Kidnapped by cockney gangsters in the middle of the night, young onesie-wearing creep Josh is lumped into the back of a van and driven out to the wilderness. The plan – to ransom the little weirdo – inevitably goes awry when he starts hearing things going bump in the darkness. Terrorised by kidnappers and ghosts alike, it really isn’t the kid’s night.
There is a fine hook and a workable story at the heart of House of Salem; in the right hands, a supernatural answer to The Disappearance of Alice Creed, or genre-bender to rival Kill List. This isn’t either of those things though, and, in spite of director James Crow’s best efforts, it’s almost entirely the actors’ fault.
No-one emerges with any dignity from this silly yet overly serious mess (although Jessica Arterton is nearly alright as The Sympathetic One); not even Andrew Lee Potts, who is barely in it, but sure to get top billing. The script would be halfway serviceable in the mouths of more seasoned character actors, but this bunch struggle to sell even a line of it. And the child actor isn’t even the worst one.
House of Salem is more technically accomplished than most low-budget British horror films, but it’s failures drop the ball so hard that it can never hope to recover. It’s not scary, clever or atmospheric enough to cover for the actors’ atrocious line readings and lack of presence.
Still, it’s one of the creepiest cheapo horror films out there, due to Crow’s willingness to terrorise and abuse his young (yet not young enough!) kidnap victim and the uncanny-valley level robotics of his performers. House of Salem will unsettle alright, but not in the intended manner.
HOUSE OF SALEM / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: JAMES CROW / STARRING: JESSICA ARTERTON, JACK BRETT ANDERSON, LIAM KELLY / RELEASE DATE: TBC
