up after another.

The goodies continue intermittently, showing early promise that The Green Inferno could be one of Roth’s best yet. Within the constraints of its relatively low budget, the initial plane crash is wonderful, in a low-fi Lost meets Final Destination sort of way. The gore is good too, the first cannibal kill being one of the most brutal, affecting things Roth has ever committed to screen (even if it is bettered by Bone Tomahawk’s version of the same thing). 

Unfortunately, Roth has no idea what to do with his cannibals once we’re stuck in the village with them. He deftly avoids (most) accusations of racism, by having his idiot Westerners be mostly responsible for their own situation, but the cannibal tribe are never really scary – and especially not once he lets loose his own worst inclinations and the stupid humour comes into play. Hey, you know what Cannibal Holocaust could have used? A girl with explosive diarrhoea, jerking off in a cage, and weed as a Deus ex Machina! It’s a tonal nightmare, not helped by a fascination with Female Genital Mutilation – which the story isn’t even nearly serious or knowledgeable about to pull off – and a bizarre ending that’s at odds with everything which preceded it.

That’ll be a no, then. The Green Inferno is not a good movie. It’s tone deaf, blows most of its action and gore during the first hour and is filled with dumb stoner humour and one of the most irritating villains (not the cannibals) to ever populate a horror film. That said it’s a laudable failure – a jungle cannibal movie in a day and age where the subgenre barely exists anymore. And it looks absolutely gorgeous, the verdant greenery and lush visuals best viewed in HD, on as big a screen as possible. Enthusiasm and heart will get you a long way – for better and for worse, it’s a cannibal holocaust, Eli Roth style.

THE GREEN INFERNO / CERT: 18 / DIRECTOR: ELI ROTH / SCREENPLAY: GUILLERMO AMOEDO, ELI ROTH / STARRING: LORENZA IZZO, ARIEL LEVY, DARYL SABARA, SKY FERREIRA, KIRBY BLISS BANTON / RELEASE DATE: 22ND FEBRUARY

Adam Alleca’s Standoff relies entirely on one very simple, very basic premise. When merciless hitman Sade (Fishbourne) is witnessed “working” by a young girl (Ballentine), she flees with him in pursuit. Stumbling across troubled alcoholic Carter (Jane), he vows to protect her, as Sade besieges his farmhouse.

For thirty minutes or so Standoff is a tense, nail-biting thriller that draws you tentatively towards the edge of your seat. The remaining running time pushes you so far back from that edge that it leaves you positively lounging, wearily hoping that somebody, anybody gets “dead” soon to bring the film to a thankful conclusion.

Much of the attraction within Standoff is in watching Fishbourne let off some well-scripted steam, as the vindictive and single-minded Sade. He struts and monologues with wonderfully bleak language, that occasionally threatens to slip into hammy consumption of the scenery, but pulls back just in time to leave him pouting malevolently like a menacingly brooding preacher. It is a character given depth and intrigue through the removal of unnecessary backstory or tedious filler, and you even find yourself wavering occasionally towards supporting him, as opposed to Jane’s beleaguered veteran.

For his part Jane, and the impressive Ballentine, provide able support. It is a difficult role for the former, as he is forced to carry much of the emotional weight with a character that is deeply stereotypical. That he does so with an empathetic sense of weary conviction is to Jane’s great credit. You are presented early on with the possibility of there not being a particularly happy ending to Standoff, but Jane manages to just about delay the certainty of this through a resilience that, unfortunately, becomes a little too sugary with forced sincerity in the final act.

This is without doubt Fishbourne’s film though, and he visibly relishes a role that really deserved to be in a better release. For his exuberantly evil performance alone, Standoff is worth checking out, but you could easily switch it off after the first half and you will have saved yourself the trouble of staying awake through to the end. Alleca to his credit has demonstrated a talent for catchy, Tarantino-esque dialogue and competent direction that develops genuine tension, but he ultimately runs out of the plot required in order to sustain it. This is decent film that, like Idris Elba’s recent No Good Deed, contains a well-loved actor channelling their darker side through an interesting character that grows to become larger than the film around it.

STANDOFF / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: ADAM ALLECA / STARRING: LAURENCE FISHBURNE, THOMAS JANE, JIM WATSON, ELLA BALLENTINE / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Adam Alleca’s Standoff relies entirely on one very simple, very basic premise. When merciless hitman Sade (Fishbourne) is witnessed “working” by a young girl (Ballentine), she flees with him in pursuit. Stumbling across troubled alcoholic Carter (Jane), he vows to protect her, as Sade besieges his farmhouse.

For thirty minutes or so Standoff is a tense, nail-biting thriller that draws you tentatively towards the edge of your seat. The remaining running time pushes you so far back from that edge that it leaves you positively lounging, wearily hoping that somebody, anybody gets “dead” soon to bring the film to a thankful conclusion.

Much of the attraction within Standoff is in watching Fishbourne let off some well-scripted steam, as the vindictive and single-minded Sade. He struts and monologues with wonderfully bleak language, that occasionally threatens to slip into hammy consumption of the scenery, but pulls back just in time to leave him pouting malevolently like a menacingly brooding preacher. It is a character given depth and intrigue through the removal of unnecessary backstory or tedious filler, and you even find yourself wavering occasionally towards supporting him, as opposed to Jane’s beleaguered veteran.

For his part Jane, and the impressive Ballentine, provide able support. It is a difficult role for the former, as he is forced to carry much of the emotional weight with a character that is deeply stereotypical. That he does so with an empathetic sense of weary conviction is to Jane’s great credit. You are presented early on with the possibility of there not being a particularly happy ending to Standoff, but Jane manages to just about delay the certainty of this through a resilience that, unfortunately, becomes a little too sugary with forced sincerity in the final act.

This is without doubt Fishbourne’s film though, and he visibly relishes a role that really deserved to be in a better release. For his exuberantly evil performance alone, Standoff is worth checking out, but you could easily switch it off after the first half and you will have saved yourself the trouble of staying awake through to the end. Alleca to his credit has demonstrated a talent for catchy, Tarantino-esque dialogue and competent direction that develops genuine tension, but he ultimately runs out of the plot required in order to sustain it. This is decent film that, like Idris Elba’s recent No Good Deed, contains a well-loved actor channelling their darker side through an interesting character that grows to become larger than the film around it.

STANDOFF / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: ADAM ALLECA / STARRING: LAURENCE FISHBURNE, THOMAS JANE, JIM WATSON, ELLA BALLENTINE / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Everyone loves a good old-fashioned black-and-white 1950s American monster movie. Everyone. When they’re good – Them!, Tarantula, Beast From 20,000 Fathoms – they’re the stuff of a million memories, charming and naive reminders of more innocent times, when nuclear weapons were just bound to cause long-dormant monsters to awaken from their slumbers or insects or arachnids to swell up to enormous proportions, before rampaging around middle America chased by soldiers. Even when they’re bad, there’s still plenty of entertainment to be had wincing at naff special effects and stiff-as-a-board acting. The Monolith Monsters, from 1957, has emerged from nowhere onto DVD and falls squarely somewhere between the two stools; the characters are little more than bland ciphers and there are no Oscar-winning performances, but there are some good ideas here and there, not least in the central conceit of an alien threat which actually isn’t malevolent or especially sentient, just something which has come to Earth and is behaving instinctually and without malice.

A huge meteorite crashes into the desert outside Los Angeles and instantly explodes, scattering hundreds of tiny black crystalline fragments across the arid landscape. Shortly afterwards, ill-advised locals including a Federal geologist (Harvey) and a schoolgirl on a field trip (Scheley), pick up some fragments which, when exposed to water, demonstrate disturbing – not to say terrifying – properties. Boffins and cops discover that the rocks absorb silicon from human bodies (turning them into stone) and that contact with water causes the rock to expand into towering ebony blocks – monolith monsters, if you will. A rainstorm leads to the fragments in the desert expanding before toppling and shattering into millions of new fragments which in turn, grow and expand, leading to a relentless tide of monoliths advancing on the nearby town and which, if unchecked, could threaten all life on Earth.

Marvellously unstarry – the only name genre fans are likely to recognise here in Grant (Incredible Shrinking Man) Williams – Monolith Monsters is an unexpected and refreshingly lowbrow treat. The monoliths themselves are an uncharacteristic threat to the human race – they’re not, despite the film’s title, monsters at all, just a non-sentient extra-terrestrial phenomenon, which reacts to its circumstances on Earth and recreates itself unthinkingly. It’s just doing what it does. This alone makes it a more palpable and believable threat than any number of alien invasion fleets or giant underwater behemoths, and the effects work isn’t at all bad and for a film of this vintage, especially in those scenes where the massive monoliths loom out of the darkness as they ‘march’ remorselessly across the desert. The resolution is beautifully apt, simple and pleasingly Wellsian and the whole thing’s done and dusted in around seventy-five minutes.

Happily you’re unlikely to feel you’ve wasted your time. It might have neither the reputation nor the familiarity of the classics of its era but The Monolith Monsters is a long-forgotten gem, which deserves its long-overdue excavation and is guaranteed to delight fans of the big, black-and-white, wide-eyed days of sci-fi cinema.

THE MONOLITH MONSTERS (1957) / CERT: 12 / DIRECTOR: JOHN SHERWOOD / SCREENPLAY: NORMAN JOLLEY, ROBERT M FRESCO / STARRING: GRANT WILLIAMS, LOLA ALBRIGHT, LES TREMAYNE, LINDA SCHELEY/ RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

No Game, No Life’s opening splices the frenetic, highly stylised in-game scenes with the real world, itself rendered with a chaotic, luminous glee. Behind the four uber-powerful characters bumping off every other player, are the brother and sister duet collectively known as Blank. It’s not so much nihilism that 18 year old Sora and 11 year old Shiro subscribe to, but apathy from instant gratification and constant interconnectedness.

No matter how complex or innocuous, there’s no game they can’t beat. It’s curious that they seem driven more by compulsion than enjoyment, something the first episode is keen to point out. Life to them is a game, and a poorly made one at that. None of the rules make sense, and every aspect contradicts another. An online chess challenge, looking surprisingly like malware, turns out to be a screening assessment. Checkmating their enigmatic competitor presents them with a tantalising offering. Brushing off claims of a game world, the duo accept and are sucked through the screen by mischievous boy-god Tet, who’s hungry for fresh challengers.

They’re anxious in urban surroundings, the sprawling Tokyo bring them out in shivers, and both are at ease in the vastness of the game world. Being outsiders in their own home is a theme that Yū Kamiya infused in the light novel source material. Born in Brazil, with a South American/Japanese heritage, Kamiya brings an edge which carries through into the anime.

The world of Disboard is a clever ploy on the trapped in video game trope, albeit with willing captives rather than opportunistic hostages. The candy-coloured palette is like a surrealist visit to the arcade, and the monolithic chess pieces on the horizon mark the world out as something Lewis Carrol might have conjured on a laudanum bender. Its weird appearance doesn’t mask the generic political situation – which functions on the winning and losing of games – and the drama tends more towards the tedious. The societal divides don’t do much to sell No Game, No Life, with each species another fetish to ramp up the fanservice, but the central twosome captivate.

Shiro and Sora are two halves of a whole. Each is incredibly smart, but in a way where the other is integral. Beneath the more perverse side of their relationship, and the barrage of lolicon servicing, is a well-crafted bond, one that’s honest, refreshing and believable in its own bizarro kind of way. Each of them is emblematic of the quality English dub, with the actors inherently understanding the relationships and the nuance needed to convey the intricate sibling bond and quirky humour. Shiro’s voice is barely above a whisper, while her boisterous brother has lungs enough for both.

The convoluted explanations of chance, game mechanics and theory crafting do wear thin. Yet the call back to earlier explanations means that No Game, No Life is a series that warrants constant attention, or the viewer runs the risk of confusion. The creepy closeness between Sora and Shiro, the unabating fanservice and the steady cliché mask a series with a great poker face but a poor hand.

Special Features: Commentary / Shorts / Previews / Commercials / Trailers / Clean opening and closing

NO GAME, NO LIFE / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: ATSUKO ISHIZUKA / SCREENPLAY: JUKKI HANADA / STARRING: YOSHITSUGU MATSUOKA, AI KAYANO, YOKO HIKASA, YUKA IGUCHI, MAMIKO NOTO / RELEASE DATE: FEBRUARY 29TH

A gaggle of experts are interviewed about what they think would happen if we made contact with an intelligent alien species. The main presumption is that they would land their vehicle on Earth, or least make their presence known in our vicinity, and we would need to visit their ship to make ‘first contact’.

The experts consulted are astrophysicists, sociologists, theologians and government officials, no barmy ufologists, excited exopolitics fans or even anyone remotely connected to science fiction are included. That means this is a rather contemplative and sober look at the implications of alien contact.

Their thoughts are that we must consider what their intentions are, are they here by accident to repair their craft, to intentionally make communications with us or are they part of an invasion force? Until we know their plans their craft would have to be isolated and protected from curiosity seekers, politicians of the world would then have to nominate a person to visit their craft and speak to them on behalf of the whole of humanity. That, in itself, would be a massive task and we can’t imagine much consensus there. 

There is a very funny sequence involving a British government official, who, when composing an imaginary press release, boldly states that there is no need for the public to be worried about this situation. His colleague asks him if this is right. He has to acknowledge that this is what we’ll have to say to stop widespread panic, until we can find out more about the aliens. He also suggests that we send in David Attenborough because he knows a lot about wildlife and the like!

When a person is nominated to encounter the aliens (David Attenborough or not), what would they tell the aliens about us? They could list all our achievements but would it be appropriate to tell them about our warlike behaviour and the repellent activities humanity have conducted over the centuries? In turn, will the aliens be open and honest about themselves and reveal their true intentions? 

The film takes a leisurely cruise through the subject and besides the odd insight – such as will the encounter be real or a virtual reality projection created by the aliens? It doesn’t take many leaps of the imagination. Given the fact that we have been inundated by flying saucer and alien invasion movies since the 1950s, that have looked at first contact from a multitude of angles and perspectives, it is worrying that these experts seem to have little to add to this subject. 

THE VISIT: AN ALIEN ENCOUNTER / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: MICHAEL MADSEN / RELEASE DATE: FEBRUARY 29TH

 

Rather than a pastiche of 1980s slasher films, this is a homage to a genre that has never really disappeared, so but for the odd make-up or clothing decision, there is little to distinguish between Lost After Dark and any other teens-in-peril flick of recent years. And while there is plenty to enjoy among the performances, the plot seems determined to undermine everything the cast achieve.

Adrienne (Kendra Leigh Timmins) and seven friends misappropriate a school bus and head off for her father’s empty holiday cabin, but before they arrive the bus runs out of gas and the kids find themselves stranded in the forest. Before long they discover an apparently abandoned house and decide to settle in for the night, but as is the way in these stories, it is actually the home of the infamous Joad family, and junior isn’t as deceased as the authorities assumed…

The cast attack the material with commendable gusto, and while the roles they’re playing are entirely the archetypes you’d expect, the actors at least imbue each of the characters with enough personality that you care in which order they are going to die. It is to the film’s credit that the order isn’t entirely predictable, although there is a moment that completely spoils the surprise over which one will ultimately survive. Conversely, the script gives them very little beyond the minimum you’d expect, and while the whole thing is played with good humour, it is also presented without enough actual humour to make the endeavour seem worthwhile.

There is a “girls practising kissing” scene straight out of 1999’s Cruel Intentions, and a “technical glitch” we’ve seen before in 1990’s Gremlins 2, which is barely signalled beforehand and in the absence of any other postmodernism, takes you right out of the fiction. The overwhelming impression, particularly given the lack of any classic 1980s hits on the soundtrack and the very subdued approach towards kitting out the cast in overtly 1980s fashion, is of a production that lacks the courage of its convictions. Such that the idea of doing a 1980s slasher flick became less attractive once the cast and crew had assembled to make it, perhaps.

The last twenty minutes includes a number of retro touches, such as the arrival and subsequent fate of Robert Patrick and the expository cameo from Rick Rosenthal as the Sheriff, but by this stage it’s hard to really care beyond the simple pleasure of watching a cheap but competent shocker. Even the murders are crafted with considerably less invention than you might expect, and the chances are that as much as you might enjoy Lost After Dark, you’ll probably forget the entire thing the minute it’s finished. 

LOST AFTER DARK / CERT: 18 / DIRECTOR: IAN KESSNER / SCREENPLAY: BO RANSDELL, IAN KESSNER / STARRING: ELISE GATIEN, ROBERT PATRICK, EVE HARLOW, JUSTIN KELLY, MARK WIEBE, JESSE CAMACHO / RELEASE DATE: 29TH FEBRUARY

After the successes of That Sinking Feeling, Gregory’s Girl and Local Hero, British filmmaking legend Bill Forsyth does it again with Comfort and Joy, which sees Bill Patterson as an isolated loner that has just been abandoned by the love of his life around Christmas time. As he tries to get his life sorted out and continue to thrive as a popular radio jockey, he is continuously led into a very strange battle between warring ice cream vans over the entire ice cream market of Glasgow.

That premise alone may sound strange, but when you watch the film itself, you realise just what an absolute gem it is and why Bill Forsyth is the legend he is. From the superbly orchestrated opening (very reminiscent of silent comedy) to the heartfelt closing radio soliloquy at the end, this film has what all great dramas have: real human characters, a grounded yet whimsy tone, comedy that isn’t toe curling or over-exaggerated, and most of all, real heart and soul. In its structure and tone, this is a film that’s probably completely foreign to an audience beyond British demographics, yet at the same time, like with Local Hero, Forsyth makes it totally accessible seeing as the characters and situations are absolutely universal all around. 

We go on this journey with Bill Patterson’s Dickie Bird, and as the film goes on, we understand more and more about him and the emotional plights he’s going through. Despite the fact he’s a famous radio DJ in his hometown, we understand that deep down, all he wants to do is help people. It’s here we understand why he is willing to go to such absurd lengths to find a way of putting an end to the feud between the two battling ice cream proprietors. The outstanding Bill Patterson beautifully conveys all this with enough subtlety and nuance that you do identify with him and care about the trials and tribulations he’s put through over the course of the film, and when he inevitably overcomes all odds by the end, it’s a huge punch-in-the-air reaction. Veteran DP Chris Menges perfectly sets the tone of the film with his cinematography, creating an almost melancholic atmosphere, whilst Mark Knopfler’s musical score perfectly complements the film’s mood. 

As well as being a strange movie, Comfort and Joy is also a very moving one as well, boasting terrific performances (particularly by Bill Patterson), and it takes that bittersweet/heartfelt tone that Bill Forsyth is famous for doing and does it to absolute perfection. Also, much like It’s a Wonderful Life, it’s one of those movies you can sit and watch with the family at Christmas, and every time you see it, there’s something else there that you didn’t notice before. It may not have been the massive success that Local Hero was, but it is every bit as enjoyable, and it has, at its heart, a really warm affectionate spirit. Much like the “Frosty Hots” that Bird invents, it’s kinda cold and warm at the same time.

COMFORT AND JOY (1984) / CERT: PG / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: BILL FORSYTH / STARRING: BILL PATTERSON, C.P GROGAN, ELEANOR DAVID / RELEASE DATE: FEBRUARY 29TH