HITMAN’S WIFE’S BODYGUARD

hitmans-wifes-bodyguard-starburst-review

CERT: 15 / PLATFORMS: CINEMA / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

When Patrick Hughes’ The Hitman’s Bodyguard became an unexpected box office hit in 2017, in spite of some mixed reviews, it seemed likely that we’d see more from this throwback buddy actioner. Delivering an entertaining blast that tipped its cap to the Lethal Weapon era of action moviemaking, and which further benefited hugely from a terrific cast and their chemistry, the idea that the hitman, the bodyguard and the body count would return was not an unwelcome one. And now here we are with the possessive apostrophe heavy sequel Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard and the film’s success depends largely on your own expectations going in.

If you are coming for tightly plotted or original action adventure, you may leave looking as fed up as Bruce Willis in, well, everything nowadays, but if you are coming for silly explosive fun with a group of stars having fun together, then you will likely be in for a good time at the flicks. Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard may not quite as good as the first, and many gags don’t quite bullseye it but this brilliant A-name cast and their camaraderie makes for hugely infectious viewing.

The story is hard to pin down in just a paragraph because despite running at a relatively digestible 100 minutes, this film is absolutely jam packed with sub-plots. It really is pure silliness and essentially like a lassoing of most 90s action cinema and the most ludicrous of Bond plots all in one. But the crux of the story is that Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) is taking some time away after trying to make peace with moving on from body guarding, but when Sonia Kincaid (Salma Hayek) comes calling – bringing a bullet storm along with her – Michael’s skills may be needed to help his old hitman “pal” Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson) out of a spot of bother. From there we enter a whirlwind of megalomaniacs destroying European power grids, family fracas, baby hopes and even a gelato crisis. Typical stuff!

Yes it’s all very breakneck in the pacing and extremely overloaded, but hey, when a film sees a superbly sweary Salma Hayek kicking ass, alongside her favourite boys, and a villain called Aristotle Papadopoulos (Antonio Banderas), with some added cameos, you can’t help but smile can you? Clearly everyone is having fun in these parts (be they the returning cast or the new faces) and once the rather enjoyable action scenes start flowing you mostly look past the technical faults. Plus, the ending is strangely gratifying (even approaching awww territory), as is a climax that shows that many of cinema’s veterans (Jackson, Banderas, Morgan Freeman) have still darn got it.

If you bought a ticket for Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, you clearly came for a specific film here and you largely get it. Far from tidy but the cast are great (the central trio give it there all), and this sequel opts to stop worrying and just do it! And there’s something quite admirable about that. Maybe there will be a Hitman’s Second Cousin Twice Removed’s Bodyguard next…we wouldn’t complain to be fair. Fun.

MONSTER HUNTER

monster hunter

Certain directors carry with them a certain weight of expectation. Paul WS Anderson isn’t really one of those directors. The British filmmaker has never really concerned himself with the thoughts of critics – but perhaps that’s because, on the whole, he doesn’t make very good movies. His latest is no exception.

Monster Hunter, an adaptation of the long-running video game series of the same name, is a fantasy action movie brimming with ideas, but one that never quite brings them all together in a meaningful way. This is a movie in which Milla Jovovich (the Resident Evil franchise, of which husband Anderson directed four instalments) fights big monsters with a big sword. It should be a lot of fun, and it’s disappointing that it isn’t. Monster Hunter certainly isn’t without its merits, but on the whole it’s something of a dud.

In the Monster Hunter games, the player takes the role of a Hunter tasked with killing monsters terrorising locals – think Zelda: Breath of the Wild, but with more beasties. In theory, this should make a good movie – but it’s too simple for Anderson, who decides that what his screenplay needs is some uninteresting US army soldiers who find themselves displaced into the world of the monster hunters for some reason. Led by Jovovich’s Captain Artemis (an early contender for most ridiculous character name of 2021), the group must fight to get home before one of the many monsters gets to them first.

At least that’s the plot of the first 40 minutes, because one of the strangest things about Monster Hunter is that it’s like three different movies squished into one. Each act feels like it could be its own 90-minute movie, but because they’re cramped together, none of them gets anywhere near enough development. It’s a strange screenwriting choice from Anderson, and results in the whole film feeling disjointed.

Some decent characters would be a saving grace, but sadly you won’t find any here. The cast are mostly fine – Jovovich is fun, and Tony Jaa is clearly having a great time – but they’re not given anything of note to work with. Ron Perlman is the most hard done by; he appears for about three seconds in the film’s prologue, disappears for the next 70 minutes, and looks extremely bored as he spouts some vague exposition at Jovovich (“It’s vulnerable right before it breathes fire”? What does that even mean?).

