Review Category: Movie

High school newspaper reporter Dash spends his life in sanctimonious judgement of his peers, irritated that everyone ignores his self-declared writerly genius. Soon after his fellow journalist and only friend Assaf begins dating the newspaper editor Verti and Dash is sidelined on account of his childish retaliation, an earthquake knocks their school from its cliff top perch, whereupon it is gradually swallowed by the ocean and everyone launches into an immediate scramble for survival.

 

My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea is as odd a creation as its title is unwieldy utilitarian. Deaths abound through the likes of drowning, decapitation, electrocution and shark attack, social factions quickly descend into post-apocalyptic parodies of themselves, and through it all those of the central group remain relatively unfazed by the chaos surrounding them.

 

For all its bizarre setup and surreal plot progression, it’s the film’s highly unusual animation style that really sells it. The characters look like literal cardboard cutouts, their colouring rarely staying within the lines of thick black pen that forms their physical and facial detailing, while the backdrops are stylised shapes painted in coarse watercolour. The visuals take a little while to get used to but soon come to fit the not-quite-real world scenario. Had the movie been live-action, or animated with a smoother and more consistent style, the self-contained world might have seemed a little too surreal to take in, but this almost intentionally slapdash approach allows the suspension of disbelief necessary for the audience to accept the story’s jagged flow of dream logic.

 

As a hero, Dash is difficult to relate to as he is so obnoxiously egotistical it’s impossible to afford him even the faintest sympathy; he might be frustrated that everyone ignores him, but maybe if he was less of a dick people might actually care about what he has to say. Fortunately, the initial focus on his utterly unlikable personality is soon overshadowed by subsequent events and the race to the school’s roof. The floors of the building upon which different academic years are respectively housed act as a physical representation of the stratification of high school life, where nothing more than advanced age often equates to elevated social standing, coming with it an inflated sense of self-importance. Thus, their journey to the school’s summit is an accelerated struggle through the tempestuous maze that is high school itself, and only by escaping from the clutches of its artificial echelons can they save themselves.

 

Simultaneously satirising the predictability of disaster movies and the vacuity of teenage social cliques, My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea is an odd amalgamation of contrasting tropes, but an engaging collage of experimental filmmaking.

 

MY ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL SINKING INTO THE SEA / CERT: TBA / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: DASH SHAW / STARRING: JASON SCHWARTZMAN, LENA DUNHAM, REGGIE WATTS, MAYA RUDOLPH, SUSAN SARANDON / RELEASE DATE: TBA

 

Expected Rating: 6/10

 

Actual Rating:

Some years after getting out of jail, Sam Parsons is working a crappy job so he can do his best to provide for his wife Courtney and their daughter Harper and keep the roof over their heads. But something else is under that roof with them, seen first by Harper and then by Courtney. An incredulous Sam initially refuses to believe that there’s anything to be scared of but he’s quickly convinced too that something is indeed there.

 

This all happens in the opening 20-minute stretch of The Demon Inside. Writer and director Joey Moran works at trying to build an atmosphere of foreboding – half glimpsed shapes, demonic groans – that might be familiar but when used right can still really work. And then the film takes a turn to something completely different. To try and find out what is in the house Sam and Courtney employ the services of a reality TV show called Ghost Killers, who – as their name suggests – not only hunt the spirits but apparently destroy them for good too. They are for the most part fame-hungry idiots preening around allegedly haunted sites. Their visit to Sam’s home soon encourages them to believe that this evil is real and dollar signs practically ‘kerching!’ in their eyes.

 

What we get after this is in part an absurd comedy played completely straight. Early scenes with the Killers in are presented as you would expect in a horror, but the content is almost slapstick. At the same time, a tandem narrative follows Sam and Courtney that is straight out of modern horror’s sombre playbook. It’s two separate films hanging together in a way that just shouldn’t work. And arguably it doesn’t, sometimes just coming across as awkward. Saying that there’s still a fair amount to commend. The acting is actually pretty decent which helps when we’re meant to care about Sam and Courtney. Some of the reality show jokes (which could come from a Zucker-esque parody) raise a chuckle. When the film has its serious face on it has moments that, whilst not competing with the films that inspired them, are pretty decent.

 

It’s an odd dance of tones Moran is trying to work together here and he’s to be admired for it, even if only for the bonkers nature of the concept. Mixing in demon haunting, silly comedy and less overt 1980s references than some recent other low budget horrors, it’s neither one thing nor the other and will probably perplex and annoy as often as it entertains. It may well be random with a supremely silly ending but we kinda liked it and as a little bit of an offbeat calling card for Moran it shows promise.

 

THE DEMON INSIDE / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: JOEY MORAN / STARRING: CRYSTAL COOK, LANCE EAKRIGHT, JAKE RYAN HULL / RELEASE DATE: UK RELEASE TBA

Opening in the same vein as a survival horror video game, Tricia Lee’s Blood Hunters carries a generous amount of macabre portent as far as it can, before descending into more generic creature feature territory in the final act.

 

Waking up in what at first sight appears to be a hospital, anti-heroine and heavily pregnant Ellie (Gilchrist) finds herself alone and under attack from strange creatures. Given she wasn’t pregnant when she passed out, her confusion is both understandable and darkly frightening. Teaming up with a ragtag bunch of stereotypes somehow managing to survive in the largely abandoned facility, Ellie seeks answers and an escape plan so she can return to her son.

 

Director and producer Lee has constructed – initially at least – a tension-filled, if somewhat generic, horror-thriller that relies on lashings of claustrophobic angst to establish a premise it struggles to see through. Gilchrist is largely impressive as the confused lead, although the cast of paint-by-numbers supporting characters follow standard arcs. Benjamin Arthur is the troubled loner with a heart of gold, Torri Higginson is the woefully misguided activist and Mark Taylor plays an intern harbouring dark secrets and incredibly high pain threshold – even having his bloody stump of a hand cauterised on a hotplate doesn’t detract him from performing an emergency caesarean section. Only horror legend Julian Richings has a handle on events, wallowing in his role as a delusional priest with less-than-holy intentions.

 

The turning point in the film comes with the reveal of the creatures. Resembling monsters who failed an audition for Neil Marshall’s The Descent, and while the performers within the disappointingly bland suits are impressive, the creatures carry little threat. Blood Hunters would have perhaps benefitted from less focus on the creatures themselves, and more attention given to Ellie and her hapless helpers as any interest in the characters, however routine they may be, becomes lost in the confusion of the finale.

 

In many ways, it is better to watch Blood Hunters without engaging with it too much. The greater your investment in the promise of the opening scenes, the more frustrating the fall into barely passable horror and ultimately weary disappointment. Lee is a good director, and showcases her talent early on, but the script never lives up to her ability and as such remains a film destined for the darker recesses of Netflix and the like.

 

BLOOD HUNTERS / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: TRICIA LEE / SCREENPLAY: COREY BROWN / STARRING: LARA GILCHRIST, BENJAMIN ARTHUR, TORRI HIGGINSON / RELEASE DATE: UK RELEASE TBA

To help in recovering from a personal tragedy, girlfriends Louise and Claire take a boating holiday to the Highlands. But upon arriving at their rural destination it soon becomes apparent that their attempt to experience a quiet idyll might prove permanently harmful to their continued wellbeing.

 

More horror movies need to be set in the north of Scotland. Its vast swathes of untamed wilds and sparsely populated areas are perfect locations to play out sinister goings on away from prying eyes and with little in the way of authority to offer as a safety net to any intruding outsiders. In keeping with this, the setting is one of the few good things you can say about The Dark Mile. The sparse wilderness is at once expansive yet oppressive, a sense of otherworldliness gradually seeping in from the overcast desolation.

 

There are suggestions both subtle and overt that something untoward and/or inexplicable is going on, and the suspicious behaviour of the locals certainly implies that all is not well in the picturesque countryside. Some visual cues imply what might be happening, but overall the film assumes a far greater familiarity with Celtic folklore than is reasonable, expecting the audience to infer an entire story via small background details and flashes of symbolism. Yes, it’s always preferable for mysteries to be implied rather than explicitly spelled out, but in this case there isn’t enough in the way of digestible information to form a proper picture of what’s happening.

 

The characters appear to be archetypes from myths updated to the present day, each playing an ordained role in a pre-specified narrative, and as such most of their behaviour doesn’t correspond with how real people would act and react in any given situation. There is some concession to realistic interaction with regards to Louise and Claire’s reception upon arrival, being a lesbian couple visiting a small community presumably driven by insular tradition their isolation is amplified by how out of place they are made to feel. However, whatever tension the film manages to build is eventually squandered as little of any note actually occurs, while the implied escalation into something akin to Deliverance with highlanders never materialises, and the closest thing to excitement – a brief Duel-style barge chase – is over too quickly to leave any impact.

 

Ordinarily it’s bad form for a review to reference a film’s ending, but in this case it’s unavoidable, as it pertains to The Dark Mile’s most glaring problem, specifically that the entire final third of the plot appears to be missing. At precisely the turning point in the story where it seems to be about to progress to some explanation of exactly what the hell is going on and then be followed by a resolution of some description, the film instead just… stops. It’s an unsatisfying payoff for an already unfocused story, and one that instead of the mysterious ambiguity that was attempted, instead leaves a frustrated feeling of being cheated.

 

THE DARK MILE / CERT: TBA / DIRECTOR: GARY LOVE / SCREENPLAY: GABY HULL / STARRING: REBECCA CALDER, DEIRDRE MULLINS, FINLAY MACMILLAN, PAUL BRANNIGAN, SHEILA HANCOCK / RELEASE DATE: TBA

 

Expected Rating: 7/10

 

Actual Rating:

Some films are all about story, others use their story to discuss the ideas of the creatives behind them, and a few are made up of almost nothing but abstract concepts. The Erlprince is most definitely one of the latter. What identifiable plot there actually is involves a surly teenage physics prodigy, his fragmenting bond with his young mother, and his investigation into a theory of parallel universes, but any attempts to wrest a coherent narrative from the meandering occurrences is a waste of effort.

 

Most of the characterisation comes from the relationship between the Boy and the Mother, which is unhealthily co-dependant to the extent of being at times potentially incestuous (such as when he brings her breakfast holding a single rose in his mouth or fantasises about her mud-wrestling with his hot Teacher in a fissure splitting the ground open), but their interaction fails to convince as people whose lives are largely spent together. Like many gifted children he has trouble connecting with his peers, but this is more on account of his appalling personality than the intellectual gulf existing between him and any potential friends. His sullen misery seems to be indicative of what adults think all young people are like, rather than an accurate representation of having spent any time with one.

 

None of the characters are given names, and in the credits are merely afforded generic references such as those above, which could have indicated their being representative of familial and societal archetypes, if there were any aspects of their personalities that could be attributed to identifiable people. The film’s title references Goethe’s poem Der Erlkönig (The Erlking), implying the Boy is some youthful inheritor of the impending doom that drives the poem as well as existing in a frame of mind that sees things beyond the ken of ordinary humans. This could have justified his antisocial behaviour by portraying him as some cosmic harbinger, except there appears to be no apparent purpose to his investigation or discoveries.

 

The perpetual countdown to some implicit doomsday event calls to mind the expressly stated timeframe of Donnie Darko, although Richard Kelly’s feature debut discussed its existential philosophies with far greater precision and in a way that qualified as both entertaining and engaging. You can have surreal melodrama or you can have intellectual profundity but you can’t have both at the same time, and this attempt to fuse the two ends up being to the detriment of both.

 

Experimental and maddening, The Erlprince is driven by a frustrating unclear narrative and an overdose of pretentious twaddle. Even though the questions it puts forward about quantum worlds and subjective realities do have the potential to initiate stimulating discussion, their vague presentation relegates them to secondary considerations, while the film’s dissociative structure prevents them from being adequately explored.

 

THE ERLPRINCE / CERT: TBA / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: KUBA CZEKAJ / STARRING: STASZEK CYWKA, AGNIESZKA PODSIADLIK, SEBASTIAN LACH, BERNHARD SCHÜTZ / RELEASE DATE: TBA

 

Expected Rating: 7/10

 

Actual Rating:

Loosely based on one of the tales from The Decameron, an assortment of short stories from 14th century Italy about love, sex and the humour of life, The Little Hours sees young servant Massetto on the run take refuge in a convent full of bored and horny nuns, his presence upsetting their already shaky dedication to their calling.

