Review: We Will Destroy Your Planet – An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth / Author: David McIntee / Publisher: Osprey / Release Date: Out Now
We don’t know what it is about poor old planet Earth. Here it is, pillaged by its own inhabitants and yet still desirable invasion fodder to just about any alien race who happen to spot it. And they’ve all tried it. They’ve wanted our water, they’ve felt threatened by our growing nuclear capabilities, they’ve been unnerved by our curiosity in exploring the neighbourhood, our planet has been in the way of a galactic freeway, or they’ve tried to mine out the core so that the entire planet can be navigated. We’ve always been lucky, well, to date anyway. We’ve used options that include but are not limited to red dust, military might, bacteria, helpful time lords and unlikely inventions by scientists to ward off the threat.
Yes, well – our luck might well have run out as David McIntee has, in an act of possible treason, provided our potential galactic overlords with an exhaustively researched feasibility study that can be used against us.
We Will Destroy Your Planet is an intriguing multi-layered book that kicks off with a fun and fact filled look at the planet Earth, as it might be seen by an invading force. It’s actually educational in its way, describing the Earth’s orbit and giving the statistics of its circumference and diameter, its orbit around the sun and various other facts and figures. Amid the factual/educational content there are a few film references here and there to remind the reader that this isn’t a textbook to be taken seriously, but of course if you can have fun learning some basic science and astronomy, all the better.
The book looks at our military capability as a planet and makes the point that as we’re not a unified society we should be a pushover to conquer – and that’s a point that, chillingly, can’t be argued.
Post-invasion logistics such as moving around on Earth, and hand to hand combat are also covered, along with a section on feeding and caring for your humans, which will be reduced to slaves or pets after the dust has settled.
Even though it’s disturbingly convincing in its conviction that conquest would be swift and decisive, given the assumed superior alien technology, it’s also an entertaining look at how we might succumb to a conquering extraterrestrial force and not to be taken seriously, of course. The tone seems to borrow from Orson Wells’ infamous War of the Worlds radio drama of 1938, and we can think of no finer compliment.
The reassurance that this is only a work of fiction is in the final section which gives a quick, though informative, whistle stop tour of invasion films and TV series.
All in all, it’s an ideal and unusual stocking filler that’s practically guaranteed to intrigue and delight science fiction fans while they wait for the Doctor Who Christmas Special.