Having said that, it isn’t all bad. The creatures are particularly impressive, and do feel like big threats when they need to thanks to some great designs and solid visual effects. They’re helped along by Paul Haslinger’s genuinely incredible score, which balances synths and strings in a way that most composers don’t manage to – it’s a score that honestly belongs in a much better movie.

It’s also mostly a decent-looking flick, with some nice locations and largely solid action scenes making up for a smidge of the boredom – but even here, there are exceptions. The big final act changes location halfway through from somewhere visually interesting to somewhere dull, and there isn’t really an excuse for it. There are also a handful of particularly awfully edited hand-to-hand combat scenes scattered throughout; if you thought Bourne was bad, just you wait.

It’s a shame, because Monster Hunter could have at least been a fun, dumb action movie, but what we’re left with is a messy and uninteresting flick that’s too afraid to go full camp and have fun with itself. Still, we can be thankful it’s only 93 minutes long – it won’t waste too much of your time, at least.

Monster Hunter is in cinemas from June 18th.

SCAVENGER

scavenger

Scavenger is that rarity – a post-apocalyptic wannabe-grindhouse exploitation movie filmed in Argentina. It’s a subgenre that sadly isn’t rare enough; Scavenger is a horrible, nasty, vile, grubby little film that runs for just over seventy minutes but every painful, badly-directed and written minute – no, make that second ­ ­­- feels like a lifetime spent in absolute, unbearable purgatory in the company of ghastly, repellent, misogynistic foul-mouthed lowlife scumbags.

Let’s get this over with. In some tediously low-rent Mad Max post-apoc wilderness we meet Tisha (Nayla Churruarin), a wild and dangerous loner who tracks down other loners, slaughters them and sells their corpses as meat to feed the survivors in a starving, arid world. She’s a tortured soul, tormented by some terrible family trauma from her youth. She meets up with – and is abused by – a stripper named Luna (Sofia Lanaro) and she finds herself a prisoner in what can only be described as a rape club where she is repeatedly violently violated by hideous, stinking, fetid excuses for mankind. These over-extended sequences are ugly and hideous to watch; there’s no morality here, just unnecessarily graphic and painful physical violence just for the sake of it and for pure shock value.

Directors Eric Fleitas and Luciana Garraza have created a bog-standard (in every conceivable sense of the expression) revenge thriller and filled it with filth, foul characters and poorly executed violence. Scavenger is scuppered not only by its own inexcusable sleaziness, but it’s also not helped by the terrible production design and a budget that won’t even stretch to making its unpalatable world convincing. The whole thing looks as if it was flung together with bits and pieces salvaged from a rubbish tip (where we can only assume the script was also exhumed) with desperate-for-a-credit actors dragged in from amateur porn videos. It’s hard to imagine that even aficionados of torture porn and grindhouse cinema will find anything to redeem this stomach-churning monstrosity. Fleitas and Garraza might be minded to defend their ‘work’ as a study in the depths humanity can sink to in desperate, stricken times but we’re calling shenanigans on that one.

We admire anyone who can marshall the resources and energy to actually get a film made but there are times when the effort just isn’t worth it and the end result is so shockingly unappealing and bereft of creative merit that it deserves nothing but contempt and dismissal and absolutely nothing in the way of recommendation. We’re tempted to give this one a zero rating but it earns itself one star purely by virtue of the fact that it could have gone on a lot longer and ruined even more of our day. Please… avoid at all costs and don’t even let your curiosity get the better of you. Scavenger is truly appalling.

Scavenger is available on Blu-ray (with the soundtrack CD) and VOD in the US. 

IN THE EARTH

in earth

Ben Wheatley has never been interested in appealing to the masses, and that’s part of what makes him such a fascinating filmmaker. Most people seem to be indifferent to his movies, but those of us that love them love them dearly – and his latest, the phantasmagoric horror In the Earth, is no different. Staying true to Wheatley’s traditional style and tone while feeling entirely fresh, it’s the director’s best film in years, and shows audiences the true power of genre cinema.

We follow Martin and Alma (the excellent pairing of Joel Fry and Ellora Torchia) as they venture into a forest on a routine equipment run, but find themselves delayed by unknown and unexpected adversaries. Set against the backdrop of a world ravaged by a contagious virus (and filmed amid Covid-19 protocols last August), it’s a more meditative film than Wheatley’s previous works that asks its viewer which is really scarier: nature or the supernatural?

As ever with Wheatley, don’t expect any solid answers, because he isn’t interested in them. He’s more focused on getting his viewer to think and providing them with an experience – and In the Earth is all the better for it. The question of whether it’s nature or something supernatural haunting the woods is never answered, but it doesn’t need to be. We’re given enough clues and asked enough questions to maybe start to piece things together ourselves, but we’re never spoon-fed. Wheatley clearly trusts his audience to follow his story, and that’s something that feels more admirable with every day that passes.

Wheatley’s eye for a good cast has perhaps never been better than it is here: Fry (Game of Thrones) and Torchia (Midsommar) are on spectacular form, and elevate Wheatley’s excellent dialogue to bring everything to life. Each is superb whether they’re on their own or together, and their characters really grow to care for each other – as does the audience.

They’re supported by an excellent Hayley Squires (In Fabric) and a terrifying Reece Shearsmith (A Field in England), who round out the main cast with incredible power. We’re never quite sure which of them to trust, and any feelings of safety are quickly ripped away once the film’s more horrific set-pieces start flowing.

Speaking of horrific set-pieces, these are the best of Wheatley’s career. They’re shot beautifully and ooze tension, backed by a score from Clint Mansell that drips with malice. After a few years away from horror it’s excellent to see Wheatley back in the game – because as good as his other movies since Kill List have been, In the Earth blows them all out of the water.

Wheatley is clearly is in his element here: he knows just what buttons to press in his audience and when to press them to get the perfect reaction. In the Earth is a deeply, horrifically unsettling film, with all of Wheatley’s influences on show – from David Lynch to David Brucker’s The Ritual. It forces its viewer to question what we find scarier: nature, the supernatural, or each other – or perhaps a combination of all three.

Its final moments are unbearably haunting, and although it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, this is the mark of an incredible filmmaker at the top of his game. Regardless of what you think it all means, In the Earth will stay with you long after the credits roll. If you can get on board with it then it’s well worth your time, because this is one trip into the woods that never wants to let you go.

Release Date: June 18th (UK Cinemas)

HAPPY LITTLE BUNNIES

happy bunnies

A bunny masked serial killer is running rampant on the streets of England, slaughtering local perverts, sex pests and kinky bastards. At the same time, a young man sits down for a glass of wine with his therapist. Patrick McConnell’s Happy Little Bunnies is two movies in one – part lurid slasher film, part conversation between two men, setting the world to rights. Those expecting more of the former may be disappointed by the extent of the latter – but there’s never a dull moment. “We know it’s uncomfortable to have something shoved up your arse,” one of the men muses. “The larger the object shoved up an arse, the more painful it is.” Dull moments? Certainly not, with dialogue like that.

And this therapy session is building to something too, if you and John (Jon Scott-Carl) have the patience to stick with it until then. As their conversation continues, it twists and turns, ever darker, until it’s therapist Carl (magnetic Frankie Boyle lookalike Simon Manley) who’s making the big revelations. And quite possibly in need of therapy himself. As an exploration of British self-loathing and repression, it (and Carl) has plenty to say. Which is more than can be said for its most notable female character (Sophie Toland), suffering through the longest ball gag sequence in a Brit flick since The Disappearance of Alice Creed. Many of the film’s observations are fairly surface-level and not all that original, but they’re put so bluntly that it can’t help but raise a smile or two.

McConnell’s theatre background is evident in this independent slasher slash black comedy drama, which is essentially one long conversation with breaks for the bunnyman (not that one) to slice up a few sleazeballs. Not very cinematic, but the few set-pieces that there are – murder via glory hole, a massacre in an S&M joint – should stick with viewers for a while. The conversation? Love it or hate it, that’ll be stuck up there even longer.

EVIL EVERYWHERE

Evil Everywhere

No-budget, filmed-with-friends serial killer flick Evil Everywhere is the scattergun sequel to the makers’ previous effort Paura Tutto. In the first film, set in 1985, high school graduates were targetted for murder by a malevolent force who picked off the youngsters by dispatching their victims in alphabetical name order. The authorities suspected that one of this cohort, the ‘social outcast’ Zeke Zanderfeldt, was behind the killings, but he went into hiding after battling the true murderer.

Now, two years on, Zeke has re-emerged just as the killer has begun another murderous outrage. As well as its premise, Evil Everywhere picks up the central conceit of its predecessor: it’s a tongue-in-cheek homage to eighties shlock cinema and the motifs of the slasher genre. The film follows Zeke’s attempts to track down the killer, whilst evading arrest and the threat of death, as the new murder spree unfolds.

There’s a sense of gleeful abandon in the realisation of the multiple murder scenes that follow, complete with cheesy special effects. The bargain-basement bloodletting is delivered with a knowing acknowledgment of its shortcomings, and with the audience invited to share in a collective rolling of eyes. Numerous ‘killer’ moments from other horror flicks find reflection in the script, with the filmmakers’ love for the sensibilities of direct-to-video terror evident throughout.

Enthusiasm notwithstanding, the quality of acting amongst the film’s young ensemble is decidedly dodgy. The most accomplished aspect of the film is its annoyingly uptempo soundtrack, which cuts in with synth-pop signatures at key points (although the movie’s sound texture is all over the place).

The film’s own mythology is not very interesting and, as new characters are killed off almost as soon as they appear on screen, there’s little sense of rising tension as the film coasts towards its finale one-hour in.

How much you’ll enjoy Evil Everywhere depends on how far you relish observing the efforts of cheerful amateurs delivering a story with production values that would make the Troma studio feel they were shortchanging their audience. You might buy into the filmmakers’ audacity and complete lack of concern with creative standards, even those of grindhouse cinema. Equally, you might conclude that, in the end, Evil Everywhere is a film that will have been way more fun to make than it is to watch.

Evil Everywhere is out now on DVD/VOD in the US.

PARALLEL

parallel

Getting together to scramble through an impossible deadline, four friends discover a doorway to parallel universes in the attic. Initially using it to buy some extra time to get their app made, the pals quickly find other uses for the portal. Some use it for fame and fortune – ripping off famous art in a universe where the art sucks and Mona Lisa has short hair – while others opt for revenge and reconnecting with lost, dead family members. But as the gang get more and more confident in bouncing willy-nilly between universes, some develop consciences while others become more brazen in their crimes.

High concept, low budget, Isaac Ezban’s sci-fi thriller is a cross between a Twilight Zone episode and Christopher Nolan movie. It may not have the big bucks behind it like the latest Nolan blockbuster, but it’s crisp and clean; well-shot and directed, with solid performances from its cast. While at least half of their stories play out as you might expect (industrial espionage, an accidental murder and one girl doing the plot of Yesterday, except with art), there is some value to be had in Devin’s (Aml Ameen) search for a reality in which his dad still lives.

 Like the art of parallel universe scamster Leena (Georgia King), Parallel is not terribly original, following in the footsteps of many a sci-fi thriller (slash Rick and Morty episode) before it. Tonally, it’s muddled, struggling to manage its comedy beats and darker impulses. Still, the performances and Scott Blaszak’s to-the-point script make the film easy to like, in spite of its flaws. Were we all living in a universe where this was the only film of its kind, Parallel would probably be the best film of its kind.

HERO MODE

hero mode

Video game movies are a poison chalice, but fortunately, director A.J. Tesler’s Hero Mode takes a family-friendly look behind the scenes of a development company hoping their next game will be the one that saves the company.

Troy (Chris Carpenter) is a coding genius in his final years of school. His mother, Kate (Mira Sorvino), and his late father built a successful video game company, Playfield, but the precocious lad has been forbidden from joining the organisation until he’s found his place in the world. When he screws up a big investment, he spends the night fixing the bugs in Playfield’s latest platformer. Impressed, Kate puts Troy in charge of getting the game ready for PixelCon. Headstrong but naïve, Troy puts his mind to a new game, trashing the game developed by enthusiastic programmer Jimmy (Sean Astin). As the company’s luck remains bad, he must learn to work with others.

Essentially, Hero Mode is the usual moral-based teen comedy-drama but with added pixels and flourishes. It doesn’t fall into the trap of making the coders nerdy, socially awkward, or all male (Mary Lynn Rajskub and Kimia Behpoornia are particularly great), but there is the ‘why don’t you get a proper job’ subplot with Sean Astin’s character and his father. Chris Carpenter (who also co-wrote the story) plays the overconfident teen well and his eventual realisation that he will have to let others in is handled believably. There has to be an antagonist, and here it’s the rival AAA company Xodus, the CEO of which is not averse to playing dirty, and of course, they’re going to get their just desserts – this is a feel-good film, after all.

While there are game-like visual embellishments, this probably won’t appeal to hard-core gaming fans. Hero Mode is aimed fairly and squarely at the teen crowd. The moralistic message of team work, the fast-talking hip sidekick (Philip Soloman) who is hot on YouTube, and the singing love interest (Indiana Massara) tick all the right boxes as well as the ‘what’s an email?’ adult allow them to laugh at the grownups. It’s by no means perfect, but for the niche it’s playing to, it’s entertaining enough.

Hero Mode is available on digital platforms from June 14th.

ULTRASOUND

ULTRASOUND

Glen (Vincent Kartheiser) gets a pair of flat tires in a heavy rainstorm and arrives at the doorstep of Art (Bob Stephenson) and Cyndi (Chelsea Lopez). Art not only invites him to stay as the rescue service wouldn’t be able to get there until the following day, but he insists he sleeps with Cyndi. As Art plies him with drink, Glen’s grip on the situation becomes squiffy. Sometime later, Art turns up at his house and tells him Cyndi is pregnant. He then finds himself in a research institute, confined to a wheelchair and made to go through past conversations he’s had with Shannon (Breeda Wool).

Director Rob Schroeder and writer Conor Stechschulte have concocted a mind-melting twist-laden gem of a film. As more story unravels and things slot into place, another curveball comes to knock you off guard. Full of false memories and flashes of clarity, Ultrasound is a meticulously plotted film in which all the elements come into play wonderfully. Cinematography, score, and performances are spot-on. Each plays its part in manipulating us, the audience, and the characters on screen.

Some might figure out the film’s secrets earlier than others, but rest assured, a few rug-pulls are still to come. Schroeder’s feature debut is an assured and entertaining puzzle that has cult classic written all over it. It comes highly recommended to fans of Christopher Nolan’s work like Memento; the story’s intricacies are beautifully revealed but without the smug delivery.

 

Ultrasound is available on digital outlets from June 20th. 

NOBODY

Bob Odenkirk sets aside the shabby suits and slick patter of his infamous TV alter-ego Jimmy McGill/Saul Goodman in the immaculate Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul TV series to take up the mantle of an entirely different outsider figure. The action hero is probably the role he was surely never born to play but he takes to the bone-crunching fisticuffs and blazing gunfights like man created to raise carnage and the result is a film as ridiculously entertaining and it’s ridiculous.

Directed by Ilya Naishuller and written by Derek Kolstad (creator of the John Wick franchise – which probably gives you an idea what to expect here) Nobody sees Odenkirk playing Hutch Mansell, an ordinary middle-aged man living an unremarkable life as an office worker at his father-in-law’s metal fabrication company. His life is cripplingly mundane. His family barely acknowledge him much less express any love or respect for him. Day after day we see him going through the motions of a life bereft of purpose, meaning or joy. But one fateful night an armed man and woman break into the family home and Hutch does nothing to repel them or even to defend his home and family even when his teenage son Blake intervenes. Hutch’s self-esteem plunges even further and the distance between himself and his family seems to increase to a chasm. It takes only the realisation that his young daughter’s kitty cat bracelet is missing, presumably taken by the burglars, to push Hutch over the edge and to reawaken a secret persona he has fought so hard to hideaway. An encounter with ruthless thugs on a bus ride home leads him into a spiral of violence and destruction that will put his entire family at risk as Hutch’s past finally catches up with him.

Nobody is a sleek ninety-two minutes of mad, bad adrenalized kick-ass action. It’s a revelation watching mild-manner, timid Hutch explode into a ball of slick violence – especially considering that he’s played by Bob Odenkirk whose Saul Goodman rarely works up a sweat on TV as he wheels and deals and twists and turns his way through the legal system. We’ll likely not see a more explosive fight sequence this year than his battle with the thugs on his homeward journey, a scene so well-realised it’s easy to turn a blind eye to the complete cliché of the whole situation which we have seen a hundred times or more before. Odenkirk clearly has a ball here playing against type. Having attracted the ire of a Russian gangster Hutch’s position appears to become increasingly untenable as his home comes under attack again (with extraordinary consequences) and he finally faces off against what appears to be an unstoppable army of gun-blazing disposable mobsters.

Nobody is far more fun than it ought to be thanks not only to Odenkirk whose Hutch is entirely unruffled throughout, giving the impression that everything’s completely under control even as increasing amounts of excrement hit the fan but also the gloriously sly presence of the legendary Christopher Lloyd as Hutch’s feisty ageing father and rapper RZA as Harry, Hutch’s half-brother. Utterly preposterous verging on the ludicrous, Nobody explodes off the screen like a big box of firecrackers and it will demand you set aside your critical faculties and just revel in the madness and the utter chaos unfolding before your very eyes. File this one alongside last year’s Unhinged as a guilty pleasure you really shouldn’t feel guilty about for one second.