 

Jeff Baena (Life After Beth) delivers another tale that mines humour from the most inappropriate of places, coaxing performances of vulgar hilarity from his talented ensemble cast. Although the central concept might come across as little more than an overextended SNL skit, the story has enough turns and variations to keep itself flowing, largely driven by the exploits of bitchy and foul-mouthed ladies of bad habits. There seems to be a parallel drawn between the convent and an all-female boarding school, where the girls spend their days in the drudgery of resented routine, while at night sneak into each other’s rooms, get drunk, fool around, talk about sex, and perv on any attractive male members of staff who happen to catch their eye.

 

Each of the nuns has her own separate issues that drives her towards Massetto, his initial pretence of being deaf-mute in order to avoid scrutiny and be left alone instead having the opposite effect. Allesandra (Alison Brie) has a rich family who would rather she lived a life of celibacy and needlework than pursue her dreams of romance sees someone in whom she can spill her thoughts; the aggressive and coarse Fernanda (Aubrey Plaza remaining at her deadpan snarking best), uses him as someone else to torment while ordering around her underling Genevra (Kate Micucci), who is shy, insecure and still figuring herself out. Even the more mature characters (Molly Shannon as an elder nun and John C. Reilly as the resident father) are adults only in age, proving themselves to be just as selfish and irresponsible as the girls they fail to control, and it’s only a matter of time before burning secrets and mounting chaos threaten to erupt.

 

There’s quite a jarring contrast between the Renaissance Italy setting and the modern day American colloquialisms of the characters’ speech, but given the then vernacular in which the source material was written, you could argue it’s actually an appropriate direction to take. It also suggests that some aspects of the human condition never change, since despite being set six and a half centuries ago, the story is one that could have been updated to contemporary times with very little effort.

 

The humour is unabashedly crude and the dialogue largely improvised, but what could so easily have been merely a single Nuns Gone Wild joke stretched out to 90 minutes, The Little Hours is instead a riotous delight of brazen lechery and bawdy absurdity.

 

THE LITTLE HOURS / CERT: TBA / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: JEFF BAENA / STARRING: ALISON BRIE, DAVE FRANCO, KATE MICUCCI, AUBREY PLAZA, JOHN C. REILLY, MOLLY SHANNON / RELEASE DATE: TBA

 

Expected Rating: 7/10

 

Actual Rating:

After much anticipation from fans, Spider-Man finally made his Marvel Cinematic Universe debut in last year’s Captain America: Civil War. Whilst Tom Holland’s Spidey managed to steal the show during his brief role in that particular superhero ensemble, now comes time for this latest cinematic Wall-crawler to stand up and be counted as he headlines his own picture. So, is Spider-Man: Homecoming the pitch-perfect Spider-flick we’ve all hoped for, true believers, or is it another movie to leave us disappointed like Marc Webb’s bland, muddled and dour The Amazing Spider-Man 2? Let’s find out!

In terms of timing, Homecoming takes places several months after Civil War went down, and we find an eager, excited Peter Parker trying to juggle high school and stopping petty criminals, all while he constantly waits for a call to go up and join the big leagues amongst Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. But while Parker tries to balance all of this, elsewhere we see Adrian Toomes (Michael Keaton) and his clean-up crew given the boot 8 years prior. Toomes and his gang were tasked with cleaning up the carnage and destruction caused by the Avengers during the Battle of New York, only to see their gig canned once Stark and the government put together the Damage Control group to handle all such incidents. Fast-forward to the present day, and Toomes has used some stolen Chitauri tech to become the villainous Vulture; a rogue who specialises in stealing alien technology in order to ship it out as intense new arms for the criminals of New York City and beyond. Can Spidey clip Vulture’s wings and save the day? Can Peter manage to keep any semblance of a social life? And just how is he going to keep all of this a secret from Aunt May and his pals?

To get straight to the point, Homecoming is a phenomenal, fun movie brimming with heart that delivers on a whole range of different fronts. For longtime comic book fans, there’s nods and references aplenty, not to mention the use of several characters yet to be seen on the big screen, whilst for casual fans there’s more than enough here to have you cheering on your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man. As Marvel Comics’ prized jewel, Tom Holland is a mesmerizing, multi-layered presence who encompasses everything Peter Parker is and should be. His youthful exuberance and excitement at becoming a real-life superhero is a joy to behold, but Holland also balances the other side of the equation; the everyday troubles of this everyday teenager. As Peter cancels plans or no-shows gatherings due to his heroic alter-ego being needed elsewhere, we see the angst and torment of what this young kid is having to go through on a daily basis. However, those elements also lend themselves brilliantly to portraying one of Peter Parker’s longstanding greatest attributes: his determination, will to win, and downright stubbornness to do whatever it takes to get the job done. Throw in with that regular helpings of the famed ‘Parker luck’, a genuine, sincere bond with Marisa Tomei’s May, and the harsh-yet-caring relationship with Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark, and you have a fun and fresh Peter Parker who feels as if he’s just been pulled from a classic comic book tale of yesteryear.

Of course, what’s a good hero without a good villain. And on that front, Michael Keaton takes the Vulture character and makes it his own. In fact, there’s one particular dread-filled sequence in which Keaton delivers one of the flat-out most chilling moments seen to date in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Then there’s the rest of the cast, with each adding their own unique stamp to the film as the story progresses; Ned Leeds being the light relief; Flash Thompson the cocksure bully; Liz Allan the love interest; and they’re just the tip of the iceberg, for Spider-Man fans will spot many other familiar names and faces.

Beforehand, many thought Spidey would find himself sharing too much screen time with Stark, but the Iron Man card is one that’s brilliantly played and never feels overdone. For whilst this film most certainly overflows with staples of the Marvel Cinematic Universe that it exists within, it never once loses sight of what it is at heart: a Spider-Man movie, and a damn good one at that. With the high school dynamic filling Homecoming with the energy of a Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or The Breakfast Club, the dark tone and cynical nature of the villain of the piece keeping the energy and excitement levels from running too high, and a Peter Parker whose journey you’ll leave the cinema simply needing to see more of, Homecoming is a resounding hit in every possible way.

Amazing? Yes. Spectacular? Most certainly. Superior? Without a shadow of a doubt. Finally, after the last three disappointing solo movies for ol’ Web-head, longtime Spidey fans have been given the Spider-Man movie that they deserve, with this picture hands-down the best MCU movie to come along in years. Excelsior!

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING / CERT: 12A / DIRECTOR: JON WATTS / SCREENPLAY: VARIOUS / STARRING: TOM HOLLAND, MICHAEL KEATON, MARISA TOMEI, ROBERT DOWNEY JR., JACOB BATALON, LAURA HARRIER, ZENDAYA / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Expected Rating: 8 out of 10

STARBURST Rating:

Many franchises get in a bit of a quandary when they hit part 3, where some succeed (Toy Story 3, Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, The Dark Knight Rises), others fall on their face (Shrek The Third, Hangover Part III, Spider-Man 3, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor) and more divide opinion (Terminator: Rise of the Machines, Back To The Future Part III, The Godfather Part III, Iron Man 3). So, after two fun family movies and a – frankly better – spin-off in Minions, Despicable Me 3 arrives and it is with some surprising relief we announce that it ends June on a high, after what has been a pretty dreary blockbuster month (Baywatch, The Mummy, Transformers: The Last Knight) after opening with a belter in Wonder Woman.

The plot catches up with Gru (Steve Carell) and Lucy (Kristen Wiig) as they work as agents for the AVL (Anti-Villain League) but the duo lose their jobs after being foiled by ‘80s child star turned dastardly retro baddie Balthazar Bratt (Trey Parker). Down on their luck, Gru, Lucy and the three girls get some unexpected news when Gru hears he has a long lost twin brother Dru (Carell also), who lives a very high life but has secret aspirations of his own that may take Gru back to his former despicable ways.

