DVD Review: The Squad / Cert: 15 / Director: Jaim Osorio Marquez / Screenplay: Diego Vivanco / Starring: Juan David Restrepo, Andres Castaneda, Juan Pablo Barragan / Release Date: July 18th

The Squad (aka El Paramo) is a joint Columbian, Argentinian and Spanish horror production from first time director Osorio Marquez. It follows the eponymous group of elite commandos who are sent to investigate when all communication is lost with a remote military base. The base is set on Knife’s Peak, an isolated hilltop that is shrouded by fog, and the initial consensus is that guerrillas have managed to overrun the bunker.

Once the team arrive, things start to go wrong straight away with a member of their group becoming incapacitated by a mine. When they finally manage to get the power running again at the base, they find blood everywhere, but hardly any bodies. Investigating, they find the radios disabled and walls with prayers written on them, with chicken feet hanging from the ceilings. One of the team hears a knock from behind one of the walls and smashes it down, finding a lone woman bound behind it. They bring her out and try to ascertain what has occurred, but she is unresponsive.

The base log is found, which details what happened to the previous team and also states that the woman is a witch. She escapes and further revelations ramp up the tension until the squad degenerate into paranoia and claustrophobia. The chain of command collapses and the commandos start to turn on each other as their situation worsens by the moment when their backup that they are expecting shows no sign of arriving.

Considering this is by a debutante director, it is a smart horror piece. The first half is quite slow burn, but the second is a master-class in eking every last penny out of your location. Similar to John Carpenter’s The Thing, there is a real tangible sense of insanity befalling the soldiers as they try to discover if their predicament is down to the actions of the supposed witch, the guerrillas or their own imaginations. There are other nods to genre classics such as Alien and Predator, but they are more from tight camera angles and a creepy atmosphere. Don’t let the fact that the three films above have been mentioned make you think that this is an extra-terrestrial piece – far from it – but the issues of trust and friction that those films imbue are present here in abundance. Despite the gore quotient – which includes a pit of dead bodies and one nasty piece of bodily dismemberment – The Squad relies on psychological horror, and is all the better for it.

The soundtrack seems to amount to little more than a chorus of strings that literally scream tension, but this only works in the film’s favour. The cast are commendable and deliver some really good performances. Of course, the movie is presented in its original Spanish soundtrack with English subtitles, but we all know that can make for a very pleasant experience, and this is no different.

Special Features: None

Blu-ray Review: Mask Maker / Cert: 18 / Director: G. E. Furst / Screenplay: G. E. Furst / Starring: Nikki Deloach, Stephen Colletti, Terry Kiser, Michael Berryman, Treat Williams / Release Date: Out Now

Post-Cabin in the Woods any movie featuring a bunch of good-time American kids decamping to some rundown, middle-of-nowhere retreat for some weekend fun’n’frolics is going to have one Hell of a hard time being taken seriously. Joss Whedon and co have pretty much made that one a no-go area for a while until their deconstructive heat has died down a bit.

Retitled from the clumsy US Masquerade this retread of a thousand-and-one stalk and slashes, from Friday 13^th through Texas Chainsaw Massacre and most points in between, is pretty much by-the-numbers slice-and-dice horror and yet it’s done with enough style and conviction to keep the attention even as it merrily reheats horror clichés we’ve all seen too many times before.

Student Jennifer (Deloach) is none too pleased when her boyfriend Evan (Collette) blows all their savings on a battered and abandoned old plantation house for her birthday present. He manages to convince her that the house could, with work, be a decent investment so they invite a gang of friends to join them for a weekend of partying and light house renovation. Naturally enough a couple of creepy locals (Berryman, Williams) try to warn them off but what kind of movie would we get if the kids just packed up their stuff and went home? Sure enough the house’s history rises up to haunt them. Back in the 1960s a hideously-disfigured young boy watches as his own demented mother is killed and now he’s back from the grave to terrorize those who’ve invaded the family home. Before long he’s on the rampage with an axe, slicing off his victim’s faces and wearing them like death masks and Jennifer’s suspicions about the house aren’t enough to stop the bodies piling up.

Mask Maker is about as derivative as they come – there’s nothing hugely original here – but it’s watchable enough despite the fact we know we’ve seen all this before. The slayings are commendably bloody, the silent, relentless killer, whilst indistinguishable from silent, relentless killers in dozens of these cheap movies, is pretty formidable and whilst the twist ending (which is, literally, a twist) isn’t exactly a surprise it still manages to pack a bit of a punch. Furst directs his own script with bags of energy and commitment and there are several decent effective sequences where the killer chases and corners his victims before mercilessly mutilating them.

Hardly destined to join the ranks of the modern horror slasher classics, Mask Maker’s a competent effort and, as a budget release, it’s worth a look if you fancy a quick fix of grisly beheadings and disembowellings in a pleasant rural setting.

Special Features: None

Blu-ray Review: Chronicle / Cert: 12A / Director: Josh Trank / Screenplay: Max Landis / Starring: Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan / Release Date: Out Now

This past winter, Chronicle made a fair old bit of a splash and propelled writer Max Landis and director Josh Trank into the big time. Rarely a week goes by without these two being linked to a new project. Now the dust has cleared after the initial hype and the film is out on home video we can view it and judge it against its merits. Thankfully Chronicle holds up wonderfully on repeat viewing thanks to strong performances and character work.

If you don’t know the story, allow me to recap for those who missed it first time around. Three teenagers from different backgrounds and social circumstances find something buried under the ground outside a party one night. They find that this mysterious something or other imbues them with telekinetic abilities at first and eventually their powers increase to allow them the ability of flight. This changes their lives completely but lonely, scarred Andrew (Dane DeHaan) takes things too far and his inner turmoil threatens everyone with its capacity for destruction.

Okay so Chronicle is a found footage movie, and truthfully it really does stretch the format to breaking point in its attempt to thrill you and also make sense. Thanks to Max Landis’ clever, intelligent and witty writing we begin the film as a diary of abuse filmed by Andrew as he shoots his sad, lonely life and the abuse he suffers at the hands of his drunken father. This not only sets the scene but also builds the character and gives the film a core of sadness that ensures we take it seriously. Then we change tack as the abilities come to the fore and they continue to document the events as they unfold. They keep the format thanks to the very abilities they are documenting as the cameras are controlled remotely by Andrew’s increasingly powerful telekinetic abilities. Come the explosive and surprising finale, you may think that it goes too far and events are not believable, as the camera becomes increasingly difficult to track in terms of where the footage is coming from. By this point though Andrew’s obsession with filming everything is very clear and as his rage consumes him he could be absentmindedly and psychically controlling things.

Apart from this unique use of the found footage format, the film is also good for what it doesn’t show you. Just enough information is withheld from the viewer to ensure maximum attention. The source of the powers that the trio of teens encounter is left fascinatingly unexplained leaving room for endless interpretation and of course a sequel. A complaint that I had to initial viewing is that the film was almost too short and really did feel slight, the extended edition Blu-ray includes roughly two or three minutes extra consisting mostly of extensions of scenes already in the film, so doesn’t exactly redress the balance but the additional material doesn’t feel tacked on which is a problem many of these ‘extended editions’ face.

Chronicle won’t change the super-hero genre forever but it is a sharp, thrilling shock of super-powered carnage that should be seen by fans and non-fans of fantasy cinema.

Special Features: Deleted Scene, Actors Camera Test, Theatrical Trailer, Pre-Visualisation of two scenes and Soundtrack Info.

DVD Review: Playback / Cert: 15 / Director: Michael A. Nickles / Screenplay: Michaek A. Nickles / Starring: Christian Slater, Toby Hemmingway, Johnny Pacar, Ambyr Childers / Release Date: July 16th

Wannabe film-maker Julian (Johnny Pacar) enlists his friends to film a reenactment of the town’s gruesome Harlan Diehl family murders for a school project. He asks social outcast Quinn (Toby Hemingway), an employee at the local news station, to assist with video equipment and research. During Quinn’s examination of raw video footage of the Diehl family farm, an evil spirit is unleashed with a menacing agenda. As Julian’s friends start disappearing, local police officer, Frank Lyons (Christian Slater), receives the order to investigate. As the secrets of the past are unveiled, the dark entity threatens to consume everyone in its way, using video as its evil medium.

Building on this intriguing premise writer-director Michael A. Nickles borrows liberally from past films that have used similar ‘haunted videotape’ themes. Think Cronenberg’s Videodrome (1983), Ring (1998) and Jeff (Squirm) Lieberman’s obscure 1988 alien mind-control flick Remote Control, and you have some idea of where Mickles is coming from.

In Playback the evil entity uses video technology as a way of possessing its victims and controlling them into doing its bidding, becoming stronger with each ‘generation’ of transfer. Intriguingly, Nickles provides a backstory for the entity that sees it first using early cinema for its nefarious ends: the idea held by many in the first days of photography that the film image somehow captures the soul or provides a form of immortality. As the decades go on and film becomes videotape and then digital media, the entity grows stronger as video imagery becomes more prevalent. In the modern world of iPhones and video emails, there is no escaping the evil influence if it wants to get you! A comment on the insidious effects of social networking and voyeurism in the digital age? Maybe.

Voyeurism certainly plays a big part of the film. Christian Slater (whose talents are woefully underused here) plays a cop-with-a-crush who enjoys watching covert footage of high school girls provided by Quinn. The film opens with an extended Halloween-type POV shot of a murder scene filmed by the killer. These tapes later provide the clue to the motives of the evil entity and a plot twist involving the protagonist, Julian. The film also pulls a few ‘real or filmed’ tricks on the viewer, making us wonder if what we are seeing is really happening or just a scene in Julian’s documentary.

So, Playback has some interesting ideas and develops them well. The trouble is it lacks the cold fear and suspense of Ring because Nickles gives away the plot too soon. Instead it soon becomes a more run-of-the-mill slasher as Quinn sets out to retrieve the original Diehl tapes, killing everyone in his way.

Shame, as Playback could have been so much more gripping.

Special Features: None

 

DVD Review: Alien Infiltration / Cert: 15 / Director: Colin Theys / Screenplay: John Doolan / Starring: Lindsay Jeremy London, Roddy Piper, Cuyle Carvin, Adrienne LaValley / Release Date: Out Now

Some B-movies effortlessly achieve instant cult movie status, others try hard to achieve it but never really succeed. Alien Infiltration (AKA Alien Opponent) has all the ingredients of a B-movie classic: space ships landing behind barns, drunken rednecks with shot guns, kung-fu babes and even a kick-ass preacher. It has all the right moves, and is enjoyable enough but I doubt it will set the B-movie world alight.

The plot is pure Troma-type silliness. Rita, the owner of a small-town junkyard offers 100 grand in cash to whoever can kill the space-suited alien whose spaceship has crashed on her property. Every wacko within 100 miles turns out and before long the junkyard is transformed into a war zone of Man vs. Machine vs. Alien.

Right away we know we are in Robot Monster (1953) territory but Alien Infiltration is neither bad enough to be so-bad-it’s-good or camp enough to be another Big Meat Eater (1982) or Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988). Instead what we do get is a mindless but fun 92 minutes that is enjoyable enough without being that memorable, an affectionate nod to the classic B-movie if maybe not a classic in itself.

26 year old director Colin Theys (who also handled the cinematography, editing and visual effects) does a fantastic technical job on what is obviously a small budget. Alien Infiltration looks great, and zips along at a fair pace. It’s made with love, and Theys is one to watch. John Doolan’s script is a bit thin – and has a habit of setting up characters only to kill them off prematurely – but there are plenty of gory stand-offs between the alien (and its robot slave) and the humans to provide a few laughs along the way. Nice also to see the women get to shoot some guns and kick some ass.

Good also to see Roddy Piper (he of the Carpenter classic They Live) again, playing the aforementioned kick ass preacher. His scenes are the best in the movie and it’s a shame he’s not given more (although he does get to rise from the dead).

All in all Alien Infiltration has energy, good performances, blood, gags and junk yard aliens. It’s better than average, but keep your expectations low if you don’t want to be disappointed.

Special Features: None

Review: Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea – The Complete Collection / Cert: PG /Director: Various / Teleplay: Various / Starring: Richard Basehart, David Hedison / Release Date: Out Now

110 episodes, 31 DVDs. That takes some serious Irwin Allen kahunas. Lost in Space may remain the best-remembered of Irwin Allen’s cheesy, cheerful, high concept SF TV shows from the 1960s and yet Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea – at four full seasons – was the longest-running. Previously released in individual box sets the whole lot have now been bundled together, similar to the recent reissue of Land of the Giants with the added bonus of a colourful and informative souvenir booklet.

Voyage To The Bottom of the Sea, famously spun-off from the early 1960s feature film starring Walter Pidgeon and Robert Stirling (and generating a wealth of props and FX sequences which the subsequent series could and would merrily recycle), arrived in the 1964-5 US TV season. Although its pilot was filmed in colour (and is presented as a special feature in the boxset) the first season of 32 episodes was filmed in black-and-white. Typically for an Irwin Allen series what started out as a fairly straight adventure series, reflecting contemporary concerns like the Cold War and with espionage and political intrigue in imaginary far-away foreign countries to the fore, slowly deteriorated into lurid sci-fi monster of the week stories full of mad scientists and outlandish aliens. As early as episode two (episodes are presented in US broadcast order), ‘The Village of Guilt’, the frankly-awesome supersub Seaview is tangling with a giant octopus, the creation of a crazed scientist whose experiments in organic growth as a means to end world hunger have gone a  bit awry. In truth the whole episode’s a bit of an excuse to reuse footage from the feature film and in later episodes Allen had no qualms about regurgitating action from his own earlier films to spice up Voyage yarns. More than once in the show’s run the Seaview crew found themselves in a long-forgotten land where dinosaurs and prehistoric monsters prevailed – allowing Allen the chance to crowbar in footage from his 1958 reworking of Conan Doyle’s The Lost World (which also starred Hedison and thus allowed even more footage to be reused).

Season two – in colour! – sees a few changes amongst the supporting cast and some minor modifications to the Seaview herself as well as the introduction of the iconic Flying Sub, a detachable craft which, memorably, was often seen emerging from the Seaview and soaring above the ocean. Season two sets out its stall in the opening episode ‘Jonah and the Whale’ which Basehart’s Admiral Nelson and a visiting Russian female boffin are swallowed by… you guessed it… a giant whale. Elsewhere there are any number of giant jellyfish, ghosts and even an episode entitled ‘Monster From Outer Space’ which is about as self-explanatory as it’s possible to imagine. The show hadn’t quite lost touch with its spy/thriller roots though as ‘Escape From Venice’ is a lively pseudo-James Bond romp with Hedison’s Commander Crane in tuxedo and playing the dashing romantic lead.

By season three the show had become irredeemably silly – and yet still monstrously enjoyable. Shamelessly borrowing sets and costumes from his other sci-fi shows (Lost in Space and The Time Tunnel were airing at more or less the same time) season three saw the Seaview stalwarts turned into werewolves, episodes featuring more and more outlandish aliens, mermaids, mummies and giant lizards. Season four merrily dispenses with any last vestiges of credibility as stories become ever more ridiculous with appearances from Blackbeard, the Abominable Snowman, the Flying Dutchman and yet more aliens. Still successful by the end of its fourth year, a fifth series remained a real possibility but Allen chose to move on to his next – and best – project and the Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea came to end, replaced by the more expensive and lavish Land of the Giants.

Voyage is very much a product of its time with its simplistic, sensationalist storylines, utter lack of regard for real science and characters who were pretty much cyphers throughout the four-year run. But even now, nearly fifty years on, the show still looks wonderfully vibrant and colourful and its storytelling is always inventive. Sci-fi has moved on a bit since Irwin Allen merrily churned out his shows for a fairly undemanding audience and whilst today’s tastes may be somewhat more sophisticated there’s still much to enjoy and even cherish in the bright, breezy, voyages of the Seaview and her trusty crew. Great nostalgic fun. 

Extras: The original pilot episode, multi-part David Hedison interview, raw footage, audio interviews, bloopers, stills galleries.

DVD Review: Mystery Science Theatre 3000 – The Movie / Cert: PG / Director: Jim Malllon / Screenplay: Michael J. Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, Jim Mallon, Kevin Murphy / Starring:  Trace Beaulieu, Jim Mallon, Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy, John Brady / Release Date: Out Now

For the uninitiated, Mystery Science Theatre 3000 was a TV show that ran from 1988 to 1999, plunging hapless astronaut, Mike (Nelson) and his wise-cracking robot buddies into B-movie hell at the hands of the evil Dr Clayton Forrester (Beaulieu). On a weekly basis, the mad scientist doctor would force Mike and the robots to watch the worst science fiction movies ever made, in an effort to mentally ‘break’ them. Unfortunately for him, it never worked as the captive crew just used the screenings to yuk it up.

With the movie playing on a giant screen in front of them, as a viewer ourselves, we simply see the silhouettes of Mike and his pals, Crow, Gypsy and Tom Servo reacting to what’s happening. Inevitably, their interpretation of the film and its original narrative have very little in common. An overpowering score can suddenly become an additional character in the movie, or an over-excited lab assistant a crazed stalker. The list is endless.

And so we come to this, a movie that arrived three years before the show finally bowed out, and this time subjected the hapless inhabitants of the orbiting space station to 1955’s cheesefest This Island Earth. This being an attempt at a theatrical film, it also throws in some vague plot points including Tom accidentally mining through the hull of the ship in an attempt to tunnel to Earth and the crew booting up their own Interocitor to contact the inhabitants of Metaluna. But thankfully, the rest of the movie stays on brand as the crew laugh their way through the movie, pumping out one-liners and driving their insidious tormentor insane in the process.

Okay, so effectively the creators of the show have captured here what we all do with friends over a couple of beers and a pizza after a night out. But then that’s what has always made this concept so accessible and the perfect format for those who love old movies or taking the mick out of them. There is a ‘but’ however. Bizarrely, this movie is actually shorter (at 74 minutes) than the series episodes (which ran to 91) and as a result this just feels as if there’s something missing. The mini plot points squeezed in between don’t help. And while This Island Earth is certainly ripe for mockery, it doesn’t give the crew as much material to bend the narrative as other examples in the TV show’s 10-season history.

What there is though, is great. Featuring hilarious internal monologues, film references, impressions (Shatner’s Kirk being a favourite) and observations that blow apart the already thinly glued plot, this might not live up to the show’s reputation, but it is nevertheless an enjoyable watch with some real laugh-out-loud moments.

Special Features: A disappointingly thin selection for a franchise with such a rich history. A five-minute Featurette speeds through the premise and concept of the film, with interviews and behind the scenes shots thrown in among clips of the trailer and movie.The Trailer is also here in its own right, along with some stills (which include press material and, bizarrely, screen shots from the film), all accessible via a fun little animated menu.

DVD Review: The Smurfs – The Smurfic Games and Other Favourite Sporting Episodes / Cert: U / Director: Various / Screenplay: Various / Starring: Michael Bell, Lucille Blis, William Callaway / Release Date: July 2nd

There’s a movie Harold Ramis made in the mid-nineties called Multiplicity. In it, Michael Keaton clones himself so he can get all of his chores done in reasonable time. Despite them all being exact clones of himself, the Michael Keatons have different personalities and speech patterns. The Smurfs remind me a lot of Multiplicity. In the first episode of this collection, one of the Smurfs says that every Smurf is different. Except that they all look the same (not in a racist way, alright – they literally all look alike).

Like Michael Keaton, each Smurf is distinguished by its character traits. In this case (and like Snow White’s Seven Dwarves) they’re named for those character traits or functions too. There’s Papa Smurf (boss of the Smurfs), Lazy, Grouchy and so on. Then there’s Smurfette, who serves no other function than being ‘the female one’. Given the lack of females against the overwhelming amount of male Smurfs, it’s best not to question too much the sexual politics (or mechanics) of Smurftown.

Nor should one question too much why a grown man – a scholar and a wizard, no less – is so obsessed with destroying the species. Not that I don’t sympathise: seeing his constant terrorisation at the hands of the little blue creatures, Gargamel emerges as the only sympathetic character in the series. There’s a scene where he’s going about his business in the forest when he is suddenly attacked by Smurfs, who have now invented cars. In another, Gargamel is beckoned to a dying relative’s bedside only to be told what a horrible person he is and how his inheritance (a powerful magic medallion) is to be given to Papa Smurf. Little wonder Gargamel is full of resentment.

The Smurfic Games is a collection of seven sport and competition themed Smurfs episodes, no doubt to cash in on 2011’s movie adaptation and, of course, our forthcoming Olympics. After narrowly escaping capture by Gargamel’s cat, Azrael, Papa Smurf determines that his people are unfit and in need of exercise. Because the Smurfs are too stubborn to exercise for the sake of their own survival, they’re tricked into doing so with the introduction of The Smurfic Games. Meanwhile, Gargamel manages to get his hands on The Medallion of Poseidon, which he uses to magically set things aflame and cause a series of devastating earthquakes. It’s no spoiler to say that Gargamel is foiled and things eventually return to the status quo for the Smurfs, ready to cause some manner of mischief another day. Indeed – there are six other sporty episodes in which the little blue chaps partake in a little driving, mud wrestling, golfing, camping, mountain climbing and karate, amongst other colourful jollities. “You won’t find tales of stadiums going over budget, steroid abuse or Smurfette weeing on the side of the road,” reads the promotional material. That’s a shame, but the episodes are fun nevertheless. We wouldn’t recommend watching all seven episodes in one go though – even if you’ve got a real sweet tooth, there’s a lot of sugar packed into this 100 minutes.

Granted, we’re probably not the intended audience, but The Smurfs is difficult to dislike. The animation is delightfully colourful, the stories don’t outstay their welcome and there will be a high nostalgia factor for those who grew up watching the little blue Belgians. Whether it will appeal to the cynical kids of today remains to be seen, but The Smurfic Games is a lot of fun. It’s… well, it’s Smurfy.

Special Features: None

DVD Review: Blubberella / Cert: 15 / Director: Uwe Boll / Screenplay: Uwe Boll, Lindsay Hollister / Starring: Lindsay Hollister, Brended Fletcher, Michael Pare / Release Date: Out Now

At least with an Uwe Boll film, you pretty much know what you’re getting into.

Love him or hate him, he’s always laughing his way to the bank.

In his latest DVD release, Blubberella, is a silly parody of Bloodrayne 3: The Third Reich filmed simultaneously with the exact same cast and crew. Boll throws in everything including the kitchen sink making sure to offend everyone.

Actress Lindsay Hollister does a good job playing the whiney, 800 year old, bisexual, female vampire, Nazi fighter, doughy superhero aptly named, Blubberella. Doughy superhero in a sense that she could not only eclipse the sun, but blot it out.

Forget about time period continuity. There is none. The majority of the film takes place in the 1940s, yet Blubberella has all the amenities of the 21st Century such as a cell phone, Internet, laptop and a Segway she carts around on.

There doesn’t appear to even be a script as most of the dialogue sounds ad-libbed.

Boll regulars Brendan Fletcher (the sexually ambiguous Freedom Fighter), Michael Pare (the Commandant) and Clint Howard (the mentally unbalanced Dr. Mangler) chew up the scenery in some funny moments worth a chuckle such as Pare and Howard discussing the Commandant’s past trichinosis problem or the parody from the film, Precious, that deals with Blubberella and her mother in blackface.

Boll, a former boxer, spares no expense taking jabs at Dancing With the Stars, Elvis, Corey Haim, Michael Jackson and Lindsay Lohan, but the cream of the crop is Boll himself portraying Adolph Hitler accompanied by a Samuel Jackson rhetoric spouting soldier from the Africa Korps in blackface playing a conquer the world board game with Blubberella when a certain Colonel Von Stauffenberg shows up unannounced with a satchel under his good arm.

Vampires, Nazis, drifting accents, sword fights, food fights, zombies, explosions, blackface characters, death by fried chicken flatulence, sex jokes, ethnic jokes, a man in a fish costume, a gay resistance fighter, hot scantily clad ladies and one fat chick. Throw it in a blender and what do you have? One strange-ol’ movie.

Special Features: None