Review: American Evil (15) / Directed by: Georgina Lightning / Screenplay by: Georgina Lightning, Christine K. Walker / Starring: Sarah Agnew, Jeri Arredondo, Noah Kol Balfour, Bradley Cooper / Release Date: Out Now

Make no mistake, what Camp Hell was to Christians, American Evil is to the plight of Native Americans. In the same manner that Camp Hell used Jesse Eisenberg’s cameo to sell the film, American Evil uses Bradley Cooper as marketing fodder despite him being a non-entity in the movie.

American Evil may well be the most fatally unfocussed film I have seen in a long, long time. It starts off with some dodgy-looking black magic performed by some red Indians, which is revealed to be a nightmare belonging to a woman living on a Native American reservation. The woman has been haunted by dreams and visions for some time, but they have been brought to a head by the potential demolition of an abandoned boarding school on the land. Things get worse and worse, much to the worry of her sheriff boyfriend. When the lady is committed, the atrocities committed by the Catholic Church against the natives and her family’s complicity in the way the tribes were mistreated are revealed.

For about five minutes it seems like American Evil is going to be the Native American equivalent of The Orphanage. The potential was certainly there, but writer and director Georgina Lightning and her wealthy Native American tribe, who bankrolled the production, are too concerned with highlighting their people’s tragic history. As a result we are introduced to a whole raft of characters as if this were the pilot for a Native American equivalent of Northern Exposure. Bradley Cooper is the geologist brought to town for no discernible reason other than to clash with the corruption that underpins the proposed new building project. We are also introduced to the local mayor, the Native American running for office, the Native American radio DJ and the local catholic priest. None of these characters have much of an impact on the central narrative, which actually had the potential to be a haunting story that sadly we don’t get.

All of the performances are bad. Usually reliable supporting players like Adam Beach, Wes Studi and Chris Mulkey deliver stiff dialogue in a wonky manner as if they are in a daytime soap. Most of their plot lines go nowhere and are mere ciphers for delivering the central message of the movie. There are some shocking events and the history of how America came to be is certainly sad, with a whole nation more or less wiped out and then given small pieces of land on which to live. However, the film purports to be based on true events, even providing some figures about the high suicide rate amongst the community at the end, but this is just information you can get from Wikipedia. The producers forget that a film also has to have structure, dramatic tension and, most importantly, has to be entertaining.

It’s not quite as bad as Camp Hell, but American Evil is not a good film. It’s flat, lifeless, dull and has almost nothing to recommend it.

Extras: None

Review: Demons Never Die (15) / Director: Arjun Rose / Screenplay: Arjun Rose / Starring: Ashley Walters, Tulisa Constavlos, Robert Sheehan, Reggie Yates, Emma Rigby / Release Date: Out Now

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Demons Never Die is very much a worst of times sort of a film. Just so you know, the ‘Demons’ in the title doesn’t apply to some kind of otherworldly beastie that plagues the youths of this film. No, these demons relate to depression and how it’s always there because da yoof got it hard innit. Yep, if I had no access to blackberry messenger or if Justin Bieber died horribly I would feel like ending it all too, which is a feeling also shared whilst watching this film. Between this and The Fades, I’m thinking of having a vasectomy because the child will eventually grow into one of these teenage things.

The film starts promisingly as Tulisa Theodopolopoulos or whatever her name is from X-Factor and N-Dubz gets killed after being all mopey. The murder is thought to be a suicide by the police and the teens in a London school are called into an assembly to be told the bad news. Ashley Walters from So Solid Crew, portraying the least convincing policeman ever, addresses the kids. At this point, after about the fourth slow motion scene of teens moping about against urban tunez on the soundtrack, it becomes clear what this film is meant to be. We are introduced to a group of youngsters who would never actually talk to each other in real life and they make some kind of suicide pact because their lives are so hard. One of them, a former Hollyoaks actress, is a model and has an eating disorder. One is a mouthy git, another is a hopeless romantic, another is fat and so on. The point is none of these kids are likeable in the slightest and the sooner they die the better. Things pick up slightly after some gratuitous sex and then the suicide pact group start being murdered by some twat in a hoodie who was last seen at the London riots last August. Bafflingly, the teens who wanted to die start begging for the lives just before they get killed. Eventually the killer is revealed to be the one you figured out it was in the first ten minutes.

As you might have gathered, I’m not the target audience for this film, but awful is awful. I’ve always felt that two of the most important ingredients for a horror film are 1) make your characters likeable and 2) if you can’t do this then make your kills inventive. Sadly, Demons Never Die can’t even fulfil one of these rules. The kids are awful, all self-obsessed and loud, and the deaths are so generic and boring that they make a PG film like The Adventures of Tintin seem like the latest Final Destination. Worst of all, the most irresponsible aspect of the film is the fetishist way it portrays knives. The killer in a hoodie gets his uber shiny blade out and waves it around in slow motion looking all cool. Considering the way the world is right now and the events of last year, this is fairly tasteless.

In fairness, director Arjun Rose can compose a shot and match it to music, which he does ad nauseam. However, Rose probably needs a better story to highlight his talent. Demons Never Die is lowest common denominator entertainment designed to appeal to your most base of teenagers. Avoid this one the way you would avoid a hoodie coming down the road towards you.

Extras: None

Review: Game of Thrones (18) / Directed by: Tim Van Patten, Brian Kirk, Neil Marshall, Daniel Minahan et al / Screenplay by: David Benioff, D. B. Weiss, Bryan Cogman, Jane Espenson / Starring: Sean Bean, Peter Dinklage, Emilia Clarke, Jason Momoa / Release Date: Out Now

Hype is a dangerous thing. Since it first aired a year ago, the HBO series Game of Thrones has been proclaimed as a televisual masterpiece and suddenly everyone on the London underground is reading George RR Martin’s books on which the series is based. Now that it’s out on DVD and Blu-ray those of us who don’t have cable can give it a look.

The plot for Game of Thrones is so labyrinthine and so dense that I could actually spend the entire word count of this review sketching it out for you and I would still miss out some details. All you need to know is that it revolves around an ancient land called Westeros, itself made up of seven kingdoms, and the intrigue, conspiracies and potential for war that surround the ruler of the territory in the iron throne in Kingsland. There are some brilliant characters and some of the finest acting ever seen on a television. Everyone highlights Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister, and understandably so because his is a brilliantly written and portrayed character. In my mind Dinklage is matched by the likes of Emilia Clarke as Daenarys Targaryen, a girl who is amongst the last of her race and who is used like a puppet until finally hooking up with Jason Momoa’s Kal Drogo and finding something for herself. Sean Bean portrays Eddard Stark with a mix of haunted, fragile humanity, strength and morality when asked to do some questionable things. The rest of the cast, even in the minor roles, all get their moment to shine and have brilliant arcs which will pay off in the later seasons.

From what I hear of the books, no character is safe and Martin takes great delight in building them up only to kill them off just as they become your favourite. This is certainly true for the series which has some moments that beggar belief come the middle of the ten episodes. It’s this refusal to conform to television norms that makes Game of Thrones so addictive. Now that it’s out on home video, the opportunity is there to watch three or four episodes all in a row. I can imagine that watching it on a weekly basis was torturous.

The makers of the upcoming Dark Tower adaptation would do well to get screenwriter David Benioff involved somehow. He shepherds Martin’s epic vision to the screen in such a detailed and well realised manner that it’s hard to believe that this was made for television. Thankfully Game of Thrones also avoids many of the problems of previous HBO shows in that it doesn’t feel like a soap opera with gratuitous sex and violence (I’m looking at you, True Blood). There are some explicit and very violent scenes but not a single one is wasted or out of place. It all builds the characters towards moments of dramatic crescendo that really work.

At this point I’m amazed at how good this show is. Later books hold the promise of epic war, dragons and the undead hordes from beyond the wall. Will there be the budget to do all this justice? Hard to say, but Game of Thrones is a ratings winner so the audience is definitely there. If they can keep this level of quality up to complete a season for each of Martin’s books then, once finished, we could be looking at the television equivalent of Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy. One of the best works of high fantasy in recent memory.

Extras: In episode guides to Westeros and the characters, Episode commentaries, An in episode making of feature, Hidden Dragon Eggs, Making of, Creating the language, The Nights Watch feature, From book to screen, Creating the opening titles.

Review: Hugo (U) / Director: Martin Scorsese / Screenplay: John Logan/ Starring: Asa Butterfield, Ben Kingsley, Chloe Moretz, Sacha Baron Cohen / Release Date: April 2nd

If your film gets nominated for a stonking eleven Oscars you can be pretty certain that it’s going to come home with something. Martin Scorsese’s Hugo was nominated in almost every category this past February and walked away with five of the technical awards. In cinemas, Hugo made the best use of 3D so far. Every shot was composed to make the most of the format with several details sticking out and a real sense of depth to each scene. Sadly without this 3D ‘wow factor’ on home video, some of Hugo’s deficiencies as a film become clearer. 

Based on the novel The Invention of Hugo Cabret, the film version follows Hugo Cabret (Asa Butterfield), an orphan living with his drunken uncle in the walls and rafters of a Paris train station. He is put to work changing the clocks and the only connection he has with his late father (Jude Law) is a mechanical man who doesn’t seem to work without a missing key. During his time in the station he meets a grumpy shop keeper (Ben Kingsley), who has a connection to the automaton and Hugo’s father, and his adventure-seeking goddaughter (Chloe Moretz). The three find themselves linked by a mystery that relates back to the birth of cinema itself.

Much of Hugo is wonderful. The production design, the cinematography and the performances in particular are all top notch, as you would expect from a Scorsese film. There are some wonderfully sketched characters, including Ben Kingsley giving his best performance for ages and Sacha Baron Cohen as a station attendant with a big heart. As Hugo, Asa Butterfield is solid and rises to the task of being the heartfelt centre of the film. The problem is… well not much really happens.

There are some lovingly crafted scenes depicting the creation of some of the first cinematic works and these are breathtakingly done (especially if you have a home 3D set up). The whole film is very much a love letter to the pioneers and the geniuses that propelled cinema from the silent era to what we know it to be today. Sometimes that’s enough, as the success of The Artist proved, but with Hugo it just feels that this is all there is. Looking at the film with the benefit of hindsight you realise that there are not that many scenes. Scorsese favours the long take and lets sequences breathe for a while rather than deploying his rapid technique seen in films like Goodfellas and The Departed. Effectively the pacing and subject matter alienate much of the younger audience in favour of older cinephiles.

Despite these criticisms, Hugo was still the best film that came out last Christmas that not a lot of people saw. Hopefully now it’s out on home formats it will gain more of an audience. For those of you who enjoyed the cinematic 3D presentation and want to keep the magic going at home then it may be time to invest in the Blu-ray 3D home set up. For the rest of us, it’s a solid Sunday afternoon watch.

Extras: Shoot the Moon: Making Of, The Cinemagician: George Melies, The Mechanical Man in the Heart of Hugo, Big Effects Small Scale, Sacha Baron Cohen: Role of a Lifetime.

Review: Roswell (12) / Directed by: Jeremy Kagan / Screenplay by: Arthur L Kopit, Jeremy Kagan / Starring: Kyle McLachlan, Martin Sheen, Dwight Yoakam, Xander Berkeley, Kim Griest, Bob Gunton / Release Date: 26^th March 2012

So what did happen in Roswell, New Mexico in July 1947? Did something extra-terrestrial really crash-land in a farmer’s field just outside this tiny, unexceptional desert town – as military reports initially suggested – or was it really just a downed weather balloon – as hastily-released military reports claimed just a day later? This entertaining and well-researched if not exactly thrilling US TV movie from 1994 won’t give you any definitive answers but it may well raise a few intriguing questions.

Presented initially as a ‘docudrama’, Roswell opens at an entirely-fictional 1977 reunion of surviving members of the 509^th Bomb Wing of the 8^th USAAAF which dropped the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki and brought an end to the Second World War. Major Jesse Marcel (McLachlan), intelligence officer of the Bomb Wing at the time of what’s become known as “the Roswell incident” has lived with bitter memories of his involvement in the affair for thirty years. One of the first on the scene at the Brazel ranch where the fallen debris is located, Marcel quickly determines, according to events as depicted in flashback in Roswell, that the materials found scattered about the field are of non-Earth origin. It’s quickly and proudly announced that the US Military are in possession of “a flying saucer”. However before long Government types are on the scene and Marcel and his team are forced to change their story, declaring that they made a mistake and the debris was actually just a stray weather balloon. Stories are changed, history rewritten and, before long, the Roswell incident is forgotten…

But Marcel has lived with the deceit for three decades. At the reunion he seeks out others who were involved in the investigation and the cover-up at the time as well as contemporary UFO commentators still fascinated by the incident. In time, as tongues are loosened and long-hidden memories exhumed, Marcel begins to piece together the truth – some of which is rather startling and presented with huge wedges of artistic and narrative licence – and finds the peace which has eluded him and his family since 1947.

Roswell is largely a quiet, unshowy little film which quickly brings its audience up to speed with the Roswell myth and then patiently begins to unravel a complex and worrying conspiracy theory which, whilst unlikely to ever be proved as fact, makes for a damned good little story. But inevitably the script has to stray into the realms of fantasy and beyond as Marcel meets up with Martin Sheen’s Government official Townsend who spins fanciful tales of rescued aliens (depicted in the flashback sequences in the ‘grey’ tradition of most extra-terrestrial sightings), thought control and the idea that human DNA and evolution has been influenced by aliens across the centuries. Weave in a few stories about the development of the legendary Area 51, flying saucers held in laboratories and warnings about dozens of alien species on their way to Earth and suddenly Roswell has become an entirely different film and, unfortunately, a less interesting one as previously-believable characters start spouting unlikely melodramatic SF clichés.

It’s a shame that Roswell jettisoned its docudrama format for the sake of a few lazy sci-fi thrills; it’s as if the writers felt they needed to provide a definitive explanation for the Roswell Incident even though history records that, unless there’s something hidden deep in US government records, there isn’t one and if there is it’s probably not likely to be anything involving spindly grey aliens and Not Of This Earth technology. But for the most part it’s a competent if wordy little TV movie and if you can overlook Kyle McLachlan’s ropey old man make-up and his overdone doddery old man walk, it’ll pass your time amiably enough and it might even make you wonder just what happened that stormy night in Roswell way back in ‘47…

Special Features: A UFO/Roswell-centric episode from an American 1997 TV documentary series, photo gallery.

Review: Devil’s Bridge (18) / Directed by: Chris Crow / Written by: Chris Crow / Starring: Joseph Millson, Joshua Richards, Gary Mavers, Michael Jibson / Release Date: Out Now

When three Essex lads travel to the wilds of Wales they inadvertently cross swords with the big, bullish William Parry (Richards) who really doesn’t much like pesky English blokes travelling to his home turf and throwing their weight about. Unfortunately for Sean (Millson, The Sarah Jane Adventures) and his mates Parry is a psychopath who just isn’t going to put up with it any more… Hell yes, we’re in achingly-familiar territory here; films about strangers in an unfamiliar environment being stalked and slaughtered by irate locals seem to be as old as cinema itself. The DVD sleeve for Devil’s Bridge describes Chris Crow’s movie as “a British Deliverance” and whilst it’s not as intense an experience as John Boorman’s classic , it defies its miniscule budget and uses its small cast and some bleak and hostile locations to create a gripping, visceral variation on a well-worn theme.

Devil’s Bridge isn’t a horror film by any traditional or contemporary standard. Parry isn’t a mutant, he isn’t a monster or an alien; he’s just a troubled, violent man who lives a lonely existence but who’s fiercely patriotic and increasingly-infuriated by the arrogance and superiority of outsiders who ride roughshod over his home country’s people and their traditions and values. Similarly Sean and his pals Danny (Mavers) and Adam (Jibson) aren’t your usual naïve horny teens – they’re making a weekend of it in the middle of nowhere in Wales (always an enticing proposition, trust me) so that Sean, essentially a decent family man struggling to keep his family together in a difficult financial climate, can carry out a dodgy deal which will keep him afloat a bit longer. Immediately the film has a grittier edge to it than any of the more routine slaying by-numbers teen horrors which Hollywood churns out. This is tougher stuff, more believable and compelling precisely because its three leads are just ordinary Joes, men-in-the-street, and their killing machine adversary is someone they pissed off entirely by accident and at entirely the wrong time.

Like most films of this type there’s a sense of creeping dread and expectation as soon as Sean and his mates cross the Severn Bridge and find themselves lost in deepest, darkest Welsh countryside. An encounter with a local who warns them not to go to a local pub, the Rose and Crown, plays out a bit too much in the manner of “they don’t like strangers around ‘ere” but the stakes are raised when the bearded, rifle-bearing William Parry appears in the road in front of them like an immovable force of nature. They hurl abuse at him in an effort to get him out of their way – and their fates are pretty much sealed. Inevitably and predictably, they find themselves at the Rose and Crown anyway and, sure enough, Parry stomps in and causes a scene. On their way back to the cottage accommodation Parry appears in his beaten-up 4×4, forces them off the road and so begins the cat-and-mouse game which dominates the second half of the film…

Joshua Richards is electrifying as the powerful, determined and very probably quite deranged killer. He’s a huge, relentless physical presence and once he’s cornered his prey he toys with them and tortures them mercilessly – explaining exactly why he’s doing what he’s doing – before finally dispatching them. Devil’s Bridge isn’t especially gory – that’s not the point. It’s about raw savagery and the instinct for survival. One of the strongest scenes in the movie sees Parry literally pummeling one of his victims to a pulp, raining down blow after blow until he’s spattered with blood. We don’t see the damage he’s caused but we can imagine it and sometimes that’s enough. Parry’s final confrontation with the Last Man Standing is tough stuff too, two men in wild and windswept countryside, miles from civilisation, brutalising one another.

Crow’s script is a bit obvious in places – you’ll see the ‘twist’ ending coming from somewhere over the Severn Bridge – but his direction is stark and stylish, the picture often bleached of colour and the action scenes pumping and pacey. Devil’s Bridge (the name’s from a Welsh beauty spot) may not bowl you over with its originality but it at least manages to bring a few new ideas to a table genre cinema has visited a little too often in recent years. Crow tells his tale with energy, economy and a very specific creative vision. Worth a punt.

Special Features: Trailer; behind-the scenes material.

Review: Murder By Decree (12) / Director: Bob Clark / Screenplay: John Hopkins / Starring: Christopher Plummer, James Mason, David Hemmings / Release Date: April 2nd

Only a cynic would claim that a film which has disappeared from view for so many years is currently getting an airing on DVD due to the recent Academy Award recognition of its main star Christopher Plummer, or the resurgence in popularity of its central character Sherlock Holmes thanks to the films of ex Mr Madonna, Guy Ritchie. Instead you should accept Murder By Decree (1978) for what it is – good old-fashioned fun which harkens back to an era when films actually required a storyline and some degree of acting ability as opposed to CGI and special effects to make them memorable.

The deerstalker hatted, pipe smoking detective Sherlock Holmes (Christopher Plummer), is feeling at a loose end. Rankled by the fact that the police have failed to seek his assistance in tracking down the infamous Jack The Ripper, who’s killing spree has the East End of London in a grip of terror, Holmes and his trusty sidekick Dr Watson (James Mason) take it upon themselves to find out who, or what, is responsible for the gruesome murders. What they discover is more shocking than anyone could have expected and has repercussions which could reach to the very heart of the British establishment.

First let’s make it clear; if you like your Sherlock a bit Downey and Law or a la BBC, this is probably not the film for you. As mentioned there are no special effects or exotic locations and next to no crass language or overtly sexual innuendo (though considering that the story centres around the vicious murders of various ‘women of the night’ a little of the old ‘wink wink, nudge nudge’ is, I guess, inevitable). Instead this seldom seen Holmes outing makes the most of a strong story, which according to an explanatory note during the closing credits is based on facts discovered at the time of the film’s production which shone new light on theories surrounding the ‘Ripper’ case. And it’s this story which allows for some splendid performances from a cast which reads like a who’s who of acting legends. Besides Plummer and Mason, you have a host of luminaries which would make a casting agent’s eyes water, and the presence of David Hemmings, Anthony Quayle, John Gielgud, Frank Finlay, Donald Sutherland and Genevieve Bujold means that the viewer can relax in the knowledge that they are in as much for a thespian treat as one of gruesome horror (though admittedly there’s plenty of that present as well).

However it really is Plummer and Mason’s show and their friendly banter and camaraderie shines through. Viewed by modern audiences it will most likely be made out that there is more than mere ‘friendship’ between the two bachelors, however considering the period in which the film was made and that of the Sherlock Holmes’ stories, this would I suspect be a twist placed on it by present day interpretations.

On the whole the film’s only downside are the sets, which for a lot of the time appear rather cardboard, with many of the scene setting long-shots clearly encompassing scaled down models. However when real sets or streets are used they are done so to great effect with plenty of pea-souper fog and horse drawn cabs racing along cobbled backstreets. There is also a fleeting glimpse of Oakley Court, without which no British made film was complete at the time, as a suitably atmospheric lunatic asylum. The awarding of a twelve rating may also seem a little out of place, as when the murders do occur the blood and gore flow perhaps a little too freely for younger audiences.

All in all however Murder By Decree is a delightful obscurity which more than holds its own against the plethora of current Holmes adventures, and as such is well worth tracking down.

Extras: None

Review: Dead Air (18) / Director: Corbin Bernsen / Screenplay: Kenneth Yakkel / Starring: Bill Moseley, Patricia Tallman, Navid Negahban, Josh Feinman, David Moscow / Release Date: Out Now

Two men sit in a radio studio late at night, trading friendly insults, spouting inane banter and casually mocking their at-home audience. But enough about the Starburst radio show (Just joshin’, guys… Guys??)… This is Dead Air, a straight-to-DVD zombie flick (hooray!!) which threatens to evoke memories of the ghastly overrated Pontypool from a few years back but eventually mutates into something a bit gutsier and, despite its rather heavy-handed and simplistic borderline racist tub-thumping, really quite exciting. 

Moseley and Moscow play a couple of shock jocks at an LA radio station, broadcasting through the night and discussing the nature of paranoia to a very particular radio audience when news reports start to filter in of violent civil unrest. Terrorists have attacked a string of sports stadiums across the country with a biological weapon which has turned its victims into…. well, let’s face it, they’re zombies really aren’t they? The affected become rabid rampaging killers, bleeding from the eyes and, at first, bludgeoning their victims to death before tearing them apart. Towards the end of the movie though, all bets are off as they’re biting chunks out of the living in the style of every other zombie in every other zombie film.

Former LA Law star Corbin Bernsen has made a decent fist of his attempt at a zombie movie. Dead Air is undeniably low budget but it thinks big; it near enough delivers on its DVD sleeve promise of hordes of crazed zombies rushing through the streets in scenes outside the confines of the radio station where we actually, if briefly, see crowds of deranged killers chasing and overwhelming their victims. Yakkel’s script ramps up the tension as Moseley’s grizzled, cynical DJ Logan Burnhardt and slowly his crew realise that all’s not well in the outside world and barricade themselves in the station to avoid the chaos. Fears that this would lead to a dull, claustrophobic retread of the already-dull Pontypool are quickly assuaged when the security of the radio station is eventually breached and Logan’s co-presenter takes to his motorcycle and cruises the streets in an effort to reach Logan’s wife, trapped in the family home with their young son. Meanwhile the terrorists responsible for the atrocity are on the run too, and before long they find themselves seeking refuge in the radio station and it’s soon clear that even they haven’t escaped the effects of their own attack.

Dead Air is at its best when it gives us what we really want from zombie films; scenes of snarling, bloodied, demented undead (and the film’s to be applauded for at lead trying to avoid the usual zombie clichés even if it succumbs to the inevitable eventually) and it only starts to come off the rails when Logan is confronted by the last of the terrorists and the film decides to go a bit soap-boxy, moralising about the nature of terrorism and the evils of war. Here is becomes clear that Dead Air is the work of people still bruised and jittered by the events of 9/11 and who have chosen the most obvious of horror scenarios to make some clumsy and lumpy parallels with real world events. It’s arguable too that the film goes too far when Logan, held at gunpoint by the surviving terrorist, broadcasts hair-raisingly racist opinions about the Middle East to what remains of his audience; it’s done for a dramatic purpose, of course, part of the terrorist plot to foster continued hatred between the West and the East, but it still feels uncomfortable in a film which, to all intents and purposes, is a bit of escapist nonsense about a zombie apocalypse.

Tonal misgivings aside, Dead Air is an enjoyably hokey experience which doesn’t offer much we haven’t seen before but is inventive enough and has enough going on to lift it head-and-shoulders above similar micro-budget efforts in a horribly-overcrowded DVD marketplace.

Extras: Nowt.

Review: The Shrine (18) / Director: Jon Knautz / Screenplay: Jon Knautz / Starring: Aaron Ashmore, Cindy Sampson, Meghan Heffern / Release Date: Out Now

The Shrine is a jumble of horror film clichés deficient in decent scares. I think the point of this film was for Director Jon Knautz to showcase his horror knowledge rather than make a good horror film. It’s not homage and it appears to be taking itself seriously; this is its downfall. Knautz could have subtly made fun of the Hostel style set-up of his film but going in straight faced simply provides generic fare. It lifts itself visually with creative makeup and an ominous looking statue, but is severely lacking in atmosphere and suspense.

Three American journalist types follow up a lead on a missing person case and make their way to Poland, Alvania, (filmed in Canada) to investigate the disappearance of a teenager. Carmen (Cindy Sampson) is the headstrong female who breaks the rules to follow up this lead and goes on the trip without her boss’ consent. She tricks her boyfriend, Marcus (Aaron Ashmore) into coming along to photograph any evidence and he acts as the voice of reason. They are joined by, the intern, Sara (Meghan Heffern) who acts as an easy kill. We know what kind of trouble the trio are heading into as the fate of said missing teenager is revealed in the first few minutes of the film.

The title suggests a religious theme and the village the group visit is full of threatening locals and men dressed in strange monk like attire. There is also a creepy child named Lidia who is fathered by a brutal and foreboding father who tells the tourists not to go into the woods. It’s all very familiar and not very mysterious. Carmen is determined to find out what the village is hiding and in doing so she enters a fog (by herself) that shrouds a strange statue. When Carmen doesn’t return, Sara splits up from Marcus to find her. Both women come face to face with the demon like statue setting up the tale and giving a reason to question the locals’ strange behaviour. Knautz adds a twist to the film in an attempt to liven things but by this point you may have either switched off or given up caring.

The Shrine trawls through the horror movie sub-genre without much thought resulting in an insipid concoction. Ending with a lazy explanation from a local that is groan inducing makes it all the more worse. Entirely average horror, that is just about watchable at its short running time of 85 minutes, but don’t go out of your way.

Review: The Six Million Dollar Man – The Complete Collection (PG) / Director: Various / Teleplay: Various / Starring: Lee Majors, Richard Anderson, Martin E. Brooks, Lindsay Wagner, Farrah Fawcett-Majors / Release Date: March 26th

“We can rebuild him, we have the technology……”

The ’70s seemed to herald in a new era of essential television that continued into the ’80s, and occasionally still endures today. One of the first of these shows was The Six Million Dollar Man, which starred Lee Majors in a programme that championed cyborgs long before Hollywood took notice with The Terminator and Robocop a decade later. Based on the novel Cyborg by Martin Caidin, the series followed the adventures of Steve Austin who is rebuilt after a horrific crash on a test flight. He becomes an agent of a federal organisation, commissioned to undertake dangerous missions that a normal agent couldn’t be expected to complete. After the operation to replace his right arm, his legs and his left eye with bionic parts is a success, Austin finds that he has inordinate strengths and abilities – imagine Bond crossed with the Hulk and you’re pretty much there. He becomes a reluctant weapon for the government and so his adventures begin. The episodes varied in scenarios, covering everything from arms dealers and earthquakes to characters with ESP and aliens! Compared to this, series like The A-Team were one trick ponies.

If there is one word that sums up this set, it is ‘comprehensive’. 40 discs provide hours of quality entertainment that encompasses all ninety-nine episodes of the five series as well as all three of the pilot movies and all three of the reunion films. In addition, all crossover episodes of The Bionic Woman are available to view; seventeen exclusive featurettes; audio commentaries; UK exclusive art galleries; UK exclusive episode guide booklets and new interviews with both Lee Majors and Lindsay Wagner (the Bionic Woman).

For a television series that begun nearly forty years ago, the DVD transfers on offer here are nothing short of magnificently crisp and vibrant, and regardless of the fact that science fact has come a long way in the years since the original syndication, the majority of stories still stand up quite well and impressively so considering that the budgets can’t have been that large at the time and the special effects are all practical, created long before CGI came along. The list of guest stars that you’ll recognise from their later careers is astounding and just like the swooshing sound that is synonymous with KITT from Knight Rider, you’ll always remember the springy bionic sound that went along with Austin’s actions.

Sure, the music now sounds as cheesy as hell and some of the dialogue could be spread on crackers, but this is an amazing boxset that does the series full justice. The only way it could be better is if it came with a Steve Austin action figure. This is a lavish celebration of when television wasn’t just good, it was great. If you can afford it, then this set comes highly recommended. Simply stunning!