 

The core concept is certainly a familiar one and the film does bare some of the faults present in sequels but Coffin and Balda’s movie completely avoids franchise fatigue and the convention of its ‘long lost family member concept’ thanks to constant entertainment and numerous stand out moments that actually make it the series’ most consistently enjoyable offering. It is refreshing to see a film that shows you 90% of what the trailers showed you within the first 10-15 minutes, leaving the rest of the movie as mostly a surprise. And while the plot may not be highly original it moves along with few bad gags and plenty of inspired visual touches and barmily brilliant ideas.

 

Gru and Dru are a warm double act, thanks to the diverse vocal work of Carell, allowing Gru to remain on a good balance between wholesome and mischievous, Dru however borders entirely on the latter but not at the expense of likability (save for the odd moment where he broaches annoyance but the script never stays still long enough to allow that to happen). Wiig as Lucy also gets an arc of her own, as she tries to connect with the girls as a mother and it is nice to see matriarchal struggle given some focus, over the usual daddy issue plots that populate animation/live-action. Even the girls get their own threads, with Agnes (Nev Scharrel replacing Elsie Fisher) in search of a Unicorn, Edith (Dana Gaier) assisting her and Margo (Miranda Cosgrove) fending off a local and his food-based advances.

 

However, while you may come to see Gru, you will stay for two very different reasons. Firstly, after their own movie, The Minions get the best comedic moments in the entire film, with hilarious musical sequences and slapstick, headlined by a gut grabbing rendition of Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Modern Major General”. And secondly, there is Balthazar Bratt! A splendid creation, brought to life by South Park’s Trey Parker. Bratt is hands down the franchises best villain and is better developed than many big screen superhero movie bad guys. Giddily gimmick based, with a zany backstory, a cool and unusual array of ‘80s adoring weaponry/gadgets and Parker’s goofy voice work combining to create a dancing, narcissistic, fallen kids TV star antagonist that feels fresh and oh so bad in the best possible way! In fact he reminds a touch of the Babydoll character in Batman: The Animated Series…anyone? No? Just us then.

 

From the fantastic opening to a climatic finale and returning characters (one temporarily written out in a slyly apt way) to new all singing all dancing creations (literally), Despicable Me 3 is a heck of a lot of family (and fan) pleasing fun. The narrative structure hardly reeks of freshness and not every joke is on target but the tomfoolery is infectious, the Minions continue to steal spotlights, the sugar rush action engages and Trey Parker’s moustachioed megalomaniac is a scene stealing blast!

DESPICABLE ME 3 / CERT: U / DIRECTORS: PIERRE COFFIN, KYLE BALDA / SCREENPLAY: CINCO PAUL, KEN DAURIO / STARRING: STEVE CARELL, KRISTEN WIIG, TREY PARKER, PIERRE COFFIN, STEVE COOGAN, JULIE ANDREWS / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Strange days are ahead for rookie copper Rebecca Faraway (Sarah Beck Mather) when the murder of a security guard sets her on the trail of a serial killer. Already isolated among her macho plod colleagues, Faraway’s paranoia spirals into hallucination and bloody terror when her main suspect turns the tables.

 

Despite kicking off with a title sequence that’s a dead ringer for the opening of Repulsion (1965) and taking a very Polanski-esque approach to its cinematography, Charismata avoids the full-blown tribute route favoured by the recent likes of Mickey Keating’s Darling (2015). Instead the film playfully mixes police procedural with Satanism, Se7en, Ash vs Evil Dead and even good old Herschell Gordon Lewis while retaining, at its heart, a very British flavour.

 

With a tonal pub quiz like that, solid acting chops are required which is where many a low budget movie comes a cropper. Luckily, co-directors Collier and Mian have cast wisely. Sarah Beck Mather is a captivating lead; from the Jane Tennison steel of her investigation scenes to losing her marbles throughout the final act, there’s a compelling, nervous intensity to her performance that kicks the whole thing up a notch. And with such genre essentials as nudity (there’s a memorably erotic dream sequence), hallucination, torture and raving insanity to contend with alongside frequent close-ups on her hauntingly expressive eyes, she passes the scream queen test with distinction. Adonis Anthony’s deadpan comic swagger as her police partner Eli Smith offsets Faraway’s seriousness perfectly and Jamie Satterthwaite’s villain Michael Sweet is a classic English bounder, cooking up hell in his modern-day hellfire club. Satterthwaite devours the scenery with relish, exuding the same malevolent delight in his own villainy that Peters Bowles and Wyngarde used to bring to 1960s Avengers episodes.

 

Behind the camera, Charismata belies its budget with atmospheric music from Chris Roe and cinematography from Fernando Ruiz that would not disgrace many a studio effort. Night scenes and hallucination sequences are particularly accomplished and the effects – including a priceless nod to Blood Feast – benefit from being largely realised in-camera.

 

It doesn’t all hang together. A sub-plot involving Faraway’s father feels tacked on and overly soapy for such knowing material and at 100 minutes running time, there’s a Roger Corman-style 85-minute version trying to punch its way through some rather static police station scenes and witness interviews. But Beck Mather is superb and the co-directors’ deep affection for the genre results in a potent cocktail of horror and black comedy that cuts a bloody dash.

 

CHARISMATA / CERT: TBA / DIRECTOR: ANDY COLLIER AND TOOR MIAN / SCREENPLAY: ANDY COLLIER AND TOOR MIAN / STARRING: SARAH BECK MATHER, ADONIS ANTHONY, JAMIE SATTERTHWAITE, JONNY VIVASH / RELEASE DATE: TBC

Just so we’re clear: yes, this is that Russian superhero movie with the utterly mental trailer you thought looked like the greatest thing ever. And we’re sure you’ll be delighted to learn that the film is just as bonkers as said trailer made it appear.

 

During the 1940s a secret and illegal series of government experiments took place to genetically engineer superhumans. The results of these were Ler, who has psychokinetic power over stone; Ksenia, who can turn invisible; Khan, a swordsman with super speed; and Arsus, who can transform into a bear. Decades later Kuratov, the mad scientist who created them, re-emerges and enacts a diabolical and somewhat nebulous scheme for megalomaniacal power, and the team must assemble and unite to stop him.

 

Or to put it another way, we have Rock Magneto, the Invisible Woman, a hybrid of the Flash and the Winter Soldier, and a wearbear, all going up against a ‘roid-rage Michael Berryman cosplaying as Whiplash. And we’re just getting started. You might be surprised to learn that Guardians isn’t based on an obscure comic series, but is actually an original creation (well, as far as you can realistically refer to its shamelessly derivative inspirations as ‘original’), and takes its basic concept and just runs with it.

 

The film is laden with the kind of comic book histrionics for which films such as these used to be renowned before Marvel came along and made everyone start taking them seriously. The regular action scenes are ridiculously extravagant affairs where the laws of physics are treated as polite suggestions, seeing the Guardians face off with Kuratov’s ‘clone army’ of expendable mooks, and their various abilities realised in a cascade of CG overkill. The team is overseen by possibly the youngest major in military history, an absurdly gorgeous blonde who looks like she just stepped off a fashion runway; the military instillation (*cough*S.H.I.E.L.D.*cough*) that acts as their base of operations is staffed entirely by impossibly attractive twentysomethings; and later on in the film when the team get costume upgrades, Ksenia is given a cleavage-sporting catsuit, the camera lovingly lingering on her slender curves.

 

It seems that the experiments to which the team were subjected also afforded them immortality, as none of them appear to have aged in the decades since, and it’s in this that there are a few faint concessions to characterisation peppered amidst the insanity. The cast must be given credit for delivering ridiculous dialogue with completely straight faces, seeming to understand the need to take everything completely seriously in spite of how demented the entire film is quite clearly intended to be.

 

In all honesty, Guardians is an utterly ridiculous affair completely devoid of anything resembling tact or subtlety, but in spite of this (or, perhaps, because of it) it’s an utter riot of guiltily entertaining big-budget nonsense. And it has a bear with a Gatling gun. What more could you want?

 

GUARDIANS / CERT: TBA / DIRECTOR: SARIK ANDREASYAN / SCREENPLAY: ANDREI GAVRILOV / STARRING: SEBASTIEN SISAK, ANTON PAMPUSHNYY, ALINA LANINA, SANJAR MADI,  VALERIYA SHKIRANDO, STANISLAV SHIRIN / RELEASE DATE: TBA

 

Expected Rating: 8/10

Actual Rating: