Star Wars Begins


This new feature-length fan-made documentary on the classic 1977 movie is a real labour of love for Jamie Benning, and an absolute must-see for all Star Wars obsessives. Also known as ‘Jambe Davdar’ (don’t ask me, folks!), the 34 year old Londoner works as an editor in sports television, and has already produced two earlier documentaries, Returning To Jedi and Building Empire (as to the content, the clues are in the titles).  Star Wars Begins has been four years in the making, and the hard work is clearly evident in the final product. If only the official dvd extras were this good! Thus far there’s been no clampdown by Lucasfilm and one can only hope the great bearded one himself has seen (or been made aware of by his young apprentices) this remarkable achievement. I particularly enjoyed the clips from the film that showcase the original on-set audio; Dave Prowse’s voice is just hilarious as Darth Vader, and one wonders how on Earth the man ever thought that Lucas would keep his West Country tones on the soundtrack. Behind-the-scenes footage of Ford, Hamill and Fisher in action highlight the camaraderie between the three young actors, and it’s particularly refreshing to see and hear Mr Ford apparently enjoying himself, if only the crusty old bugger would crack a smile or two these days!

Benning first saw Star Wars in 1980 on a double bill with The Empire Strikes Back, and that was it. He collected all the action figures, the comic books, and anything else he could get his hands on. After all these years, and countless re-issues of the original trilogy on video and dvd, I asked him why he felt the need to produce his own documentaries:

Jamie Benning: The DVD release of the trilogy in 2004 had a good documentary but it was a straight  forward talking heads affair. I wanted more deleted scenes and anecdotal interviews with the cast and crew. I also thought that the DVD commentary idea could be pushed into the visual realm given the amount of material available for the series.

Starburst: But four years?

JB: Star Wars Begins was made over a four year period but it took about one year to research and produce. The reason it took four years was because I had kids, moved house and I have a busy job taking me all over the world. The very nature of making something like this without being paid means that it’s hard to be motivated and find the time to work on it.

SB: Despite the deafening silence coming from Lucasfilm, it seems that the fans themselves have taken your films to their hearts.

JB: I’ve had nothing but positive reactions really. The videos have now had 2.7million views on YouTube since Feb 2011. I’ve also been interviewed by BBC radio, FHM in Australia, dozens of websites and had reviews in far flung places, from The New York Times to a small based Culture magazine. I receive dozens of emails each week from people thanking me. It’s been a great few months.

SB: But an endorsement from the great man himself wouldn’t go amiss, surely? The flip side, of course, is Mr Lucas feeling a bit miffed at being shown how to do his job. Are you worried that your hero could become your nemesis?

JB: Lucasfilm have not been in touch. They are definitely aware though. They have not requested my videos be taken down so that’s about as much of a reaction as I expect from them. I do have a contact who knows people at ILM who said they loved it.

Interestingly, Lucasfilm have added a new commentary from archival cast and crew interviews to the Blu-ray. That may be in reaction to my work! I’ve always stated that these projects are non profit making. In fact they have probably cost me a couple of thousand pounds overall. So Lucasfilm shouldn’t be too worried. The minute you start selling DVDs with copyrighted material on them you are entering into a different and dangerous arena. I’ve never done that and never will. Some people find it unbelievable that I haven’t made money from all this work but that was never my intention. I just did it for fun and for the fans.

SB: But it’s the fans that really matter, I suggest, and you must be heartened by their response?

JB:  Initially I tried to reply to every comment and piece of feedback. But one day back in February I got 270 emails over night. I knew at that point that I would have to take a bit of a step back. Six months on, things have calmed down a bit so I am able to answer most emails again. Everyone has been so kind. It’s great to hear that I have helped rekindle people’s interest in the original film amongst an otherwise diluted franchise.

I’ve had a couple of thumbs down on YouTube. But with 2.7 million views that’s pretty good going. There have been no actual negative comments.

SB: And are there more documentaries on the cards for the fans to start salivating over?

JB: I initially made Building Empire in 2006, Returning to Jedi in 2008 and Star Wars Begins in 2009. I have already made some good progress on Raiding the Lost Ark, it should be out in the next 6-8 months. They are some of my favourite films. I love The Empire Strikes Back and I think it’s the best of the trilogy. But it couldn’t exist without the first, groundbreaking film. Order of preference? Star Wars, Empire, Jedi. I am not a fan of the prequels. Some of the fans can’t believe that of me. But more Star Wars isn’t necessarily a good thing.

And on that sacrilegious note, it only remains for me to give Jamie a massive metaphorical slap on the back and thank him for his almighty efforts in enriching the lives of Star Wars fans the world over. A job at Skywalker ranch can only be a matter of time.

STAR WARS BEGINS can be viewed on YouTube (until Mr Lucas says it can’t)

It’s ON like DONKEY KONG!

This year marks the 30th Anniversary of the release of everyone’s favorite chest beating, barrel tossing primate, Donkey Kong. The game also introduced a secondary character, who almost by accident became the biggest gaming icon of all time.

A very select group of people are instantly identifiable by a single name: Cher, Madonna or Dave (of Chas and Dave) all share this distinction but a certain Italian plumber leaves them all in the dust… ‘Mario’ is all Nintendo need to mumble to cause a reaction by a million fanboys that would make Pavlov’s dogs look positively cotton mouthed at lunch time. Bookend ‘Mario’ with ‘New’ and ‘Game’ and you’ve got all the ingredients for a full scale geek riot.

But I’m getting ahead of myself…

1981 was a good year. No, 1981 was a GREAT year. In fact, until I started researching this article, I’d forgotten what a peach it was: Adam and the Ants were dominating the charts with ‘Prince Charming’ (ask your Mum), Samantha Fox was doing her plucky best to struggle through a shirt shortage (ask your Dad) and Roger Moore was raising a single eyebrow for Queen & country (ask the Ed). On TV, Peter Davidson succeeded Tom Baker as the new Doctor (OK, Davidson brings the curve down, but still a damn good year). I checked if Chocky was released in ’81 but it turns out that was 1984. Danger Mouse was on though, so that’s something.

I was a young man in my mid 30’s struggling to put my life back together after a messy divorce. I’d lay in bed for weeks, too depressed to move. One day I decided: Enough was enough! I got up and pulled on my fingerless gloves and Crackerjack T-shirt and set off to my local arcade.

‘Dave’s Digital Dungeon’ had been a favorite haunt of mine for years. I spent most of my free time & money there, bathed in the 8-bit glow of whatever new game was available, struggling on obsessively, until I’d mastered it. This had been the cause of many arguments and nights on the sofa and was cited in the legal paperwork as a contributing factor in the break up.

I was about to settle in to my usual routine; 8 hours of Pac-Man followed by pizza and Quincy reruns, when something in the corner caught my eye, a new game? I stepped away from my old favourite, I had the top three high scores anyway (Who’s the ‘loser’ now, Rebecca?), and made my way over to the new cabinet. I looked it up & down. Emblazoned on the side were the words ‘Donkey Kong’. I’d not heard of it and was excited and confused by the name, what could it mean?. My stomach turned over. It might have been the Wham bar I ate on the way over, but I didn’t think so.

I stood there staring for a little while; I wanted to take it all in. The artwork was bright & vivid. An empty High Score screen seemed to beckon me, a siren’s cry as plaintive and irresistible as Subway on payday. My senses were on fire. I took a deep breath; it still had that ‘new cabinet’ smell. My Magnum P.I. rucksack dropped to the floor (on purpose) and I settled in. I knew I’d be there for some time.

After forking over 10p, I watched as an ape grabbed a woman and carried her to the top of a screen full of horizontal girders, the ladders disappearing as he went. On reaching the top, he stamped a foot causing the platforms to skew to slightly less horizontal angles. I played a nameless carpenter (who I later discovered was called ‘jumpman’), tasked with rescuing the girl. How hard could it be? What followed was an blur of barrels (some ablaze!) and the most random rogues gallery I’d ever seen.

I fought on for hours, smashing stuff with my hammer, dodging pans, springs and barrels. It was a truly epic battle. Before I knew it the arcade was empty apart from me and my new obsession. Dave was locking up. I begged for 10 more minutes but Dave was unmoved. He motioned towards the exit with his ‘good’ thumb (long story) and yanked the plug from the wall.

Dave was always a bit of a dick.

I’ve been playing games most of my life and have many fond memories. This is up there with the best.

Created by gaming legend Shigeru Miyamoto (pictured below) after Nintendo tasked him with revamping the failed game ‘Radarscope’.  Miyamoto, realising, if you try to polish a turd all you do is ruin a perfectly good duster, decided to build a new game from scratch. It was to be a love triangle between a girl, an ape and a handyman, influenced in roughly equal parts by Popeye, Beauty & the Beast and King Kong.

Donkey Kong, considered by some as the first true platform game, was certainly the first game where a character could jump (The name ‘Jumpman’ was intended to cash in on the popularity of the Walkman & Pac-man). In 1981 jumping was all the rage and Donkey Kong became a worldwide sensation and Nintendo’s biggest selling game to that point. It made over $100,000,000 in the first year alone, making Pac-Man look like Ms. Pac-Man. Shockingly, Donkey Kong was the first game Miyamoto ever designed.

Even the name, ‘Donkey Kong’ was a source of furious debate; there are many legends as to how the name came about, from the mistranslation of ‘Monkey’ as ‘Donkey’ to a misunderstanding resulting from a blurred fax. Miyamoto, sick of the fan boy flame war cleared up the confusion, stating that he used the word ‘Donkey’ to convey a sense of stubbornness and ‘Kong’ to invoke the image of a gorilla.

The ‘Kong’ part was of special interest to MCA Universal, who sued Nintendo soon after the game’s release for copyright infringement of the movie classic King Kong. The similarities were blatant. I imagine Universal’s lawyers were nudging each other in the ribs and giggling in court when they unveiled exhibit ‘A’: a picture of King Kong, then with a cry of “Ta-Dah!” they whipped the sheet off Exhibit ‘B’: a picture of Donkey Kong with an arrow pointing to the ape and the ‘Kong’ bit underlined. Surely the most barefaced copyright infringement of all time.

The prosecution were in mid ‘chest bump’ while shouting ‘BOOM!’ when the judge glanced at the paperwork and pointed out that MCA Universal didn’t in fact hold the rights to King Kong. MCA Universal’s ‘face palm’ for a blunder this colossal probably resulted in a trip to A&E.

Miyamoto didn’t stop with Donkey Kong, in fact, he was just getting started. In addition and by extension, Miyamoto created Donkey Kong Jr (a chimp of the old block… what?!) & Mario. He went on to create The Legend of Zelda, Star Fox and many more seminal, genre defining titles. It’s an impressive resume that continues to grow to this day.

I would be difficult to overestimate the effect Donkey Kong had on the industry, not only by popularising the ‘platform’ game, but also it was the first game to have a real narrative & cut-scenes and a character that, over the years has matured and aged.

Ageing in video games is pretty rare, but there are a few examples. Solid Snake’s a bit long in the tooth now, while Sam Fisher (Splinter Cell) favours the Benjamin Button approach and has been getting steadily younger with each new instalment.

Donkey Kong was the first character to show real signs of age and and hint at a life off screen. I’m not talking a middle age spread or some greying around the temples either. Since 1981 he got married (to Wrinkly Kong), had a son (Donkey Kong Jr), a grandson (Donkey Kong in Donkey Kong Country) and is now a bitter, old bearded curmudgeon Called Cranky Kong, who dispenses sarcastic game play advice. (If Namco tried this with Pac-Man he’d look like a jaundiced testicle by this point).

We don’t know what happened between the girl & Jumpman but it had a massive effect on his ego. He changed his profession from carpenter to plumber and changed his name from Jumpman to ‘Mario’. That seemed to work out pretty well, though if I were him, I’d ditch Princess Peach. Tease.

To properly understand how obsessed people can get with this title, I’d recommend watching King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007). An amazing documentary that chronicles the epic battle between two fanatical players; Steve Wiebe (a likeable ‘everyman’) and Billy Mitchell (mulleted, obnoxious loud mouth who dresses like America just threw up on him). Compulsive viewing.

Happy Birthday Donkey Kong!

San Diego Comic Con ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance’ Panel

At the recent San Diego Comic Con fans were treated to a sneak peak of the new Ghost Rider movieSpirit of Vengeance. It’s a darker version of the first and it promises to include more action and outrageous stunts from the team of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor who brought us the two Crank movies (a third entry is in the works but star Jason Statham’s involvement is tentative – surely Crank without Statham would be like making a Magnificent Seven movie without Yul Brynner and Steve McQueen!)

While the Spirit of Vengeance footage looked good, we have to remember that Neveldine also wrote the poorly received Jonah Hex movie, which saw him totally ignored Hex’s origin replacing it with a paint-by-numbers story with cliched bad guys that would piss off Roy Rogers, Tom Mix and Hopalong Cassidy’s ghosts (who are probably waiting for Neveldine when he rides off into the sunset). Talk about a spirit of vengeance!

This time, Johnny Blaze is hiding out in Eastern Europe dealing with his angst of being the Ghost Rider only to find himself tasked with protecting a 10 year old boy with a world-threatening secret.

Apparently, Neveledine didn’t read any of the Ghost Rider comic books and created a whole new story. Having not read the script, I can’t comment on it, but with the amount of comics that were published in the Ghost Rider series there could have been a lot to pull from.

On hand at the comic con panel were Neveldine and Taylor as well as actors Johnny Whitworth, Fergus Riordan and the film’s star, Nicholas Cage who was kind enough to give me a few minutes of his time as we’re a couple of old school guys that started in the trenches way back when.

WSB: Nick, great to see you!

NCYou too, man.

WSB: Certainly is a far cry from when we were ushers back in the day. You at the Fairfax theater and me at the Bruin.

NCYeah, some good times. Good memories.

WSB: You know they closed the Fairfax down. Probably will put up a mini mall or something else the world doesn’t need.

NCYeah, that’s a shame. They tore down the Gilroy drive in too. Now it’s a baseball field.

WSB: Your new film, ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance’, what’s different about this sequel?

NCIt’s darker. Closer to the comic books with dark humor, action and lots of scary stuff thrown in. I really got into the character enhancing the weirdness of him creating a deeper dimension. I’d walk around with these dark contacts on during the shoot while staying in character on the set and I think it really set the mood for the film.

WSB: Did you do any of your own stunts?

NCI did some, but the insurance people would only let me do so many. Still, it was great to get on that bike, except for the part where I’m spinning upside down holding my handles back. That was a scary and long day.

WSB: I’ll bet!

NCThe director was a great guy to work with and understands the comic book genre. There used to be a time that if you read comic books, you were a freak.

WSB: I’ve always been a comic book freak.

NCMe too! And now look around you. Comic books are acceptable entertainment now.

WSB: I guess 200,000 people here at San Diego Comic Con can’t be wrong. Will this be in 3D?

NCWe didn’t shoot it in 3D, but it all depends on what the studio wants to do with it.

WSB: I’m burned out on 3D. If it’s a good story, it doesn’t need it.

NCI agree and this is a great story.

WSB: So, when do we expect the Ghost Rider to come blazing across our screens?

NCThere’s still some visual effects that need to be added, but principal photography has been completed so we’re looking at early 2012.

WSB: Looking forward to seeing it. Nice talking with you.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is released in the US on the 17th of February 2012, and the UK on the 22nd.

Bored Now.

That’s it, I’ve given up on Caprica. Several episodes have sat on that box in the front room for a while and I’ve just stopped caring. In theory I should like it, I like the lead actress/cylon, she’s quite interesting and so is her concept. But the rest, it’s just so meh. The Matrix rip off, the olde Worlde family honour, all of that religious numbskullery. It isn’t what I signed up for. BSG was a tour de force. Even the so-so episodes were brilliant by comparison. I’m struggling to find anything that engages me anymore and I know who is to blame. And for once not my ex-girlfriend, who gets the blame for almost everything else in life, bless her. Lost was one of the last programs that kept me hooked, one of the few that I do watch weekly and suffer through the mass of ads. That and BSG had something in common, they came to their natural end. Thank the Gods. Shows that really get me going tend to get cancelled before their time. Pushing Daisies, Sarah Connor, Dark Angel and everything Josh Whedon divines from the heavens. Come on he must get it from somewhere, that or he isn’t human at all. Possibly visited the crossroads and the hidden con turned out to be television executives. Curse ‘em.

I’ve become a new type of viewer, not big on downloads or weekly viewing when a little patience sends the perfectly formed commodity fetishistic DVD or Blu-ray boxset. Boxsets are the new novel, a chapter or two at night and all is well. Although I do miss novels but it is nice to let someone else’s imagination do the work for me. Shows were always given a chance to grow. The UK’s output is a blessing. Being Human and Misfits are just bliss by comparison knowing that they’ll get commissioned for new series as long as they hold up. Misfits if you managed to miss it is brilliant, go buy it now! Some of the best highlights of superhero, comedy drama ever committed to film. Or HD tape, I don’t care which; it ticks the boxes and makes me laugh out loud which is rare. I’ve managed to block the memory of cancelled shows, my imagination can still twist off an ending if a poorly drawn graphic novel doesn’t do it for me.

As we’ve come to the point in communications that we can get shows the same day as the country of origin we’ve finally been cursed with the US schedule and see the mockery of art that TV shows suffer at the hands of folk selling detergent or chilled bubbly soft drinks. It’s no wonder shows don’t get a chance to grow. Futurama is the one show that pushed back and the highlights of the current series make you glad that we can get together and make a difference. Most shows aren’t so lucky. The shows that don’t get cancelled perplex me. What is the appeal about Eureka or spin offs from the Stargate films? It all looks so cheap set in fields or cut and paste sets that I just don’t care about. Look at Serenity, one of the best sets ever created and even without a cast or storyline you’d still be fascinated. There are a few shows that still make me tune in, well record and replay. Smallville has gone from strength to strength. If Pete Ross was never cast in those early series then the whole run would have been a pleasure. For those of you that gave up early the last few series and this, the last, has had some really great Superman moments. That feeling from the movie when Kal caught Lois and the helicopter, ‘Who’s got you?’, it’s the moment we want from out super-powered characters.

It’s also what is missing from many of the shows that don’t get a chance, the big reveal. The Bionic Woman might have still been on air if they showed the little sister who she’d become. Well that and better wire work, and direction. Well, probably a few more things, but I wouldn’t dislike more of Michelle Ryan on the screen in something in which she is more than an East-End scrubber.

There is something in sci-fi that gives us that catharsis of being special. We’re wired in a way that there has to be more than what we have. I’m not suggesting we try getting bitten by radioactive wrigglys or making a suit and cape, but really we have this little inborn feeling that there’s got to be more than this. Even when I saw Superman the Movie at the cinema as a kid my stomach tumbled as he transformed, was complimented and flew up to save Miss Lane. It’s what keeps me watching sci-fi, that big reveal and the if only. Buffy got it right up front and made the show an instant classic and fan favourite. Mind you even Angel got cancelled. At least they managed to finish it. Who got paid to make that decision and are they still working? What a job. Managing to make terrible decisions and keep your career? I don’t even think Cameron will manage that. For all our sakes let’s hope not.

So why does everything I see something in get cancelled? Firefly. Now come on really, someone tell me the reasoning. A lowish budget show, excellent scripting and dialogue. Characters that are iconic dagnabbit. It wasn’t that highbrow. But did require a brain, as did Dollhouse, Sarah Connor and the rest. Just a little out of the ordinary that might require a bit of an intro recap. It’s all about money and keeping eyes on the set and it’s ruining decent TV. How many of us really buy Law and Order or CSI boxsets. They’re fine if you fancy not thinking for a bit but even series one of CSI became repetitive for bringing in new casual viewers. How many ways can they explain how and why they shine an ultraviolet light? I’d like to see a CSI investigate the death of my TV shows. Maybe zoom inside an execs brain and explain how there’s no sound in a vacuum with a really cool CGI graphic.

Going back to Caprica I get why it’s possibly cancelled. I mean it probably is but even writing this I’m not inspired enough to Google it to find out. It didn’t work, shoulda done but didn’t. I’ll give them that one, probably a few more, but how can we get the shows we want without giving them time to blossom and grow? Maybe I’m to blame. Shows I like, I tend to stop watching so that I can gorge on the boxset. Should I leave the TV on even though I’m probably on the internet? Come on, pictures of Felicia Day aren’t going to look at themselves. I am busy, I do work hard and have a lot of things on my plate. But doesn’t that make me the target audience? Shouldn’t their ads be aimed at me? It just gets me talking in circles. There are a few shows that still do it for me. Chuck is a nice light hearted show, a good cast and seems to stave off an inevitable end. Stretching it a bit for this publication but the Big Bang Theory is just pure geek fodder; I get far too many in jokes for my own good. True Blood is excellent television but then thanks to Durham Red I do have a thing for red headed vamps. Yes, evil Willow too. OK, lost my train of thought.

Warehouse 13 falls into a weird category, it’s easy viewing so I don’t mind its problems. I’m not going to buy it or panic if I miss one but if it’s on then I’m all for it. It’s not as interesting as the concept of Wonderfalls, Reaper (which was just coming into its own) or the Lost Room. Ok, if you missed Lost Room you missed out, it’s a great concept. I won’t ruin it for you and I think it only failed because some bright spark put ‘lost’ in the title as we were watching the islanders for the next Star Wars reference. I missed it entirely so it was a welcome Xmas present. Definitely something I return to from time to time.

I suppose we are spared some endings, as much as I’d kill to see how Sarah Connor Chronicles would have ended I can do without the odd Quantum Leap ‘Oh boy, God did it’ conclusion. I’ll stretch to aliens, demons or some random accident but that just seems too easy a cop out. When I was younger I was blissfully unaware things might come to an end. It was a disappointment sure, but most shows ran their course, good or bad. And I suppose I didn’t miss them when they were gone as I do now. I guess as I get older I want something a bit more substantial. What has been the sci-fi highlight of the last ten years? I can always revisit several shows and will upgrade if I can get a bit more detail on the screen to benefit the show that little bit more. But where are we now? Do we as fans really get our money’s worth? Firefly spawned a film which was good news as soon as it was announced. Futurama spawned four films and another series. Not to mention getting commissioned for another after the next thirteen came on air in the States. Are we being heard? SCC didn’t get the film we’d hoped for, it probably bugs me most of all. A deleted scene of Summer Glau armed to the teeth in her underwear would have sufficed but I’d still like to know how they planned to get past that ending. It was a daring finale.

I assume Americans accept the status quo more than we do. We’ve only just caught up to their ways with schedules and the ‘back nine’. And no one is listening to us shout over the Atlantic that we are used to better. OK we seem to be losing main characters from our best output but I’ll still watch the next series of Being Human and Misfits. I’m invested, I relate, I’m intrigued and that’s the nub – we want something from life that these shows give us that few other shows do. Sci-fi is a unique beast. It’s not about lasers, monsters, some kind of anti matter implosion that has reactivated neutrinos from an experiment by an estranged hermit that believed he could bring back 70s cool by wearing Jim Morrison’s leather trousers and chanting some three dimensional monotonic sigil from a book by Aleister Crowley, whilst feeding from an eight hundred year old vampire that accidentally became resurrected by an evil book publisher. It, like most other genres contains a moment of cathartic bliss, a moment that can almost bring tears to the eyes of even those of us that are dead inside. Life is short, it’s fleeting and we know somehow there’s got to be more. So why do our shows end up at the end of some executive’s pen as he crosses off of his Fall schedule? Why has everything that I have enjoyed suddenly disappear or come to its natural conclusion? What do they expect me to do? Write my own script and get that out there? Good point, who do I send that to?

I’m worried and I think it’s Caprica’s fault. It should have been brilliant, it had BSG behind it and should have been a pleasure, not a chore to watch. I’m even angry about the show, sitting here with it unwatched, long deleted off of the machine. And with new shows coming should I really invest myself in them? Cape is starting, that should be right up my alley, but then so should of Ordinary Family and that was so twee it nearly gave me diabetes. Falling Skies too but V was looking to be a decent show as well. I’m not that Trek orientated, the last film was excellent though, it definitely raised the bar. But we do seem to go boldly where no one else goes. We give some real tat a go for the chance of that little feeling inside that just goes ‘yes!’. I still have series four of Heroes yet to see thanks to the BBC subscribing to the US’s hegemonic influence over dodgy scheduling. I didn’t mind series two and three. I watched the first series in one session before it hit these shores on YouTube, so didn’t get caught up in the hype it caused as it came out on TV. I also didn’t agree with the critics that obviously didn’t watch the first series when they compared the latter ones. I found it quite constant aside from the writer’s strike affecting the second outing. It was a bit fun and I hope I’m not wrong in being optimistic that when it finally drops to a decent price that I’ll won’t be disappointed in it. I’m also only on series one of Fringe, which if you managed to get past episode three really took off into a great show. Again I hope for the best.

But that’s the thing; our optimism is a key part of our favoured genre. I’m not alone in being annoyed by my optimism being crushed by advertisers calling the shots. What happened to art and integrity? The first episode of The Walking Dead was a joy in that it was shown unhindered by adverts. That is artistic integrity. I guess we can only hope that our needs will be sated by a new show or three. For now though I think I need to go back to a novel with pages and typeface. House of Leaves has sat on my shelf for too long after being recommended by a friend. Olly in Canterbury Waterstones, go and say hi to him and he’ll probably turn you on to some great graphic novels (then get them online, it’ll be cheaper). His recommendations are usually spot on, maybe I need to ask if he’s heard about any new decent shows. We deserve them. We need them. And we need them to run their course. Let’s hope this summer has a few surprises in store. So say we all?

Hack To The Future: Two Pair, Aces High

We’re all in a state of despair over the lack of any real content coming out of Hollywood these days: The major studios took a hit after the first Artifex union strike in 2012. Artifex… the first time a group of digital artists and programmers formed a stable union and brought the major studios to their knees. It was simple, it was coordinated, and it was international. Even trying to ship work to Taiwan, to Mumbai, to Africa failed utterly. The studio had to bargain with the Artifex to get anything made that involved effects.

We were reminded of this again three months ago when contract negotiations came to a head and the union left the bargaining table. During that three months, we saw a burst of creativity on the internet which was reminiscent of the period during the writer’s strike of 2008. Is it possible that downtime while the titans battle is good for the creativity of the world? Let’s remember that, without that writer’s strike, there would be no Dr. Horrible, and without the Artifex strike of 2012 there would be no Xomsky.

If I’m waxing poetic it is only because I have seen what the studios are releasing this month. I have looked into the abyss and have seen only despair. Remake after remake, and even the comics cannot save us from the terminal boredom that is the studio machine. But… you ask for reviews, so I give you reviews. Here, in brief paragraphs designed specifically to enable you to get the gist of the movie without needing to gouge your eyes out with a spoon, are two of the movies you have to look forward to from the major studios. Stick with me, O reader: there are good things to follow if you can traverse these Dead Marshes.

Forrest Gump: Yes. A remake of Forrest Gump starring German wunderkind Gunther Hasselhoff. This one was almost intriguing. Almost. Gunther first came to the attention of the studios during his university days in Berlin when he was just Gunther Dopplebeck. His first agent made the shrewd if slightly heady-handed observation that taking the name of one of the country’s pop icons would open some doors, and he was right. This is Gunther’s first international flim; and while I respect the courage it takes to step into a role that Tom Hanks made famous, in this case, discretion might be the better part of valor. The problem with Forrest Gump is that the story is no longer like a box of chocolates: you do, in fact, know what you’re going to get, and the result is an impatient slow drive through a neighborhood you know too well. Things which worked in the original no longer hold up: the time for this story is long past. Hasselhoff might be able to recover from this, but I’d recommend the movie to a movie with less brain… say the next Uwe Boll video game movie atrocity.

Plastic Man – The Adventure of Eel O’Brian: In the words of one of my old co-workers, this is why we cannot have nice things. The idea of putting Pixar’s genius behind a terrible script with all the plot of dry white toast is just unbelievable. Let’s face it: Disney acquiring Marvel was a tough blow, but we did get some decent movies out if it. They choice to acquire D.C. as well two years ago was, in many way, the death knell for major publisher comics. They tried, oh they tried, but there is some sort of curse of D.C. in that they cannot get a good movie made to save their skins. A 3D tale of a man that can take any shape is pandering to children who are already too worldly for their ages: they have no desire to see such a film. If the kids don’t want it, do you think the adults will care? Hardly. This movie is bad, bad, bad: stupid visual gag, atrocious dialogue, and the plot is… well… nonexistent. Giving this sort of crap to children who have spent the last several years digesting fare like Harry Potter and The Arachnae Cycle is patronizing, and it deserves to go down in flames. To the staff of Pixar: shame on you. You should know better.

Now they you have follow me through those perilous waters, let me give you hope. Yes, O reader, I tear you down only to build you back up better, stronger, faster. There are good things out there: J.J. Abrams is back with the next Star Trek installment: it does not disappoint. Beyond that, there is a new Canadian studio doing some amazing things with a superhero classic from the late 1980s: read on, that you may learn more friends.

Star Trek 3: Despite my malaise with major studio releases, this one has some possibility. We see the return of Khan Noonian Singh, found in deep sleep on the Botany bay. J.J. Abrams and writing team of Orci and Kurtzman have made the right choice here, by restaging and updating the story from the classic original series episode, “Space Seed.” The clever bit is this: They make Khan everything she should have been: smarter, faster, and more of a challenge to the crew. The result is that he is a one man match for the entire crew of the Enterprise: Kirk’s raw nerve and charisma, Spock’s genius, McCoy’s understanding of human nature, Scotty’s technical expertise. the result is a strong film which, while not quite the revelation that the first re-envisioning was, still is a worthy successor.

Now to the property I’ve most enjoyed of late. Let’s look at Wild Cards: The Movie. What’s this, you ask? Out in Vancouver, a group of fans of the 1990’s George R. R. Martin decided to take their skills, build some funding, and then put together a movie based on the first book. The result is some top-notch talent, some unknowns, and some inspired moviemaking by a small studio that you’ve never heard of before.

Never heard of before. Isn’t that nice? When a few major conglomerates own everything we watch, read, or listen to, it’s nice to find courageous creative types willing to buck the trend.

Ever since the mad success of GRRM’s Game of Thrones books and television series, the entertainment industry has been reviewing its other properties, going over his back catalog as it were. His work has become as influential as that of Philip K. Dick, whose work has been transformed into some of the most important and profitable movies of all time.

The Wild Cards series was a set of books based around an event that happened in 1946 in New York City. An alien, know by the nom de guerre of Dr. Tachyon, is chasing another ship from his world, a ship that carries a deadly virus. The virus cannister is lost during a spaceship crash, picked up by a villain of the most predictable sort… the kind that you find in fiction of the period, who aims to blackmail the city for cash or else he’ll open the container. There is a fight of the heroic kind, when a hero of World War II know by the nickname “Jetboy” attempt to stop the villain. He fails, and the virus is released.

The virus changes humans. It is call the Wild Card virus by the press. Some people exposed die, called “drawing the Black Queen.” Some get amazing powers, and they become known as Aces. Some are transformed, given horrific biological deformities or changed into odd creatures. These become known as Jokers.

Taking on the Wild Cards series is, in many ways, a stroke of genius… if you do it well. The series has a number of vibrant characters, a robust history, and the sort of tweak to the timeline that alternative history buffs love. One change starts a domino effect with time and circumstance, and suddenly the era of Red Scare takes on another dimension when superheroes get accused. The 1960’s shift slightly when pop stars have transformative powers and can hypnotise and intoxicate an audience better than the drugs of the day. And civil rights marches become radically changed when the marchers are not simply racial minorities, but are the twisted, the deformed, and the unfortunate Jokers.

The end result is a story that has the same sort of charm and depth as Alan Moore’s Watchmen – heroes that are not the usual suspects, character that are driven by real human emotions and desires, not the stereotypical one that get stale in the comics. There is a freshness to the series, even though it is nearly thirty years old.

Enough about the books. Let’s talk about the movie.

The challenge of taking a shared universe on paper and turning it into a movie is pulling a single continuity from a set of disparate stories. Each set of characters is compelling, the book itself is a collection of short plots which, for the most part, do not overlap. To do this, the screenwriting team of Alec Spenser and Elliot Grant decided to use the persona of an invented character, journalist Travis Biroko. Biroko is walking the streets of Jokertown, the slum where the deformed are allowed to live in New York, collecting stories for a history book about the Wild Card era. Thus, we get to watch the stories he researches in flashback. At first, I was concerned at the use of this timeworn device, but the writers use a light touch, and the fact that Biroko is played by Will Smith, who does an excellent job of being understated (which let’s face it, is a first). We learn about the Aces and Jokers through the eyes of Biroko, and the rich history of the world unfolds.

We begin with the story of Jetboy, played by Shia LaBeouf. This worried me, because I have yet to see LaBeouf play anything other than, well, LaBeouf in a movie. His role as a Rocketeer-like World War II flying ace is a challenging one – Jetboy is unsure what to do with himself after the war, he is selling off his plane, writing a book, all the sorts of things washed-up heroes do, cashing in on past glories. The poignant part of this is that Jetboy himself is only nineteen years old – he’s washed up when he should be preparing for bigger things. Then comes the call: a madman is flying over New York City with a bomb of come kind. Jetboy moves into action, and LaBeouf is mostly successful in pulling of the transformation from has-been to a man grasping for the only thing he knows: heroism. In a stroke of genius on the part of GRRM’s original story, Jetboy fails and the virus is released, kicking off the Wild Card era.

From there we move into story after story of Aces and Jokers; the tale of the Four Aces, a set of Cold War era heroes that get caught up in the Red Scare and are disgraced. We follow Biroko as he interviews eyewitnesses to the years that pass, the heroes that develop, the riots in Jokertown, the heroes that make themselves known. It is a movie filled with cameos; and it is held together by Smith’s masterful acting. You never feel that the story is spinning out of control. The result is a movie which feels grand and sweeping; covering ground that, while somewhat familiar due to the presence of costumed heroes, is also harsh and both human and alien at the same time. There is a grittiness to it that reminded me of the best parts of Battlestar Galactica and an epic transitional storyline that harks back to Alan Moore/Zack Snyder’s work in Watchmen.

Rather than supplant the books, this movie is more of a compliment to them. You never quite feel that you are getting the whole story: it’s almost as if the writers are saying, “If you like this, man, you should read the books.” Perhaps there is a bigger play here: after all, the books have been re-issued. I do recommend picking up the first in the series either before or after you see the film. It’s well worth the money.

For my part, I can be found in the usual places: email and Qlatch. Drop by, say hi, feel free to tell me I’m full of shit: I’m a strong man, I can take it. Until then, know when to hold, know when to fold ’em friends. I’ll see you next month.

Doctor Who: Stormy Teacups


Tom Spilsbury, Doctor Who Magazine editor, recently withdrew his patronage from popular internet forum Gallifrey Base. He had been a regular visitor, fielding questions and generally chatting to the regulars there. However, just lately things had been getting a little tempestuous, and citing the actions of the moderators (or one in particular, I believe) who had failed to quell an argument before it raged out of hand – and then came down rather heavy-handedly afterwards – Mr Spilsbury bid Gallifrey Base adieu and decided to keep his opinions to Facebook and Twitter (although no doubt he still visits). Which might not seem particularly relevant to what’s been going on in the wider world of Doctor Who lately, in which several slightly bigger rows have broken out, but it’s all symptomatic of the same thing.

Doctor Who is not like any other programme on television.

There are cult shows – especially in America – where a smaller audience take a larger interest in the day-to-day workings of the programme. The interest here provoked tends to be in the storylines, and the writers and showrunners of such programmes as Babylon 5 and The X-Files often come under intense scrutiny amongst the kind of fans who these days tend to hang around on forums very much like Doctor Who’s Gallifrey Base. But this is very much a niche interest market, and quirks of scheduling (such as the cancellation and subsequent recommissioning of Babylon 5’s fifth season) don’t tend to get splashed across the redtops.

There are soaps – particularly in the UK – where a larger audience are exposed to a lot of high profile media attention. But the interest here tends to be in the characters (and the private lives of the actors who play them), and very few of the people who scan the tabloids for news of the latest storyline would even know which writers and producers were behind it.

There are very few programmes in which the wider public are invited to participate in the behind-the-scenes activities of those who make the show, in quite the way that Doctor Who fans are. Doctor Who Confidential regularly gets audiences comprising more than 10% of the people who watch the parent programme, and during Russell T Davies’ tenure in particular, the showrunner himself was a fairly frequent visitor to the sofas of chat shows across the schedules. We’ve reached a point (arguably we reached it in the mid-1980s, when John Nathan Turner was at his most visible promoting the programme, meanwhile it was suffering its most troubled period) whereby the making of Doctor Who, which shares a certain flavour of plotting with those cult American shows (especially in its current incarnation), has become a scrum of media activity akin to that which surrounds the likes of Corrie and Eastenders. And it’s not the actors the tabloid editors are interested in (although there’s a lot of mileage to be had debating when the Doctors and companions might move on, or who it will be that will replace them), but the people who write the programme, and the people who produce it.

Doctor Who isn’t really like The X-Files or Coronation Street at all. The X-Files was a hit with only a certain demographic (although it’s arguable that The X-Files actually broke that demographic and went ‘overground’, thus paving the way for such future cross-genre successes as Heroes and Lost), but Doctor Who – as borne out by its viewing figures here in the UK, the market which produces it – is the very example of television for everyone; it has an audience which encompasses grandparents and grandchildren, housewives and geeks, manual shift-workers and teachers. When there’s news in the world of Doctor Who, it’s news that makes its way out into the wider world. Doctor Who trends on Yahoo and Twitter every Saturday night, during the transmission period.

Unlike as with the soaps (the only other non-Reality TV programmes that generate the audiences and interest that Doctor Who does), it’s not the characters that grab our interest. Soap producers will quite frequently ‘spoil’ storylines (or pre-promote them), because they know it isn’t what happens that’s necessarily why people watch – but how the characters react to those plotlines, what effects on them the stories will have. But Doctor Who relies upon its storylines – it’s “Wow” moments, as Steven Moffat might call them – to a greater degree than it does its characters (who are mostly only around for an episode, two at the most), and so the balance between protecting the surprises and generating interest in their imminence becomes a tricky equilibrium to maintain. We’re back to Tom Spilsbury – and the first of this season’s Doctor Who media storms.

Tom took a lot of flak (but from a very small number of people) earlier this year, by revealing on the cover of Doctor Who Magazine that one of the four regulars would ‘die’ in the opening episode. Of course, as a story, it was a non-runner as it stood: the world was well aware that the Doctor, Rory, Amy and River would survive to appear in further episodes; the question that Doctor Who Magazine (and by extension, Steven Moffat, who joined in the fun once the media interest was sparked; the tabloids are well known for devouring DWM and stalking the forums in the search for a good Who-related headline) was posing was, ‘Can this be true?’ and if so, ‘How can it be True, and how will the plot be able to accommodate this Truth?’ People accused Tom of spoiling their enjoyment of the opening instalment of the series (although the BBC subsequently went one further, by actually releasing pictures of the Doctor beginning a regeneration, on the very day of the episode’s broadcast), which kind of missed the point: the Doctor Who Magazine cover-line was no different to the ‘Next Time’ throw-forward at the end of an episode, in that it gave nothing away (not really; not when you consider the reasons why the information was released in the first place), while simultaneously showing just enough to spark people’s interest. The fact that it became a debating point, and that Steven Moffat was then asked publicly for further comments, only serves to prove how shrewd a move it was. No doubt there will have been people watching The Impossible Astronaut that week, desperate for an answer to the puzzle, who might otherwise have been too scared by the hare to bother.

But there’s the rub: the media love a good Doctor Who-related headline (after all, Doctor Who sells, and sells big these days), but with the programme-makers increasingly becoming public figures (JNT and RTD were flamboyant characters, only too eager to sell the show to the public; Steven Moffat’s a dour Scot – and a rather shy one at that – but he’s having to learn to live with the fame-stroke-notoriety) and the storylines – in a way that only sf/fantasy can – often lacking the kind of human interest angle that a news editor requires, the stories that the tabloid hacks are looking to tell have less and less to do with what we see on screen, and more and more to do with those who put it there. Every tabloid loves a disaster. Good news is no news, as they say.

So we’ve reached a point where the redtops (as well as the agencies for news on the internet, whose competition is just as fierce but whose timeframes are infinitesimally smaller and quicker) are looking for Doctor Who to fail, or signs that it might be about to. Any kind of rift between the producers and writers (or better yet, producers and actors) will do. Steven Moffat gave them a gift: he moaned – in public – about a Fan.

Yes, that’s Fan, as in Fan Singular. Following the Premiere of this year’s opening story, one intelligent soul dashed home to write up the entire plot and post it online. The irony was that the newspapers heeded Moffat’s wish to keep the storyline itself under wraps pending the transmission, and it was one of the programme’s fans who let the cat out of the bag. With an even greater irony, the press then got just the kind of story they would have wanted, handed to them on a plate – all it took was some judicious editing of Moffat’s actual words (in which he berated this Fan Singular for spoiling the show for others), and a hyperbolic story about how ungrateful the show’s producers were being to the very people who were employing them in the first place – the viewers, the fans – was born. It even made it to the BBC’s Newsround, whereby children were made to feel that the Writer envisioned it that the Fans were doing the show wrong.

A very teacup-sized storm. As much as Steven Moffat is having to learn to live with the limelight Russell T Davies bequeathed him along with the show, so he’s also having to learn to live with the misrepresentation that goes with it. The sad thing is that this kind of story then lends itself to being discussed and repeated ad nauseum on the very forums which Moffat also used to frequent, all the while engendering more bad feeling among the people who enjoy the show, against the people who actually make the show these people so enjoy.

For what it’s worth, it’s a tricky act to balance, deciding just how much of a story’s secrets should be revealed in advance, just how much is required to tease an audience into watching, and it’s an act that Moffat hasn’t quite mastered yet. But it’s a learning curve, and he’s getting there – although the usual lack of any “facts” as such in his DWM ‘Production Notes’ column is quite telling. Russell T Davies almost always threw some facts in there, albeit in a very jokey fashion that often meant you never knew quite how much you were learning or just how relevant it might later prove to be.

Which brings us to this week’s storm-in-a-teacup.

Following on from the Dalek will-they-won’t-they (okay, so the Daleks get a rest for a series; it’s happened many a time before, and Moffat’s quotes from the pre-series DWM interview – repeated in the Radio Times – only seemed to suggest that what many fans had been calling for anyway – a breather for Doctor Who’s most iconic foe, while the programme-makers try and find a new way of returning them to their rightful place in the Whoniverse following on from their less-than-graceful regeneration in Series Five – would be exactly what they were going to get), we now have fans getting in a state regarding the show’s future. Will there be Doctor Who next year, or won’t there?

It’s all to do with an announcement that wasn’t, sort of. The BBC, you see, aren’t quite used to the level of information a Doctor Who Fan requires, in order to stay happy and balanced.

With most programmes, it’s a matter of course that a new series will be commissioned if the current one is performing well, and those that make it are happy to continue doing so. It’s very rare that there’s an announcement of such a commission, save for maybe a quiet press release that’s unlikely to be picked up by the press anyway. Most people who watch these shows do so on a casual enough basis that if the programme were to be discontinued, it’s unlikely that they’d even notice – much less take note of how long the gaps between series are. To take an example: the third series of Spooks didn’t begin broadcasting until fourteen months after Series Two had completed its run, and yet it’s highly unlikely that anyone except perhaps the most avid ‘Spookophile’ will have even noticed the gap was so long. And almost every year, there’s speculation (again, in the Radio Times) that this series will likely be the last – and yet they keep on making it, and they keep on showing it. Robin Hood ceased to be made after its third series, and no one batted an eyelid; it wasn’t as if the BBC were busy promoting it as the ‘Glorious Final Series’. They transmitted the episodes and that was that – and okay, there was perhaps a little fuss concerning what happened onscreen for a week or so afterwards, but people just started watching other things.

But we’re used to something different with Doctor Who – we have our own magazine for one thing (and a proper, in depth one too – not like these glossy but thin publications that appear briefly like mayflies when other series get popular quickly), and beyond that, we have a population that seems to care what happens, both onscreen and off. But we also have something else with Doctor Who: a sense of ownership. Maybe it’s because we partly fund its creation (through the licence fee, of course), and maybe it’s because of the series’ long and fairly chequered history (it’s almost like a family member, that’s been around for so long, we’re used to its ups and downs – and miss it when it’s not around, but are always waiting for it to disappear again when it is). But largely it’s because it involves us on so many more levels than your average television show or film series. We care about the characters, we care about the plotlines, we care about the programme-makers. We care enough to watch a making-of show that has a running time equivalent to the episodes themselves. And we want to know – we insist upon knowing, by and large – what plans are in store for the series, both on that screen and off it. Mostly, we want to know that its future is safe – and when exactly it will be around.

‘The Gap Year’ in 2009 was widely promoted, and was seen as a function of the handover between Doctors and showrunners. A gauntlet was passed (well, two gauntlets were passed), and the year with no series (just the three/four episodes, in fact) was a sacrifice we happily made in order to ensure the succession was successful. Part of the reason we were happy to endure ‘The Gap Year’ was because we were made ready to expect it so far in advance.

But how far in advance is the right amount of warning?

Steven Moffat (and the BBC themselves) have admitted to already having made plans for 2013, Doctor Who’s Golden Anniversary Year. What those plans are, we’re not privy to, but something is on the cards, be in no doubt. And yet as we speak, even though the gears must be grinding into motion as regards Doctor Who’s next production term, we’re still several months away from the conclusion of this year’s run of episodes. If the plan is to take another ‘Gap Year’ in 2012, in order that the highest level of production can be maintained – and the highest level of publicity can be met – for a spectacular year in 2013, then surely we shouldn’t expect to be told about it prior to the conclusion of 2011’s Doctor Who?

The problem was an ambiguously-worded press release and an inconclusive tweet. Steven Moffat’s announcement of “14 eps + Matt DEFINITELY was a little jump of the gun. Those fourteen episodes, it subsequently transpired, were not all intended for a 2012 transmission (in fact, Moffat’s tweet might not even refer to fourteen episodes with Matt Smith in them; it could just as easily be that he’s in the first – hence “Matt DEFINITELY” – and none of the others). So now we have speculation run rife that Doctor Who is once again on its downers: the BBC won’t come clean about what’s going to happen when (apparently, according to some rumourers, there won’t be any Doctor Who produced during 2012 at all – the suggestion being that these newly-announced episodes will take in the 2013 anniversary themselves; which means the BBC are going to have to get a move on if they want those fourteen episodes in the can by Christmas), and the amount of tweets and mentions-in-passing only seem to contradict one another.

The facts are a bit thin: BBC1 Controller Danny Cohen has said that there will not be a ‘full series’ of Doctor Who in 2012. Everything else that’s been spreading across the internet has come out of that (including the suggestion that 2012 will be another ‘Specials-only Gap Year’; it might well be the case that Series Seven will be split along the lines of Series Six, except this time transmitting Autumn 2012 and Spring 2013, with another full thirteen-episode series in the Autumn building up to the anniversary in November); the truth is that the BBC aren’t used to having to make this kind of announcement (especially with transmission of the current run of episodes so far from being complete), and also that they and Steven Moffat aren’t ready yet, to make us aware of what those anniversary plans are. Whatever the plan is for 2013, it seems that the 2012 run of episodes is being tied into it, whether for production reasons or otherwise. It’s not impossible that they simply intend the anniversary crop of Doctor Who to be the most bumper since 1968, when the series ran virtually the whole year round. Certainly Cohen’s suggestion that Moffat was lightening his duties on Doctor Who to concentrate on Sherlock was a joke (however much you might have heard people moaning otherwise elsewhere); with Martin Freeman off to New Zealand with Peter Jackson for the forseeable future, it’s extremely unlikely there’ll even be any more Sherlock for some considerable time (if at all) – and you won’t hear that in a BBC press announcement.

The upshot is this: for all the rumour-mongering, the speculation and the debate, for once, we’re going to have to sit back and wait for the truth to emerge in the fullness of time – just as we would have to were it Merlin or The Bill whose fate we were anticipating. Doctor Who is just about as popular as it ever has been – certainly since its 2005 regeneration, and certainly when you factor in i-player on top of the already extremely healthy viewing figures – and it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. The BBC are more than happy with it, they’re delighted. What we’re seeing now is the opposite of what happened a quarter of a century ago: this isn’t the BBC quietly dropping our favourite show, it’s the BBC quietly trying to make it as good, and as popular, as it can possibly be. They’re protecting their sacred cow; only being the BBC, they’re doing it as clumsily and as publicly as we’ve become used to. We don’t need to worry.

As for Tom Spilsbury, and Doctor Who Magazine, he hit upon an apparently very satisfying solution to his own problem. As the editor of DWM, he’s pretty much the interface between the programme and its public (with a readership of 35,000 or thereabouts, he’s talking to 4 or 5% of the programme’s audience, which mightn’t sound a lot but is pretty substantial in the terms we’re talking), and as such, his magazine and his public face are always going to have to be in recognition of that. But on Twitter, he’s started two accounts: one for the magazine itself, in which the tweets are cheerful and fact-filled, and always on a positive note. And one for himself, in which he can tweet his frustrations to his heart’s content (Steven Moffat’s occasionally chosen to vent himself this way too; sadly humour isn’t something that too readily comes across in 140 characters, so in his case it might well be a double-edged sword).

But these people are human too, you know, just like you and me (and so is Danny Cohen, I hasten to add), and they’ve got an awful lot of people to try and satisfy. They’re never going to make everyone happy all of the time, but they’re doing their best. Not just in the face of production problems, and not just in the face of the regular dilemmas that crop up on a day-to-day basis when you’re running a magazine or a television show. These two men are under the most intense scrutiny in every professional decision they make (Moffat far more so than Spilsbury, admittedly, but each to a far higher degree than you or I probably ever will be), and that’s hardly the healthiest environment in which to work. The fact that both Doctor Who Magazine and the programme itself are in about the rudest health they could possibly be, is testament to the fact that these guys love their jobs, they love what they’re working on and what they’re achieving – and in a way, no matter how rude or how intrusive or how plain wrong the occasional fan might sometimes be, they love us too, because we are the same as them – and what they do, they do for us because we aren’t them and they have taken on that role on our behalf.

We shouldn’t criticise unnecessarily, we shouldn’t spread rumour without the facts, and we shouldn’t put these men in positions whereby there isn’t a ‘right thing’ that they can do or say. We should sit back and enjoy the ride. Just like we did when we were children.

Star Wars: From A Certain Point of View

I’ve come full circle, my geekdom is now complete. I’ve had two revelations in life, both of which rocked my world. Latterly in 1990 whist driving down Eltham High Street in a friend’s car I heard the Rolling Stones’ Sympathy for the Devil. In Stones’ parlance the World turned on its axis. Having desperately been listening for music that touched me – and I knew it should somehow – I found plenty lacking, then all of a sudden here was this vibe. The other, in remarkably similar circumstances, happened on a sunny, hazy 70s Saturday afternoon as my Dad stopped randomly to pop into a newsagent and returned to hand me an impulse purchase, a copy of Starburst. This was my introduction to Star Wars and a certain photo that instilled something into me. This still, dry day (whilst in the back seat of a brown Mk II Cortina on the same high street as my Stones revelation), was suddenly shaken by the photo of a weather beaten, golden droid. Even at that age I was well aware that anything shown at my rare cinema visits or on the few television channels was made up, and clearly understood that this robot was a character in some movie that I was yet to see. The urge to see the film didn’t exist as it would today for such a deep feeling that the image evoked. I just knew somehow that this was important to me and it would take a few years before C3PO and I would finally meet properly. Time just didn’t seem to matter back then.

With media being so immediate these days, nearly everything has lost its meaning. Seeing adverts online the minute they are released and podcasts or webisodes during production we seem to be overly saturated with something long before it’s anywhere near due to come out. I was in no rush; I knew a little patience would eventually draw me into this universe created with a sense of warmth and reality that I hadn’t seen before. Being such a hoarder I am surprised that I haven’t still got this magazine, as with the boxes for all of the eventual merchandising my Mum probably threw it out to make space for lesser products that made my childhood. I was bought some of the toys before even seeing the film and it didn’t seem to matter, they all made sense to me. What never made sense to me was what happened to my Empire Strikes Back Luke, he just upped and disappeared on me, probably pinched by a certain infant villain and then best friend. Which, beside the point, is one of the things that bug me to this day. So as things happened I didn’t see Star Wars in the cinema and can’t claim the open-mouthed experience that some of you were lucky enough to have. I did see Superman around that time and can imagine what it would have been like with a box of Smarties and the cinema full of smokers tapping their cigarettes into the ashtray of the chair in front.

My first look at Lucas’ world

As it turned out I missed Empire too. My first actual look at George Lucas’ world was Return of the Jedi shortly around the time it came out. As one of the first families to have a video (have we got a video?) we very quickly consumed everything on the shelf of titles available to rent – which was mainly crappy Disney stuff. But skirting around vaguely dodgy circles my Dad came home with a few tapes that were amazing quality bootlegs and I finally had my hands on the third film of the trilogy.

Return of the Jedi is probably the film I’ve seen most in my time on this planet and despite a slight dislike of the Ewoks, especially that poxy ginger one, I was watching something that I knew I was a part of. Everything just clicked. Again this is where my view of these films differ from everyone else’s, as I was offered these characters with no back story I just understood where they must have come from. I didn’t know Luke and Leia had kissed, that Vader was Luke’s father and that Luke was also already a Jedi Knight. Ben was dead and a ‘glowy’, Leia was obviously into Han, so I fancied the Twi’lek that provided snackage for a stop motion rancor and just bathed in the genius of Han having a wookiee co-pilot, the Millennium Falcon (by far and away the sexiest spaceship that has ever existed on the screen), and the banter between two droids back on Tatooine where I first discovered them in print. The film had an ethereal quality from the outset. The moment after Luke gave himself up and the conversation with Vader in the corridor of that landing pad was just a scene that, as many times as I saw it, still struck me as something that I had dreamed up, despite it being there at the same time during every viewing. The film was just magical to me.

Next up was A New Hope, on the television and taped for posterity. Much like the film structure we are used to nowadays, I was offered the story in an order that gave me more than it took. The droids again drew me into the film and finally I saw Mos Eisley and a dead Krayt dragon for the first time, long after many of my contemporaries. It didn’t seem to matter back then. At least in my world we weren’t dying to see films, the toys were about and we just dug them for what they were, a design of pure tangibility. Or ‘so cool’ as we were probably describing them at the time – who would have imagined the Snowspeeder as a ship?

Yep I’m definitely sticking with “so cool”

The film just worked, from the Jawas to the award ceremony and grins at the end. Of course I wasn’t of the mind that I should view these films in the order that George Lucas had intended, or that a few decades later I would be disappointed in the order he intended. Wild eyed optimism was the theme of the day I still had one more film to go and had no idea that the film would be perfect.

Empire Strikes Back was the most ethereal of the films, the darkest and most unconventional. I knew the characters now but I wasn’t prepared for this. If I was to get picky then I’d say Jedi was a movie, Star Wars was a movie that had filmic qualities but Empire was a true film. In hindsight I’m lucky that I saw it last. My trilogy was finished on a high. A tauntaun sleeping bag with tubular intestines, Han using a saber, AT-ATs, the Battle of Hoth, asteroids, Dagobah, floating away with the trash, Cloud City, Lando’s eyebrow, Boba, carbonite and the dour ending that just left a gap in your heart. To this day I still enjoy a rendezvous, there’s something satisfying about separate adventures and convening for the next step of a plan. Incidentally I once worked in a camera shop and was badgered by a customer about details for a tripod he wanted to buy, he is currently the only owner of a tripod made from carbonite in the World. It’s probably still quite well protected, if it survived the freezing process that is.

…and what tog rating is this tauntaun sir?

The Star Wars trilogy was a work of genius and a part of my youth that I can’t deny. But then as we grow up, we put away childish things; and then we pick them up again and never put them down. I left secondary school in the early 90s to a lack of work, under the then Tory government as they were busy screwing up the country and selling it off to whomever they could (sound familiar?). So in one of my moments of boredom I suddenly felt a stirring in the Force. Compelled to see Star Wars again, I went out to buy the film. This time round I was going to do it right, get them in order and enjoy them all over again. A New Hope was easy enough, a copy in my local Our Price and a speedy walk home. Back again in the 4:3 world of Lucas and I was able to enjoy it all over. Empire posed a problem as I could only buy the rental through a friend who owned a video shop but the price was ridiculous. All of a sudden I was the only Star Wars fan around; they didn’t even sell all of the films. So having been behind with the times originally I was ahead of the curve of the comeback. A bit of bootlegging later I had the trilogy again and grumbled a bit at the quality, but given the reception we used to have on TV you sort of lived with it. Then the eventual re-issue.

It was at this point that I finally saw the films in widescreen. You mean there’s more to them? Pan and scan wasn’t even a consideration for me. This is the trilogy that keeps on giving, more to discover, and again it didn’t seem real. Seeing them for the first time was almost dreamlike. It also threw up one of my favourite moments. As I poured over the new footage stuck to the sides of the original I noticed the character in Jedi sitting down at the briefing for the Battle of Endor. Just as Luke says “I’m with you too!” and walks in, the guy sitting on the left of the screen rolls his eyes. All’s not well in the rebellion then. Right up to the point of the cleaned up films being released without little extras being squeezed in (Greedo shooting first? Sod off), I still had this tentative thread back to the first moment that I saw Threepio stare at me with those friendly, slightly illuminated eyes, suggesting that life didn’t have to be mundane.

“You go first”, “no you go first“, “no you go fir…”

But as Lucas did intend to disappoint, probably not on purpose granted, I was happy with what I had. The prequels were pointless. Especially as when the last came out I was online playing a wookiee in Star Wars Galaxies – which was my geekdom striking back against what should have been full on adulthood. I’d heard about the game before it was released and obviously was going to play it. I had – still do until I do some Ebay listings – all of the games on all of the formats released. I just couldn’t let it go. It wasn’t just Star Wars, I was a sci-fi geek all over again. The kid in the car all of those years ago had given over to the dark side and refused to really grow up. Admittedly it was mainly Star Wars. Trek, and Who, most everything else didn’t really compete for my geekdom. 2000AD and hundreds of reprints by Quality comics dominated the 90s, a period of DC comics and a never ending love affair with graphic novels took me through to the new sci-fi genius Whedon’s output.

Galaxies for those lucky enough to play it at the right time was that kid’s dream come true. You could have the droids, you could fly about in space battles, visit the Pit of Sarlacc (and get poisoned for your curiosity), jump on a speeder, visit Jabba’s palace, gesture at Vader (and find yourself getting strangled by the Force) and sit down in a cantina with similarly minded folk waiting for a fight to break out, as they inevitably did. We all found the films in our own way but we all knew there was more to it than popcorn and the possibility of some toys later. Of course much like the rest of the Star Wars universe the time was limited on how long you could dwell in it before an uprising changed everything. The cyclical nature of Lucas’s creation and eventual destruction was always on the cards, the game just lost the plot and again we’re in that downswing of little good coming from the franchise. Yeah the Clone Wars animation looks great but it’s too aimed at kids which the originals never really were. So as my geekdom has mirrored the Star Wars circular nature, now I can put it to bed for a bit. I can enjoy the films that pour out of Hollywood that all owe Lucas credit for changing cinema and science fiction for the better and know that I can just feel nostalgia for the good old days of my sunny youth. The Starburst title started it all for me. I may even try and find that copy just for kicks if it weren’t just vivid imagery that sticks in my mind, and not the actual cover of the issue. Writing this I realise I can again put away childish things, cherish my memories, revisit the films now and then and get on with my life.

Just another quiet night at the cantina…

Well until the The Old Republic comes out early next year. Face it, geekdom is addiction. My name is Bill Lynn and I am an addict. Starburst dealt me my first fix and George Lucas kept pumping out product, sometimes cutting it with something nasty or utilising the technology of the day for some designer version of the original 70s stuff we all got hooked on. Fortunately as a child of the 70s and the speed of releases via the then media I learnt patience. Yoda would be proud. I can throw a Stones album on, chill out with the making of Empire book and wait for the next fix as I know there’s no real rush.

One more time around

The Writers of X-Men: First Class and Thor Talk About Their Work

It’s a strange thing being in the presence of royalty.

They may not be related to our fair Queen (the one in Buckingham Palace, not Graham Norton) and they may not have been invited to THAT wedding, but by scripting two of this year’s biggest and most successful comic book adaptations, Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz have emerged as the 2011 Kings of comic-based blockbusters.

Having recieved international acclaim for their writing on TV shows The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Fringe, it’s perhaps unsurprising that the pair were sought to script Thor – in which the titular warrior is cast from the fantastic realm of Asgard and sent to live amongst humans on Earth – and X-Men: First Class, a prequel to the much-loved Bryan Singer films that shows how Charles Xavier and Erik Leshner (AKA Magneto) became the frienemies we know and love.

But as I sit down with the pair at this year’s London MCM Expo, it becomes obvious that while the X-Men films already have a dedicated and loyal fanbase, bringing Thor to the big screen in a serious – and believable – way was a far more challenging prospect.

There were many, many different ways to do a bad Thor and very few ways of making a good Thor movie but a couple of things helped‘”, laughs Ashley. “Number one is that we’re both fanboys and I am particularly a Thor fanboy. I cut my teeth on the original stories and I can talk to you chapter and verse about that stuff, so what helps with that is you come into the process with opinions on the material“.

Having had an actual emotional experience with the material and having an understanding of it helps immensely. Zack kind of came into it with a very deep knowledge of Norse mythology and so there’s a bit of that in the final film”.

The second thing is we said from day one, and I think this very much carries through in the film, that it has to be as much Loki’s story as Thor’s story. It has to be a story about these two boys who love each other very much and what they want is for their father to recognise them for who they are and by the end of this story they both realise that they’re very different people from who they ever imagined they were. And so we set it up as that emotional dynamic between the two of them where they were both equally important. You could have called this film Thor and Loki. Or you could’ve just called it Loki in some versions of it.”

We like to say that in some versions of it, if you interviewed Loki, he would tell you that he was the hero of that movie”, agrees Zack. “it’s a family drama and it’s a family drama like any other. Strip away all those fantastical elements and it could be a Mike Lee movie.”

With family themes and emotional resonance providing the heart of Thor‘s story, it would have been easy for the film to drown beneath a tide of melodrama. And let’s face it, if two hours of moping emo angst is your thing, the latest Twilight will be with us soon.

Thankfully, the writers kept the simmering man love down to three very important scenes.

The first scene is where Thor confronts Odin and says, ‘you’ve lost it, you’ve just completely lost it, you’re not fit to be King any more, make me King and I’ll take care of the problem that you left behind’, explains Ashley. “The second difficult scene is where Loki says to his father Odin, ‘who am I?’ and Odin replies, ‘you’re my son’.’

Then the third difficult scene is the climactic scene with Thor and Loki, where these two boys have it out.”

That’s what the movie is pinned on – if you just did those scenes, you would understand what the movie is emotionally.”

Compared to such big hitters as Spider Man and Iron Man, Thor is a relatively unknown fish among Marvel’s ocean of attention-hungry sharks. And those sharks don’t come much bigger than X-Men. But while writing for a less known hero had its own set of challenges, scripting the latest X-Men sensation was much more stressful.

The X-Men is pretty much the crown jewel of Marvel’s superhero franchise, so they knew they wanted an X-Men film to come out for early summer 2011 and it needed a script that worked” sighs Ashley. “That intense time of writing feels like it was just yesterday, although it felt at the time like it would never end because it was 20 hours a day each for the time that we were working and another 20 hours a day each when we took the notes from Fox, from Lauren Schuller Donner, and said OK, let’s go back into this thing, so we just did it. I think we were literally crazy by the time it was done.”

Hectic as their schedule was, the pair’s time in television had already helped prepare them for the task.

In TV, there are times when you have to turn around a complete 50 or 60 page rewrite overnight and you know what? What you find is that the overall quality of that isn’t much different than if you took two or three weeks because you’re using the same muscles and you’re taking the same decision making process.”

And did they ever suffer from writer’s block?

There’s no such thing“, Ashley laughs. “Writers like to tell themselves they have writers’ block, but you know what? You don’t have writers’ block, you’re just afraid to make a decision. That’s all writing is, you make a decision, you go with it and you don’t look back.”

Hesitation has never been a problem for Ashley and Zach. And while their skill for bringing fantasical worlds to life has so far seen them taking on spin-offs or adaptations of other people’s work, such as The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Fringe, getting to build and explore the unseen parts of worlds they themselves became fans of is incredibly rewarding.

We came to Hollywood to write our own stuff and one of the reasons why we’ve gotten these movies and even these TV shows is because people have seen our scripts and they see us as world builders“, enthuses Zach. “And so we’re well matched to these worlds that in some ways are already built but because they’re these huge universes with all of these unexplored corners to them, we feel that there are still so many things to say about them”.

With the Terminator franchise there’s so much that’s hinted at and never seen of that universe, so with The Sarah Connor Chronicles it was so much fun filling it in and imagining parts of it ourselves.”

For us it always comes back to the characters”, explains Ashley. “We love big worlds but we also love finding these people who are in the middle of it, whether it’s the whole Thor and Loki story or Erik Leshner and Charles Xavier who are young men becoming very important men”.

But with so many adaptations and takes on existing material to their name, are the pair now looking to script their own, unrestricted material?

It’s very much on our radar to do that and that’s the next step, but by that same token, we’ve been honoured to do the things we’ve been working on”, admits Ashley.

And what are they up to next?

We’re working on a movie with Payton Reed. We can’t really talk about the specifics of it but there’s a project that he’s very excited about that we’ve been working with him on for the past two months or so. It’s an adventure movie with genre elements that takes place in the ’50s. That’s all we can say.”

If it’s a well realised, believable and fascinating world he wants then Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz are the ones to watch.

No wonder he’s excited.

X-Men: First Class and Thor are showing now at a cinema near you.

A Look At MTV’s TEEN WOLF (2011) Episodes 1 & 2

The new MTV series Teen Wolf premièred over the weekend, with the pilot being shown after The MTV Movie Awards, where they would also show the new Twilight trailer for the first time. Twilight would clean up in the awards, of course. So, MTV obviously are hoping the Twi-hards will stick around to catch the new show.


So I thought I’d be fair and kept an open mind while watching these first two episodes. We are introduced to Scott MacCall, (Tyler Posey) a wannabe Jock with severe asthma who can not make the Lacrosse first team, his friend, Stiles (Dylan O’Brien) is the son of the local sheriff and has heard there’s been a dead body found in the local woods. Only it’s not just a dead body, it is half a dead body. So, let’s go look for the other half, eh? Seems a reasonable way to pass the time. Stiles’ dad shows up and takes him back home, leaving Scott out in the dark to save him getting in trouble with “the man”, like good friends do. It’s here Scott is startled by a rush of badly CGI’d deer, and then comes face to face with the upper half of the dead girl, and the show does not shy away from showing you the gory remains. He is then attacked by a wolf, and is bitten on the stomach but somehow manages to get away. This is all pre credits.

For those of us who remember the original Teen Wolf with Michael J Fox, (and the animated series that followed in the late 80s) it should be pointed out that this version is not played for laughs. There is a chance this might even end up actually being good. It certainly is not any worse than The Vampire Diaries and the like that pepper the schedules at the moment. And more genre on TV? Why not, even if it’s being aired (in the States at least) on a station that all things being equal should be playing music videos (now I am showing my age, if I think that’s what they do now a days.) But I digress, The first two episodes set the tone well, and are directed by Russell Mulcahy, who made his name with the wonderful Razorback, and superb first Highlander (he also made the second, but let’s not go into that.) Most of Mulcahy’s output though has been music videos, so I guess this could be a homecoming for him. In fact, the music in Teen Wolf is surprisingly well done, nothing too distracting and annoying, and so far, nothing so obviously put in there to try and make the song a hit.

Floppy hair? Check. Skin tight jeans? Check. Exposed torso? Ker-ching!

When Scott finally discovers he’s turning into a werewolf, the transformation begins at a party, and it is handled like the Prodigy video, Smack My Bitch Up, giving you the ‘stop the world I want to get off’ feeling. It’s interesting to note when Scott becomes a werewolf he resembles the Henry Hull version of Werewolf Of London (1935) rather than Benicio Del Toro or a big dog. Despite the now obligatory shirt off scenes to cater for the Twi-Hards there is no attempt to make the wolf version appealing. There is also a good reference to the Lon Chaney Jr version in the second episode, after Stiles has researched all about lycanthropy to try and help his stricken friend. There is also the usual love sub plot in there to keep the girlies happy, but it’s par for the course I suppose, and the twist at the end of the first episode is quite good (no spoilers naturally.)

For the opening two episodes, I can honestly say it was watchable. There was no slack in the storytelling, which may leave the characters a little flat later on, but for a no-brainer TV show it’s worth giving it a shot. Just do not go in expecting something life changing, and leave your memories of the movie at the door.

Sky Living will be airing the show in the UK from July.

Why the Daleks Will Never Die

Something I seem to hear (or rather, read) quite often these days is Doctor Who fans calling for the Daleks to be rested – or even, Heaven forbid, killed off altogether. What nonsense! And I’ll tell you for why.

Back in 1963, something rather special happened at the BBC, and I’m not just talking about the 23rd of November, either. No, fast forward to the Saturday after Christmas, and that day is when the programme really cemented itself upon the consciousness of a nation. It wasn’t the work of Terry Nation that did it either – you don’t need me to tell you that. For when the Daleks first wheeled themselves out in front of the cameras, we got our first view of possibly the most iconic creation ever in the history of modern entertainment.

The Americans have never even come close.

Forget your Batmans, your King Kongs and your R2D2s and ask yourself if you have ever seen anything as beautiful and as distinctive as a Dalek? Raymond Cusick didn’t deserve a pay rise for that design, he didn’t even deserve a BAFTA. What Mr Cusick should have got was the Turner Prize – or an OBE. For the Dalek is – to my mind, without question – the single most striking thing ever to have been seen on a television screen.

And we should just count our lucky stars that they were created for this little series we love called Doctor Who.

Now, much has been said, of course, about how the general public perceives the show. Usually we’re given an image of a man in a long scarf, with a girl and a tin dog at his side, roaming the universe in a Police Telephone Box fighting monsters.

Wrong.

Fighting Daleks: that’s how the public see the Doctor.

Which isn’t to belittle the programme (or the programme makers), and it isn’t to say that Doctor Who shouldn’t try and be – try and achieve – many other things. But the simple fact is, the Daleks have had such a huge and important impact on the show’s success, they have become completely synonymous with it. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that; for after all (and it’s a point that’s also been made many a time), where would Batman be without the Joker, or Holmes without his Moriarty – or even Danger Mouse without Baron Greenback? Every hero needs an arch enemy (well, that’s an argument for another time), and the Doctor needs the Daleks.

I can’t go on without a quick word on that popularity. The final episode of the rematch story, The Dalek Invasion of Earth (which is the story, after all, that kick-started Dalekmania in the ’sixties) had an audience only a fraction short of three times the size of An Unearthly Child, just thirteen months previously. And while that very first episode might have suffered a little, given the weekend upon which it was first broadcast, it’s unquestionably true to say that the Daleks took the regular audience for an early Saturday evening on BBC1, and at the very least, doubled it. That’s doubled it. Not bad going for some bicycle wheels and a bit of wood.

It also needs pointing out that, even though the first Dalek story was entirely self-contained and left the Daleks (a species indigenous not only to the planet, and the City, but also to the story, in which they first appeared) dead as dodos and without any possible hope of recovery, it was they who were chosen as the Doctor and company’s very first rematch just a year later.

The context and ramifications of this need emphasising.

Doctor Who wasn’t a programme that was designed to repeat itself – other than in terms of alternating historically-based stories with futuristic ones, of course. But just as the Doctor and his companions were intended to land the TARDIS in a variety of different historical situations, so the science fiction stories were supposed to throw up a diversity of locations, plots and characters. The very idea that the Doctor could come up against the same enemy twice in the space of nine stories wasn’t something that the original makers of the programme even considered. The fact that the Daleks were so incredibly popular,however, made it an inevitability.

And it’s also very useful to remember that, had the Daleks not fetched up on Earth in 2164 (or shortly thereafter), the precedence for sequels that led to multiple revisitations of Cybermen, Sontarans and Ice Warriors (among many others) would not have been set. In fact, it’s doubtful that Doctor Who would have lasted long enough for that even to have become an issue, it must be said.

So the Daleks weren’t just important because they elevated the show to such a degree of popularity that its longevity was guaranteed, but they also set the new standard by which the programme would become defined. Not just Doctor Who against the monsters, but Doctor Who inside an ongoing and evolving storyline, in which the Daleks would become a benchmark by which to measure not just future invaders, but also future continuity, too. The Daleks gave Doctor Who its soap, you might say, by becoming something recognisable and memorable (in terms of the series’ ongoing story) that the programme makers, as well as the TARDIS travellers themselves, could evaluate their progress against.

Not only that, they made (and continue to make) a bundle of money for the BBC – and we shouldn’t underestimate the importance of that. It was heavily rumoured recently that the powers-that-be within the Corporation insisted that Steven Moffat should be sure and feature them early within his first series in charge of the programme – and it ain’t like that hasn’t happened before, either. Because in the 1960s, the Daleks happened along the Doctor’s path twice a year, in six-part (as opposed to four-part, which was the general rule at the time) storylines, and this at the behest of Huw Wheldon, BBC Controller. The story usually told is that it was a female relative of his who enjoyed their appearances, hence his support – in reality, it’s likely he had half an eye on the BBC’s bank balance, too.

If we were to rest or retire the Daleks, with what would we replace them? One of the general complaints levelled against their continual reappearance is the lack of invention in the storylines in which they are used, but surely those stories would have remained the same had the presence of the Daleks within them been replaced by something else. Just try and imagine The Parting of the Ways with the Toclafane instead (Russell T Davies’ actual backup plan); the story needn’t alter much to accommodate the change – it’s not the Daleks themselves that’s the cause of any deficiency in the finished product (if indeed there is any), so we can’t lay any blame at their door – and it works the other way around, too. Imagine now if The Doctor’s Daughter had been lifted by their presence in place of the Hath: with a few alterations, the least loved story in Series Four would have become something evocative and spectacular.

It’s not as if we haven’t lived through this before, either. After the Doctor’s first rematch in 1964, the Daleks were brought back (as mentioned earlier) twice a year, for six weeks at a time, to entertain the nation. (The one notable exception was The Daleks’ Master Plan; for 1965, two six-part Dalek stories got rolled into one three-month-long epic.) This was a situation that looked set to continue throughout the rest of the decade; it was only the intervention of Dalek creator Terry Nation, in withdrawing the rights to their use in order to promote his own attempted Dalek series in America, that changed things. In 1967, David Whitaker wrote The Evil of the Daleks, a story in which they were killed off. By the end of the ’sixties, Doctor Who’s ratings had plummeted and the series was on the brink of cancellation.

Coincidence?

Barry Letts saw how unwise this decision had been. At the first realistic opportunity, he brought them back (as the curtain raiser on his second series in charge of storylines), and continued to use them once a year until he left – much the same then as now, then. He even upped the ante on their constant reappearances by persuading Terry Nation to move into uncharted territory: we finally went all the way back to their creation, and met Davros for the first time.

For a half-a-decade stretch of the 1970s, just as we’d seen in the 1960s, the Daleks were a regular presence on our screens. And although Doctor Who’s viewing figures went from strength to strength for a few years after their appearances became more sporadic, this was the only time in the series’ history in which they have done so – and it has to be said, Doctor Who also had a lot more going on to keep it popular during this period as well.

Here’s the rub, though – the point of this piece of writing.

All I’ve talked about so far is how the Daleks have affected the production of Doctor Who, or its perception by adults. But Doctor Who is really made for the 5 to 10-year-olds, or the mythological 8 to 12s.

My earliest, and most vivid, memory of the programme, is of Episode Six of Planet of the Daleks (I was born during transmission of The Mind Robber). In fact, my memory of Episode Six of Planet of the Daleks actually includes quite a lot that, with the hindsight brought to us courtesy of VHS and DVD, didn’t ever actually happen on the screen. In other words, two things: firstly, it was the Daleks who were responsible for bringing my imagination to life; and secondly, in an age of Doctor Who in which the Ogrons, Draconians, Drashigs, Sontarans, Sea Devils, Giant Maggots – and any other monster you care to mention – all made their first or most impressive appearance, it was still the Daleks that made me sit up and take notice. It doesn’t matter that Planet of the Daleks was a so-called “remake” of Terry Nation’s first Dalek story (in those pre-rewatchable television days, this was hardly an issue). For me, it was the first Dalek story.

My most distinct memories of the following series are all from Death to the Daleks, too. And the following year, Genesis of the Daleks came along and blew everything I’d seen to that point out of the water. For a young boy in the mid-’seventies, the Daleks were the most thrilling thing ever.

That’s kind of my point: for a young boy (or a young girl – or a young anyone-at-heart), the Daleks are the most thrilling thing ever. Full stop.

Imagine this: your first experience of Doctor Who is in one of the Dalek-free periods of the show. You have to wait two, three – even four – years before you catch your first glimpse of them. Imagine not having a first Dalek story, in other words. It’s unimaginable.

Every year – every single year – that Doctor Who is on the telly, there’s a new generation of five-year-olds watching it for the first time. And every single Dalek story ever broadcast has been someone’s first Dalek story; someone’s earliest memory of Doctor Who. Someone’s Planet of the Daleks.

We’ve recently come out of a fifteen-year period in which multiple generations of children didn’t have a first Doctor Who story full stop. So do we – do we, seriously – have the right to deprive any generation of five-year-olds, of their first Dalek story?

My argument is not that the Daleks should be rested – and certainly not retired. If I had my way, there’d be a rule that said they had to appear, once a year, every year. So that those simple pleasures that they bring to a young and inexperienced audience would never, ever be denied to anyone ever again.

They’re brilliant, the Daleks. Just brilliant. Why oh why would anyone want to put them to rest?