MANSFIELD 66/67

mansfield 66-67

She was the blonde bombshell with the clanger squeal who dabbled in witchcraft and wound up beheaded on a dead man’s road along with her loving Chihuahuas. Sounds so sassy, doesn’t it? Mansfield 66/67 is a documentary of her journey. It has a fantastic premise and is experimental enough to do justice to the crazy life of Ms Jayne Mansfield via TV-movie directors David Ebersole and Todd Hughes.

Precisely how strange the life of Mansfield really was is worth noting. The sex-kitten starlet of The Girl Can’t Help It released a Shakespearian poetry album and was fiercely intellectual despite handing over control of her assets to business partners while being a doting mother whose child was ravaged by a lion on her watch. Keep up!

The film begins by contextualising the culture in which she found herself. There are overviews of the changing attitudes as the 1950s switched to the 1960s and from traditional expectations of sexuality to the acknowledgement that women (like Mansfield) liked to fuck too. Her enjoyment of her own body and the attention it brought her is at the heart of a narrative that starts like an analysis of celebrity culture. Then, of, course, it applies the breaks as we are (wink, wink!) told that everything and nothing it presents may be true. It’s going to have its cake and eat it, too.

To express this surrealism the documentary seesaws between talking heads (including John Waters, Peaches Christ and Kenneth Anger), starchy academics. stars from the time, archive footage of Jayne’s interlingual tongue twisters on the laps of lip-smacking comedians, and animation. The animation is a blessing and a curse. Simple, campy depictions of her involvement with Satanism are actually so tasteless that they work beautifully in conveying what it is suggested Mansfield took for real regardless of the fact the daily experience of Satanism is less lightning-stuck hilltop, more a fierce individualism that is often decidedly more visually humdrum.

Am-dram, unfortunately, are the sections featuring a mix of modern-dancing university students taking lycra-luvving pot shots at the perils of fame. That said, the couple that dance the relationship between Satanist Anton LaVey and Mansfield do a decent lyrical job of recreating their supposed animal magnetism.

The great thing here, however, is that the documentary does not seek to sanitise its subject and you do actually get a sense of knowing something of the existence of Mansfield without feeling that her enigma is analysed into evaporation or otherwise grounded by generic causation theories of where it all supposedly went wrong.

Mansfield 66/67 is unorthodox and sometimes subtly subversive when poking fun at the glamour we expect of ‘the naughty’. While is it uneven at times, Jayne herself might well have squealed on seeing it.

MANSFIELD 66/67 / CERT: 15 / DIRECTORS: P. DAVID EBERSOLE, TODD HUGHES / STARRING: ANN MAGNUSON, RICHMOND ARQUETTE, KENNETH ANGER, A. J. BENZA, ANTON LAVEY / RELEASE DATE: JUNE 25TH

MARY AND THE WITCH’S FLOWER

mary witches flower

In 2017, it was announced that Studio Ghibli was coming out of enforced hibernation with a new film due from founder Hayao Miyazaki at some point in the next two years if all goes to plan. Hopefully, we’ll get a resumption of normal service, but one key creative missing will be Hiromasda Yonebayashi, who started out as an animator then graduated to direct two of Ghibli’s most accessible later entries, Arrietty and When Marnie Was There. That’s because he’s jumped ship (along with several other ex-Ghiblers) and started a new venture, Studio Ponoc (see what they did there?). And he’s wasted no time picking up where he left off: if you were charmed by the warm-hearted wanderings of Arrietty and Marnie, you’re on safe ground here.

Like Yonebayashi’s previous two films, it’s based on a book by an English author, in this case, Mary Stewart’s ‘The Little Broomstick’. When visiting her aunt in the countryside, schoolgirl Mary Smith (voiced on the UK dub by Ruby Barnhill) wanders off and picks some ultra-rare blueberries that turn out to have mysterious powers. Next thing you know, she’s gotten herself a cat sidekick, a magic broomstick and a place at Endor College for witches, where she soon finds her abilities are off the scale compared to her fellow pupils. Wouldn’t you know it, she’s the chosen one. Things turn sinister when her nice Headmistress reveals a nasty obsession with those blueberries. Brave Mary must martial the forces of good to stop the evil hag in her tracks.

Perhaps mindful of it being a keystone for his new studio, Yonebayashi doesn’t exactly re-write the rulebook with Mary and the Witch’s Flower. Visual and narrative allusions to Ghibli films come so thick and fast it often feels more like a greatest hits package. Spirited Away and Kiki’s Delivery Service are particular points of reference, with – among many other nods – a very ‘Spirited’ vibe to the music, a re-worked version of that film’s water sprite creature and a central young lead who rides around on a magic broom with her little black cat in a very Kiki-ish way. This all brings a vague smile of familiarity. More grating is the blatant Hogwarts re-tread: the place even looks the same inside. Still, the hand-drawn animation is very good, if markedly less finessed than that of his former studio or the new benchmark in blockbuster anime, Your Name, which authentically built upon the Ghibli model without self-consciously aping it as this does.

The critics have been very kind to Mary and the Witch’s Flower so perhaps we forgot to pick up our complimentary rose-tinted glasses on the way in, but there’s nothing here we haven’t seen done before – and better.

MARY AND THE WITCH’S FLOWER / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: HIROMASDA YONEBAYASHI / SCREENPLAY: RIKO SAKAGUCHI, HIROMASA YONEBAYASH / VOICE CAST: RUBY BARNHILL, JIM BROADBENT, KATE WINSLET / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

ANON

anon

From May this year, it will be illegal for companies to contact you in the UK via any means that you have not explicitly ‘opted in’ to. This has been a long time coming and should go some way to stamping out the insidious scourge of incomprehensible call centre funwits who plague us at the worse possible times. But are we truly able to take back our privacy from big corporations like Facebook, who – let’s face it – have already sold our personal data so far down the river we may as well change our collective name to Kurtz?

Anon is a stylishly lean thriller in the Black Mirror mould that director/writer Andrew Niccol went a long way to creating back in 1997 with his first feature Gattaca and has been revisiting ever since. This time, we all have biosyn implants in our brains that record every millisecond of our POV experiences and uploaded them to a cloud storage network known as ‘the Ether’. Naturally, this has removed all concept of privacy but, on the upside, it’s made crime-busting a bit of a cinch. That is, until the day someone hacks into the system and over-writes a series of murders with visual patches that cover up the killers’ tracks. Enter chain-smoking gumshoe loner-cop Sal (Clive Owen), who – by a rather large coincidence – has seen a mysterious woman on the street (Amanda Seyfried) without a digital footprint of any kind…

Knowing full well we know his territory, Niccol skips the preamble and sets his concept up within the first few minutes with a clever sequence that shows the world as Owen sees it – through his Google Glass-style minds-eye. Script-wise, it sails gleefully close to Philip K. Dick by giving us Blade Runner’s gumshoe loner, Total Recall’s paranoid memory replacement tech and Minority Report’s future cop whodunnit – all of which fit right in here like a comfortable pair of slippers. There’s also the distinct aroma of another old friend, Videodrome, both in the rabbit-hole relationship between the curious protagonist and enigmatic femme fatale and in the employment of neural technology as a hallucinatory weapon again our hero. Shake in a generous dash of The Matrix and you’ve got yourself a tall cool glass of classic dystopia.

Somehow or other, Clive Owen is now a fifty-something (we obviously weren’t paying attention) and plays the extra years to his advantage. The images of his haunted face as it relives, and then loses, the precious memories of his son will stay in your own personal memory cloud long after the credits have rolled. Seyfried is suitably alluring as his unnamed prey and leads him a merry dance before, somewhat inevitably, jumping on him like a lascivious tiger. Age difference be damned, this is Hollywood.

A high-concept popcorn movie and none the worse for that, Anon gets the tech noir job done and will leave you pondering your digital footprint as you nervously exit the theatre. Mind the step.

ANON / CERT:15 / DIRECTOR: ANDREW NICCOL / SCREENPLAY: ANDREW NICCOL / STARRING: CLIVE OWEN, AMANDA SEYFRIED, COLM FEORE / RELEASE DATE: MAY 11TH

Expected Rating: 7 out of 10

THE STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT

THE STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT

Many a horror hound was hugely impressed (and terrified!) by 2008’s The Strangers. In the subsequent years, those same fans would get all kinds of excited about the regular chat of a sequel to Bryan Bertino’s film happening – only to end up disappointed as those stories came to nothing. Now though, the long-awaited follow-up is finally here and anticipation is high. So, is it up to the hype, or is this yet another horror sequel that can be labelled a generic, unneeded effort that is merely cashing in on an existing property that has some semblance of fanfare behind it?

The Strangers: Prey at Night opens up by highlighting a regular, run-of-the-mill nuclear family consisting of mother Cindy (Christina Hendricks), father Mike (Martin Henderson), son Luke (Lewis Pullman), and daughter Kinsey (Bailee Madison). While terror is lurking around the corner for this unsuspecting family unit, it’s immediately established that they have their own problems way before their inevitable run in with the Man in the Mask, Dollface, and Pin Up Girl. You see, young Kinsey has taken her teenage angst to such extremes that her parents have decided that the only suitable option is to ship her off to boarding school. Unfortunately, that comes at a price, and thus the family are in financial difficulties as a result of all of this; difficulties for which elder brother Luke resents his sister for. Before Kinsey is delivered to her new school, the family decide to embark on a trip to their aunt and uncle’s trailer park. Unbeknownst to them, the trio of masked killers have already taken up temporary residence there and will be awaiting them and making them fight for their very existence. Like the original film, the narrative here is one of survival, but can our protagonists fare better than Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman’s doomed couple of that first movie?

While the thought of a decade-long wait for a first sequel may cause some a little concern, The Strangers: Prey at Night is a follow-up that you need not worry about. With this sequel, director Johannes Roberts – likely best known for genre efforts such as F, The Other Side of the Door, and 47 Meters Down – has managed to successfully combine elements of the original movie with his own bold and brash sensibilities. That original, of course, was masterful in its delicate slow burn, and here Roberts allows the first half of the movie to slowly unravel before jumpstarting the picture through a pulsating second half.

Here, we have a horror film that is stylish, frenetic, and seriously intense once our poor family unit comes face to face with the trio of motiveless sorts who are intent on their demise. In terms of the actual scares, they vary from subtle to in-your-face brash. Roberts and his team channel slasher classics of yesteryear while a large dollop of shimmering John Carpenter sheen is applied to the action (with Carpenter’s Christine a particularly clear influence), and penetrating zooms and hard cuts help push this emotional roller coaster of a horror ride along from silent stalking to utterly brutal killing. In amongst said action, there’s a moment that stands up as one of the very best set pieces in modern horror, as a surreal neon-lighted swimming pool locale sees a brutal, bloody battle play out as Bonnie Tyler’s A Total Eclipse of the Heart belts out at full volume. Maybe it really wasn’t all that wise to turn around, eh bright eyes?

As was the case with the first film, there’s an almost childlike element to the Strangers themselves in how they like to torment their prey in all sorts of twisted ways, and that lends itself to some truly edge-of-your-seat moments that will have you flinching and gasping for breath as this proverbial cat and mouse game plays out. Like its predecessor, Prey at Night is an undeniably traumatic viewing experience at times, although this time there’s a little more energy and hope given to proceedings. Similarly, we get a slightly wider-spread landscape for action thanks to the trailer park locale loosening some of the relative constrictions and restrictions placed on the singular cabin-in-the-woods location of the first film.

With dread and utter despair at every turn – all overseen by a fantastic soundtrack that similarly has its roots in the ‘80s – The Strangers: Prey at Night is one of the best horrors to come along in years, and one that will stay with you for a long time afterwards.

THE STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: JOHANNES ROBERTS / SCREENPLAY: BRYAN BERTINO, BEN KETAI / STARRING: CHRISTINA HENDRICKS, MARTIN HENDERSON, BAILEE MADISON, LEWIS PULLMAN / RELEASE DATE: MAY 4TH

Expecting Rating: 6 out of 10

AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR

infinity war

Stand down, Friends of ol’ Marvel. They did it; they pulled it off. The cinematic journey through the Marvel Comics Universe that began in 2008 with the first Iron Man movie thunders towards the shattering conclusion of its third ‘phase’ in this extraordinary, seamless, gut-punch movie that simultaneously manages to do what Marvel’s critics continually declared was impossible and then utterly confounds by spinning off into directions we could never have imagined. In the two-year build-up since 2016’s Captain America: Civil War, a dry run for directors the Russo Brothers to allow them to practice the arcane art of making an action movie which juggles a dozen or more superheroes and gives them all something to do and a decent wedge of screen time, expectations for Infinity War have hurtled into the stratosphere. This, after all, is the biggie, the film that ties together virtually everything and everyone we’ve seen across the last decade and wraps things up in a nice big bow ready for Phase 4 of the MCU. But how to do justice to nearly thirty costumed super-freaks and tell a gripping, thrilling, coherent and emotional story into the bargain? Piece of cake, as it turns out…

Thanos is coming. He’s been on his way quite a while, since his first brief appearance at the end of The Avengers (aka Avengers Assemble) in 2012, in fact. Infinity War picks up more or less directly where last year’s Thor: Ragnarok left off, with the survivors of Asgard adrift in space, desperate for sanctuary. Suffice to say it doesn’t come, but we learn significantly more about Thanos, his terrifying minions, and his quest to bring together the ‘Infinity Stones’ that, once slotted into his formidable Infinity gauntlet, will give him ultimate dominion over time, space and everything else in-between; all Creation, if you like. Thanos’ plan is terrifying and monstrous and suitably inhuman but, as Infinity War progresses, we’re actually able to sympathise with his line of thinking; if the end doesn’t completely justify the means we can relish the fact that Marvel have, at last, solved that difficult and recurring ‘boring black-hearted villain’ problem and given us a bad guy we can believe in and, to a degree perhaps, even empathise with.

Thanos and his thugs hurtle to Earth for the first of the film’s exhilarating action set pieces as they trade blows with a clutch of severely mismatched superstars. Iron Man and Doctor Strange, butting heads gloriously and quickly joined by Tom Holland’s boisterous new Spider-Man, are soon flung off into a Galaxy-spanning odyssey of their own. Elsewhere, out in deep space, Star-Lord and his Guardians of the Galaxy are rushing to respond to the Asgardian distress signal, which leads them to an encounter with a certain one-eyed God of Thunder who has a bit of a grudge to say the least. On the curiously deserted streets of Edinburgh, Vision (who has the Mind Stone Thanos covets imbedded into his forehead) and Scarlet Witch, trying to keep a low profile, are attacked by Thanos’ goons. Salvation comes in the shape of a handful of disenfranchised Avengers, who whisk him back to Avengers HQ before deciding what’s really needed is the removal of the Mind Stone. Steve Rogers has friends in the hidden kingdom of Wakanda who might just be able to step up to the mark…

So the battle lines are drawn and all the pieces are in place – albeit often millions of miles apart across Space and Time. Obviously, we can’t and won’t spoil the emotional and physical spectacle that unravels across the film’s generous near three-hour running time but suffice to say, Avengers: Infinity War not only exceeds what might have been expected of it on its own merits but it pretty much redefines what we can expect from modern action/superhero cinema. The Russo Brothers have got this nailed down. Everyone in the expansive cast gets plenty to do (with the Guardians, in particular, front and centre and on top comedic form); no-one turned up for an afternoon to film a quick cameo here. Each and every one of these beloved characters get their moment in the sun. Extraordinarily, most of them get to live and breathe as real people, too; dilemmas are stomach-churning, and resolutions have consequences right down the line. Anyone expecting a non-stop barrage of CGI super-heroics will be surprised (but never disappointed) that the film isn’t balls-to-the-wall action (although the battle for Wakanda towards the end of the film is stunningly visceral) and that there’s plenty of time for proper drama in amongst the apocalyptic destruction and universally sky-high stakes.

Infinity War is, in short, an astonishing and impossible achievement. It ticks every box in the Marvel book. It’s pulse-pounding, devastatingly funny (but not in a tiresome non-stop Thor: Ragnarok fashion), operatically dramatic, a little bit weird, emotionally devastating, full of surprises (look who’s back!) and it ticks and turns and rolls like a beautifully, well-oiled movie machine. It’s a Marvel miracle which will thrill you, chill you, amuse you and – yes, there are some fatalities (boy, are there some fatalities…) – emotionally devastate you. As the credits roll you will be tempted to scream at the screen (now that’s what we call a cliffhanger!) before rushing out to buy a ticket to see the whole mad, magnificent spectacle all over again. How lucky we are to live in such times where a film like this is possible. It’s a living, breathing cosmic comic strip in the purest, wildest, technicolour sense. The Avengers will return in 2019; to say that we can’t wait gives new meaning to the word understatement. Infinity War is utterly magnificent; we should really have expected nothing less.

AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR / DIRECTOR: ANTHONY AND JOE RUSSO / SCREENPLAY: CHRISTOPHER MARKUS, STEPHEN MCFEELY / STARRING: ROBERT DOWNEY JNR, CHRIS HEMSWORTH, CHRIS EVANS, MARK RUFFALO, SCARLETT JOHANSSON, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, TOM HOLLAND, CHADWICK BOSEMAN, DON CHEADLE, PAUL BETTANY, CHRIS PRATT / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Expected Rating: 9 out of 10

THE OLD DARK HOUSE (1932)

old dark house

The bona fides of the 1932 film The Old Dark House should be enough to recommend it. Directed by James Whale, fresh off the success of the previous year’s Frankenstein, The Old Dark House features the star of Whale’s previous film, Boris Karloff, alongside Gloria Stuart, Charles Laughton, and Raymond Massey, among others. It’s a road map for hundreds of films which would follow: a couple lost in the countryside, takes refuge in a mysterious house, where they meet the strange caretakers thereof. Several others join them, the crowd discovers the secrets, and everything goes awry.

The bona fides are pretty swell, but the picture itself is quite a romp. Whale’s direction, based on J. B. Priestley’s 1927 novel, Benighted, makes The Old Dark House sort of a half-and-half picture. The first half is pre-Code horror – Stuart’s Margaret Waverton strips down far more than would soon be allowed, and Lilian Bond’s chorus girl, Gladys DuCane, is allowed too much fun for a latter-era picture – mixed with a screwball comedy, largely due to Laughton’s blusteringly broad Sir William Porterhouse.

It’s wacky fun, mixed with creepy elements like Karloff’s monstrous butler, Morgan, and the ancient scion of the family hidden away in an upstairs bedroom. What’s fun about the whole picture is that Whale manages to blend the two elements together quite well, and while it’s readily apparent this was mostly shot on some soundstage, the design makes it as close to an ancient Welsh near-castle as possible.

When looking back at some old Universal horror pictures, especially Dracula, it’s astonishing how poorly the look and feel of the film has aged. However, the Cohen Film Collection’s new 4k restoration makes The Old Dark House look vibrant and crisp, and the audio is crystal clear. Given the fact that the film was essentially lost for the better part of three decades, it’s quite astonishing to see how well the film has been restored.

Given that The Old Dark House is a forgotten gem in the career of master horror maker James Whale, as well as a showcase for several notable actors early in their careers, it’s quite worth seeking out in this new restoration. Watching it, the viewer will discover that the likes of The Cabin in the Woods, The Evil Dead, and more all had their start half a century before.

THE OLD DARK HOUSE (1932) / CERT: PG / DIRECTOR: JAMES WHALE / SCREENPLAY: BENN V. LEVY / STARRING: BORIS KARLOFF, MELVYN DOUGLAS, CHARLES LAUGHTON, ERNEST THESIGER, LILIAN BOND / RELEASE DATE: APRIL 27TH (4K CINEMA RE-RELEASE), MAY 21ST (BD/DVD)

RAMPAGE

Rampage Movie Review

Ever felt a bit like you want to see stuff get smashed up by a mutated giant animal? Of course you have. When you’re sat in traffic, with no foreseeable end, in blistering heat, with Jeremy Vine discussing current affairs tosh on the radio, a Godzilla roar and an explosion would be a godsend. You can make all the art house cinema visions you please or deeply layered dramas you desire but sometimes the order of the day is “Big Monsters. Bigger Johnson” (their words not ours), so, happy to oblige, here comes Rampage.

Loosely based on the arcade game of the same name from 1986, Rampage tells the story of primatologist Davis Okoye (Johnson), who has learnt a lot about the evils of man in his work over the years. This means that he invests most of his time in his simian pal George, a highly intelligent and rare Albino Gorilla, whom he communicates with amazingly well. This friendship is about to be tested by science gone wrong though, as fallout from a weaponised experiment causes George to abnormally grow in size and aggression and Okoye must uncover the truth behind these shady goings on and how to save his friend. Worse news is to come too, as George isn’t the only animal affected…

Rampage is precisely the film you expect it to be and (for this writer anyway) this is to its benefit. When a film opens with a space station fracas involving a giant rat or a flying wolf dispatching mercenaries, you know precisely where you are with Brad Peyton’s monster movie. The plot is straightforward building-crashing stuff, as three genetically enlarged and enraged beasties are on a collision course for Chicago and a god-challenging corporation try and weaponise nature, with ill after effects. Unlike guff like Geostorm this knows what story it is telling and unexpectedly offers some heart to back up the action. As some flashbacks have poignant relevancy, not to mention a much welcome and timely anti-poaching stance, which – intentional or not – stands as a constantly powerful reminder of the damaging evil of this black market (well before ‘ol Bomb Voyage in the White House stuck his over tanned hooter in) industry which chimes with recent events.

Like an old school nature attacks flick from the bygone era (before todays SyFy Channel age of churning out Piranhacondazilla or whatever other thoughtless bab) of when filmmakers embraced the ‘huge animal on the attack’ tropes and actually cared about the films they were making, Rampage is completely fun. Johnson is his usual charismatic self, as he plays a character distant of mankind and has fun with the lead role and the film as a whole (a film he drastically had some say in the making of actually). The rest of the cast, also make a fine hash of things as they mostly play familiar archetypes and/or react to the constantly impressive CG assisted mayhem. Naomie Harris stands out as discredited genetic engineer Dr. Kate Caldwell, while Watchmen’s Målin Akerman enjoys being a cold corporate exaggerated villain and Jeffrey Dean Morgan steals the show as the unflappable agent Harvey Russell (basically a nicer Negan), an antihero who has cool chemistry with near enough every co-star (even a rat in small case).

This film alters its source material for the big screen, it has its share of dumb moments and it is plain and simple carnage with some 12A pushing content but even if it isn’t as memorable as some of its genre’s ilk, it is a lot of fun. When seeing an enormous monsterous croc emerge from the rivers to face down a hoard of tanks it is hard not to be in awe of the big-scaled ridiculous entertainment. While this may be seen as damning it with faint praise, Rampage is no doubt one of the most enjoyable movies ever based on a game but it’s also a great big dollop of monstertertainment with a heart, morals, action scenes and well-designed creature roster as huge as its lead man’s arms and charm.

RAMPAGE / CERT: 12A / DIRECTOR: BRAD PEYTON / SCREENPLAY: RYAN ENGLE, CARLTON CUSE, RYAN J. CONDAL, ADAM SZTYKIEL / STARRING: DWAYNE JOHNSON, NAOMIE HARRIS, MALIN ÅKERMAN, JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN, JAKE LACY / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Expected Rating:

6/10

 

PARTY BUS TO HELL

PARTY BUS TO HELL

From writer/director Rolfe Kanefsky, Party Bus to Hell sees a group of horned-up, boozed-up partiers heading across the desert on their way to the famed Burning Man festival. Unfortunately for these disposable teens, getting laid and overindulging in beer and drugs has to take a backseat when their coach runs across a deranged cult who are baying for blood!

The above is pretty much the spoiler-free essentials of Party Bus to Hell’s plot, and said so-so plot is the least of the picture’s problems. For you see, Party Bus to Hell is a stinker. An utter, utter stinker. You know, one of those films that you actually find yourself left open-mouthed at the idea that somehow this got made and was actually put out for release.

Now let’s be clear, here at STARBURST we will always try and look for any semblance of silver lining in a product. After all, people have put their blood, sweat, and tears in to such things, and it’s only right and just to at least find something positive to say. If we’re being honest, with Party Bus to Hell that’s quite the tall order.

Given the micro-budget involved in such a film, it’s easy to accept lesser production values or shoddy SFX works, but it doesn’t cost a dime to keep your dialogue away from lines such as “Cut her tits off”, “My gift is my dick”, and “God, I’m so fucking wet right now”. From the moment Tara Reid stumbles on to the screen during its opening moments, you’re half-expecting a bumpy ride, but Party Bus to Hell continues to derail at a ridiculous pace until you just come to the realisation that this is complete trash.

One major problem with the movie is that all of the supposed protagonists are completely unlikeable. Likewise, the bad guys of the piece aren’t the sort who you have the urge to cheer on, ala some other horror villains. So you’re left with not a single character you give a shit about throughout the whole film, with the acting on show being downright depressing to watch. In fairness, Vidonna Michaels does well as one of the lead characters who finds themselves caught up in this literal hell (both for them and for the viewing audience!), and Devanny Pinn is good in a small role in which she’s one of the rare few people who don’t go topless in the film. Hey, we’re not against nudity, and blood, gore, and sex has so often been a part of the horror genre over the decades, but Party Bus to Hell just goes too far, too soon, with it coming across as if the film has been directed by a 12-year-old boy who’s never seen a boob before and all of a sudden has the keys to the kingdom.

Needless nudity, poor acting, awful dialogue, unlikeable characters aside, there’s at least… there’s… well, there was… nah, we’ve got nothing. There are no saving graces, there are no silver linings. None that make this worth struggling through, at least. And trust us, this is a picture that we would’ve loved to have switched off halfway through, but we endured for you, faithful reader. We guess that if there was one good thing to come out of this one, it’s that it will give you hope that, yes, you very well can make a movie, too, should you so wish. After all, if this has somehow gotten made then there’s no way you could do any worse of a job.

Classless, crude, downright sleazy, and nowhere near as edgy and cool as it may well think it is, Party Bus to Hell is a dud of the highest order. There was no party, and the real hell is dished out to the poor souls who have had the misfortune of watching the film. And if that’s not enough, the closing credits give promise that a sequel will be happening at some point. Please, no. Just no.

As for why we’ve given the film two stars, well we generally have to give even the worst of stinkers a one-star rating. For the bump up to two stars, you can thank Vidonna Michaels, Devanny Pinn, and a nicely done opening credits sequence. Other than that, there is nothing here to waste your time on. Absolutely nothing. As we mentioned earlier, we try to search for positives in everything we review here at Moonbase Alpha, so the above words may seem a tad harsh. But trust us, this isn’t a bad review that can be worn as a badge of honour, and this most definitely isn’t one worth playing along with the ridiculous ‘so bad it’s good’ notion.

Sometimes bad is simply bad. Really, really bad. Avoid at all costs.

PARTY BUS TO HELL / CERT: 18 / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: ROLFE KANEFSKY / STARRING: STEFANI BLAKE, SHELBY MCCULLOUGH, VIDONNA MICHAELS, SADIE KATZ, DEMETRIOS ALEX, TARA REID / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

EVERY DAY

Every Day

Thirty years ago, Hollywood suddenly decided that body-swap films –  in the realm of Disney’s classic 1976 Jodie Foster-starring comedy, Freaky Friday – were what audiences wanted. No fewer than three film variations on the same theme, Big, Vice Versa, and Like Father, Like Son with Dudley Moore, opened at cinemas.

Of the three, Penny Marshall’s Big, written by Steven Spielberg’s sister Anne, was the most fondly remembered, with Tom Hanks in Oscar-nominated form as Josh Baskin; a diminutive kid with a schoolboy crush on a girl, who is too small to go on a fairground ride and makes a wish that he could be bigger. Sure thing, the day after, he wakes up as a grown man at home, freaking his mother (Mercedes Ruehl) out and having to head to the city, where he becomes a hit at a toy store whilst wooing uptight female executive Suzanne Lawrence, as played by Elizabeth Perkins.

In the same way that Twilight introduced vampires and werewolves to the modern young adult generation, the new fantasy film Every Day – based on a novel by David Levithan – is going to tap in to a new generation in the same way the Big did for the ‘80s crowd.

Rhiannon (Angourie Rice) is your average confused and uncertain teenager, with a father on the ropes due to redundancy and a relationship with boyfriend Nathan (Justice Smith) that isn’t exactly going too well, if not going south. Things take a turn when a travelling spirit, simply known as ‘A’, starts infiltrating Nathan for a day or so, changing the dynamic. However, A has a desire to haunt others for a 24-hour period, thus impacting on Rhiannon’s perspective on her friends, family and boyfriend troubles….

Part of the charm of Big was the consistency of Josh’s predicament when he became an adult, retaining the same naïve perspective and the fact that how adults and children view life is markedly different. Josh’s rise to prominence in the executive boardroom at the toy company becomes less of an enlightening revelation than a power struggle, particularly with Susan’s ex-boyfriend, Paul Davenport (the late John Heard).

Every Day isn’t going to reach the heights of Big in terms of awards and box office take, but it will certainly be attractive on home video and streaming. It is a nice variant idea on the body-swap genre, but doesn’t fulfil its potential like Big, going full pelt with the consequences of the travelling spirit and how it affects the people it comes into contact with. At times though, some of the issues and themes it deals with are handled sensitively.

If you enjoyed The Fault in Our Stars, you will find much to focus and appreciate here. Rice is competent as Rhiannon and nothing can be faulted in the teen cast, who do well with the script and idea.

There are moments of fun and humour on occasion, and older viewers will cheer when they see the much-loved Orion Pictures logo on screen again, harking back to when RoboCop, The Silence of the Lambs and the original 1984 The Terminator debuted in cinemas.

EVERY DAY / CERT: 12A / DIRECTOR: MICHAEL SUCSY / SCREENPLAY: JESSE ANDREWS / STARRING: ANGOURIE RICE, JUSTICE SMITH, DEBBY RYAN, JENNI ROSS, LUCAS JADE ZUMANN, RORY MCDONALD / RELEASE DATE: APRIL 20TH

Expecting Rating: 6 out of 10

BIG FISH & BEGONIA

big fish bergonia

Whilst Big Fish & Begonia is far from China’s first foray into the world of anime, the genre is still associated with Japan to the point that there’s a real novelty to watching an anime feature produced by a different country with a different culture.

In many ways, the film feels as though it was torn straight from Studio Ghibli, but it’s in a way that never feels anything less than authentically Chinese. It bombards you with gloriously inventive characters and beings that populate its vibrant world.

Big Fish & Begonia has been touted as something of China’s first steps towards having a notable animation industry akin to that in Japan. The project was in development for well over a decade before finally making its way to the big screen and so it has a lot riding on it. With that in mind, it’s almost no wonder that it’s so visually accomplished. For better or worse, there’s nothing to visually distinguish this film from the works of Hayao Miyazaki.

Loosely based on the Zhuangzi, an ancient Chinese text, the film offers a look inside an aspect of a culture you may be unfamiliar with on such a deep level. The plot revolves around Chun, a young girl from a parallel world that exists beneath ours. It’s inhabited by beings who oversee the natural order of things on Earth. Their coming of age ritual involves travelling to our seas in the form of red dolphins. Whilst on her Earthly pilgrimage, Chun befriends a young human boy. One night, she finds herself in trouble after being caught in some netting during a storm. The boy rescues her but drowns in the process and, so, once back in the parallel world, Chun bargains with a soul-keeper who agrees to resurrect the boy in return for half of her life.

She accepts and is given the boy’s soul in the form of a baby dolphin, who she must now raise to maturity before it can return to the human world. The problem is that beings from Earth are forbidden within Chun’s realm and what follows are the inevitable obstacles and set pieces she has to overcome in order to keep the soul safe.

Chun is, sadly, quite a bland protagonist, as are all of the film’s leads. Indeed, Big Fish & Begonia’s strongest facet is probably its imaginative supporting cast of characters, all of whom are well realised and performed.

Your average viewer may want to skip this one given its relatively slow pace and somewhat dull attempt at emotional depth. At a running time of an hour and 45 minutes, it really does start to flag as it begins to succumb to increasingly convoluted story strands and elements. That said, anime addicts owe it to themselves to go out and watch what should offer a refreshing twist on the genre they love.

BIG FISH & BEGONIA / CERT: PG / DIRECTOR: XUAN LIANG, CHUN ZHANG / SCREENPLAY: XUAN LIANG, DANIEL CHUBA / STARRING: GUANLIN JI, SHANGQING SU, TIMMY XU, SHULAN PAN / RELEASE DATE: APRIL 18TH (LIMITED)

Expected Rating: 7 out of 10