Review Category: Movie

The opening scenes of The Vatican Tapes are pretty promising. A montage of apparently genuine footage lifted from the titular recordings are generic in their depiction of demonic possession, but are interesting enough. These black and white fast edits serve well to set the film up as an exposé into the secret archives hidden beneath St. Peter’s Basilica. Around 20 minutes later all that initial interest has subsided and what’s left is a film desperate to be different with no clear idea how, and one that ends up being dull, disappointing and in the final few minutes, downright ridiculous.

Angela (Olivia Taylor Dudley) is a seemingly normal young woman with a needy boyfriend (John Patrick Amedori) and an overbearing father (Dougray Scott). Suddenly she begins to suffer unpredictable mood swings, psychotic episodes and slips into a coma following a self-created car accident. When she inexplicably recovers conciousness, her behaviour becomes so extreme that the local mental asylum won’t take her and it falls upon the church to battle what they believe to be an ancient evil. It’s time for an exorcism.

Hmmm… where to begin? Firstly, there is very likely to be a much longer version of this film somewhere that either makes more sense or was so intolerably dull that it had to be cut in order to prevent any audience unlucky enough to watch from slipping into their own coma. More than 30 minutes in and it feels like we’re still being presented with more and more background to create “character depth”. Another 15 minutes through and we’re finally getting an indication that something evil and satanic might be happening, which may seem fine, but for a film that only clocks in at around 70 minutes in total that’s a lot of exposition before any exorcising. The time that’s left then becomes an unsatisfactory blend of random moments you’ve seen so many times previously, before descending into what can only be described as complete nonsense. The film finally ends so abruptly you find yourself expecting some kind of extended epilogue that never comes.

Secondly, the entire cast appears uncomfortable with their characters, as if this wasn’t the film they signed up for – with the exception of Dudley who is giving her all in the lead role. Scott looks as confused as his character ends up being (something the audience will empathise with at least) and Michael Peña appears surprised by what he is actually witnessing. Alison Lohman and Djimon Hounsou are limited to roles so small as to barely justify a credit; which again nods to there being a much longer film.

There are too many issues to list in full but one does requires a mention. Apart from that opening montage there are no Vatican Tapes in the film titled The Vatican Tapes. Once again this a desperate attempt to create interest around a supernatural film from a public weary of being fed the same old thing through cynical marketing.

1999’s Stigmata is by no means a perfect film, but through clever direction that slowly builds the supernatural presence, from engaging acting that puts the audience on the side of the protagonists and from some genuinely creepy moments it manages to do everything The Vatican Tapes doesn’t. This is a disappointing and lazy production that never seems to know what it wants to show its audience, or how to do it. Perhaps worth a late night, one-off viewing for the bizarre ending but that aside this is one to avoid.

THE VATICAN TAPES / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: MARK NEVELDINE / SCREENPLAY: CHRISTOPHER BORRELLI, MICHAEL C. MARTIN / STARRING: OLIVIA TAYLOR DUDLEY, DOUGRAY SCOTT, MICHAEL PENA, DJIMON HOUNSOU, JOHN PATRICK AMEDORI / RELEASE TAPES: OCTOBER 30TH

Expected Rating: 6 out of 10

Actual Rating:
 

After a bad breakup, fortysomething writer David Thorpe came to realise how much he hates the way he talks, the high-pitched, nasal, effeminate and slightly lisping speech that characterised the ‘gay voice’. While looking into training to rid himself of the speech patterns he fears will repel potential partners, he also delves into where the voice actually comes from, and why gay men would chose to ‘sound like a pack of braying ninnies.’

Be honest, have you ever given any more thought as to how many gay men talk other than that they talk like that because they’re gay? The concept is a surprisingly complex one, and while it’s a subject evidently requiring greater exploration than a 77-minute personal documentary, Thorpe nevertheless touches on a number of potential influences on how the gay voice came about.

Possibilities put forward include its adoption as an aural manifestation of the acceptance of one’s identity (“I fought for decades to embrace being a faggot” Thorpe declares) or a result of spending more time around women as a child and subsequently mimicking their feminine inflections. Another suggestion is the voice is partially a mimic of accents perceived as refined and sophisticated, typically upper-class British ones, which leads to an interesting perspective of numerous Disney villains such as Scar, Captain Hook, Jafar and Shere Khan being perceived as gay. You could argue that the vocal characterisations in this case are more likely to be on account of Hollywood’s cyclical obsession with casting English actors as bad guys due to its cultural inferiority complex, but for many young Americans it nevertheless equated gay voices with despicable iniquity.

A number of interviews with celebrities intersperse proceedings, each offering varying takes on how sounding gay (or not) provokes immediate assumptions and reactions. Numerous points are illustrated by clips from film and TV showcasing the developing visual and vocal shorthands with which gay men have grown to be associated, including some extreme examples like Liberace and Rip Taylor who made a career out of excessive flamboyance without their sexuality every being explicitly declared.

A number of conversations with Thorpe’s own friends are also included, maintaining the personal connection to the subject matter as they discuss how his voice developed from when he was younger (a time where he can’t even remember what he sounded like) to when the gay voice became more prominent in his own speech.

What begins as one man’s attempt to exorcise his own neuroses soon develops into an anthropological study of self-defined identity. While brief and a little underdeveloped, Do I Sound Gay? is nevertheless an entertaining and thoughtful look at a little-considered phenomenon.

DO I SOUND GAY? / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: DAVID THORPE  / STARRING: DAVID THORPE, MARGARET CHO, TIM GUNN, DON LEMON, DAVID SEDARIS, GEORGE TAKEI / RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 30TH

Expected Rating: 7 out of 10
Actual Rating:

Trucker harasses silly city slickers on a dusty desert road. It’s a concept we’ve seen many times before, from Spielberg’s Duel to Jeepers Creepers and Joyride, with varying degrees of success. The latest in this convoy is Wrecker, a female-driven (geddit) take on the convention in which two young women and their Mustang find themselves chased about the desert by a pissed off driver in a souped-up tow truck.

If you’ve seen any of its inspirations, be it The Hitcher or Death Proof, you’ll know its game: a series of tense car chases, largely predicated on everyone involved forgetting that Mustangs are generally faster than tow trucks. Again and again our heroines run into the faceless driver on the road, get chased for a bit, escape, breathe a sigh of release and then repeat the process… again and again. “How much longer, goddammit, how much longer?” frustrated Emily sobs, echoing thoughts of our own.

There’s a bit of variation when one of the girls is kidnapped, but only in as far as we’re left watching one of them drive up and down the road (occasionally chased by a crazed truck driver) instead of two. There’s not even that much change in the dialogue, which only ever consisted of terrified screams, confused cries of “why are you doing this to us?” and swearing in the first place. Wrecker is so repetitive that when our laptop rebooted itself halfway through the film, we accidentally re-watched a whole ten minute chase sequence without realising that it was a segment of the film we’d already viewed.

All of the above, combined with some of the most witless decision making ever seen in a horror film, makes Wrecker a difficult one to recommend. If you’ve never seen any of the movies it so shamelessly imitates (for shame!) you may have a good time, otherwise, you’re in for a long journey. It’s fast, slick and lovely to look at, but there’s absolutely nothing there beneath the hood.

WRECKER / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: MICHAEL BAFARO / SCREENPLAY: MICHAEL BAFARO, EVAN TAYLOR / STARRING: ANNA HUTCHISON, ANDREA WHITBURN, JENNIFER KOENIG, DON KNODEL / RELEASE DATE: TBC
 

What’s worse than having insomnia? Struggling to sleep and then feeling rotten for the rest of the day, often causes problems in the workplace and personal lives. That’s the issue facing the protagonist in the latest short from Scottish filmmaker Andy Stewart. Hopefully, not everyone’s reasons for suffering are the same as the hapless woman in this film.

Claire (Goldie) is having trouble sleeping. Her nights are restless and terrifying, vivid nightmares haunt her and she awakens in strange places. It’s naturally affecting her wellbeing, and certainly her ability to work, and it’s been noticed by her boss Ian (Vince). Although sympathetic, they can’t tolerate her lack of reliability. However, no matter what she tries her night terrors continue. Even getting as bad as to causing her to go to clubs and picking up strangers.

Things come to a head when she discovers the horrific reason her body is revolting against her.

Director Andy Stewart’s previous three shorts have wowed the festival circuit over the past few years, and with Remnant he moves ever so slightly away from the body horror of Dysmorphia, Split, and Ink. Which is not to say that there’s no element of that here, as there certainly is. Although it’s unlikely this short will have people losing their lunches as some of his earlier films have managed to do. 

In a concise running time, the story gives the viewer a full range of emotions. One doesn’t know whether to sympathise with Claire or think she’s bringing it on herself when we see her clubbing and being reckless with a man at the bar. This changes when the shocking reason for her terrible things happening to her body.

Beautifully shot, and impeccably acted, Remnant is a human drama wrapped in a horror blanket. The paranoia and torment that comes when one’s body begins to cause problems is brilliantly portrayed. The level of anxiety built in such a short time is palpable while the payoff still leaves the viewer open to come to their own conclusions.

REMNANT (SHORT FILM) / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: ANDY STEWART / STARRING: LUCY GOLDIE, NICHOLAS VINCE, JOHN SCOUGALL / RELEASE DATE: TBC

SPECTRE is an integrated remake of Thunderball and You Only Live Twice starring the core cast of the Daniel Craig era, and providing a final resolution for his saga. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

SPECTRE does start very well indeed, jumping straight into Bond just doing what he does without any emotional trauma getting in the way for a change. This time, he’s on the trail of terrorists at the Mexican Day of the Dead festival, and after a very lengthy, exciting, and very public chase sequence, Bond heads home with the MacGuffin that kicks off his quest for some familiar bad guys – an organisation that we haven’t properly seen since Connery hung up his wig.

If those pre-credits left you exhausted, don’t worry, as Sam Smith then gives you an excuse to nod off for a three minute power nap. Although, to be fair, his song Writing’s on the Wall is more palatable with the Daniel Kleinman title imagery (if you can get your head around a messianic Daniel Craig stripped to the waist, and being worshipped by hot ladies – it’s good work if you can get it!). Sadly yet again, we have different talents producing the theme song and soundtrack. Long gone are the days when the theme song mattered and would reoccur within the movie itself, except for a carefully agreed token few bars.

SPECTRE sees the core cast from Skyfall all present and on top form. Naomie is again great as the fun but strictly business, modern day Moneypenny. Ralph Fiennes excels as the new M; an M who is not afraid to get his hands dirty whilst similarly delivering the best comedy moment in the film. However, the real star (other than Craig) is Ben Whishaw as Q. With SPECTRE, he makes the role his own and manages to step away from the shadow of Desmond Llewelyn, whilst giving us an extremely likeable Q that a modern audience will soon find irreplaceable. His scenes really helped to make this feel like a modern Bond movie, and not just some dreary Bourne clone. The return of SPECTRE as the main nemesis was clearly also intended to help in this regard. Needless to say, Craig was on top form throughout a movie that has an onerous mission of its own – to be as well received as Skyfall!

With Skyfall being the runaway box office hit it was, Bond was once again popular with the mainstream moviegoing public, (not just Bond aficionados), and Craig is currently at the peak of his popularity. So with the legal difficulties that had prevented these characters from appearing since the early ’70s having been recently resolved, many were ecstatic at the return of SPECTRE, and the possibility of Ernst Stavro Blofeld being somewhere in the mix. The casting of Christoph Waltz as the main villain also boded well, but although his character name of Franz Oberhauser seemed to quash him being Blofeld, many were left wondering whether this was a similar smokescreen to the one that cloaked the appearance of Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness. This is indeed resolved, but not in a way that dedicated fans are likely to appreciate. Dave Bautista also furthers the retro vibe by playing a very Jaws-lite henchman, and his Mr Hinx is a credible physical challenge to Craig’s Bond when fisticuffs ensue. Physicality has been a hallmark of this era, and this is still wisely carried over into the set pieces; the emphasis is still kept on stuntwork and practical effects with a bare minimum of CG effects work. This helps to cement that Bond feel that was clearly sought. In fact, there are many Bond moments throughout, and this trip back into its earlier mythology does provide regular jolts of nostalgia, although we had already seen the best of this in the trailers. The shadowy SPECTRE meeting is the high point of the film when it comes to channelling the best of the 60’s Bond movies. Unfortunately, this is where the good news seems to run dry.

The story itself is flimsy and gossamer thin; merely acting as a loose framework to provide an ending to the previous three instalments. This never comes across as anything other than forced, especially with regards to Skyfall; there had been literally no foreshadowing of this unconvincing connection. Even the title sequence gets in on the act, and unlike the Lazenby handover in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, the flashback imagery serves no real purpose. Despite this urgency to resolve everything neatly, it is handled with little or no explanation, which renders the initial build-up in the first half rather pointless. What actually is SPECTRE? Were Quantum part of SPECTRE (bad guys fronting for slightly worse bad guys)? And most importantly, is SPECTRE even an acronym anymore? No answers are to be found here. It’s all atmospheric intrigue with no payoff.

Similarly gossamer thin is the treatment of the two leading ladies, Monica Belluci and Léa Seydoux. Belluci is in, bedded, and gone within a few short scenes, and Seydoux just does not cut it as Mr White’s daughter Dr. Madeleine Swann (although it was great to see Jesper Christensen again). Unlike the credible romance that blossomed between Bond and Vesper in Casino Royale, you simply get no insight as to how Bond could ever fall for this woman, or make any sacrifice to be with her.

As an action movie, SPECTRE does zip along initially until the halfway mark when the mythology and the intentional nostalgia trip pull on the handbrake. What you are left with may well be of interest to seasoned Bond fans, but the average moviegoer would probably have preferred more of the easier-to-follow antics of Skyfall than paying visits to supervillain lairs that resemble holistic retreats. Therein lays the inherent weakness of SPECTRE. It is too self-indulgent (and at two and a half hours, VERY long) for a mainstream audience, yet also takes liberties that Bond fans will probably baulk at. Those fans are likely to hate the ending, and the key reveal that is not only a shocking misjudgement by the filmmakers (bearing in mind their efforts to distance themselves from Bond clichés and parodies), but is delivered as such weak sauce that it’s almost pointless. This effort to inflict the closed universe approach (where everything and everyone is connected) upon the Bond franchise leads to an awful culmination. The reason revealed for everything that has happened in Bond’s life since Casino Royale is downright laughable, and actually harms the credibility of the previous three movies.

Out of Daniel Craig’s tenure, Casino Royale remains the most true to the Bond legacy, whilst still managing to carve out a new approach. Whereas SPECTRE feels the most like a traditional Bond movie, is occasionally awesome to watch, but simply doesn’t feel authentic, and is further sabotaged by a needless, silly, and damaging backstory. Which is a shame, because with this amount of zeitgeist, so much more could have been achieved here than making you want to finally pony up and buy those Connery Bonds on Blu-ray.

SPECTRE / CERT: 12A / DIRECTOR: SAM MENDES / SCREENPLAY: NEIL PURVIS, ROBERT WADE, JOHN LOGAN, JEZ BUTTERWORTH / STARRING: DANIEL CRAIG, CHRISTOPH WALTZ, LÉA SEYDOUX, BEN WHISHAW, NAOMIE HARRIS, DAVE BAUTISTA, MONICA BELLUCCI, RALPH FIENNES / RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 26TH

Expected Rating: 9 out of 10
Actual Rating:

Michael Caine and Harvey Keitel probably thought writer/director Paolo Sorrentino was taking the piss sending them a script titled Youth. On the other hand, who could resist working with the Oscar-winning Sorrentino, especially when the long-in-the-tooth acting legends get to spend most of the shoot in a luxury Swiss spa in one of the most beautiful locations in the world. 

Caine and Keitel star as old friends Fred and Mick respectively. Fred is a retired composer, who while enjoying his vacation at the spa is visited by his daughter Lena (Rachel Weisz). He is resisting coming out of retirement to conduct a concert of his greatest work for the Queen of England. Mick, on the other hand, is an active film director, desperately trying to figure out an ending for his next film with a small group of writers who have joined him at the spa. All the while, Sorrentino paints the spa as a surreal wonderland for pampered guests, including an elderly couple who never speak at dinner and a young actor (Paul Dano) who is mostly content observing everyone around him.

Youth is filled with an incredibly odd collection of characters, including pop singer Paloma Faith popping up in a cameo playing herself. Fred and Mick sometimes seem like the sanest of the bunch, even if they both mourn the loss of their earliest childhood memories and look half lustily and half utterly tragically at a Miss Universe contestant who gets her kit off to lounge around the pool. Youth takes these characters on a journey, while none of them actually go very far from the spa. It seems that while old age can be liberating in some ways, it also comes with a heavy toll.

Youth should be unerringly bleak. Two old guys facing their mortality; waiting to die after the best years of their lives are long gone. Luckily, they happen to be two old guys who are wealthy enough to take vacations in one of the most magnificent places on Earth. The spa is an incredible location. Sorrentino and his regular DOP Luca Bigazzi capture the splendour, decadence and all-round oddness in stunning images. The natural beauty of the landscape is amusingly contrasted with the strange sights within the spa; sometimes hellish as red light dominates steamy rooms full of wrinkled bodies and sometimes simply magnificent. But the beautiful compositions can be comical, as is the lightness of touch in Sorrentino’s script.

While Keitel’s Mick struggles to come up with an ending for his film, Sorrentino has his all planned out from the beginning. Youth may meander and take its time, relaxing and letting it all hang out with its eccentric assembly of characters, but Sorrentino knows exactly where he’s heading and through all the absurd splashes of humour, delivers an incredibly poignant and invigorating ending. Meanwhile, Caine and Keitel demonstrate that even without their youth, they are still more than capable of incredible things.

YOUTH / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: PAOLO SORRENTINO / STARRING: MICHAEL CAINE, HARVEY KEITEL, RACHEL WEISZ, PAUL DANO / RELEASE DATE: JANUARY 29TH, 2016

Expected Rating:  8 out of 10
Actual Rating: