Review Category: DVD/Blu Ray

Review: The Haunting in Connecticut 2 – Ghosts of Georgia / Cert: 15 / Director: Tom Elkins / Screenplay: David Coggeshall / Starring: Chad Michael Murray, Abigail Spencer, Katee Sackhoff, Emily Alyn Lind / Release Date: Out Now

First up, don’t go in to Ghosts of Georgia expecting a direct sequel to 2009’s The Haunting in Connecticut. Both this movie and the ’09 film were developed from a trilogy of The Haunting in… documentaries, but that’s where the immediate association ends. Ghosts of Georgia focuses on a family that move to an apparent dream house in, if you hadn’t already guessed, Georgia. Andy (Murray) and Lisa (Spencer), along with daughter Heidi (Lind) and Lisa’s sister Joyce (Sackhoff) house themselves up in the lavish home and its idyllic charm. Of course, all is not as idyllic as it first appears.

It’s established early on that Lisa has an ability to see spirits, a power that she is taking medication to restrict. Similarly, her young daughter and sister have the same gift, which Joyce encourages the young Heidi to embrace. As ever, with great power comes great responsibility, and these viewers of all things spooky soon realise that the property and land they call home is stalked by the menacing visage of the previous owner and a slew of other spirits. The reasoning for this? In years gone by, the land housed an underground railroad that would allow slaves to escape to freedom during the Civil War. Through flashbacks, we find out that this process was overseen by a chap called the Station Master; an honourable taxidermy enthusiast. Upon being discovered as assisting in the break-out of slaves, the poor Station Master was brutally butchered and stuffed. Oh, the irony…

Ghosts of Georgia is a steady movie, although it often feels like it has a checklist of horror clichés to cross off. Squeaky old house with a troubled past? Creepy old man? A gaggle of twists and turns? All accounted for. Still, don’t be fooled by this, for Ghosts of Georgia does offer several unique and interesting plot points, and there are a couple of great performances tying the piece together.

Central to the story is young Heidi. Emily Alyn Lind really does hold the film together in a way not seen very often from someone of such a young age. Similarly, Chad Michael Murray does well as Andy, largely down to some great moments shared with Lind’s Heidi, although he does seem to spend far too much of the film pouting in a far-too-tight vest.

Surprisingly good, innovative effects add to Ghosts of Georgia’s charm but the movie is let down by some poor editing and dizzyingly quick cuts from Tom Elkins. The story is so-so but a few strong performances and some unique SFX work save Ghosts of Georgia from being pure fodder. A shame director Elkins seems to take pleasure in butchering his own movie, resulting in an effort that feels nothing more than ‘meh.’

Extras: None

Review: Escape Plan / Cert: 15 / Director: Mikael Hafstrom / Screenplay: Miles Chapman, Jason Keller / Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, 50 Cent / Release Date: March 17th

Sylvester Stallone lends Arnold Schwarzenegger his crap Expendables beard for Escape Plan, a hi-tech sci-fi action thriller that dumps the both of them in prison and lets their machismo do the rest of the work.

Escape Plan finally gives action movie fans the team-up they wanted, with Arnie and Stallone getting to spend plenty of time together in the close proximity that governor Jim Caviezel’s futuristic prison dictates. “You hit like a vegetarian,” Arnie sneers, in the film’s best line. But there’s more to Escape Plan than punching. The geriatric action heroes team up to escape the inescapable, hindered by governor Caviezel and his chief warden Vinnie Jones. Handy that Stallone specialises in breaking out of prisons and that between them, he and Schwarzenegger look as though they could beat the pulp out of Vinnie Jones without breaking a sweat. They certainly act the ex-footballer off the screen, with Arnie impressing in a role that finally gets him to use some of his native German. Caviezel and Sam Neill are there to provide the (slightly) more nuanced acting, while 50 Cent is categorically awful as computer wiz (!) Hush. We wish he would. Between Fiddy and Jones, Sly and Arnie are left looking like a pair of seasoned thespians.

It would have been nice to see a bigger beatdown between Stallone and the Governator – the extent of their much-publicised punch up is there in the trailer – but Escape Plan provides plenty of entertainment elsewhere. It’s a solid, thoroughly enjoyable thriller that gives its stars plenty to do; a fun throwback with decent action, well-employed twists and good performances from everyone who isn’t Vinnie Jones or 50 Cent. Even better, Ahnuld doesn’t inform anyone of his comings or goings so much as once. There’s even a chopper which he (barely) manages to resist the urge to tell Sly to get to. “Have a lovely day… asshole” may not be up there with his best quips, but it brought a smile to this action fan’s face. Old-fashioned without getting too bogged down in fan-pleasing references or lines from other movies, it’s one of the old guard’s better revival movies.

Fun, funny and entertainingly trashy, Escape Plan is an excellent bit of old-school escapism.

Extras: TBC

 

Review: Android Cop / Director: Mark Atkins / Screenplay: Mark Atkins / Starring: Michel Jai White, Charles S. Dutton, Kadeem Hardison, Larissa Vereza / Release Date: Out Now (US), TBC (UK)

With the remake of RoboCop due in your local multiplex any minute, The Asylum has jumped on board once again with their Mockbuster version: Android Cop.

It’s the year 2037, and Los Angeles has been devastated by an earthquake, leaving it a post-apocalyptic cross between Mad Max and The Terminator. Entering the disease-ridden area of Beverly Hills called the Zone, Hammond (White) is in pursuit of a nefarious character when his partner is killed by a malfunctioning sentry mini-gun, thus leading him to distrust all things computerized. Back in the Zone once again with another team, he’s ambushed, then saved by Android Cop who will be the future of law enforcement (haven’t we heard that line somewhere before?).

In an uneasy alliance, Hammond and his new sidekick team up on a secret mission to discover the cause of the outbreak, which leads them to corrupt police officials and… wait for it… the mayor! During the course of this, Hammond learns to trust his technological partner and Android Cop learns a lesson in humanity (awwww…).

Direction and script are painful with weak, predictable villains, silly dialogue and cribbed references from Blade Runner and the RoboCop series. Though it does move along rather fast, it’s missing a few important essentials, such as, for instance, any kind of backstory at all about the title character. Acting is sub-par and the CGI is what you’d expect from an Asylum film.

Extras: The making of Android Cop / Outtakes reel

Review: Frankenstein – The True Story / Cert: 12 / Director: Jack Smight / Screenplay: Christopher Isherwood, Don Bachardy / Starring: James Mason, Leonard Whiting, Michel Sarrazin, David McCallum, Jane Seymour, Nicola Paget, Tom Baker, John Gielgud / Release Date: March 10th

Fans of Mary Shelley’s classic Gothic horror tale of mad science and bodily reanimation have been understandably vexed by the travesty of I, Frankenstein currently stinking out multiplexes worldwide (were the words ‘from the Producers of Underworld’ not enough of a warning for you?). Hopefully they’ve found some solace in the slew of archive Frankenstein features which have been exhumed in anticipation of or in the wake of the modern Prometheus’s return to the silver screen. Like most adaptations of Frankenstein, this ambitious, sprawling 1973 two-part American TV mini-series takes liberties with the original text – generally a mercy as it’s a turgid read at best – but is still a faithful and visually stunning take on a story which sometimes seems just a bit too familiar.

After his younger brother tragically drowns, Victor Frankenstein (Whiting) becomes obsessed with the idea of bringing back life to the dead. A chance encounter with Dr Henry Clerval (McCallum) leads Victor into a course of experiments with solar energy to help realise Clerval’s dream of creating a race of physically perfect human beings constructed from salvaged body parts. But on the eve of his moment of triumph, Clerval dies. Victor carries on Clerval’s work and brings to life “Adam”, a stunning human facsimile who quickly becomes the toast of London society. But Clerval’s process is flawed and soon “Adam” begins to physically deteriorate and Victor starts to reject his inhuman creation…

For the most part, Frankenstein: The True Story is a rich and rewarding interpretation, casting the creature not as a monster but as an Adonis who slowly decays into a powerful, confused aberration. He’s worlds away from the neck-bolts and square head of the classic Universal movies; “Adam” is achingly sympathetic, almost pitiful as his friend Victor turns against him and he finds himself alone and confused in a world he never asked to be born into. The first ninety-minute instalment rattles along magnificently but the second half, where James Mason’s fruity Dr Polidori takes centre stage and Jane Seymour is introduced as the female ‘creature’ Prima, is less engaging and seems to have lost its focus as it adds flesh and character to the original storyline.

But it’s a gloriously impressive production – big bucks were spent on this one – with an intelligent script, breathtaking production design and earnest performances. It’s a slog at over three hours, but it’s recommended if you feel the need to wash your brain clean of the image of Aaron Eckhart’s six-pack creature fighting CGI demons.

Extras: Introduction by James Mason

Review: Black Water Vampire / Cert: 15 / Director: Evan Tramel / Screenplay: Evan Tramel / Starring: Danielle Lozeau, Andrea Monier, Anthony Fanelli, Bill Oberst, Jr / Release Date: March 24th

“The following footage was found a year later.” Oh joy. Found footage features have come a long way since Blair Witch – some might say too far – but Black Water Vampire manages to not only go back to the Blair Witch well but it also breaks some unexpectedly new ground. Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the world’s first found footage vampire movie. It makes a refreshing change from haunted houses, churches and Costa Coffees and is at least a sort of claim to fame for this otherwise derivative and largely unimaginative meander through a movie genre we’re surely all utterly sick and tired of by now.

You know the score. A bunch of amateur movie-makers set off to explore a local mystery; across the last forty years a woman has been murdered every ten years (not the same woman, that’d be ridiculous) in the woods near Black Water. A handy weirdo (Oberst) has been arrested and is due to fry. But Danielle (Lozeau) isn’t sure they’ve got the right man and decides to explore the woods with her chums to try to discover if rumours of vampires in the woods are true.

Inevitably, our heroes do what the heroes of found footage films do every time. They get lost, blunder about in the dark, they scream a lot and run around gasping and they always remember to film absolutely everything no matter how terrified they are. Needless to say, there is something nasty in the woods and, surprisingly, it is quite gruesome, if reminiscent of the cave-dwelling boogies of Neil Marshall’s The Descent. If you’re of a nervous disposition it might actually be quite scary in the right light…

To be fair, we’ve seen worse FF films than Black Water Vampire. The vampire angle is a decent USP, the crisp, snowy locations have a pleasing unearthliness about them and the cinematography is a bit more accomplished than a throwaway movie of this type might normally deserve. Utterly stupid ending aside, Black Water Vampire isn’t too shabby even if it’s just the same old story but with a vampire instead of an invisible ghost.

Extras: None

Review: Doctor Who – The Web of Fear / Cert: PG / Director: Douglas Camfield / Screenplay: Mervyn Haisman, Henry Lincoln / Starring: Patrick Troughton, Frazer Hines, Deborah Watling, Jack Watling, Nicholas Courtney / Release Date: Out Now

The Brigad… sorry, Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart and a handful of UNIT soldiers – sorry, they’re just soldiers at this point – venture out into bright, sunny Covent Garden. They’re on a rather foolhardy mission to recover the Doctor’s Police Box and wheel it – on a trolley, no less – back to their secret bunker base. Suddenly the streets are full of Yeti (well, four of them at any rate, doubling up and filmed emerging from various warehouses and side streets) and a pitched battle ensues from which there can be only one survivor. It’s iconic. It’s soldiers bravely facing off against ridiculous monsters. It’s the Yeti out of the London Underground and clubbing soldiers to death or spraying them with a suffocating web. It’s Doctor Who, circa 1968. It’s ‘The Web of Fear’ and, astonishingly, it’s back in the BBC Archives and available on DVD after a forty year sabbatical and it’s pretty much a thing of joy and revelation.

Despite its reputation as one of the great epics of the Doctor Who canon, ‘The Web of Fear’ is actually a rather low-key story. The Earth is attacked by an alien intelligence using unlikely robots as foot-soldiers and yet it’s all incredibly small-scale and intimate. It’s a story told on just a handful of sets – impressive reconstructions of London Underground stations and tunnels and the cramped military enclave fighting to hold back the advancing tide of web and Yeti. Episode four’s soldier/Yeti battle is the only location sequence and, indeed, pretty much the only proper action scene. Yet it’s still a gripping, thrilling tale, classic 1960s Who ‘base-under-siege’ stuff powered by a typically magnetic performance from Patrick Troughton and boasting a to die for cast of well-drawn, four-square supporting characters as well as one horribly servile and cowardly Welsh stereotype. Oh well, it was the 1960s…

‘The Web of Fear’ isn’t especially clever or sophisticated but at this point in its history the show had hit on a winning formula and was happy to keep on reaping the rewards serial after serial. Watching the story now it’s easy to see how it inspired current showrunner Steven Moffat to resurrect its central Big Bad – the amorphous Great Intelligence – for the most recent series of Doctor Who. Thwarted by the Doctor in a previous adventure, the Great Intelligence has gone to great lengths to create a trap to bring him back to Earth so it can drain his knowledge of Space and Time which it can use to its own advantage. It’s a simple and yet unusually Doctor-centric plot and even Moffat’s potentially irritating retconning of the show’s continuity – 2012’s Christmas special ‘The Snowmen’ saw the Doctor give the Intelligence a map of the London Underground, thus providing the historical inspiration for the events of this earlier serial – doesn’t take the edge off the innocent thrill of ‘The Web of Fear’.

Episode one – already held in the BBC Archives and familiar to most fans – has a wonderfully Hammer Horror vibe as Jack Watling’s returning Professor Travers tries to liberate an inactive Yeti robot from the hands of collector Julius Silverstein. Before long the Doctor, Jamie and Victoria are in the Underground, creeping around dead platforms even as, unbeknownst the them, the city is in lockdown and a fungal web is creeping through the tunnel network and the streets are patrolled by lumbering, slightly farcical Yeti (gotta love the glistening zips up their backs).

Despite the restricted locations of the rest of the serial, there’s never a dull moment as the Doctor is reunited with an old friend (Travers), meets a new one (Lethbridge-Stewart arrives in episode three, frustratingly still missing and represented here, as in its iTunes release last October, via stills and soundtrack recording) and there’s a palpable sense of stifling claustrophobia in the subterranean settings and the encroaching threat of the deadly web. It’s charming, vintage Doctor Who, directed with verve and energy by the late Douglas Camfield and with a script which never patronises and constantly surprises with its wit and maturity.

So it’s back – more or less – and even if it’s not as big and bold and downright spectacular as fan legend might have suggested, ‘The Web of Fear’ is still a warm and wonderful piece of archive television in its own right and a very special and very important piece of the Doctor Who legend. It’s a must-have.

Extras: ‘Enemy of the World’ ‘also available’ trailer

Review: Hell Comes to Frogtown / Cert: 15 / Director: Donald G. Jackson / Screenplay: Randall Frakes / Starring: Julius LeFlore, Roddy Piper, William Smith / Release Date: Out Now

In a world (yes, it’s that kind of movie) where the ravages of nuclear war have taken their toll – leaving the majority of the human race infertile – one man stands alone with the power to save the planet, one shag at a time. His name… is Sam Hell.

The trouble is, Sam (Piper) is under arrest by what’s left of the authorities and the only way he can regain his freedom is to sell his plentiful sperm count to MedTech and agree to go out into the wastelands to fertilise the population. Sadly for him, it would appear that they’re out of turkey basters, so he’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way. Reluctantly, Sam signs up and finds himself en route to Frogtown, a frontier settlement where the populace took the brunt of the radiation poisoning, creating a bizarre species of frog people. Yes, frog people. There’s some other stuff, but to be honest by this point its fairly circumstantial.

Arriving at the forefront of the VHS boom when producers such as Charles Band would put any old tosh together to entertain the masses, this schlocky classic fulfils most of the criteria. The story is nonsense, the dialogue cheesy and the performances are carved rather than honed. But, somehow, it works.

While this is considered a classic, it is by no means up there with the likes of They Live for example (Piper’s follow-up movie). It falls short in the action stakes and while the frog thing is certainly innovative, the rest is a little too run-of-the-mill. But there’s still lots to like. Piper seems to be having fun with the role and it’s contagious, while the effects are (for their day) commendable. Honestly, with a title like Hell Comes to Frogtown you know what’s in store and that’s what you get, no more and no less.

The extras are where this release excels. Rather than just throw a new transfer out into the market, the distributor has tracked down Roddy Piper (who at 59 appears to be battling more with his teeth than mutant frogs these days). In Grappling with Green Gargantuans, Piper talks about his experiences making the film in a manner which (unlike most polished press-kit interviews) is honest and not entirely positive and all the more interesting and compelling for that. Creature Feature Creator talks to Steve Wang, the (now legendary) effects man behind the frogs who at the time worked for next to nothing to make a name for himself (and because he really liked frog people), while Amphibian Armageddon is an interview with Brian Frank, who played the villainous frog, Commander Toty. These along with an extended scene really make this a worthy release of a slice of cinema’s more digestible cheese.

Extras: See above

Review: UFO Chronicles – You Can’t Handle the Truth / Cert: E / Director: Anthony Miles / Screenplay: Anthony Miles, Robert Miles / Starring: Sean David Morton / Release Date: Out Now

When Sean David Morton first pops up on your screen announcing that there is “so little of your reality that is based on truth it’s stunning”, you can’t help but sit and wait to see what he and what will presumably be other informants have to say. An hour later, you’re not so sure. There are no other informants, there’s not even any footage or photos to back up Morton’s claims. This release is just an hour and ten minutes of him talking. While this approach is unorthodox considering the format, it’s not that which makes this release such a joke. That honour falls to Morton himself.

At first it all seems (given the open-mindedness you’d need to accept the subject matter) quite credible. Morton claims he spent most of his childhood being surrounded by NASA astronauts (he even claims he has two of them as godfathers) who would regularly show him footage and photos of UFOs the world was never supposed to see. He goes on to talk about the people he has spoken to (as part of various documentaries) and the times he would spy on Area 51 and the ships he saw coming and going. Again, there is no footage or images to back this up.

It’s when Morton goes on to explain his psychic powers that it all falls apart. That and the fact that, recorded in 2005, his future predictions are laughable. Being able to track the stock market and do the numbers on earthquakes doesn’t make you Nostradamus (who he also heavily cribs from). Last year Morton was told to pay back $11 million to people he defrauded in money scams linked to his ‘prophetic abilities’. Nuff said, the guy’s a joke and so is this DVD.

But wait a second, all is not lost. Buried in the Special Features is a little gem. UFOs and ETs is compiled of two UK cable show episodes. The first (Esoteria) is grist for the mill, focusing on a man who claims to be plagued by UFOs that follow him (but nobody else can see) and another who talks honestly about the tiny alien rabbit cats that sat on his chest and ate his cancer. The second though is far more enthralling: In an episode of On the Edge, presenter Theo Chalmers talks to conspiracy theorist Marcus Allen about the Moon Landing. Wholly different from the other tosh on this release, the discussion is backed up by photo ‘proof’ and compelling arguments that certainly seem to point to some form of skulduggery by NASA. Why this wasn’t used as a basis for the release I have no idea. A diamond in the rough, these 42 minutes almost – almost – makes the DVD worth watching.

Extras: See above

Review: The Last Days / Cert: 15 / Director: David Pastor, Àlex Pastor / Screenplay: David Pastor, Àlex Pastor / Starring: Quim Gutiérrez, José Coronado, Marta Etura, Leticia Dolera / Release Date: Out Now

Following on from their debut feature Carriers in 2009, sibling directors David and Àlex Pastor deliver another tale of personal survival amidst a global pandemic where fear and self-preservation have become humanity’s primary instincts.

Three months after an outbreak known as the Panic, which saw an unexplained spread of agoraphobia so extreme that anyone going outside is literally scared to death, computer programmer Marc, who was trapped in his office when the outbreak hit, attempts to cross the city to find his girlfriend Julia, journeying through sewers and underground tunnels until he finds her.

Post-apocalyptic films are never going to go out of fashion. Their requirements of small casts, sparse sets and simple stories mean that their settings are perfect for independent and low-budget filmmakers who might not have access to ridiculous amounts of studio funding. The Last Days’ vision of the deteriorating society of Barcelona is rendered in a simple yet striking manner. Shopping centres and underground stations are populated by small groups huddled around burning oil drums, people argue over bottles of water, rats chewing on corpses go unremarked upon and ignored, and thugs with guns are the most powerful individuals around. We also get occasional glimpses of the empty desolation of the outside streets, the bright light of the sun almost mocking in its inviting temptation, willing people to give up their miserable life of cramped squalor and embrace the fatal freedom of open space. When we see someone being affected by the Panic, their terror is signified by sharp camera angles, blinding lights and tinny flares of sound, as if their very senses are overwhelming all comprehension of their own existence.

Even though the spread of the outbreak is worldwide, the far-reaching implications for the rest of the world are only briefly touched upon. The cause of the pandemic is never revealed – nor even more than superficially speculated upon – and seeing as it’s effectively irrelevant this is a good thing. An investigation into what caused everyone’s intense agoraphobia would be a distraction, as even if it were discovered there would be little anyone could do about it. This is a much more personal tale, doubtless only one of any number of similar struggles taking place at the same time anywhere in the world.

What makes Marc so relatable is that he’s utterly unremarkable. Possessing no special knowledge or relevant skills, his relentless determination to be reunited with Julia keeps both him and the viewer equally focused on the path ahead and fearful for the dangers it holds, especially when he makes a discovery about her halfway through the film. His companion Enrique, previously a management consultant at Marc’s office, is on an equally personal mission to reach the hospital his father was being treated in. Throughout the journey, their conversations about the thoughts and feelings that keep them going make us empathise with their plight and wish for them to succeed. This is the final message the film leaves us with, that even when living a perpetual nightmare trapped in a crumbling city of a decaying world, there is always still hope.

Extras: None

Review: Hellgate / Cert: 18 / Director: William A. Levey / Screenplay: Michael O’Rourke / Starring: Ron Palillo, Abigail Wolcott, Petrea Curran, Evan J Klisser, Joanne Warde, Carel Trichardt / Release Date: Out Now

Hellgate is a trashy horror from the late ’80s, now out on dual format as part of Arrow’s latest batch of re-released cult classics.

Four college kids on a road trip hear the local legend of the Hellgate Hitchhiker, a young woman named Josie who was killed by a biker gang and whose father resurrected her with a mysterious crystal cluster. Of course, the story turns out to be true, and Josie now haunts the back roads looking for lost travellers, seducing and killing them as they approach the ghost town of Hellgate.

You might think the above description sounds incredibly stupid, but believe us, it’s all so much worse. The film starts off with the story of Josie, giving us a double helping of kitsch with an ’80s film recreating the ’50s and as much good girl cliché as can be crammed into two minutes of introductory screen time before her tragic death.

The budgetary limitations of the film are seen soon after, with Josie’s dad Lucas wandering into a mine and inexplicably discovering a block of quartz glowing like a prop from a Jon Pertwee episode of Doctor Who and encountering a rubber bat bouncing on an elastic band. Discovering the crystal’s reanimation properties, he brings his daughter back to life with the side-effect of turning her into a seductive murderess with a penchant for translucent nightdresses and garish eye makeup.

She then takes it upon herself to kill anyone who comes to the town, because the motorbike gang were called “the Strangers” and, y’know, anyone from outside the town is by default a “stranger” and oh, forget it. Hellgate itself is a tourist ghost town – which is apparently a thing – and at night turns into a literal ghost town for no discernible reason.

Poe’s Law is an Internet maxim observing that a parody of extremism is difficult to differentiate from the real thing. Similarly, it’s sometime hard to tell if a film is satirising the style of bad films or is just plain bad itself, and in Hellgate, plot, reason and character development take a back seat to overblown histrionics and WTFery. We have eerie sets overtly backlit by industrial halogens, a seduction even more ham-fisted and unerotic than Gigli’s “turkey time” (and set to the ubiquitous love theme from Tchaikovsky’s Romeo and Juliet no less), present day Lucas appearing as some kind of Old West cyborg, a girl having already sparked up a post-coital cigarette even as she’s rolling off her inadequate lover, the most hilarious facial reaction to cunnilingus you’re ever likely to see, and a newly crafted makeshift machete lifted triumphantly with all the reverence of Nimue holding aloft Excalibur.

The whole film feels like a feature-length episode of Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace and should be taken about as seriously. The rating below is something of a compromise; in terms of professional and objective analysis of the film’s quality, it’s a 2, but if you’re a connoisseur of the unintentional comedy value of irredeemably atrocious films, consider it an 8.

Extras: Road to Perdition, B-Movie Style / Alien Invasion, Blaxploitation and Ghost-Busting Mayhem / Video Nasty