Uncharted 3 Drake’s Deception – Multiplayer Beta

Before I start I just want to make it clear to all reading that, first and foremost, I’m a single-player gamer. That’s what it’s all about for me, that’s what I lay my hard earned down for and I generally consider any online content to be a garnish to the main campaign’s steak and chips.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been some stunning examples of developers putting thought behind the online component of their latest software. Recent titles that spring to mind are well-balanced racers such as WipEout HD and Need For Speed Hot Pursuit, the co-operative joys of Portal 2 or Resident Evil 5 and the downright inspired use of connectivity that Demon’s Souls offers. But, more often than not, I just find online to be boring, broken or both. This is just my opinion however and I’m fully aware that a lot of people like to relax to a Call Of Duty deathmatch, a kickaround on FIFA, a Call Of Duty deathmatch, a bit of Halo or a Call Of Duty deathmatch.

But, back in late 2009, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves was released and, accompanying it’s absolutely stellar single player campaign, was a multiplayer offering that simply got everything right. From standard Team Deathmatches to wonderfully thought out co-operative mini-campaigns and everything in between. They were like little bite-sized chunks of the main story complete with all the action, humour and general coolness that we’ve come to love about the Uncharted series.

This coming November we’ll be off on another globe-trotting adventure with Nathan Drake when Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception is released and, beyond trailers and E3 reveals, developer Naughty Dog have just given us their biggest tease yet. A multiplayer beta packed with modes galore and other assorted goodies. I’ve been playing it for the past 24 hours and here’s what you can expect if you decide to sample it yourself. First, a rundown of what’s on the playlist…

Team Deathmatch

Probably the most popular mode from the last game. Two teams of five battle it out for 20 minutes or 50 kills, whichever comes first.

Free For All

Classic deathmatch, but new to the series. Ten people in an every-man-for-himself fight to the death.

Three Team Deathmatch

Another new mode with three teams of two hunting each other down for 20 minutes or 20 kills. Features the new ‘Buddy System’.

Hardcore

Randomized deathmatches with, as the menu reads, ‘No Boosters. No Medal Kickbacks. Just your skill.’.

Co-op Arena

A ten round sample-platter of what some of the co-op modes will have to offer including Siege, Gold Rush and Survival. You and two others against the world.

That’s quite meaty in itself but what other surprises are there? What’s new? Well, the maps are for starters. Two are available with this download, the French chateau you’ve all seen from the first trailers and an airstrip located in a desert. Both are excellent areas for all modes (the chateau is my particular favourite) and feature real-time changes in environment such as collapsable walkways, or interactivity such as the ability to close a door on someone chasing you down, or taking a zipline out of harms way. How about a full customization feature for all playable characters? That’s right, everything from the colour of their bootlaces to what kind of hat you want your avatar to wear can be yours to decide. Drake sporting a pair of mirrored shades? Sully in a fedora? Yup, that’s all possible.

Of all the available modes I found that Three Team Deathmatch was the standout. It’s basically the best of both worlds as it’s a competitive mode with a co-operative slant and every match was a tense affair. Coupled with the new Buddy System that gives you benefits to sticking with your partner I can see this getting some serious playtime when the full game is released.

I was curious to see how some of the new gameplay features would fit in such as the Power Plays and Kickbacks. It seemed like overkill since the Boosters from the last game have also returned and that genuinely seemed like enough. Power Plays are short events that take place occasionally to give the losing team a leg-up, yet they can also benefit the winning team. These range from being able to see where the winning team is for a short time, to having the losing team able to inflict double damage. Kickbacks are activated once a set amount of in-game medals are awarded. This could be a short speed boost or infinite ammo for 15 seconds. All these blend in to the background of the gameplay and you never find yourself chasing them down. They don’t get in the way and that’s a relief.

I found a lot of nice touches as I played through all modes such as the ability to wear a riot shield on your back as protection, or throwing a live grenade back at the owner (a tricky maneuver, I only managed it once). I just found everything to be an improvement in one way or another and it felt like everyone was having a good time in each match. But, this is a beta and there will be problems that will reveal themselves over time so Naughty Dog want feedback from the community. Feel the Power Plays are too empowering? Want a bigger blast radius from the grenades? Let them know. The beta runs until July 13th so you have just under two weeks to get in on the action and voice your opinion.

Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception is out November 1st on PS3 

Game Review: Shadows Of The Damned

Shadows of the Damned has been long awaited by the contingent of gamers who like their play time sprinkled with a dash of horror. The combined forces of two of the genre’s shining lights coupled with the addition of possibly the most creative mind in the gaming industry appears, on the surface, to be a recipe for success. The fact that it comes from Grasshopper Manufacture, who are also responsible for both the No More Heroes series and Killer7 only serves to sweeten the deal.

And what a deal it is. With Suda 51, Shinji Mikami and Akira Yamaoka all in the same boat you are almost guaranteed something amazing and each man has placed his own particular stamp on the title. However, despite the obvious talent on display, the question still lingers as to whether they could craft something coherent in the process.

Luckily, for the most part the answer is a resounding yes. Shadows of the Damned follows the exploits of the demon hunter Garcia Hotspur and his ex-demon companion Johnson. If that sounds like a penis gag to you then be prepared because, with weapons like ‘The Boner’ and a steady supply of innuendo, you’re going to be thinking things like that quite a bit. Suda 51 has his stamp all over this and the immature humour of No More Heroes is ramped up to eleven here. The best way to describe it would be to call it purposefully puerile. No matter how silly the script gets, you always get the feeling that tongue is firmly in cheek throughout.

The game itself kicks off proper when Garcia’s lady, Paula, is kidnapped by the charismatic demon overlord Fleming in response to Garcia’s penchant for murdering demons. The main plot follows Garcia’s attempts to rescue the fair maiden, but the player will mostly be drawn into the pairing of Garcia and Johnson. The pair will spend the game wisecracking and making crude jokes that will raise a smirk in even the most strong-willed person.

The monstrous creations that adorn the screen are both as disgusting as you would imagine something that emerged from the combined minds of Suda and Shinji to be, while also being lovingly crafted and detailed. The game carries a graphical style that is indicative of Suda 51’s work. It’s not necessarily the best looking game in the world, but the visuals carry a very distinct charm and suit the mood of the game perfectly.

While the oddball pairing of Garcia and Johnson is great for a few laughs, the story itself really just acts as a vehicle for the weirdness that has come to define Goichi Suda’s exploits in gaming. Without giving too much away, Suda 51 mixes moments of eccentric humour, such as checkpoints being marked by a terrified demon that craps itself at the sight of you, with the truly disgusting. The monstrous creations that adorn the screen are both as disgusting as you would imagine something that emerged from the combined minds of Suda and Shinji to be, while also being lovingly crafted and detailed. The game carries a graphical style that is indicative of Suda 51’s previous work. It’s not necessarily the best looking game in the world, but the visuals carry a very distinct charm and suit the mood of the game perfectly. It all combines to create a game that feels fresh and original and while not as purposefully mind-screwy as Killer7 and its ilk, Shadows of the Damned does a good job of keeping you on your toes mentally.

For the most part it manages the same in the gameplay department, and this is where Shinji Mikami’s work comes to the fore. Mikami is most famed for his work on the Resident Evil series and, if truth be told, the core gameplay is pretty much the same as in Resident Evil 4 with an extra dodge mechanic thrown in. That is, admittedly, a little uninspired but it is also forgivable as Shadows of the Damned is a hell of a lot of fun to play thanks to using one of the

best gameplay engines in recent memory.

It also has its own touches of gameplay inspiration, namely the contrasts between the light and dark worlds. Quite often during the course of the game Garcia will be plunged into a darkness that renders most monsters invulnerable and also slowly eats away at his health. It also generally serves as the main means of challenge in later sections and boss fights, which often become akin to a puzzle game as a result as the player frantically searches for a way to get rid of the darkness or utilise it to their advantage. It adds a touch of freshness to an admittedly old, though not dated, gameplay system and also serves to move Shadows of the Damned beyond just being a mindless shooter.

On the other hand the game loses some freshness due to a habit of repeating boss battles, especially sub-bosses. Experienced gamers may recognise this as a Capcom-esque tactic so it’s no surprise that it arises in a game with Shinji Mikami’s name attached. Boss battles are great fun at first, especially as you figure out exactly how to defeat each enemy, but only the really major fights aren’t repeated and it does make you wonder if the developers started to run out of ideas for extending the gameplay at points. It never gets too jarring though, and anybody with experience of games like Devil May Cry and the like will be used to it. It just seems a shame that a game infused with as much originality as that offered by Suda 51 would occasionally have to resort to such game-lengthening tactics.

Shadows of the Damned Screen 2

The third part of the holy horror (how’s that for an oxymoron/band name?) triumvirate is Akira Yamaoka. For those who don’t recognise the name, he is the man responsible for the music and sound in the Silent Hill series. I’m sure a knowing smile has found its way onto the lips of many a gamer now and, rest assured, Yamaoka has carried his talents over to Shadows of the Damned. The soundtrack is equal parts funky, intense and flat out jarring. Even the more cheerful numbers seem to carry an odd threat, which makes them a perfect fit for the game. Couple that with some truly off-kilter sound effects and Yamaoka once again establishes his credentials in the genre.

At the end of the day though, there is really only one question on people’s lips. Does the sum of Shadows of the Damned’s parts manage to live up to the hype? For the most part, the answer is a resounding yes. The title’s oddball mix of humour and horror, coupled with a very solid gameplay platform and some ingenious uses of the light/dark mechanic make for a game that is not only a lot of fun to play but also extremely quirky. It pulls of the strange feat of being accessible and slightly off-centre at the same time and, while sections of the game carry the very individual stamp of its creators, it all manages to add up to a game that, minus the odd niggle, is one of the best titles of the year so far.

Shadows Of The Damned is out now on PS3 and XBOX 360

Game Review: inFAMOUS 2

A couple of hours in to the continuing (mis)adventures of bike courier-cum-reluctant super mutant Cole MacGrath, you are granted your first ‘Ionic’ power. Up until this point you’d be forgiven for thinking this follow-up to 2009’s Sony exclusive was just a prettier retread of the original formula. Open-world setting? Check. Story missions interspersed with side quests? Check. Black and white morality system in place with absolutely zero grey area? Double check! But the moment you stand in the middle of a busy street packed with pedestrians and vehicles and unleash your new power you’ll have a stupid grin slapped on your face and be thinking to yourself “This is gonna be fun!”

Developer Sucker Punch introduced us to their new IP with the aforementioned deliveryman waking up, dazed, confused but largely unscathed at ground zero of a huge explosion that tore apart a large section of Empire City (Sucker Punch’s take on NY). The source of this devastation was a package he was delivering that contained a macguffin known as the Ray Sphere, a device that can enhance the electrical impulses in a human body. Imbued with electrical superpowers, Cole sets off to discover the what, why and where of the device and, in doing so, uncovers a conspiracy deeper than he could have imagined.

InFAMOUS 2 continues almost exactly where the first game left off. After a brief recap of key events that played out in the original (which it is almost mandatory to have finished) you are thrown in to a spectacular (scripted) battle with the prophesized Beast, a 400ft molten lava monstrosity, as it lays waste to Empire City. Needless to say, you get your ass handed to you and, with new character NSA Agent Kuo and original tubby buddy sidekick Zeke in tow, you hightail it down south to New Marais (read New Orleans) to recuperate and figure out how to defeat this ‘destroyer of worlds’.

The trouble with a lot of ‘sandbox’ games these days is a tendency to veer off the central narrative at any available opportunity with a myriad of side-quests, collectables and other non-story related missions. This can cause a loss of interest in the game as a whole as you end up chasing that final hidden package in the hopes of attaining the 100% completion stat. The beauty of the inFAMOUS games is that almost everything you do feeds back in to the main story and you never lose track of what you need to do next. Even the collectables give back-story or enhance your character’s abilities. And there’s a lot going on this time round. The Beast is your main worry, as you are constantly updated with it’s location in relation to yours throughout the course of the game, but there is also a Militia group to deal with and a mysterious plague that is slowly taking over the inhabitants of your new home town. Punctuated with hand-drawn cut scenes, this is comic book territory through and through.

