PANDAMONIUM

DIRECTOR: MJ DIXON | STARRING: DAVID HON MA CHU, ORIANA CHARLES, DANI THOMPSON | RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

It’s Arielle’s first day at top law-firm Killmore and Percival, a day that marks a fresh start for the ex-stripper whose keen to get away from a life surrounded by sex-crazed chauvinist pigs. Unfortunately for her, she winds up on the Sixth Floor, surrounded by men that make Harvey Weinstein look like Mister Tumble. As the lads settle in for a drink and drug-fuelled office party (complete with high-class exotic dancers), Arielle does her best to make a good impression while keeping out of their way. Then a psychopathic quick-witted guy in a panda mask turns up and makes mincemeat out of them, one by one. 

Pandamonium marks the 8th release in director MJ Dixon’s shared universe horror anthology and it’s clear to see that the micro-budget filmmaker is really starting to own the genre. What stands out best is the script, blending Arielle’s pathos-filled journey with a very ‘90s-feeling stalk and slash (with a ton of purposefully cringy one-liners from panda head). As ever, Dixon also manages to walk the careful line of writing strong female characters, while ensuring they more often than not end up on the end of the slasher’s blade. 

Being a low-budget film does come with understandable drawbacks though and you’ll have to forgive some of the less than stellar performances from a few of the cast (generally the smaller roles suffer the worst). Likewise, the editing could be a touch tighter and the cinematography a little slicker but since Dixon covers all creative basis on his productions, there’s plenty of slack afforded. What remains is a very entertaining tour-de-force in low budget horror that ticks all the right boxes and leaves you wanting more. Which is just as well as the mid and end credit scenes tease just that. 

A highly recommended entry in the Mychoverse series that makes you want to go back to the start with Slasher House all over again!

TRICK

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TRICK / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: PATRICK LUSSIER / SCREENPLAY: TODD FARMER, PATRICK LUSSIER / STARRING: OMAR EPPS, JAMIE KENNEDY, ELLEN ADAIR, TOM ATKINS / RELEASE DATE: MARCH 30TH

When a game of spin the, uh, knife goes wrong, troubled teen Patrick ‘Trick’ Weaver freaks out at the prospect of having to kiss a dude and instead busts out into an impromptu stabbing frenzy. Talk about gay panic to the extreme. Stabbed by his classmates and then shot (five times!) by detective Mike Denver (Epps), Trick pulls the full Mike Myers by disappearing, presumed dead, only to return every Halloween to kill off the cop’s colleagues and friends. It’s like doing five Halloween sequels, back to back. Can Denver bring in (or take down) a killer that his colleagues and superiors don’t even believe exist?

Co-writer Todd Farmer (Jason X) and Patrick Lussier’s seasonal slasher film shares more DNA with their My Bloody Valentine remake and the Saw franchise than John Carpenter’s classic. Their kills are clean and inventive – a combination of death trap and stabby slasher action. Epps makes for a workmanlike, if overly stoic hero, burdened with a slightly embarrassing script and a weird story structure that misses out on whole years of his life at a time. None of the characters are particularly interesting – not even Trick himself, in spite of a variety of creepy masks and violent kill sequences. That the killer manages to run rings around Denver and the cops is a bit too hard to swallow, but Lussier makes up for it with multiple twists and red herrings. Turning the monster into a Joker-like internet antihero is a nice touch, and one that the film could have done more with.

Amongst Trick’s various other treats are cameos from Scream star Jamie Kennedy and cult icon Tom Atkins. Slasher fans will enjoy the ample gore and violence on show, which Lussier certainly doesn’t skimp on. As with his My Bloody Valentine and Drive Angry, this film is a one trick pony, but a reasonably entertaining one.

JUMANJI: THE NEXT LEVEL

jumanji next

JUMANJI: THE NEXT LEVEL  / CERT: PG / DIRECTOR: JAKE KASDAN / SCREENPLAY: JAKE KASDAN, JEFF PINKNER, SCOTT ROSENBERG / STARRING: DWAYNE JOHNSON, KEVIN HART, JACK BLACK, KAREN GILLAN / RELEASE DATE: APRIL 4TH (VOD), JUNE 1ST (DVD/BLU-RAY)

2017’s Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle took the concept of the original film to an entirely different level, going from board game to video game and taking us inside the world of Jumanji for the first time. Granted, it wasn’t the greatest movie ever made, but it had likeable performances, solid action, and enough charm and charisma to keep it afloat. On top of all that, it made a lot of money; so obviously, it was time for a follow-up.

Surprisingly, Jumanji: The Next Level is just as enjoyable and pleasant as Welcome to the Jungle. As with the previous film, this is a rollicking adventure with solid pacing, loads of high-octane action, witty humour, wonderful performances, and oodles of charm that’ll delight families across the board. It also takes a lot of very familiar video game tropes and makes fun of them, which produces some of the film’s biggest laughs. However, the biggest success of this film is the central performances with this big A-list talent playing against type, although this time around, because of the narrative device of having the Jumanji game being busted, the characters’ in-game avatars are switched around, plus new characters are brought into the mix.

Kevin Hart, who is known for being loud and manic, absolutely nails his hilarious impression of Danny Glover, right down to the voice and mannerisms. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is clearly trying his hardest to nail Danny DeVito’s cranky personality and, despite getting the comedic beats, his version of DeVito is a tad wonky at best, but that’s easily overlooked due to his great rapport with Hart. Jack Black is still Jack Black (what’s more to say? He’s still got it!), Karen Gillan is at the forefront this time around and delivers more of her awesome dance-fighting, while the introduction of Awkwafina proves to be an excellent addition, nailing both the character as well as the emotional beats.

If you really liked Welcome to the Jungle, then there’s no doubt that you’ll probably love The Next Level too, since it’s basically more of the same. If you want something totally different and challenging, then you are better off searching someplace else, but if you want to dive back into that same world again, then this will pass the time perfectly fine. Not groundbreaking by any means, but it’s fun nevertheless.

CHARLIE’S ANGELS

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CHARLIE’S ANGELS / CERT: 12 / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: ELIZABETH BANKS / STARRING: KRISTEN STEWART, NAOMI SCOTT, ELLA BALINSKA, ELIZABETH BANKS, PATRICK STEWART / RELEASE DATE: MARCH 23RD (VOD), APRIL 6TH (DVD/BLU-RAY)

There is something inherently silly about Elizabeth Bank’s franchise reboot of Charlie’s Angels. The characters are woefully shallow, the set pieces are reminiscent of over-stylised rap video montages and the plot surrounding a potentially weaponisable renewable energy source is ludicrously hole-ridden. And yet, largely through stronger-than-you’d-expect performances and some fun action sequences, this unnecessary update is pretty good fun.

The central message is unashamedly -and why shouldn’t it be? – written in bold and emphasised from the very beginning. Women can do anything and that is clearly a good thing, but the strength of that message gets lost time and again due to throwaway, often clumsy writing seemingly intended to hammer it home with tedious repetition.

The premise now is that the Angels are no longer a small, secret entity but a global network with unlimited funding. The unseen Charlie Townsend is discarded for a team of Bosleys (in the original, John Bosley was Charlie’s right-hand man) played by Patrick Stewart, Djimon Housou, and writer/director Elizabeth Banks amongst others. Now, these highly trained operatives travel the world righting wrongs.

The main issue is that on the back of the Mission: Impossible series, and even the testosterone-injected remake of The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Banks’ film feels underwhelming and something of a missed opportunity. Yes, it’s fun in places, but there needs to be more. Where is even the vague semblance of tangible plotting to build around, with a smidgeon of witty dialogue? Where is the adrenaline-fuelled action and the glitzy visuals? Banks has strived for these action genre tropes but either through a lack of confidence or commitment has disappointingly veered off target.

There are positives, largely in the performances of both Stewarts; Kristen who genuinely seems to be enjoying her return to mainstream cinema and Patrick who chews the scenery in a way that implies the on-set catering was another element that missed its mark. Without the former, this relaunch would have been a much more turgid affair. The character of Sabine allows Stewart space to demonstrate her comic timing and action credentials as she dominates every scene she is in. Even when armed with some terrible one-liners and attempts at ‘banter’, Stewart remains consistent and perhaps only she emerges largely unscathed.

As disappointing is it is, the almost 2-hour runtime passes pleasantly enough although one viewing will most certainly be enough for any lifetime. This is a film that has its moments, but those moments are so sparingly scattered as to undermine the film’s reason for being.

DOGS DON’T WEAR PANTS

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DOGS DON’T WEAR PANTS / CERT: 18 / DIRECTOR: J.-P. VALKEAPÄÄ / SCREENPLAY: JUHANA LUMME, J.P. VALKEAPÄÄ / STARRING: PEKKA STRANG, KRISTA KOSONEN, ILONA HUHTA / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Even though the title hints at a zany animated flick à la Secret Life of Pets, Dogs Don’t Wear Pants is anything but. In fact, it’s a love story… rooted in S&M underground market.

Following the death of his wife in a freak accident, Juha (Strang, Tom of Finland) becomes adrift. Feeling partially responsible for his spouse’s drowning, the otherwise successful cardiologist can’t move past the mourning stage. By accident, Juha runs into a dominatrix and undergoes erotic asphyxiation (don’t you hate when that happens?). It’s the first moment of relief he has experienced in years and pursues it to unhealthy degree.  A dog without pants is born. In turn, the dominant (Kosonen) falls for the forlorn submissive, unaware of Juha’s true (suicidal?) motives. A lonely physiotherapist by day, the dominatrix struggles to connect with others the way she bonds with the troubled cardiologist. It’s worth mentioning Juha has a teenage daughter he pays little attention to, in spite of the girl’s obvious concern for her unraveling dad. The scenario is so bizarre, it’s hard to look away.

Dogs Don’t Wear Pants couldn’t be any more Finnish if it were directed by Aki Kaurismaki; bone dry humor, laissez-faire attitudes, and free-range teenagers fill every frame. Even though the characters are not particularly forthcoming, at every corner we have clarity of the leads’ state of mind. Credit to director J.-P. Valkeapää for getting so much mileage from rather single-minded characters that barely speak.

The film flirts with body horror (Juha’s hands and neck endure serious punishment), but always returns to the boy-meets-girl blueprint. If nothing else, Dogs Don’t Wear Pants does a better job rendering the appeal of BDSM than all three 50 Shades movies combined. For starters, the leads resemble actual people.

VIVARIUM

vivarium

DIRECTOR: LORCAN FINNEGAN | SCREENPLAY: LORCAN FINNEGAN, GARRET SHANLEY | STARRING: JESSE EISENBERG, IMOGEN POOTS, JONATHAN ARIS | RELEASE DATE: MARCH 25TH

Staying true to its dystopian convictions, Vivarium (literal meaning: ‘an enclosure for keeping animals under semi-natural conditions for observation or study’) tips its hat to the classic Twilight Zone, specifically Rod Serling’s favourite rug-pull: the suburban haven that bites back. It’s a decent peg for social satire of course – The Stepford Wives (1975) and The Truman Show (1998) both put their protagonists into similarly ersatz idylls to rage against the consumerism eating away at modern life. With its savage mockery of our homemaking aspirations, Vivarium initially feels like it’s been cut from the same cloth, but does its own thing too with mixed results and overgrown babies.

Jessie Eisenberg and Imogen Poots play Tom and Gemma, a young couple on the brink of buying that life-changing first home. Priced out of the regular housing market, they allow a deeply unconvincing estate agent (Jonathan Aris) to lead them up the proverbial garden path to a new development called ‘Yonder’, which is completely deserted and full of identikit houses that look like streets from Trumpton. This is the point where you or I would take one look at the place and get the hell out, but this pair are a bit thick and go for the tour option. Lo and behold, all is not what it seems, and the gullible twosome are soon prisoners in a labyrinth of blandness. Serves them right, frankly.

Everything they do to try and escape, including an attempt to burn their house down, fails miserably. In frustration, Tom starts digging a hole for himself (clunk!) but the soil isn’t real and neither is the sun that beats down on them. Then more plot happens that pads things out quite a bit from what is really just another Twilight Zone episode’s worth of SF concept.

Lorcan Finnegan’s direction of his script just about gets the job done but drops the ball with an estate agent character who appears to be auditioning for The Wiggles. Imogen Poots is a fine actress and goes to pieces rather brilliantly, and Jesse Eisenberg sucks the air out of every scene he’s in, which may or may not be brilliant acting. Production-wise, this isn’t a case where it can be said that the Ireland-based creative team have worked miracles with no money, as the whole production feels a tad bereft. As thought-provoking as Vivarium is, Rod Serling had it right with his 25-minute masterpieces: any longer and the stuffing flies out.

RAVERS

DIRECTOR: BERNHARD PUCHER / SCREENPLAY: BERNHARD PUCHER, LUKE FOSTER / STARRING: GEORGIA HIRST, DANNY KIRRANE, EVE CONNOLLY, MANPREET BAMBRA, DAVE JOHNS / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

An aspiring journalist who also happens to be an introvert and suffers from germaphobia must battle crazed, mutant ravers for the hot scoop in Bernhard Pucher’s quirky horror-comedy Ravers.

The story follows Becky (played superbly by Vikings star Georgia Hirst), a budding journalist who, after being told by her editor to “get her hands dirty” to get the story, ventures into the world of underground raving courtesy of her cousin Ozzy (Kirrane). However, when she gets to the party that is taking place in an abandoned energy drink facility, the mixture of the drink and hardcore drugs causes the patrons to go berserk and begin mutating into a whole new beast.

These particular films are nothing new but what sets Ravers apart from the rest of the crowd is the focus on not only some killer practical effects that add a massive deal to the zaniness of the concept but also the brilliant growth of its lead character Becky and that, largely, comes down to the winning combination of writing and performance.

Hirst took this character and fully invested her time to develop a respectable take on those of us who suffer from OCD and anxiety and it paid dividends on allowing the audience to emotionally connect with her as the lead. From the subtle hints of her using wipes when drinking from beer bottles to eventually coming to terms with her issues in order to survive – her journey as a character is something we don’t always get to see in this genre. Another stand-out aspect that directly relates to Becky is the fact that her sexuality is addressed in a respectful and appropriate manner – something that a lot of films, not just independent films, should take note of.

As previously mentioned the special effects for the mutants, from the basic exaggerated veins on their bodies to literal eyes hanging out of skulls, Pucher has crafted a wacky, balls-to-the-wall blood-soaked comedy that, once it gets going, doesn’t stop and although a lot of the premise or delivery isn’t new and some of the dialogue fails to land, he and his team ran with the concept to make it highly enjoyable and, with a stellar central performance and superb effects, covers overs the cracks in the script and is absolutely worth a watch.

RAVERS is out now on VOD

VFW

vfw

VFW / DIRECTOR: JOE BEGOS / SCREENPLAY: MAX BRALLIER, MATTHEW McARDLE / STARRING: TRAVIS HAMMER, DAVID PATRICK KELLY, MARTIN KOVE, STEPHEN LANG, SIERRA MCCORMACK, WILLIAM SADLER, AND FRED WILLIAMSON / RELEASED DATE: OUT NOW DIGITAL AND APRIL 6TH

Director Joe Begos has once again figured out a way to take a genre trope and turn it into something new with his latest film VFW. There have been so many films about old guys who used to be tough as nails getting together for one last ride that listing them would be absurdly long. Thankfully, director Begos has figured out a way to take a tired concept and turn it into something exciting, yet still familiar.

A group of old friends have gathered at the bar of the local Veterans of Foreign Wars hall for drinks on the day of Fred’s (Stephen Lang) birthday. They’re all veterans of Vietnam, Korea, and Afghanistan and are, appropriately, played by veterans themselves. David Patrick Kelly (Commando), Martin Kove (Karate Kid), William Sadler (Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey), and Fred Williamson (Black Caesar) make up the crew drinking at the VFW when young woman, Lizard (Sierra McCormack), comes barreling in the door, on the run after stealing the stash of drug dealer, Boz (Travis Hammer), who killed her sister.

Boz and his crew – which includes Begos regulars Graham Skipper and Dora Madison – come following, and chaos ensues. It’s the usual “send her out and we’ll let the rest of you live” storyline, but it’s filled with the kind of grit that viewers haven’t seen since John Carpenter’s Assault on Precinct 13. This is a film that really leans into the idea that these guys know that they’re nearing the end of the line, and thus, they’re willing to do whatever it takes to protect what is, essentially, their home.

Thanks to some minimal, but well-executed exposition as VFW opens, the viewer knows that Fred, Walter (Sadler), Abe (Williamson), and Doug (McCarthy) are usually at the bar from open to close, telling the same stories over and over again. For these guys, one thinks, this is a chance to prove that they’re still worth something, and that their story might have one more exciting chapter in it. This is the way The Expendables would’ve been if there were no egos involved: a cavalcade of past-their-prime actors showing off one last time that they’re worth something.

Also, unlike so many recent action films, there’s no digital blood here. Once again, Begos has gone for practical effects, resulting in characters positively covered in viscera after heads and chests explode onto them. Thanks to the close confines of the VFW hall in which most of the action takes place, Begos has crafted a film in VFW that is splattery, loud-as-hell, and very much feels as if the viewer is sitting right at the bar as everything goes down. The score, by the director’s longtime collaborator Steve Moore, is half Carpenter-style creepily atmospheric synths and half big heavy metal riffs. It’s the perfect pairing for the explosions, axes to faces/arms/chests, and grizzled old men kicking mutant punk ass.

VFW might be the final chapter for many of these old warhorses, but they’re going down swinging. And stabbing. And shooting. And chopping. And bombing. And whatever it is when someone takes a concrete saw and uses it to work their way through a crowd of drug-addled mutant punks. Joe Begos is once again literally killing it, and after the glorious craziness of this and Bliss being released so close together, it’s impossible not to love him for all he does.

M.O.M. MOTHER OF MONSTERS

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M.O.M. MOTHER OF MONSTERS / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: TUCIA LYMAN / STARRING: EDWARD ASNER, MELINDA PAGE HAMILTON, JUILAN DE LA CELLE, BAILEY EDWARDS / RELEASE DATE: VOD OUT NOW

 

There’s a refreshingly individual aesthetic to Tucia Lyman’s home-footage style directorial debut. The embattled double-act of troubled single mom Abi (Page Hamilton, best known for Netflix’s Messiah, How to Get Away with Murder) and her potentially psychopathic sixteen-year-old son Jacob (Edwards) carry the story in the form of Abi’s video diaries, an attempt to claw back control of her life and sanity as her son’s behaviour escalates. But which of them, if either, has survived to be selecting the clips we clicking open on the computer desktop?

Bailey Edwards gives a central performance to remember: powerful, sinister and as believably young and vulnerable as he is aggressive and unpredictable. There are moments of captivating chemistry where we just about envisage mother and son pulling themselves back from this toxic balance of power, before Jacob’s controlling behaviour or Abi’s refusal to confront her own past pull them back from each chance for a better future.

Overinvestment in the power and intimacy of Abi’s not-so-secret camera confessionals means the tension doesn’t quite cut it in terms of pace or run-time. In spite of how well cast Hamilton and Edwards clearly are, there’s greater reliance on pauses than the dialogue is strong enough to carry and the third act drags where it should get the biggest sparks.

Abi’s reasons for wanting to prove her son a potential murderer leak out with the past she’s not prepared to go into, happily and self-deludedly confiding in the cameras but never in the professionals whose help she wants. This speaks volumes about our era but at the cost of our sympathy so lowers the stakes, falling short of what a story based on the testimonies and journals of real school shooters and their parents deserves. Important questions are touched on without ever quite being asked: musical underscoring includes lyrics about Trump, guns and schools with greater clarity on M.O.M.’s apparent message than the action of its actual script. M.O.M.’s not offering any answers, but that is not the problem: with an issue this big, the questions it asks need to be a whole lot clearer.

MONOS

Monos

DIRECTOR: ALEJANDRO LANDES | SCREENPLAY: ALEJANDRO LANDES, ALEXIS DOS SANTOS | STARRING: JULIANNE NICHOLSON, MOISÉS ARIAS, SOFIA BUENAVENTURA, LAURA CASTRILLÓN, DEIBY RUEDA | RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

High atop a mountain in a South American country, camp Monos is made up of a group of teenage soldiers. Their mission is to take care of an American hostage and a new arrival – a cow named Shakira, an even more valuable possession than the hostage.

The world of Monos takes us up away from busy cities and calm farmland. The camp exists on a mountaintop above the clouds, isolated from any civilisation in an unnamed country, with the kids tethered from any life that existed when they were down below. The film makes good use of its location, crafting beautiful images that make the teenagers seem like they’re in purgatory. This untethered location is reflected by the timeline as days drift into each other, perhaps into weeks. We don’t know how long they’ve been up there or how long the film spans, in what seems to be an unescapable location, with all roads leading back to the camp. The child soldier’s work for something only ever called ‘The Organisation’, a group in the midst of a conflict. Whether rebellious or terrorist, we’re never told, but we do know that it’s easily enveloped the lives of these teenagers and changed the courses of their future.

There are big servings of Lord of the Flies in Monos, including a pig’s head on a stick, with the teenagers left mostly to their own devices. A shaky hierarchy has formed, with leaders vying for power. The kids spend their time being teenagers. They flirt, they chat, play games, even if they do have an undercurrent of violence to them, except they’re wandering around with loaded machine guns. There’s some outside authority that’s rarely seen but brings their freedom crashing down with every visit. It cuts through the teenage lives they’re living with the heavy hand of adulthood. You’ll make no mistake that though no soldier can be older than 17, they’re still dangerous and have been tasked with keeping a hostage, all not fully invested players in an unnamed conflict that has very real consequences. The film offers no simple answers. Whether it’s against their will, a case of coercion, or if they’re believers in the cause, we never really know, instead you watch as the film unfolds and ego, orders and youth collide. As their fragile society starts to collapse, the children fall into violence, revenge and even lose a lot of vocal language, instead moving towards animalistic noises, looks and actions.

The disc release is quite a disappointing one. The extras only consist of a gallery and a sparse Making Of feature, but you get the impression that after it’s very strong critical reception it’s likely to have a more expanded release further down the line that goes into more depth.

Monos sucks you into it’s almost unearthly world, with just under two hours of running time slipping easily away as your drawn into the shaken lives of these teenagers and their relationships.