COCAINE BEAR

cocaine bear

By Joel Harley

Loosely based on the true story of a bear that ate a bag of cocaine, it’s director Elizabeth Banks’ Cocaine Bear! But, with the real-life bear having died almost immediately from its drugs supper, the word ‘loosely’ is doing a lot of the heavy lifting here.

After foraging its way into a bag of cocaine, an amped-up black bear rampages its way across an idyllic Georgia forest. Caught in its path, a rag-tag collection of criminals, tourists, cops and truant kids attempt to survive. What more do you need to know?

Following a riotous opening sequence, Banks and writer Jimmy Warden slowly reveal the absurdist sense of humour that drives this comedy-horror hybrid. As missing kids Dee Dee and Henry (Brooklynn Prince and Christian Convery) tuck into a knife-full of cocaine each (drugs are bad, mmkay?) Banks and Warden don’t attempt to disguise how ill-fitting that ‘loosely based’ really is.

While the purposefully peculiar dialogue and stop-again-start-again action may frustrate, there’s much fun to be had in this bloody bear rampage – and that’s just the humans.

Any lull in the action is filled with snappy interplay between its talented cast – including character actress Margo Martindale, Keri Russell, Isaiah Whitlock Jr., and the late, great Ray Liotta. Somehow, Solo star Alden Ehrenreich manages to hold his own against these legends, getting all the best lines – and laughs – as depressed thug Eddie.

At its best, Cocaine Bear showcases a surprisingly savage wit – an ambulance chase being the film’s highlight, ripped straight out of the Final Destination 2 playbook, and given a Wet Hot American Summer overhaul.

Although the film never gets to be that fun or funny again (and it’s disappointing that it should plunge into a gloomy old cave after that), its charm carries through, more than enough for this Cocaine Bear to go out on a high.

Cocaine Bear is out now in UK cinemas.

ANT-MAN AND THE WASP: QUANTUMANIA

Quantumania

By Joel Harley

Since his arrival in the MCU with 2015’s Ant-Man, the solo adventures of Scott Lang have tended to serve as something of a palette cleanser between big Avengers outings. A break from the action after Age of Ultron, a much-needed breath between Infinity War and Endgame. Sure, Ant-Man is an integral part of the MCU at large, but more importantly, he’s the humanity; the affable everyman; just a guy trying to do the right thing by his daughter.

This time? Not so much.

With Peyton Reed’s third Ant-Man adventure, Scott (Paul Rudd), Hope (Evangeline Lilly) and the ant-gang find themselves in the thick of it, facing off against the MCU’s next Big Bad. Re-enter Kang The Conqueror (Jonathan Majors), following up on threats issued in Loki Season One.

Sucked into the Quantum Realm within the first fifteen minutes of the film, the family are scattered asunder and left to fend for themselves in this strange new world. While Scott and an all-grown-up Cassie (Kathryn Newton) try to navigate the tribes of the Quantum Realm, Janet (Michelle Pfeiffer) and Hank (Michael Douglas) catch up with old friends, enemies… and Bill Murray. Also, Evangeline Lilly is there, although she may as well not be.

The least accessible of Reed’s three Ant-Man films, Quantumania does attempt to make some concessions to newbies, serving as a fine introduction to Kang the Conqueror. Here, Majors almost single-handedly steals the film from its titular stars, stopped only by Pfeiffer – who proves to be Kang’s most worthy foil thus far.

And it’s only the strength of its performers which ground this green screen adventure. Not even Rudd’s effortless charisma can save the characters from feeling lost against a background of grey-brown sludge and unremarkable landscaping. There are some interesting visual flourishes – hey, that guy’s head is made of broccoli! – but this is the ugliest MCU release yet. The cheap airport action of Civil War may have been mocked for its lack of scale and ambition, but at least we could make out what was going on.

Hideous visuals notwithstanding, there is some fun to be had in the arrival of MODOK (ugly, but in the wrong way), the brutal final fight, and some of the more out-there sci-fi concepts. Amidst the Kang mythmaking, Reed remembers to make time for Scott and Cassie, giving the film its sweetest moments and the closest it comes to the old Ant-Man heart.

Quantumania emerges as one of the weakest MCU adventures so far; an ugly, overpacked mess. Worse than that, in its rush to set up the next big thing, it manages to lose sight of what matters. Look out for the little guy, indeed.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is in cinemas now.

INFINITY POOL

infinity pool

Following the critical success of his first two features Anti-Viral and Possessor, Brandon Cronenberg enters a different, if no less subversive, league with Infinity Pool. What’s become clear across his films so far is that where his dad David is fascinated by the degradation and corruption of the human body, Brandon’s concerns are much more cerebral as he explores the morality of the human condition and the lengths (and depths) the individual is prepared to go in pursuit of base pleasure and pure survival.

Infinity Pool evokes both John Michael McDonagh’s The Forgiven (2021) and Christian Tafdrup’s Speak No Evil (2022). Although, for all Infinity Pool’s gore, violence, and unadulterated psychedelic depravity, it still can’t quite touch the sickening, stomach-turning horror and sheer unpleasantness of the latter. It’s a tale of two American holidaymakers in Li Tolga, a fictional hotspot, who ill-advisedly befriend two other tourists. A tragic accident finds James (Alexander Skarsgård) avoiding execution only by agreeing to a remarkable local custom whereby a cloned copy – a ‘double’ – is created and killed to atone for the crimes of the original. However, it’s a slippery slope, and despite the disgust and revulsion expressed by his partner Em (Cleopatra Coleman), James is drawn not only to the seductive Gabi Bauer (Mia Goth) but also into a weird, debauched world of sex, drugs, and recreational slaughter.

It’s a stylish, striking film; Skarsgård, in particular, is hypnotic as the often-stupefied James and Goth sizzles as the persuasive and irresistible Gabi. It descends into a miasmic whirlpool of sex, violence, and depravity, but it’s hard to avoid the conclusion that Infinity Pool hasn’t really got much to say beyond the fact that people do some fucked-up things sometimes. Who knew?

INFINITY POOL is in cinemas on March 24th

MISTER CREEP

MISTER CREEP

By Jack Bottomley

The deranged and dream-troubling spirit of John Erick Dowdle’s under-seen 2007 Found Footage classic The Poughkeepise Tapes lives on in films like Isaac Rodriguez’s fantastic Mister Creep, just with added dashes of The Gallows and Sinister.

Detailing the efforts of a group of college students to broaden their CV with a student film about missing persons, soon they turn their hand to something greater, something that won’t just get a grade but could make American history. As they delve into the Internet urban legend of a masked serial killer who killed around 200 people and filmed strange videos with their bodies. Thought to have been executed 20 years ago, authorities have supposedly hidden any trace of his crimes. So they search for not only the secret location of his tapes but try to uncover the buried history of this hidden killer.

The concept is perfect for the found footage format, and Rodriguez delivers his story effectively, using the low budget along the way. While his cast works with him in offering realistic and strong performances that help the film flourish. Especially the brilliant Amber Lee Solis, who becomes central to this group of characters as their filmmaking journey and investigation descends into some grave depths.

Mister Creep feels authentic and atmospheric, suspensefully building its own lore and making its believable dark web-baiting internet mythology stand out, even when some well-worn horror tropes are present and correct.

The settings are well chosen and equally well shot, and despite the token aesthetic found footage distortion tactics, Rodriguez allows his cinematography to muster a chill, never hiding it fully behind the static and conjuring some truly nightmarish imagery to flash onscreen, and using darkness, photography and background superbly, to offer some shocks and frights that are far less loud in nature.

Integrating a supernatural element to the story, alongside its themes of the murderous darkness behind the American dream and our unsettling fascination with it, and the pursuit of legend and renown in the crowded field of film. Mister Creep tackles rather a lot in its brief 76 minutes. Admittedly, it may sometimes lose focus at points or stretch realism but never loses its plot. Continually, the film delivers an effective horror experience that is a most pleasant surprise, with an appropriately creepy central masked figure. Not to mention a nasty little doll!

Mister Creep is a raw, concentrated, found footage horror experience with some seat-jumping scares. Don’t adjust the aerial!

Mister Creep is on digital now.

PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH

puss in boots last wish

By Jack Bottomley

It has been over 11 years since our favourite cat in footwear swashbuckled his way through a big screen animated adventure, and now the man, the myth, the moggy returns to action… but is Puss’ latest daring tale truly worthy of our fluffy hero?

The Last Wish catches up with our cream-lapping hero Puss (Antonio Banderas), as he reaches a scary realisation that he has used up eight of his nine lives. However, in this last life, he faces a dark threat that is calling for him. To escape his fate, Puss goes on a daring adventure to a mystical land to find the magical wishing star and have his wish for replenished lives granted. But he isn’t the only one who hopes to be wishing upon a star!

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is a dazzling, creative triumph that shares many outstanding qualities with Gore Verbinski’s Rango. The Last Wish is not just an improvement on Puss’ first fun solo outing way back in 2011; it’s a mesmerising sequel that re-energises the Shrek-verse and ends with a tantalising tease.

This film repositions DreamWorks firmly back into the conversation for the first time in years when it comes to the best major studio in mainstream animated filmmaking. Last year, they delivered an early winner with The Bad Guys, and this year they have repeated that remarkable feat and then some with a film that is already a strong contender for the year’s best animated feature.

The whizz-popping wish-chasing story is fantastical groundwork for a far deeper and richer journey into the quality of life, finding the value in what has always been in front of you, grappling with mortality, and living with anxiety. There are so many carefully crafted textures to Paul Fisher and Tommy Swerdlow’s screenplay, as director Joel Crawford and co-director Januel Mercado, let the film run free, unleashing a funny, poignant and exciting torrent of imagination, sword-swinging action, and meaningfully layered family entertainment. It really is the cat’s whiskers.

Taking in an array of influences from anime to Zorro, and some other surprising genres, the film’s CG-meets-painted animation style is absolutely gorgeous. It provides a visual accompaniment that is just as impressive as the story, along with Heitor Pereira’s culturally explosive score. The screen is just full to bursting with ideas, emotion and lovable characters and is utterly impossible not to fall in love with Harvey Guillén’s ever hopeful Perrito the dog. He accompanies Puss on his journey, and is a heartwarmer and heartbreaker in equal measure, while Banderas’ ever-brilliant work as Puss expands the character in many breathtaking ways and Salma Hayek Pinault’s return as Puss’ former friend/flame Kitty Softpaws offers further unexpected narrative heft.

Meanwhile, some of the newer characters (many who’re deliriously entertaining spins on classic fairy tales and nursery rhymes) are a joy, from John Mulaney’s memorably irredeemable ‘Big’ Jack Horner to Florence Pugh, Olivia Colman, Ray Winstone, and Samson Kayo’s criminal gang take on Goldilocks and the three bears. Additionally, DreamWorks unleashes arguably its greatest ever villain (at least since Gary Oldman’s Lord Shen) in Wagner Moura’s genuinely terrifying, red-eyed, sickle-spinning Wolf, whom has an air of Tim Curry menace about him and steals every scene he is in.

The Last Wish is a spellbinding, funny, and gorgeous piece of animated storytelling that restores this franchise to past glory. The real cat in the hat is back, and his boots are very much made for walking! Me-wow!

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is a purrrfect family film.

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is in cinemas now and will be on Disney+ on July 8th.

THE FEARWAY

FEARWAY

By Paul Mount

If Hollywood has taught us anything over the years, it’s that it’s probably not a good idea to go on a road trip across the dusty, deserted terrain of middle America because it’s almost bound to end in tears. The Fearway is a surprisingly accomplished and enjoyable spin on a familiar tale, combining elements of Spielberg’s Duel with the likes of Jeepers Creepers and Dead End.

Sarah (Shannon Dalonzo) and Michael (Justin Gordon) are travelling to visit Sarah’s ailing father when they are suddenly tailgated by a black limousine. They pull in at a convenient rest stop before continuing their journey but their pursuer returns and they somehow find themselves back at the rest stop and attracting the attention of its oily, creepy manager (Simon Phillips) who is keen for them to spend the night at the rest stop. They set off again but they can’t escape either their vindictive pursuer or their ultimate destination.

Running for just 80 minutes, The Fearway delivers plenty of mystery and intrigue across a slightly uneven script. Initial scenes between Sarah and Michael in the car strive to establish their bantering relationship but quickly become irritating. However, the film perks up when the strange fanged creature following the couple – he’s not a vampire, by the way – starts interfering with their destiny in ways they can’t begin to imagine. The resolution is quite clever if a little under-developed, the cinematography is superb for a low budget feature and the film works to create a sense of tension and unease rather than full-blooded horror (there’s nothing gory or unpleasant here). We still wouldn’t recommend a road trip across dusty America, but The Fearway is certainly worth hitching a ride with.

The Fearway is out now on digital platforms.

UNWELCOME

unwelcome

By Paul Mount

The horror of home invasion meets the myths and legends of Irish folklore in this latest effort from Jon Wright, who impressed with 2012’s monster horror comedy Grabbers. Unwelcome is much darker fare, unafraid to, at times, be downright unpleasant.

When the sanctity of their London home is violated in an attack by vicious thugs, Jamie (Douglas Booth) and his pregnant wife Maya (Hannah John-Kamen) flee to Ireland to the ramshackle country home Jamie inherited from his recently-decease great aunt. They’re warned of a tradition that dictates they leave a ‘blood offering’ out every night at the back door for the ‘Red Caps’ that live in the woods. Accepting it as a quaint local superstition, the couple cheerfully complies and set about restoring their home with the help of the only nearby builders available: the Whelan family, whose patriarch (Colm Meaney) insists on being called ‘Daddy’, even as his three children Aisling, Killian, and Eoin treat the couple and their property with utter disrespect.

Unwelcome isn’t the cute monsters-on-a-rampage film promised by its trailer. In places, it’s pitilessly cruel; Jamie and Maya are doomed not to enjoy the safety and sanctity of the family home that we’re all entitled to. Creepy, unnerving, and sometimes quite brutal, Unwelcome explodes into weirdness in its last act, as the couple is forced to deal with both the very worst of human nature and something much more inhuman that emerges from the darkness. It’s a film that won’t appeal to all tastes, but Unwelcome is striking and singular and a very welcome addition to the ranks of quirky British genre movies.

SKINAMARINK

Skinamarink

By Sol Harris

Skinamarink is being sold as a nightmarish horror film in which two children wake to discover the windows and doors missing from their home. That’s a somewhat disingenuous description given that that implies the film has characters and a plot. It’d be far more accurate to describe Skinamarink as 100 minutes of intentionally frustrating, close-up shots of door frames, the ceiling, toys on the floor and other mundane domestic paraphernalia – all punctuated by a couple of shots of doors and windows disappearing at the 15-minute mark.

Our characters rarely do anything – or even appear – and their actions are mostly implied when they do. The film asks to be taken as a surreal mood piece, but when the vast majority of its horror comes courtesy of the laziest form of jump scare – forcing your audience to sit in excruciatingly long shots of dark, nothingness, only to startle them with a loud screech and a flash of movement – it’s difficult to understand the buzz that it’s generating. Especially when the same circles championing it are the sort of people who would likely scoff at the remarkable craftsmanship on show in a film like The Conjuring.

The one shot which does work to elicit genuine fear – almost justifying the unpleasant, grainy, dark cinematography throughout the film – is far too reminiscent of a standout moment from last year’s Barbarian to do much in the way of redeeming the film.

Still, say what you will about Skinamarink. At least now we have a word to describe that specific way we used to torture our characters when we played The Sims as children.

Skinamarink is streaming on Shudder.

THE OUTWATERS

OUTWATERS

By John Townsend

Found footage is, it seems, back at the forefront of horror with films such as Jed Shepherd’s Host and Deadstream from Vanessa and Jospeph Winter. And now we have The Outwaters, a film that is apparently so scary it’s being billed as the most terrifying movie of the year. So, is it the most terrifying movie of the year?

Well, no.

Four friends head into the Mojave Desert to shoot a music video and things get very weird, very quickly. And the experience is a similar one for the audience as after quite a laborious, often tedious opening half that establishes very little in the way of character depth – you’re supposed to just like these characters without knowing anything about them – the craziness kicks in with psychedelic episodes, bloody murders, Lovecraftian-esque tentacled things, and lots and lots of screaming. Only you can’t see what’s going on. The best you can hope for is a glimpse of something gruesome slightly out of focus as the narrative switches influences so frequently as to render the film incoherently unwatchable.

And, as with all bad found footage films, the camera is barely justified. The opening tedium does at least warrant its usage, adding credence to the setup. In the near hour of jumbled carnage that ensues, there’s just no reason for anyone to keep filming.

If you make to the grim finale, you’re treated to scenes that one presumes are supposed to shock, but one particular moment is almost comedic in its ludicrousness. In a rich period for horror, The Outwaters is some way short of being the scariest film of the year.

The Outwaters is out now in the US.

M3GAN

m3gan

Let’s face it; killer dolls have been done to (an often grisly) death in genre cinema. Chucky, Annabelle, Robert (best forgotten) and Fats in the underrated 1978 Anthony Hopkins chiller Magic have slashed and sliced and diced for decades, creeping out audiences with their stories of cutesy (or not so cutesy in the case of Chucky) mini mannequins brought to life by some supernatural MacGuffin or other. On the face of it Megan, Blumhouse’s latest min-budget horror directed by Gerard Johnstone, would seem to have very little new to offer its particular subgenre. But despite the fact that it ploughs a very familiar furrow – there are no real surprises and nothing especially scary – Megan works because it gives the idea a modern spin. The titular ‘living doll’ is a Model 3 Generative Android, an artificial intelligence that learns, observes, adapts and eventually goes off on its own killing spree. If Terminator has taught us anything, it’s that robots and AI aren’t to be trusted, and whilst M3gan is a bit too broad to serve as  Black Mirror-style ‘cautionary’ tale, its strength lies in the fact that Megan is a machine created by humanity rather than animated by some supernatural entity or other.

Gemma (Allison Williams), a roboticist at competitive hi-tech top company Funki, takes custody of her niece Cady (Violet McGraw) when the girl’s parents are killed in a car accident. Workaholic Gemma finds it hard to bond with the girl until Cady spots a failed prototype of Megan and her interest inspires Gemma to complete her work on a fully-interactive ‘doll’ that she pair-bonds with Cady.  Even as Gemma’s excited boss plans to launch this revolutionary (if hugely expensive) new toy onto the market, Cady and Megan are beginning to develop a fiercely-strong emotional attachment, and Megan is quietly self-improving and operating independently.

Despite the slightly derivative nature of its storyline, M3gan is a brisk and hugely enjoyable romp. Johnson ramps up the tension as Megan – her waxen, immovable face is unnerving enough even before the doll starts misbehaving – begins to operate outside her programming, and if her killing spree isn’t especially gory, with one or two exceptions, he manages to create some disquieting moments as Megan stalks her victims brandishing a knife and, in one sequence out in the woods, turns into a scuttling spider-doll as she chases her prey. The frantic finale goes full-on Terminator as the unstoppable doll does everything in its power to protect itself.

M3GAN is in cinemas now and hits digital on April 3rd