Gameplay, on the whole, is a delight. You start the story bereft of all but your most basic powers, but this is enough to get you back in the swing of things as you start grinding and gliding your way around New Marais. Climbing is still a single button-mashing affair and you really do wish notes had been taken from the parkour elements of Assassin’s Creed or Uncharted 2, but this is a minor gripe and there are so many ways to traverse the expansive map you’ll quickly forget about it. As you obtain new and upgraded powers you are actively encouraged to mix things up in combat and, before you know it, you’ll be thunderdropping, force pushing and rocket launching your way to glory. Even melee has been enhanced with your new toy, The Amp. Although close-quarters combat can be hampered by an indecisive camera it’s still hugely satisfying, and hurling a militia member face first into the tarmac never gets old.

What powers you receive are largely dependent on which side of the morality coin you decide to play. Yes, the ability to play through the game as a good Samaritan or ruthless badass makes a return and it’s as cut and dried as before. There’s no benefit to playing the middle ground. But this essentially gives you two games in one and that really is no bad thing. As hero Cole you’ll be paying more attention to keeping collateral damage to a minimum and saving innocent bystanders left and right. As evil Cole you simply couldn’t care less as you charge through each set piece with reckless abandon. Playing through inFAMOUS 2 twice gives vastly different experiences and access to missions you will have missed out on during your first playthrough. The only downside here is that Sucker Punch may be painting themselves in to a corner if they have ideas about a third game in the series.

Another problem with open-world games is that after everything has been exhausted and the story finished, all you are left with is a pretty play area with nothing to do. Sucker Punch have seen fit to address this issue with the inclusion of User Generated Content. Taking their cue from LittleBigPlanet and Sony’s own ‘Play, Create, Share’ ethos players are encouraged to create their own missions with an incredibly in depth set of tools at their disposal. These can then be uploaded to the servers and dotted around every player’s map for them to jump in and play at their leisure. Only time will tell how this will pan out, but it’s an inspired addition and something that I’d like to see a lot more of in future titles.

There’s a lot about this game that shouldn’t be mentioned in a review at the risk of spoiling players enjoyment. Beautiful visuals, an engaging story with rich characters and fluid controls are just the tip of the iceberg, but special mention must go to a beautifully written cutscene towards the end featuring Cole, Zeke and a couple of beers. It’s one of the most affecting scenes of any current game and Sucker Punch should be applauded for this one thing if nothing else. Rest assured this is a vast improvement over the already brilliant original and that stupid grin will remain with you until you’ve seen both end credits.

InFAMOUS 2 is out now on PS3

Guild Wars 2 – Saviour of the Modern MMO?

Will Guild Wars 2 be the first in the next generation of MMOs or will it have Korean ‘grinders’ reaching for their tissues in trembling anticipation?

MMORPG: Mostly Men Online Role Playing Girls.

Yes it is a sad fact that most female characters running around massively multiplayer online role playing games are, in fact, guys. If you see a female character, take it as read that it’s a man. If the female starts to come onto you, then it is definitely a dude (probably a 28 stone trucker from Sweden (swe?) called SVEN, sat there in his Grandma’s underwear with peanut butter on his nipples typing to you with one hand). Now whilst this is a problem (especially if it takes you a while to realise that it’s a guy and you have tissues of your own) it could pale into insignificance when compared to the huge problem which is starting to face the MMO genre. I’m talking about increased player expectations.

Hot Gaming Females

World Of Bear Arses.

We have all been there in an MMO (if you never have, then stop that snowboarding/free running/motocross ‘oh look at me with my really cool and interesting real life’ and get down to your local games emporium right now and buy a copy of WOW and get it installed) with our brand new, lovingly created character that is so bloody awesome that within 2 weeks the whole server will worship us as a god – and we encounter our first quest giver.

Ye gods!” says the quest giver. The whole area is beset with bears and I cannot travel. I need you to cull the blighters. Lovebigbutts (yes they use your character name in the quest which is quite groovy) go and get me 10 pristine bear arses (and only 1 in 8 bear arses are pristine) and I will give you this EPIC Codpiece of the Rampant Weasel!

And there it is – MMO gaming at its finest and worse – go grind me some damn bear arses. However we want the Epic Codpiece, for without it we cannot stand in the factions major city and chat/flex and impress people (Sven loves a man in ‘Epics’). Plus the next time we are in a dungeon party we want to kick/tank/heal some serious butt and we can’t do it without the Epic Codpiece, so clearly those bears are well having it.

MMO RPG Bears

Fast-forward 2 months and you have hit level cap – there isn’t a freaking bear in the whole world that has an arse, there are no monkies with tails, there are no Lions with noses and there are no molluscs with (whatever molluscs would be traumatised about losing) and you know that if you see one more bloody yellow ‘!’ you might just die. But you do see it, you get depressed and then go and relieve some meerkats of their hind legs.

It works. It’s always worked. But by Darwin, is it right and fun to do? For me…. No. And that’s the growing problem. More and more people are buying newly released MMO’s, excited about discovering a whole new world, exploring its rich lore and killing masses of evil do’ers with great skill and prowess only to become instantly depressed when the first quest giver wants you to go and collect a bag full of random animal parts.

What I love about MMO’s (and after extensive research, including asking Sven and a couple of his mates, I realise I’m not alone in this) are quests that tell a real story, that engage you and have real depth to them. Ones that progress your character and that end in a cinematic that just leaves you grinning. There is also the fun to be had of being in a party of 5, 10 or 20 something people, facing seemingly unbeatable odds, having to work together as a team, bring down the big bad boss, getting not only the epic epeen loot but also the respect of your team/raid/guild/server. Meet you all in Major City… beers are on me! Type of thing.

Downed MMO Boss

Now wouldn’t it be awesome if we could find a game mechanic that dropped bear arse grinding like a new lover with an interesting STD and inserted something more engaging, so that both raids/team dungeons and levelling your character were equally as much fun?

Enter Stage Left Guild Wars 2!

Apparently the GW2 guys don’t like the thought of you carrying large mammal hind quarters around in your bags either.

To quote them directly “Most games, you go out and you have really fun tasks occasionally that you get to do and the rest of the game is this boring grind to get to the fun stuff. We just don’t want players to grind in Guild Wars 2, no one enjoys that, no one finds that fun. We want to change the way people view combat. Bring it!

Guild Wars 2 Huntress

Fully Dynamic world? Really?

That’s what the developers over at Arena Net are hinting at. In a traditional MMO if you change something in the game world it magically resets itself. Kill a field full of rabid badgers and they are back in 4 minutes, take down a boss and he respawns for the next bunch of guys who have exactly the same quest as you do. Knock down a wall or a building and before you know it the magical builder elves (complete with ass cracks showing and tin cups full of spoon melting tea) appear while you’re not looking and put everything back how it was. This was fine 10 years ago – it made sense to the gamer and was accepted. Now we want more. Guild Wars 2 say that more is what they are all about.

“Its your world. Its your story.You affect things around you in a very permanent way.”

The GW2 guys are hinting at a world mechanic that is truly dynamic.

As in individual player, if you change something about the world, it stays changed and affects all the other players on the server. Save a Village and it stays saved and other players will encounter a player friendly environment when they wander in. Fail to save it and the next player along will be getting their ass kicked by mobs with all the vicious malice of a recently jilted partner turned psychotic stalker. “Cause and effect. A single decision made by a player cascades out in a chain of events.” says an Arena Net developer.

That’s a pretty big genre changer right there, and one that I personally can’t wait to be implemented and become the norm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35BPhT-KI1E

Am I Excited about Guild Wars 2?

In a word: Yes. I know I shouldn’t be. I can’t count how many times over the last couple of years I’ve got my hopes up over the ‘next big MMO’ only to be faced with yet another World of Warcraft clone that fails to even come close to its chosen inspiration. I love MMO’s but sadly I have grown out of WOW. I wish I was brand new to genre so that I could do the whole WOW thing over again without the jaded cynicism that I now have. Guild Wars 2 is promising to deliver the evolutionary change that MMO’s desperately need.

So against my better judgement and bitter let downs of past experience…. Yes I can’t wait! Yes I’m excited about it. In fact the only thing that could get me more excited would be if the Playboy tour bus were to break down outside my house and Hugh needed volunteers to help oil the Bunny’s up (now that’s one thing I don’t mind grinding.)

So Arena Net, GW2 team… Please… For the sake of future MMOs everywhere… Don’t mess this up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8XW5BULAqg

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Game Review: Hunted – The Demon’s Forge

Take one muscle bound hero, one hot elven heroine, add one devilish mysterious leather loving woman, sprinkle liberally with squishy mobs and garnish with Co-op and Viol-la!!  Instant gaming success… Surely?

Enter ‘Hunted: The Demons Forge’, the new Co-op game from inXile and Bethesda.

You play either Caddoc, the lean, muscular hero who specialises in upfront melee action and cracking walnuts with his steel corded butt cheeks, or E’lara the Elven huntress who dispatches enemies with both bow and some hardcore pouting.

Both are beautifully rendered, from the armour and weapons down to Caddoc’s bizarre tattoo combover (clearly wigs had not been invented yet in this fantasy romp from the time of yore, so our bald hero has opted for a tribal side parting.) E’lara too has had time to swing by LA ink before starting the adventure but has gone for tattoo stockings that will have most red blooded males drooling like a bus-load of criminally insane serial killers driving past a scissor factory located next to a school yard.

Just when the teenage boy within believes that this can’t get any better, up opens a big wabbly portal and out steps a distinctly leather (could be rubber, could be rubber) clad temptress. Think, Joan Jet meets Elvira meets Dolly Parton. Where the graphics designers have probably had to be restrained while making our Elven heroin for movement and combat reasons, these restrictions have been lifted for smoking mystery woman and it’s clear that they took full advantage of this and whacked the breast enlargement slide bar tool as far right as it would go until the Country and Western singer indicator lit up with a definite ‘Ding!’

So there you are, a Warrior (who can do magic) and an Elven bow mistress (who can do magic) working for Jetvira Parton (who can do magic but which she mainly uses for popping up at random moments through her portal and inciting E’lara into dialogue questioning the aforementioned trustworthiness. Breast envy can do that to an Elf) facing hordes of baddies who are a little short on the old abracadabra side of things. Hurts to be them.

Onward then – let us hunt this Forge! For the first hour you will love HTDF. What’s not to love? The scenes are pure eye candy, the Warrior and the Huntress kick ass, there is blood, snot, explosions, the odd flash of E’lara’s knickers (ok, it took a while to position the camera, but it’s there to be had) and some skilling-up with weapons and magic. In single player the AI isn’t total fail, though when playing E’lara, it would have been nice for Caddoc to take point rather than making me face pull mobs and then run behind him until he finally stopped contemplating his naval and cottoned on to the fact that we were in combat.  There are shiny epics to be had, puzzles to solve and Gold to be grabbed. You can feel the BUT coming cant you…

BUT… after about an hour, just like an old Princess Diana wall plate in a large posh department store owner’s living room, the glaze starts to crack and things start to get noticed.

The playing area, whilst looking open and exciting, is crammed full of invisible walls that keep you channelled into a narrow corridor. Drop off points or cinematic controlled choke points make it impossible to go back to explore places you might have missed, or go back for that epic weapons cache you saw be couldn’t stop to pick up because you were out of health and mana (again!) and running for your life because you didn’t know when the next infrequent, randomly placed save point was going to appear.

The characters try to keep things moving as they banter between themselves about kill scores in a very Gimli/Legolas kind of way, which is made doubly funny when you realise that Caddoc sound a bit like Bill Oddie (‘Goodies…. Goody Goody yum yum’….and you never see them together). The Boss fights are fun but after a while you start longing for them and for the waves of tediously monotonous mobs to stop. There is a plot, but after 3 hours the same old shield bash, pew pew, you have lost it and don’t care.

It’s not all bad, for this is a Co-op and much fun is to be had from sticking it to the demon spawn as a twosome. But after a while, this too starts to get a bit jaded, even with the added bonus of real life Beer, JD chasers, Team Speak and drunken rambling.

I was excited about this game – I wanted to love it – I wanted it to drain hours out of my life like Guinness barrels are drained at Irish funerals.  I wanted to get excited about the posters and the Jetvira action figure (with erect-able nipples) but sadly the bugs, linear gameplay and two button combat system has left me feeling let down and frustrated, a bit like a bi-curious teenager in a straight nightclub.

So would I recommend this game? Yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3Uw1rhmi0M

What?? Well OK, there are a couple caveats to that statement. 1.) The full price tag is not worth the game as it stands. Give it a couple of months and buy it on special offer. It’s worth playing for a tenner. 2.) Buy it with a friend – get beer and JD and coop it one rainy weekend. 3.) Make sure they put  napkins in with your dial a pizza – for you never know when that hot leather/rubber chick is going to pop out of a big wabbly portal 😉

Expected rating 9

Actual…

Duke Nukem Forever: Early Access Review

Platform: PC
Release Date: June 10th

Hail to the King, baby!

Finally, our favourite alien mashing hero is back – and he’s all out of gum.

Duke Nukem (men want to be him, women want to be with him, gag on him and are quite happy to lez up for him) is back on our console/pc screens in the much awaited game Duke Nukem Forever. Over 12 years in development, DNF is due for release on the 10th of June. The hype/exciteometer is cranked way over into the red and is popping rivets, ensuring that this will be a sure-fire blockbuster.

Anyone who grew up with the original Duke Nukem 3D game will be making the no brainer decision to buy the game on release, if they haven’t pre ordered it already. All those unlucky enough to have missed out on the first game will no doubt be intrigued into the purchase if only to find out why older gamers sometimes drop into a deep voice and tell them that they have “Balls of Steel”.

I’m lucky – I’m one of the older gamers.  Yes, my balls are made of steel. I’m doubly lucky as Starburst got to play the DNF demo through Gearbox’s early access club, and I must say, we weren’t disappointed.

Right from the off, the first loading screen had me grinning. DNF has an 18 cert and takes full advantage of the fact. It is packed full of the adult humour we have come to love from the original.

I’m not going to fight you, I’m going to kick your ass.

The demo kicks off with you taking a pee into a urinal, giving the player no doubt as to the type of game that has just loaded and what they can expect in the coming levels. The first combat action comes inside a football stadium with the Duke blasting the hell out of a massive boss with rockets (clearly the alien bastard shot up his ride). Graphics are delivered via the Unreal 3 engine and they look great and run smooth.


The demo begins with an interactive urination simulator…

Damn! I’m Good.

Duke’s voice is once again provided by Jon St. John and fans will be glad to know that some of the old classic one liners have survived into this new game. As you would expect, dialogue from both the Duke and the other characters is adult and hilarious with the Duke verbally abusing his alien victims as he mows them down with his large arsenal of guns, bombs and grenades.

Who wants some?!

The game, at its heart, is an first person shooter but sadly wont be winning any awards for innovative leaps forward in the genre’s technology (after 12 years I was expecting a brand new engine at the very least) but what the demo did provide was real fun gun action and great interactive end scenes at the end of the two playable levels. These had me laughing and pointing at the screen shouting ‘hell yeah!’


The environment has loads of neat touches, many of which you can mess around with

I’m gonna get medieval on your asses.

So in short: We can tell by the demo that Duke Nukem Forever is an FPS for grownups who need to de-stress  by shooting aliens and want to laugh while doing it. Will it be a success? Existing fan base and hype suggests it will.  Will it achieve the cult status of the original? Ask me in 12 years when Duke Nukem 3 comes out. Should you buy it? For me, not owning this game would be like not having at least 2 copies of Bladerunner. Not a world I want to live in.


There are lots of nods to the past and fans of Duke Nukem 3D will recognise many moments such as this iconic boss fight

Its hard to judge a full game from a 15 minute demo, but from what I saw it looks like the developers have (finally) got a great sequel on their hands that will have fans shouting for more.

The humour in Duke Nukem Forever never really gets sophisticated, but that’s part of the charm.

Expected 9

Actual…

So, 12 years wait. Was it worth it, what do you think? Let us know!