Review Category: Movie

In 2015, Michael Dougherty brought us Krampus, a darkly comedic festive tale with the titular demon terrorising an unfortunate family. A festival hit, Dougherty’s film presented the mythical child-punisher as terrifying adversary, a creature from folklore who could be summoned intentionally or otherwise to deliver (in)justice to his hapless victims. In Krampus Origins he looks like a gym freak who’s glued a couple of horns to his steampunk fancy dress costume.

Set in 1918, the story centres around an orphanage and the accidental summoning of the vengeful beast, and that’s really all you need to know. There is a rambling and largely unnecessary prologue set at the tail end of the war regarding some American soldiers but, like much of what follows, it feels largely like filler as the filmmakers draw out an agonisingly ponderous plot to an unnecessary and rather tedious 86 minutes. Somewhere in Joseph Mbah’s bloated film is a seasonal short story wallowing in a snowdrift of exposition and lingering, overly long fixed camera shots that distance the viewer rather than adding the intended tension.

Drawn out certainly, but the story is also rather confused and character motivations remain largely unclear. One of the older girls is set up as a spiritualist, all potions and spells, but how an orphan would acquire all the trinkets and ingredients she possesses is never addressed. The nuns are largely peripheral and there is a bullying thread that is included to deliver a final act pay-off but never feels truly earned. You never really know enough about any of them to care, so when Krampus does begin offing the unfortunates there is no sense of peril.

One particular irritant is the sound quality. For large periods of the film, characters sound like they have a bag over their head. Either through bad design or a lack of care, this provides a further distraction and serves to distance you further from the film.

Every year it seems there is another Krampus film churned out by filmmakers keen to cash in on the horned one’s strange popularity. While Krampus Origins is not as bad as some – note Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013) as a particular low point – it provides little hope that there is a cinematic future for the character. Apart from Dougherty’s film, Krampus has been used woefully as producers and directors seek to cash in on anything remotely seasonal. Perhaps it’s time to leave this particular character alone.

KRAMPUS ORIGINS / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: JOSEPH MBAH / SCREENPLAY: ROBERT CONWAY / STARRING: MARIA OLSEN, ANNA HARR, AMELIA HABERMAN / RELEASE DATE: TBC

Written and directed by Lisa Ivana Bruhlmann, Blue My Mind is a fresh take on the coming-of-age genre, mixing body horror and drama to interesting results. Exploring the effects of puberty, 15-year-old Mia is changing in ways one could never imagine. Calling her entire existence into question, she tries desperately to halt the process until she gradually realises that nothing can be done. With her transformation slowly taking place, Mia must come to terms with who she is and where she may have come from.

At times graphic and hard-hitting in nature, Blue My Mind is a fascinating insight into teenage angst and the way a young girls journey into womanhood can be an excruciating experience. A horror story in itself, Bruhlmann has been able to perfectly balance the body horror aspects with the personal plights of teenage life. Keeping things grounded for the vast majority of the film, she manages to focus on themes such as isolation, identity and sexual awakening to varying degrees of success. Whilst her directorial debut may be bold and brash in what it wants to say, it never feels over the top due to a terrific leading performance by Luna Wedler.

As Mia’s body begins to change, she finds her impulses also becoming harder to control. Whether that’s her sexual appetite or her desire to fit in, Wedler manages to effectively show her character’s fragility and fiery independence all at the same time. Holding the film together, Wedler manages to keep the audience on her side as her reckless behaviour slowly descends into chaos. Vulnerable to those around her, we’re able to witness the social pressures that teenage girls regularly find themselves in. Whether that’s to be desirable or promiscuous, Wedler’s performance is both raw and visceral enough to show us a young woman who’s trying to conform on her own terms.

Setting the tone, Gabriel Lobos’s cinematography manages to bring the most out of every scene whilst playing a big part in showing us Mia’s isolation. This is enhanced further thanks to some terrific sound design which gives us a strong overall sense of the film. Whether it’s hearing bubbles from the fish tank or the waves crashing from the sea, Mia’s transformation is given extra depth as her body slowly starts to resemble a mermaid. With the mythical sea creature having strong connotations with femininity there are plenty of symbolic ties that could be alluded to with an adolescent’s journey into womanhood.

Blue My Mind may bewilder some viewers, however those who want to watch an alternative coming of age tale will be more than pleased with this intriguing gem. Bruhlmann has shown in her first feature film that she is a more than competent director who is willing to take big risks in order to create something truly unique. Original in its approach and mature in its execution, Blue My Mind contains not just a great directorial debut but a brave and captivating performance by Luna Wedler.

BLUE MY MIND / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: LISA IVANA BRUHLMANN / STARRING: LUNA WEDLER, ZOE PASTELLE HOLTHUIZEN, REGULA GRAUWILLER / RELEASE DATE: VOD OUT NOW

Aubrey Parker (Virginia Gardner) is slowly and with difficulty getting over the recent death of her best friend when she decides to break into her friend’s apartment to try and see whether she can face up to the demons and hurt that comes with such a tragedy. Before long, however, she is faced with life in a ghost town and trying to solve a mystery which encompasses several mix tapes her friend has left behind, saying that she’ll ‘figure it out’.

Amidst a snowy landscape, she encounters strange monsters both her size and giant in mass, but the depth of her sorrow and grief only serves to fuel the growing fears of what lies outside the walls in which she barricades herself…

A.T. White has written and directed an atmospheric drama that could work equally well without the monster movie within it trying to break out. It’s an interesting experiment and at times the competent jump moments that occur on occasion seem to be at odds with what the director is trying to get across. The use of a cassette tape as a motif places this back in the early 1980s, giving it a retro style. At one key moment in the film, you wonder whether the director is actually trying to be a little too smart for the audience; you could also read it as just what the character might want to perceive as what is real and what isn’t.

Gardner holds her own in the film, as she has to hold the frame for most of the films hundred-minute or so running time, portraying a young woman who is at the outset of what starts to become a down and dirty existence, with only a turtle called Bellini for company. She is the glue that holds the film together and she does have promise for the future, reminding one of a young Alicia Silverstone or Reese Witherspoon.

Starfish is a worthwhile effort and one which should be used as a way for teenagers to cope with loss of friends and to help find the strength in their lives to move forward. It doesn’t quite pull off as well as it should do, but there is sufficient here to garner a viewing or two.

STARFISH / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: A.T. WHITE / STARRING: VIRGINIA GARDNER, CHRISTINA MASTERSON, ERIC BEECROFT, NATALIE MITCHELL / RELEASE DATE: TBC

A tale as old as time is once again re-told as we travel back to Old Worlde Nottingham ruled by an evil dictator, the Sheriff of Nottingham, where our valiant hero Robin Hood and his merry men must put a stop to his heinous plans which include stealing Robin’s true love for his own.

Unless you have been living under a rock for your entire life, Robin Hood is a classic story that has been brought to life across many different forms of media including books, television and film. Since his first appearance on film in 1922 (portrayed by Douglas Fairbanks), Robin has been played by the likes of Jonas Armstrong, the legendary Sean Connery the gritty Russell Crowe and will soon have Taron Egerton step into the famous tights. But before next year’s outing, there’s another re-telling that you may not have heard about as soap opera fans will recognise Emmerdale‘s Ben Freeman, who delivers an impressive performance, in the main role.

The story follows Robin and his band of outlaws as they continue to attempt to thwart the Sheriff’s plans, before he captures Maid Marian forcing Robin to face his demons head on. This was initially billed as an action-packed medieval mashup with elements of The Raid and astonishing swordplay. However, it fails to deliver on both of those accounts. For a start, it pales in comparison the The Raid in every aspect. Whereas the aforementioned film is wonderfully shot and impeccably choreographed, Robin Hood: The Rebellion is a poorly edited mess. The action set pieces lack any real vigour and are clumsily executed, as it just feels like men tapping swords together and grunting followed by a cry of pain (or Wilhelm Scream) before falling to the floor with no blood or physical marks of damage. A real lack of attention to detail is also evident, as in one scene a man is stabbed but no blood is shown on the knife post stabbing.

Whereas 2010’s Robin Hood (starring Russell Crowe) was most definitely the tone that writer and director Nicholas Winter was going for, Rebellion suffers with trying to be something else rather than being its own entity. This instalment’s Sheriff is portrayed by the solid James Oliver Wheatley who delivers a sinister performance which is just right for this particular film but lacks the wit and spark that would solidify him as one of the greatest Sheriffs to have ever graced the silver screen. Brian Blessed, who in this version plays Friar Tuck, is woefully underutilised. In the marketing for the film, his name is bellowed into our faces but he only appears for a short segment before the final showdown.

Compared to other outings of the legendary thief, here Maid Marian (Marie Everett) is much more of an independent figure. Before being captured she most certainly is able to hold her ground prior to being overwhelmed, which is inevitable as it’s the cornerstone of the narrative. With regards to the supporting cast, most are forgettable apart from the Sheriff’s cousin Guy of Gisbourne, played by James Groom, who gives an enthusiastic performance.

At the end of the day, Robin Hood: The Rebellion will ultimately fly by as one of the more forgettable accounts of the classic tale, especially with Otto Bathurst’s big screen adaptation hitting cinemas in a few weeks time.

ROBIN HOOD: THE REBELLION / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: NICHOLAS WINTER / SCREENPLAY: NICHOLAS WINTER / STARRING: BEN FREEMAN, JAMES OLIVER WHEATLEY, MARTYN FORD, BRIAN BLESSED / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

There’s a lot of residual goodwill in the air for Simon Pegg and Nick Frost in the wake of the iconic Edgar Wright-directed ‘Cornetto Trilogy’ and hopes have been high that the magic might be about to rekindled in this new seasonal horror movie offering, the first fruits of Pegg and Frost’s Stolen Picture production company. Slaughterhouse Rulez isn’t a bad film but it isn’t – and was surely never intended to be – the great comedy-horror reunion many might have been anticipating; lower your expectations (quite considerably) and you might have fun with it, even if you’ll never stop hankering for the glory days of Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and, to a lesser extent, The World’s End.

Don Wallace (Cole) is press-ganged by his mother into enrolling into the prestigious (if unlikely named) Slaughterhouse private boarding school in the wilds of Gloucestershire. It’s an esteemed place of learning but tough, brutal and, it seems, is harbouring some strange secrets. Cole shares rooms with Willoughby Blake (Butterfield) whose previous roommate died the year before in mysterious circumstances. A nearby fracking site (ooh, topical!) uncovers a sinkhole in the nearby woods and – eventually – savage, monstrous walrus-like creatures spill out from the chasm at dead of night and head for the school grounds.

Slaughterhouse Rulez is an odd, uneven and ultimately unsatisfying film. Director/co-writer Crispian Mills (for whom the film marks a significant quality step-up from A Fantastic Fear of Everything, his previous dire collaboration with Pegg) seems to have vague aspirations towards crafting some sort of parody or critique of the class system and the rampant ugliness and cruelty of the archaic British boarding school tradition, but doesn’t really quite know what he wants to say or where he wants to go.

The first hour of the film is weirdly paced, scenes at the fracking station hinting at something nasty and supernatural lurking beneath the surface, but the school narrative – a sort of sweary Tom Brown’s Schooldays – takes an age to gain any momentum. Cole struggles to fit into the harsh regime at Slaughterhouse; he clashes with bully Clegg (Tom Rhys-Harries), takes a fancy to Clemsie Lawrence (Corfield), and finds that his roommate has his own demons to deal with. The Headmaster (Sheen) is a little on the eccentric side and housemaster Meredith Houseman (Pegg) is distracted by a recently-ended relationship. There’s a lot bubbling away in Slaughterhouse Rulez but, fatally, none of it’s especially funny. The jokes are lame, laboured and signposted or just not funny, and the meat of the story – the creatures emerging from the sinkhole – takes far too long to arrive to finally kick the film out of its torpor. It’s ultimately rescued by its last half-hour where it gains some momentum, displays a bit of vim and delivers a few frenetic and bloody set pieces as the creatures – nicely designed and realised – descend upon the school and disrupt a lakeside upper sixth form orgy.

Despite its considerable problems, there’s some worthwhile stuff here. The resolution of Blake’s former roommate’s fate isn’t quite what we might have expected given the nature of the film, there are a couple of nods to the Cornetto Trilogy (characters are dragged through windows kicking and screaming, Pegg launches into action with a cricket bat and on one occasion seems to be enjoying a frozen confection which looks strangely familiar) and Sheen’s Headmaster is buoyantly bonkers. But ultimately it’s a fairly pedestrian, clunky film which needs a much sharper, slicker script worthy of a cast which gives what it’s been offered as much gusto and enthusiasm as they can muster. Oh, and that Pegg/Frost reunion; blink and you’ll miss one very brief scene which just reminds us how good they’ve previously been together in much better movies. Slaughterhouse doesn’t exactly rule but it’ll just about do.

SLAUGHTERHOUSE RULEZ / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: CRISPIAN MILLS / SCREENPLAY: CRISPIAN MILLS, HENRY FITZHERBERT / STARRING: ASA BUTTERFIELD, FINN COLE, HERMIONE CORFIELD, MICHAEL SHEEN, SIMON PEGG, NICK FROST / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW