Review: The 25th Reich / Cert: 15 / Director: Stephen Amis / Screenplay: Stephen Amis, Serge De Nardo, David Richardson / Starring: Dan Balcaban, Serge De Nardo, Jim Knobeloch, Angelo Salamanca, Jak Wyld, Lisa-Skye Goodes, Chris Goodes / Release Date: July 16th

There are times when you cut a movie a lot of slack. In this reviewers case, a low-budget attempt at a pulp war story with time travelling GIs battling Nazi flying saucers is one of those occasions that I have more slack to give than is proper. Throw in the financial backers pulling the plug and the filmmakers using their own money to keep their labour of love going and you’ve got something I’m going to find it hard to be mean about. Which makes The 25th Reich (2012) such a surprising disappointment.

From the pre-title scene of war comic caricatured GIs unashamedly hamming it up to the rather brilliantly stylised credit animations, I really was ready to get carried away with this film. Unfortunately, the first half of the film consists of nothing but our five soldier chums wandering through the (rather lovely) Australian outback in search of two escaped pumas (or ‘poomas’, as they amusingly refer to them) with a big radio. I believe that we are supposed to experience some form of tension during this extended National Geographic travelogue but as it’s so hard to imagine tooled-up US soldiers who have been trained to fight determined Japanese in the confined theatres of the Pacific being particularly threatened by a couple of unarmed animals, what we experience turns out to be tedium and a prolonged chance to observe the shortcomings of the budget.

Things sort of pick up just past the halfway point as the time travelling starts and we finally find a flying saucer but only ‘sort of’; I think it may have just been relief that the film was finally delivering on the advertised premise. Nobody can really hold the low quality nature of the saucer against the film at this stage but it is terribly unexciting, nevertheless. When the GIs find themselves in a distant future dominated by Nazi robot spiders, a smile can at least be raised by the sheer micro-budget audacity of it all, but even that is over-shadowed by a pointless scene of Nazi-spider-robot anal rape (which is not a sentence you type very often). If this is an attempt at some kind of Deliverance-style horror then it fails as it just comes across as schoolboy’s failed attempt at shock. It might help if it served a plot point but it doesn’t. The 25th Reich then abruptly ends with an amusingly gung-ho speech from the survivors leader about how they’ll carry on the fight and a ‘to be continued’ trailer set in space. Wishful thinking, I suspect. What’s odd is that the small amount of coverage this film has so far had has been quite favourable with reviewers embracing the whole pulpy silliness of the premise. I tried to join the party but I failed. It would seem I simply don’t have enough slack to give.

DVD Review: Mission Impossible ’88 / Director: Various / Teleplay: Various / Starring: Peter Graves, Greg Morris, Thaao Penghlis, Antony Hamilton, Jane Badler, Phil Morris / Release Date: July 23rd

Fifteen years after the original show was cancelled, Mission: Impossible returned for two seasons in 1988-90. This 5 disc boxset brings together the 19 episodes of the 1988 season, which sees Jim Phelps (Graves) coming out of retirement to lead an all-new Impossible Mission task force, who roll up their sleeves to tackle crime and corruption. Wait, what am I saying? This is the Eighties, their sleeves are already rolled up…

The team consists of rugged charmer Max Harte (Hamilton, whom connoisseurs of bad Eighties TV may remember from Cover Up, where a fashion photographer and her models moonlight as secret agents), master of disguise Nicholas Black (Thaao Penglis) and Grant Collier (Phil Morris,) a science whiz (whose technical mumbo-jumbo now seems rather dated and patronising, witness the priceless moment when he explains to his teammates that a computer virus isn’t harmful to humans but only to other computers, just in case they were reaching for their gas masks). Oh, and there’s a token girl, Casey Randall (Terry Markwell,) “international designer”. She doesn’t get to play with any of the toys, though, and her role quickly dwindles to making beds and straightening the boys’ lapel mikes, until she ends up getting bumped off, and has to be replaced by Shannon Reed (Jane Badler,) “with a background in investigative journalism,” who shows more cleavage and gets to drive a speedboat but spends most of her time watching what everyone else is doing through powerful binoculars.

