Review Category: DVD/Blu Ray

Nostalgia can be a fickle mistress. 

Anyone old enough to remember the original run of The A-Team will have fond memories of Saturday evenings spent in front of the television. 

We’d wait to find out which poor, desperate individual tried to hire the self exiled soldiers of fortune – seriously, anyone on the street seemed to be able to find them, but the army was always one step behind – and why. Then we’d watch as Hannibal, Face, Murdock and B.A. ran through a gamut of moralistic stories, only to come out the other end relatively unscathed as they helped the helpless.

We now find ourselves in a rich era of television, where networks are prepared to allow screenwriters to create a slow-burn story arc that could end up reaching over numerous series. Those networks are also willing to push the boundaries of what we can expect to see on these shows. This wasn’t really possible with syndicated shows in the past. Turn back to the 80s and The A-Team and shows of its ilk are the simple cousins by comparison. The episodes were family friendly – remember that considering the amount of ammo and explosives used in each episode, no one ever died, honestly, Stormtroopers would have felt right at home on set – and helped parents and kids alike suspend disbelief just long enough to entrust that four men could create an armoured tank out of a lawnmower, some metal plating and a potato gun. Every week. 

There are only a couple of extras within this set; an interesting look back at ‘80s television as a whole, as well as a short interview with the series creator, the late Stephen J. Cannell. It looks like these have been made available elsewhere before though, so there’s nothing new on show.

The transfers of the episodes onto Blu-Ray are as clean as they could be and look crisp, but with only those two extras, no episode commentaries or new interviews with any surviving cast or crew, the retail price of nearly £150 may make even the most diehard fan baulk at upgrading their DVD sets. 

That said, if you loved the series the first time around, this’ll bring back some really happy memories, as the camaraderie is all still there, but whereas this set had an opportunity to be a fan’s delight, instead it’s more C-Team than it should have been.

THE A-TEAM / CERT: 12 / DIRECTORS: VARIOUS / SCREENWRITERS: VARIOUS / STARRING: GEORGE PEPPARD, DIRK BENEDICT, DWIGHT SHULTZ, MR T / RELEASE DATE: 17TH OCTOBER

There is nothing more joyous than seeing a film you have never seen before decades after it’s original release and appreciating it on that level. Get ready for another winner in Arrow Video’s cult output.

Richard Wenk’s Vamp (1986) is an unsung gem of the horror and vampire genres and one that both respects the past, as well as being ahead of it’s time, considering the likes of The Lost Boys, From Dusk Till Dawn, Twilight, The Walking Dead and The Vampire Diaries. In terms of tone, it is not dissimilar to Tom Holland’s Fright Night (1985). As you may have gathered, these examples have certainly gained far more widespread exposure than this film, which did minimal business back in 1986. In the UK, it was marketed more on the appeal of Grace Jones, who was enjoying considerable exposure following her performances in the likes of Conan The Destroyer and A View To A Kill, as well as gaining some notoriety from her infamous appearance on the late Russell Harty’s chat show, in which she slapped the host for ignoring her. To some, this is more memorable that anything she has done in film or song.

As time has passed, the focus of Vamp has been less on Jones and more on the whole film completely, which tells of a pair of jocks who one night decide to make their way, via a car loaned to them by a geek Oriental, to a strip club, where they meet a good-hearted stripper (Dedee Pfeiffer) and one of the jocks is led backstage, where he is introduced to queen stripper Katrina (Jones) and seduced. However, it becomes apparent that this strip club is a front for far darker forces at work.

Vamp is a refreshingly witty and innovative entry into the horror genre, right up until the very end of the film, with much of the same atmosphere that lifted The Lost Boys to ‘80s horror legend. Indeed, co-star Billy Drago reminds one in this film of Kiefer Sutherland and he certainly has that same trademark leer you could see in his other films of the time, like Invasion U.S.A (1985) and especially his performance as Frank Nitti in De Palma’s The Untouchables (1987). 

Grace Jones is actually very good in this film, probably more to do with the fact that she doesn’t speak any lines of dialogue and her performance, rather like Schwarzenegger in The Terminator, is based on physical interpretation and presence. Overall, it is perfect casting and a true ace in the hole.

This remastered Blu-Ray also heightens the impact and style of the film, which is a wonderful mix of atmosphere and colour and, considering this film was released a good decade before From Dusk Till Dawn, is ground-breaking for that reason. It also is a slow-burner of horror, building up gradually and nicely to a suspenseful climax in the sewers.

Special mention must also go to make-up artist Greg Cannom’s work, which rivals Bottin and Baker for excellence. Wisely, effects are revealed subtly and there are one or two nice and neat effects shocks in the mix as well. 

Hopefully, this time around, Vamp will not be relegated to an also-ran space on a VHS library, like it was back on it’s original release and finds its rightful pride of place among many horror fans’ collections or on their “must watch” lists.

Special Features: Making Of Documentary / Subtitles / Behind The Scenes Rehearsals / Image Gallery / Blooper Reel / Short Film / Booklet

VAMP (1986) / CERT: 18 / DIRECTOR: RICHARD WENK / SCREENPLAY: RICHARD WENK, DONALD P. BORCHERS / STARRING: GRACE JONES, CHRIS MAKEPEACE, DEDEE PFEIFFER, ROBERT RUSLER, GEDDE WATANABE, BILLY DRAGO / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW 

The 1970s gave rise to a spate of films set in post-apocalyptic totalitarian states, stories in which love is banned and procreation is punish-worthy. The genre has never really disappeared, and modern filmmakers have been finding ever more creative ways of reacting against overpopulation and under-employment, and a populace that medicine is increasingly inventive in keeping alive. Equals takes its inspiration from the likes of THX 1138, ZPG and Logan’s Run and plays it refreshingly straight.

Silas (Hoult) lives in the Collective, a society where emotions have been inhibited by a government in fear of reigniting the Great War that has devastated 99.6% of the planet, but when he begins to suffer from Switched On Syndrome – the revival of dormant feelings – he notices similar symptoms in his co-worker at Atmos, Nia (Stewart), and the pair begin an illicit, doomed relationship.

Painfully slow but utterly absorbing, Drake Doremus’ story (with a screenplay from Moon’s Nathan Parker) paints an entirely believable portrait of a society that has suppressed all sensitivity to the point at which it resembles nothing so much as an elaborate beehive, with colourless, impassive drones working towards a common goal: the eventual evacuation of Earth. Filmed in Japan and Singapore, the settings are beautiful and alien, a strikingly impersonal landscape that suits Doremus’ languid, liquid camerawork perfectly. He makes it easy to accept a world where love and grief – and even simple interest – have been bred out of people; the early scene of the suicide is horribly credible.

We have of course been here before, many times. What makes Equals – the state to which those whose emotions have got the better of them return, once a cure for SOS has been found – worth watching is the chemistry between Hoult and Stewart, and the realistic, child-like way that Silas and Nia discover one another. Silas’ initial awakening is acted and directed with a subtlety and simplicity, Hoult and Stewart’s slightly awkward, uncomfortable gait at odds with the rest of the cast, singling them out immediately as different. When the pair commence their illegitimate affiliation, they are at first uncomfortable with touching one another; the stroke of fingers across the back of a hand takes on a wealth of meaning that the film earns by immersing us in the lovers’ universe rather than plunging us into the plot. It’s a very sensually, cautiously illustrated affair.

The final third is faster, more narrative heavy and more conventional – although often with unnerving tangents and interruptions, and very much following the trajectory of Romeo and Juliet. If you’ve made it this far you’ll be rooting for the young couple to overcome the inevitable tragedy, and the very last scene will break your heart. Predictable, but compelling.

Special Features: Featurette / Trailers

EQUALS / CERT: 12 / DIRECTOR: DRAKE DOREMUS / SCREENPLAY: DRAKE DOREMUS, NATHAN PARKER / STARRING: NICHOLAS HOULT, KRISTEN STEWART, JACKI WEAVER, GUY PEARCE / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

With Containment having proven a success earlier this year and with the notion of a global pandemic an ever-present threat in the age of cheap flights and bird flu, it was never going to be long before somebody took 28 Days Later and reimagined it in modern America, with fewer zombies and a greater emphasis on, ahem, worm flu.

Viral is, as the name itself might suggest, the teen take on plague horror. And it’s a lot more accomplished and considerably less attention deficient than that premise promises. There’s a singular shortage of pounding music on the soundtrack, and much less agitated camera-work and overactive editing than in most current movies; instead there’s a languorous concentration on the characters and the gradual unfolding of the story – it’s a good half an hour before things really kick into gear and possibly this is the film’s biggest issue. For once, it could have done with an extra half an hour at the end, as it appears to be building towards an “escape” chapter that never quite happens.

Sofia Black-D’Elia is Emma Drakeford, readjusting to a new school and a new life in small town California after some as-yet undisclosed incident has caused her parents to relocate. Over the road is Evan (Tope), and Emma’s older sister Stacey (Tipton) decides to intervene and help transform the two teenager’s mutual unspoken crush into something more palpable. With the spread of the virus happening largely off-screen and related by news reports, this opening third of the movie confidently yet carefully introduces and develops the characters while always holding certain aspects back for later reveals. When the epidemic finally hits Shadow Canyon everything goes Outbreak and from this point on we’re mainly contained in the Drakeford household, which with dad away means just the two sisters and their occasionally appearing love interests. Sadly, in spite of the peculiarly effective literalisation of the worm parasite and some fantastic acting from the two girls, the clichés begin to dominate and the film strays dangerously close to tedium. The last few minutes might be obvious, but they’re invigorating enough to just about pull things back around.

There’s nothing we haven’t seen before, a lot of it recently enough to be fresh in the mind. But the juvenile perspective – although an obvious choice in more straightforward horror movies – balanced with a thoughtful outlook means Viral takes itself seriously enough to count. It will no doubt struggle to find an audience (hence its disappearance from cinemas, and eventual VOD debut), thanks to its odd combination of preoccupations. But those who do find it are unlikely to be disappointed, except by the all too brief ending. A follow-on would actually be welcome.

VIRAL / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: HENRY JOOST, ARIEL SCHULMAN / SCREENPLAY: CHRISTOPHER LANDON, BARBARA MARSHALL / STARRING: SOPHIA BLACK-D’ELIA, ANALEIGH TIPTON, TRAVIS TOPE, MICHAEL KELLY / RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 17TH

“One adult and one child for Angry Birds please”, such were the words (with some numerical variations depending on your family head count and viewing habits) uttered earlier this year by many parent cinemagoers and who’d have ever thought it was the case? In a year of big name sequels struggling to hit the box office mark and Hollywood taking a lot of hits on the chin, many film fans have bemoaned the lack of creativity in the mainstream cinema schedules. So an animated movie based on the incredibly popular bird throwing android game Angry Birds was always going to take a bit of flack. However this has been a strange year with some crushing failures and equally shocking successes, so on which side of the boundary does this feathered frolic fall? 

On the jolly little community of Bird Island, Red (Jason Sudeikis) and his explosive temper sees him live as a bit of a loner, until one mishap at his job causes a “premature hatching”. This sees Red assigned to anger management where he meets the fast and slightly barmy Chuck (Josh Gad), nervously explosive Bomb (Danny McBride) and silently intimidating Terence (Sean Penn). Progress is slow but soon therapy is the least of Red’s worries, as a boat of green pigs arrives at the island. The happy residents of Bird Island gleefully buy into these pigs tales of finding new friends in new places but Red is suspicious…and with good reason because needless to say these guys are telling porkies.

The basic plot of the game saw the pigs stealing the birds eggs and naturally the slingshotting fowls being a little peeved about it, so adapting that into a movie was always going to be a bit of a stretch (see what we did there?). In fact it is fair to say that we, like most, approached this film with all the enthusiasm of a new reality show on ITV 2, and yet The Angry Birds Movie is not bad. It does struggle to formulate a full and smooth story out of its source material – especially through the first hour – but come a genuinely enjoyable payoff, the film does manage to at least try… and thus partially succeeds. We did expect a soulless cash-in and the fact that Mikael Hed, Mikko Pöllä and John Cohen’s story genuinely tries to add emotional depth and character is very commendable.

This film hardly re-invents anything, it is done in broad strokes, overstuffed with pop culture gags and Jon Vitti’s screenplay misses as many gags as it hits but the young ones will have a laugh and adults could (and will) have sat through far worse than this. The animation is enormously colourful and the film does have moments of real joy (a funny opening anger montage, the faithful-to-the-game action finale) and some charming lead characters. Red is the best character certainly, though Josh Gad’s chirpy (and slightly effeminate) Chuck is fun, as is Danny McBride’s Bomb and Sean Penn’s Terrence who practically only growls for the whole film but emerges as one of the movies best points. The supporting crew are a mixed bag, just like the first hour’s well worn tropes of villagers not listening to reason and the insistent pop soundtrack but it moves at a fast pace and doesn’t drag. 

Did it need to exist? No, and for sure the movie does become padded out at points (Peter Dinklage’s Mighty Eagle character) to justify feature length treatment. However, those expecting a film bad enough to want your eyes pecked out may be surprised to find a film that is not sophisticated nor fresh but a fun watch for kids and with a few attempts at really trying to tell a worthwhile story, especially with the emotional beats of social inclusion.

Special Features: Featurettes / Deleted Scenes / Shorts / Bonus Scene / Music Video / Photo Gallery / Symphony Mode

THE ANGRY BIRDS MOVIE / CERT: U / DIRECTOR: CLAY KAYTIS, FERGAL REILLY / SCREENPLAY: JON VITTI / STARRING: JASON SUDEIKIS, JOSH GAD, DANNY MCBRIDE, MAYA RUDOLPH, KATE MCKINNON, SEAN PENN / RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 17TH

To many, James Wan’s 2013’s The Conjuring is right up there as one of the greatest horror efforts of the past decade. With the sequel looking to explore the infamous (and very real) ‘Enfield Poltergeist’ case of the late 1970s, the big question was whether modern horror master Wan could reach the same heights with The Conjuring 2.

For those who’ve never heard of the Enfield Poltergeist, the story centres on the supposed haunting of an Enfield home by a demonic terror. When the Hodgson family unit, particularly 11-year-old Janet (Madison Wolfe), begin to experience some disturbing happenings in their homestead, it doesn’t take long before the big guns are called in to investigate the case. And by big guns, we mean Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga, reprising their roles from Wan’s original Conjuring movie). Lorraine may have recently decided that a traumatic ‘vision’ means its best that they get out of the spook game, but the Enfield case is something that the Warrens can’t let pass by.

On face value, the troubles thrust upon the Hodgsons seem to manifest themselves in having the spirit of an aggressive, abusive old man possess Janet, all whilst taking great pleasure in taunting the family as a whole as it explains how it loves to hear their screams. Creepy, right? Well, maybe, but maybe not. For you see, as with the very real Enfield case, The Conjuring 2 takes the slant that maybe all is not quite as it seems, and that this haunting could well just be a case of a troubled teenage girl seeking some attention or making a cry for help.

To veer any further into plot details would lead us into spoiler territory, so we’ll stop there. There’s plenty more to The Conjuring 2 than its plot, though. As the returning Warrens, the duo of Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are again superb in both how their characters operate on a singular level and also in how they wonderfully play off each other as a strong, reliant team. Where the Hodgsons are concerned, all involved do an admirable job, even if the accents sometimes go and little too ‘apples and pears’ for our liking. For so much of the film, Madison Wolfe’s Janet is the focal point, and the young actress, along with Lauren Esposito as elder sister Margaret, marks herself out as a talent to keep an eye on. Then there’s Frances O’Connor as the single mother trying to make sense of all of these horrors whilst also struggling to juggle the responsibilities of being a solo parent attempting to do the job of both mother and father.

Much like The Conjuring, this sequel has far more heart than would often be associated with many a modern horror. In fact, in the use of the Warrens, certain aspects of the film have the feel of a love story that just so happens to be enveloped in a supernatural setting. And key to making you actually care about this are the aforementioned performances of Wilson and Farmiga. That’s not to say that it’s not very much a horror movie though, and fans of the genre will find some fantastic scares here as Wan once again expertly manipulates the characters and his script to deliver tense, taut situations that will have you nudging ever-closer to the edge of your seat. Sure, there are certain early scares that feel a tad as if they’ve been seen and done before in the film’s predecessor, but that’s all forgiven as the movie progresses and delivers one of the year’s very best terror-filled tales. And yes, for those wondering, it’s obviously far superior to the BBC’s 1992 Ghostwatch…

The Conjuring 2 may not be quite at the flawless standard of Wan’s 2013 original, and some well-versed in the real life Enfield Poltergeist may pick a few holes in how the story slightly differs from the real happenings at times – which is something to be expected from such a feature – but again James Wan has given us a remarkable horror film that once more exemplifies why he’s at the forefront of modern horror.

Special Features: Five featurettes / Deleted scenes

THE CONJURING 2: THE ENFIELD CASE / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: JAMES WAN / SCREENPLAY: CAREY HAYES, CHAD HAYES, JAMES WAN, DAVID LESLIE JOHNSON / STARRING: PATRICK WILSON, VERA FARMIGA, MADISON WOLFE, FRANCES O’CONNOR, LAUREN ESPOSITO, BENJAMIN HAIGH, PATRICK MCAULEY / RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 17TH

With the imminent release this autumn of Benedict Cumberbatch’s take on the Marvel character, it’s time to take a step back in time to the late 1970s to the TV film version of Dr. Strange. As such, this adaptation of the film is going to appeal to those fans who follow all things Strange, but it may also hold considerable appeal to those addicts who want to backtrack and enjoy some of the Universal output that never quite made it to series level.

On balance, this emerged when the likes of Battlestar Galactica and Buck Rogers (both receiving European theatrical releases) were the forefront examples of effects techniques and, surprisingly, after its September 1978 debut on CBS in the United States, was never expanded into a full series. However, according to some research, this particular pilot played opposite the acclaimed miniseries of Alex Haley’s Roots, so it probably did face an uphill battle.

It is a pity, as it is one of the better television pilots from that time, with a reasonable plot-line and a good introduction for its time to the character which is clearly going to gain far more exposure and success when the new film version opens later this year.

Jessica Walter goes from the Misty of Evelyn Draper, still her best performance in the 1971 Clint Eastwood stalker classic, to the mystical Morgan Le Fay, a 15th century witch who has been sent by the upper levels of evil to destroy Sorcerer Supreme Lindmer (the excellent John Mills, who holds the film together). She almost succeeds in an early confrontation by using a young lady, Clea Lake (Eddie Benton, who then appeared alongside Jamie Lee Curtis in the original Prom Night in 1980), but Lindmer survives. When Le Fay gets inside her head and causes her to run from her apartment, Lake is involved in a near-accident with a taxi driver, who takes her to a hospital where Dr. Stephen Strange (Peter Hooten), who works in the psychiatric ward, helps her, little knowing that she and Strange will soon become the key to a battle for greater supremacy on Earth….

Stan Lee was a consultant on this particular version, and had the show been picked up then it would have provided a really good escape on prime-time TV with fellow Marvel offerings The Incredible Hulk and The Amazing Spider-Man (which also provided three European theatrical releases in Spider-Man, Spider-Man Strikes Back and Spider-Man: The Dragon’s Challenge) also hitting pay-dirt – in fact, Lee has stated that he was also pleased with this version, which we’re inclined to agree with.

Peter Hooten gives a good performance as Strange – looking like a cross between Jason King and Magnum PI – and Benton reminds one of Jennifer O’Neill in Scanners – a classic example of a TV beauty from the decade in question. Co-star Clyde Kusatsu plays Wong, Lindmer’s sidekick – and is a face some of you may remember from a short-lived adventure series from the early 1980s called Bring ‘em Back Alive, which starred Bruce Boxleitner and Cindy Morgan from TRON.

The new version of Doctor Strange purports to be bigger and more spectacular than this adaptation. Cumberbatch certainly has a lot to live up to and there is a hope that some of the charm prevalent in this TV film will be captured amidst the mega-budget pyrotechnics. It may not have the advancement in effects given the time period, but there is much heart within, thanks in part to John Mills, who proved his worth as a true acting legend in work like this.

DR. STRANGE (1978) / CERT: U / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: PHILIP DEGUERE JR. / STARRING: PETER HOOTEN, CLYDE KUSATSU, JESSICA WALTER, JOHN MILLS, EDDIE BENTON, ANNE-MARIE MARTIN, PHILIP STERLING / RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 17TH

The first half of Akame ga Kill! introduced us to Tatsumi, a young warrior who travelled to the nation’s capital to earn money for his impoverished country village. Upon his arrival he soon discovered that the city was rife with brutal oppression and hopeless corruption, and ended up joining Night Raid, a group of assassins who are part of a growing army of revolutionaries. Now, the forces of sadistic dominatrix Esdeath are closing in on the group, and it becomes ever more apparent just how much more blood will be shed before it’s all over.

Two things primarily drive Akame ga Kill!: intense violence and uncertainty, the latter from it being made clear not long into the series that its core group were in genuine danger of being killed. Having main characters who can and do die sets the series apart form other action-orientated series such as Naruto, Dragon Ball Z or Bleach, where the ultimate safety of protagonists is all but assured. However, when the frequent fights begin, the comparative prominence of either character’s place in the story often allows for predicting their outcome, while it’s still often the case that characters who are soon to die choose that time to deliver the most significant aspects of their backstory in an attempt to garner more sympathy over their deaths than their development has thusfar allowed for.

The endless variation in the Imperial Arms, weapons of immense power wielded by both heroes and villains, mean that no two battles are ever alike, and the uncompromising brutality of the fighting keeps each passing moment of it exciting. That each weapon also possesses a hidden ability that can redouble its destructive capability results in a myriad of ways each combat scene can play out.

The distracting tonal dissonance of the first half – bloody violence followed minutes (sometimes moments) later by knockabout comedy – has been tempered somewhat (although sadly not entirely), and the unnecessary fanservice from the female characters’ varying levels of flirtatious attitudes towards Tatsumi has been largely dispensed with as he begins a fledgling relationship.

As the story accelerates towards its conclusion and featured characters on either side of the conflict continue to fall with alarming regularity, the welcome feeling of genuine uncertainty intensifies as it becomes increasingly difficult to tell who, if anyone, will make it out alive. Additionally, the series also plays with and subverts a number of anime’s conventions, adding to the ambiguity over where the story will ultimately go and exactly how it will get there.

While the final revolutionary blowout doesn’t have the same intensity as, say, the multi-episode climax of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, it’s nevertheless a satisfying conclusion that stays true to the vision of the series, and is overall a huge improvement on its disappointing first half.

AKAME GA KILL! COLLECTION 2 / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: TOMOKI KOBAYASHI / SCREENPLAY: MAKOTO UEZU, TOUKO MACHIDA, KOUJIROU NAKAMURA / STARRING: COREY HARTZOG, MOLLY SEARCY, ALLISON KEITH, SHELLEY CALENE-BLACK, CHRISTINE AUTEN, CHRISTINA KELLY, TYLER GALINDO / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Basically The Windmill Massacre (aka simply The Windmill) is Agatha Christie’s Ten Little Whatevers relocated as a slasher to – you guessed it – a windmill in the Netherlands, with enough of a budget to afford some recognisable faces, even if the names won’t immediately spring to mind.

Six strangers, and the son of the angriest one, board a bus bound for a tour of the low country’s most iconic attractions, after a fairly lengthy preamble in which we’re introduced to each of them in turn. But before long, the bus breaks down … and you can pretty much guess what happens next.

Dutch writer/director Nick Jongerius’ first feature is competently made and achieves most of the goals it sets itself, however it is hampered by a lack of ambition and a willingness to settle for a certain standard rather than pushing the envelope and aiming somewhat higher. The prologue, for instance, establishes just enough about each of the protagonists for us to understand their place in the story, without giving us nearly enough to make us care. There’s a very telling moment just after the bus breaks down, when we suddenly jump cut to after darkness has fallen rather than staying with the characters and learning anything about them; the film trusts us to believe they would just sit there for several hours until the next intersection in the plot arrives, rather than taking a proactive role in solving their predicament.

And that’s the issue; despite a number of good performances, nobody here feels real enough that any of the subsequent twists feel like they matter. Instead, The Windmill Massacre is an exercise in joining the dots to the point at which the plot is played out, and the characters’ limited trajectories are exhausted. There is plenty of fun to be had in the sequence of ostensibly imaginative killings, and the film is certainly entertainingly bloody, but the final twist and the resolution to the question of why the six strangers have been brought here to be bumped off, is far too indifferently developed and not nearly well disguised enough to be remotely either surprising or satisfying.

If Jongerius had taken his time and rounded his characters out, he could have evoked the creepy atmosphere of a Seven or an Alien; if he’d taken a more unconventional route, The Windmill Massacre might have been freakish like a Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And if he had a sense of humour, this might have been closer to The Evil Dead, or even Severance. As it is, this is a film that passes the time agreeably enough, but the most you’ll really take from it is a series of “That’s the bit where X happens.”

Special Features: Director’s commentary / B-roll / Short ‘EPK’ / Trailer

THE WINDMILL MASSACRE / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: NICK JONGERIUS / SCREENPLAY: NICK JONGERIUS, CHRIS W. MITCHELL, SUZY QUID / STARRING: CHARLOTTE BEAUMONT, NOAH TAYLOR, PATRICK BALADI, ADAM THOMAS WRIGHT, TANROH ISHIDA, FIONA HAMPTON, BEN BATT, BART KLEVER / RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 3RD