The series was shot in Australia, with Oz standing in for Honolulu, the Himalayas, Hong Kong and, in one uncanny instance (an episode where an aborigine is killed with a rocket launcher) itself. The missions all follow the same formula. An evil dictator, corrupt official, drug baron or what you will has to be prevented from doing something very, very nefarious, and this involves ensnaring him in an elaborate sting operation, and/or turning a key underling against him in a classic divide-and-conquer gambit. To this end, the IMF team use all manner of trickery, including holograms combined with hallucinogenic drugs, and cunning latex face masks that enable them to impersonate the baddies (although these only work, presumably, if the character you’re impersonating happens to be exactly the same height as you. Luckily, that always seems to be the case in the world of Mission: Impossible). 

You can’t help feeling a bit sorry for the villains, who include 1970s Spider-Man, Nicholas Hammond, and Bond girl Maud Adams; by and large they go quite meekly to their fate. But there’s still a degree of tension, akin to first night jitters, as you watch the team rushing to complete the various parts of their demanding charade on schedule. Yes, it can get a bit repetitive, but in a way that’s soothing rather than irritating. The tone, playful and witty but never straying into camp, complements the amusing puzzle element of the stories. There’s also something totally mesmerising about Peter Graves. This is very much his show, even though by late Eighties he already looked older than God, and you might well reflect that a white-haired giant with a face like a kindly iguana is hardly ideal material for undercover work. Even when you tire of the smoke and mirrors, his presence makes Mission: Impossible ’88 a retro delight.

Movie Review: Truth or Dare / Cert: 15 / Director: Robert Heath / Screenplay: Matthew McGuchan / Starring: David Oakes, Jack Gordon, Jennie Jacques, Liam Boyle, Florence Hall, Tom Kane / Release Date: August 27th

When a game of truth or dare at a party ends up with one person being attacked and humiliated, it sets into motion a plan of revenge and retribution that can only end badly for everyone involved.

A few months after the incident, five friends are invited to a birthday party for Felix (Kane) – the individual who was the brunt of the practical joke – at his family’s stately home. On arriving, they find the home locked down and apparently deserted. The groundsman advises them that the party is in a summer cabin half a mile down a track into the woods and the five journey off to find the music and alcohol. When they find the cabin, they are met by Justin (Oakes), who introduces himself as Felix’s brother and apologises that they didn’t get the message that Felix is stuck in Chile and the party has been cancelled. The friends agree to Justin’s invite to stay and enjoy the food and drink that has been supplied and Justin decides to liven the party up with a game of truth or dare.

At this point, the festivities take a turn for the sinister as Justin reveals his true intentions and introduces his guests to duct tape and their own chair. What follows is a series of revelations as characters show their true colours and are subjected to some life or death choices and the group have to try and stay alive.

The good news is that this doesn’t resort to torture porn depths, when it could have so easily done so. There are some deliberately unlikeable characters who, when they receive their comeuppance, you are really pleased to see die. The only problem is that most of the characters are well-to-do and so you can’t sympathise with them, even if their intentions are good as sex, lies and murder are all utilised to push the narrative forward. It’s incredibly difficult to root for anyone in particular and although the film doesn’t provide the pay off you’d really hope for, there are some little twists that you may see coming (and a couple you probably won’t), but make it worth watching until the end.

If this had been an American production, it would’ve been shiny, with glossy lead actors but this is nicely grimy, dark and quintessentially British in its execution.

Extras: None

Blu-ray Review: Hansel & Gretel / Cert: 15 / Director: Pil-Sung Yim / Screenplay: Pil-Sung Yim / Starring: Jeong-myeong Cheon, Young-nam Jang, Ji-hee Jin, Kyeong-ik Kim / Release Date: Out Now

A sad and fascinating fantasy story that takes elements from the Brothers Grimm fairy-tale and twists them to ask the question ‘what would happen if the children never got saved’? A continuous carousel like nightmare plays out in the seemingly idyllic setting of a pastel hued house in a deep forest. Tragic themes and the coping mechanisms of children faced with trauma are all interweaved to create a complicated, creatively brilliant masterpiece. Director Yim Phil-Sung’s vision is catapulted by the CGI that enhances rather than being relied upon. The elaborate set design from Seong-hie Ryu (The Host, Old Boy, Thirst) makes for unsettling eye candy.

Eun-soo (Chun Jeong-myeong) veers off the road whilst on the way to visit his sick mother, crashing into a dark, dark forest. Approached and saved by a young ghostly looking girl in a red cape, Young-Hee (Eun-kyung), he is taken to safety and cared for in a warm yet creepy family home full of happy children and anxious adults. Their house may not be made from gingerbread and cakes, but it is full of sweet and sickly treats. Young-Hee, her older brother Man-bok (Eun Won-jae) and sweet little sister Jung-soon (Jin Ji-hee) soon become fond of Eun-soo’s kind nature and refuse to let him leave.

Considering the dark themes this film exudes the pallet is full of exuberant colours used to convey childhood imagination. As Eun-soo is welcomed into the household he is presented with a table full of extravagant confectionary and cakes that make you feel sick to look at. As the camera pans round the house and introduces you to a ‘70s style dwelling where toys roam free and Christmas decorations adorn the walls it is clear that something is not quite right. Pinocchio toys are everywhere adding to the intrigue of where this fairy-tale is headed. Yim Phil-sung gives clues and sparks intrigue as to where the story is going. Are these children real and if so who shaped them into what they are today?

This group of children re-iterate the phrase “we are not bad children” but you are never sure whether they are awaiting a hero to save them or looking for their next victim. Never knowing if these children are monsters leaves you questioning their every move and it makes for profound viewing that gets darker and darker as it goes on.

Original, consistently unnerving and visually stunning, Yim Phil-sung approaches the horror fantasy playground with precision making this a necessary addition to your Blu-ray collection.

Special Features: Making of, Production Designer Interview, Sound Designer Interview, Actor Interviews

DVD Review: Tape 407 / Cert: 15 / Director: Dale Fabrigar, Everette Wallin / Screenplay: Dale Fabrigar, Everette Wallin, Robert Shepyer / Starring: Abigail Schrader, Samantha Lester, James Lyons, Melanie Lyons / Release Date: Out Now

So let me just get this out of the way first: Uuuuurrggghhh ugh aaaarrrgh. Yes that was the sound of me sticking my fingers down my throat at the thought of having to watch another straight to DVD ‘found footage’ film, but hey I got through it so let’s begin. Tape 407 has a story credited to three separate people, it took three people to come up with this and although it starts well it soon slides into banality.

The set-up is simple; two annoying teenage sisters board a night flight from New York to Los Angeles and have the habit of filming anything and everything as they annoy their fellow passengers on New Year’s Eve. We meet the stock disaster movie characters including the plucky air hostess, the obnoxious fat man and the dodgy looking photographer who bonds with the kids. Then turbulence strikes and the footage cuts out. Just when you thought you may have escaped, the camera clicks back on in the midst of plane wreckage out in the wilderness in the dark. The stock characters are freaking out, as is the teen behind the camera but she flat out refuses to turn the damn thing off. Trouble is these people are not alone; something large and ferocious stalks them through the dark.

The problem with Tape 407 is that the film doesn’t have the budget to justify what it wants to accomplish. The crash is quite well done and evidently took up most of the budget, when they decide to turn it into a creature feature the cracks show and it never gets to fulfil its potential as a result. Basically the plane has crashed into a government experimental nature reserve or something and you don’t have to have seen Jurassic Park to know what’s in the darkness.

The performances are actually quite strong and although they make the most dumb-headed decisions in the face of death, the actors are all quite convincing. When you have no budget you have to play to your strengths but the director of Tape 407 isn’t willing to accept that advice so you get some lame creature effects and a chilling last scene that is ruined by a wholly unconvincing full shot of a creature that feels unnecessary and contrived. The whole thing seems to drag on forever as well with endless shaky cam scenes of dark desert floors.

There may have been a good film here somewhere, as far as I know Dinosaurs are one of the last things to get the found footage treatment but Tape 407 isn’t that film.

Special Features: Trailer

DVD Review: Tape 407 / Cert: 15 / Director: Dale Fabrigar, Everette Wallin / Screenplay: Dale Fabrigar, Everette Wallin, Robert Shepyer / Starring: Abigail Schrader, Samantha Lester, James Lyons, Melanie Lyons / Release Date: Out Now

So let me just get this out of the way first: Uuuuurrggghhh ugh aaaarrrgh. Yes that was the sound of me sticking my fingers down my throat at the thought of having to watch another straight to DVD ‘found footage’ film, but hey I got through it so let’s begin. Tape 407 has a story credited to three separate people, it took three people to come up with this and although it starts well it soon slides into banality.

The set-up is simple; two annoying teenage sisters board a night flight from New York to Los Angeles and have the habit of filming anything and everything as they annoy their fellow passengers on New Year’s Eve. We meet the stock disaster movie characters including the plucky air hostess, the obnoxious fat man and the dodgy looking photographer who bonds with the kids. Then turbulence strikes and the footage cuts out. Just when you thought you may have escaped, the camera clicks back on in the midst of plane wreckage out in the wilderness in the dark. The stock characters are freaking out, as is the teen behind the camera but she flat out refuses to turn the damn thing off. Trouble is these people are not alone; something large and ferocious stalks them through the dark.

The problem with Tape 407 is that the film doesn’t have the budget to justify what it wants to accomplish. The crash is quite well done and evidently took up most of the budget, when they decide to turn it into a creature feature the cracks show and it never gets to fulfil its potential as a result. Basically the plane has crashed into a government experimental nature reserve or something and you don’t have to have seen Jurassic Park to know what’s in the darkness.

The performances are actually quite strong and although they make the most dumb-headed decisions in the face of death, the actors are all quite convincing. When you have no budget you have to play to your strengths but the director of Tape 407 isn’t willing to accept that advice so you get some lame creature effects and a chilling last scene that is ruined by a wholly unconvincing full shot of a creature that feels unnecessary and contrived. The whole thing seems to drag on forever as well with endless shaky cam scenes of dark desert floors.

There may have been a good film here somewhere, as far as I know Dinosaurs are one of the last things to get the found footage treatment but Tape 407 isn’t that film.

Special Features: Trailer

Blu-ray Review: John Carter / Cert: 12 / Director: Andrew Stanton / Screenplay: Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon / Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West / Release Date: Out Now

“John Carter of Mars sounds much better” says our hero towards the end of this poorly received big screen adaptation of Edgar Rice Burrough’s obscure, long-forgotten early twentieth-century pulp sci-fi superhero. Shame lily-livered Disney execs didn’t agree, lumbering the film with a title that suggests a drama about the life of a trainee solicitor or, worse still, chartered accountant in the North of England. But I suppose it’s easy to understand Disney’s jitters as films set on or concerning the dead red planet have never really found favour at the Box Office and movies like John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars, Mission to Mars and Red Planet are conspicuously absent from most people’s ‘favourite film’ lists. But even hiding the film’s fantastical credentials under a bland title couldn’t bring the audiences in – and Disney are left nursing a mighty open financial wound which they can only hope and pray will be partially healed by a decent performance in the home entertainment market.

And you know, I think they might be in with a shout. Because with all the brouhaha and the recriminations dying down and the dust settling, it’s finally possible to sit back and actually look at the film rather than obsess over its Box Office failure and whose fault it was. And John Carter really isn’t such a terrible movie after all. Considering that it’s widely agreed that John Carter shares a lineage with the likes of Superman and the Star Wars saga, it’s baffling that this huge epic fantasy adventure didn’t connect with the public because really, it’s all up there on the screen. Once American Civil War Confederate Army Captain John Carter (Kitsch) is whisked off to Mars (or Barsoom as it’s known amongst the locals) by a mystical medallion it’s not long before he’s encountering tall four-armed green-skinned Martian Tharks, discovering he can leap tall distances in a single bound due to the planet’s low gravity and plunged into the middle of a violent ongoing dispute between two great Barsoom cities with the Princess of Mars as the ultimate prize and a deadly infinite energy ray as the ultimate weapon and also, possibly, the key to Carter’s way back to Earth. Loads going on, lots of exotic colourful aliens, beasts, giant white apes and this reviewer’s own personal favourite, the super fast Martian dog; I’d like one for Christmas, please. Plenty of action too, with Carter bouncing around the Barsoom landscape battling hordes of Tharks and their enemies the more humanoid Therns. But there’s an inevitable sense of déjà vu about it; we’ve seen too many CGI battles over the years and despite all the swash-buckling, the giant airships, the bangs and the flashes, all John Carter really has to offer in the way of spectacle is a few more. Technically it’s outstanding – this film has taken so long to come to the screen because it just wouldn’t have been possible on this scale even a decade ago. The FX work is frequently breathtaking and the Barsoom civilization is beautifully rendered with an astonishing attention to detail and a real breadth of creative vision.

But unfortunately this is an emotionally arid piece of work. Carter apparently wants to get back to Earth but he really doesn’t seem all that bothered. Taylor Kitsch utterly fails to imbue Carter with any real sense of awe and wonder at the new environment he’s in – this is an 18th century American soldier, remember, not some tech-savvy 21st century whizzkid – and his romance with Princess Dejah Thoris (Collins) is as dull and unconvincing as it is predictable and inevitable. The Tharks all look the same so it’s hard to muster up much interest in the antics of Tarkas his daughter Sola and with Dominic West wasted as a bland raging bad guy it’s left to the charismatic Mark Strong, Hollywood’s go-to weird bald alien (see Green Lantern) to lift proceedings when they inevitably sag between battle sequences.

But realistically – and unfortunately – these films aren’t about characters and proper relationships; they’re about spectacle, about visuals, about showing the audience something they’ve never seen before. John Carter offers just about enough acceptable spectacle to make it worth a punt but it really isn’t different enough to make it memorable, reminding us of all those other CGI-heavy films we’ve endured over the last few years. Hamstrung by its studio, its bland star, clichéd script and ho-hum storyline, it was always going to be a tough call for John Carter. That the film still manages to be enjoyable despite the odds stacked against it is a tribute to the dedication and perseverance of director Andrew Stanton and his team who realised their dream of bringing their childhood hero to the screen only to see their dream become a bit of a nightmare. 

Extras: Decent ‘making of’, deleted scenes, dull bloopers, commentary and featurette on the history of John Carter and the 100 years it took to translate the character to the screen.

DVD Review: Outpost II – Black Sun / Cert: 15 / Director: Steve Barker / Screenplay: Steve Barker, Rae Brunton / Starring: Clive Russell, Richard Coyle, Catherine Steadman / Release Date: August 27th

The term Black Sun was a symbol of occult significance to the Nazis, and it is with no surprise that we find that this is the subtitle of this sequel to the 2008 Nazi zombie movie, Outpost. Set in modern times, we follow Lena (Steadman), an investigator on the trail of Klausener, who was responsible for setting the wheels into motion for an unstoppable army of the dead in World War 2. She is assisted in her search by Wallace (Coyle) who has been tracking down Nazi secrets for years.

When the militia group they arranged to meet to guide them is attacked and murdered by a wave of the zombies, they realise that it is up to them to stop the forces of evil by getting to the machine that allows the undead to become almost immortal. They stumble across a team of NATO troops, who all appear to be British grunts, and move on together.

The crux of the matter is that the machine creates a magnetic field that increases its circumference and allows the zombies to spread out and kill everyone in their path, leaving an apocalyptic scene behind in the wake of their incessant march. Only EMPs will stop the machine and bring down the zombie army before the Reich of 1,000 years achieves what Hitler’s troops failed to do before – world domination.

We know what you’re thinking, ‘Ooh goody, another Nazi zombie film’, but it’s not actually that bad. The production values are pretty good, with the characters likable and the locations used to drive the narrative forward, rather than just have soldiers versus Nazis running around the woods for 90 minutes. The Nazi zombies themselves, when they are on screen, are brutal, clubbing their prey to death or stabbing them repeatedly – meaning that there’s a fair quota of gory moments to be seen. They are quite imposing and it’s a shame that they’re not featured more prominently instead of milling around in the shadows. The film cracks along at a fair old pace and isn’t bogged down by too much backstory.

The biggest problem is that this is more of an action film, with horror elements woven into it. Imagine Aliens in comparison to its originator. However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have fun and enjoy what is laid out before you. Perhaps if they’d pushed for a higher certificate, we could have had a minor classic on our hands. Instead, we’ve got a Nazi zombie film that’s worth a viewing, but you can’t help wonder what could have been.

DVD Review: Jack the Giant Killer – 50^th Anniversary Edition / Cert: PG / Director: Nathan Juran / Screenplay: Orville H Hampton, Nathan Juran / Starring: Kerwin Matthews, Judi Meredith, Torin Thatcher, Don Beddoe / Release Date: July 2nd

They just don’t make ‘em like this anymore. Based on the old Cornish folklore legends of a plucky young farm boy who slays giants and monsters, Jack The Giant Killer is usually overlooked amongst more familiar  late 1950s /early 1960s rip-roaring fantasy fare such as The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad and Jason and the Argonauts with their ground-breaking and hugely-memorable Ray Harryhausen stop-motion monster effects. Jack, released in 1962 and only ever a moderate Box office hit (and not even released in the UK until 1967 when it was fairly heavily cut), is arguably the best and undoubtedly the most colourful and richly-imaginative of this particular sub-genre of movies.

Jack the Giant Killer is a tale of swash-buckling derring-do and fanciful beasts in a mythical historical mash-up where farmer Jack (Matthews) rescues Princess Elaine (Meredith) from the clutches of the fearsome giant Cormoron who has been sent by the malevolent exiled sorcerer Pendragon (Thatcher) who plots to overthrow King Mark (Dayton Lummis) and become King of… er… Cornwall. King Mark gratefully makes Jack the Princess’s protector and decides that, for her own safety, she should be sent to France to live in a convent. But Pendragon has other tricks up his sleeve and before long Elaine is in his clutches and Jack must set off to rescue her with only a small boy, a Viking and an imp in a bottle to help him.

Jack the Giant Killer, even fifty years on, is terrific fun, a proper good old-fashioned romantic fantasy where Jack and Elaine fall in love instantly as the evil Pendragon (who may remind some newcomers of Anthony Ainley’s 1980s portrayal of The Master in Doctor Who) uses Technicolor wizardry and magic to keep them apart. Burned into the memories of those who saw the movie as kids are the sequences where Jack battles the monstrous Cormoran at the flour mill and the attack by eerie, screaming optically-enhanced witches on Jack’s ship as it sails to France – still a dementedly creepy scene all these years later. Jack the Giant Killer’s got it all and the pace rarely lets up. Making his way to Pendragon’s island stronghold with the help of a passing Viking, Jack find himself battling clunking mechanical guards and sword-wielding arms protruding from the castle’s walls before rescuing Elaine and fleeing from a two-headed giant and a squid-like sea monster. But, as ever, love and heroes conquer all…

The stop-motion FX in Jack the Giant Killer are often wrongly credited to the legendary Harryhausen but were actually largely the work of Jim Danforth and whilst it’s perhaps not quite as slick and precise as Harryhausen’s work – the sea-squid is especially ropey-looking – it’s still wonderfully evocative and the slightly juddering movements of Cormoran and the other monsters and dragons just adds to the film’s sense of mythological otherworldliness. The film is full of sparkling optical trickery too as Pendragon shoots colourful bolts of magic from his eyes and the scene where he uses the teeth of a statue to animate clunking robot-like soldiers to attack Jack predates Jason and the Argonauts’ legendary skeleton fight sequence by a couple of years.

Full of arch performances (Don Beddoe’s bottle-imprisoned imp, speaking in rhyme, may be too whimsical by far for modern tastes) and with a script which just gets the job done, Jack the Giant Killer is primitive and unsophisticated by 21st century standards and audiences used to the empty flash of CGI will find the creaky stop-motion tough to tolerate. But it’s a charming, rich and innocent tale (albeit with a dark heart beating somewhere just below the surface) and will probably be best appreciated now by oldies who remember its occasional TV screenings from their youth. This 50th Anniversary DVD release, its first appearance in the UK, was clearly timed to coincide with the now-delayed Bryan Singer remake (which seems to have jumbled up the Giant Killer story with Jack and the Beanstalk) but now stands alone as a random piece of half-forgotten cinematic history which is worth investigating if you’re a lover of big, brash, uncynical adventure movies from a much simpler time.

Special features: Nothing on the disc but there’s a nifty film poster in the packaging which may look nice on your bedroom wall.

DVD Review: The Devil in Me / Cert: 18 / Director: Greg A. Sager / Screenplay: Geof Hart, Greg A. Sager / Starring: Vanessa Broze, Michelle Argyris, Shantelle Canzanese, Wayne Conroy / Release Date: July 9th

While it might be true that there’s no such thing as a free lunch, any horror fan will tell you that the thing you really need to be wary of is suspiciously cheap real estate. In The Devil in Me, college students Alex (Michelle Argyris,) Jessica (Shantelle Canzanese) and Breanna (Vanessa Broze) are delighted with the low rent on the house they’re sharing, but there’s a catch. It turns out that Alex’s prettily refurbished attic bedroom is a room with a ghoul – a malevolent demon that claws the poor girl’s flesh, bounces her about on the bed and generally has its evil way with her.

It takes a while for things to get to that point, though. Presumably lacking the budget for a full-blooded spooker, writer/director Greg A. Sager goes for the slow burn, but the result is more like a wet fizzle as he uses up the first reel with time wasting am-I-going-mad-can-this-be-really-happening conversations and underwhelming portents of doom – a TV that flickers on and off of its own accord, a dire warning from a pallid little girl, a folder that spontaneously fills up with squiggles and – be still, my creeping flesh – a book that Alex puts down in one place only for it to turn up in another.

The terrified Alex attempts to enlist the help of her boyfriend Brian (Kevin Jake Walker) but he, in a move which makes him a shoe-in for Shittiest Boyfriend of 2012, retaliates by accusing her of using demonic possession as an excuse not to have sex with him – an accusation he voices with some bitterness, even though he’s already being well serviced by Alex’s slutty housemate Breanne. Luckily, a friendly professor (Wayne Conroy) takes an interest in the case, and, coincidence of coincidences, his father (Michael G. Wilmot) happens to be a priest who performed an exorcism in the very same attic many years before…

Sager summons up one or two decent scares and minor surprises – there’s a moment when Alex laps at a pool of urine which is definitely not the kind of thing you see every day – but the storyline is clunky, the script too vacuously chatty to allow the cast much traction on their characters, and the long-deferred pay off has the feel of a fan tribute to The Exorcist funded out of a student loan. If you’re gripped by the sudden urge to rescue this one from a bargain bin, think twice – it’s the devil in you talking.

Special Features: None