Thank goodness!!! We were so worried that when director Roland Emmerich (THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, 2012, etc etc) passed on the much-anticipated adaptation of ASTEROIDS, our beloved 8-bit arcade game of old, that all hope of seeing those pixels brought to life on the big screen were lost forever!!!
We're ecstatic to report that we were wrong - Universal have pressed on undeterred, hiring Evan Spiliotopoulos, the writer of next year's SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMAN to
come up with a story where there was no story before because it's a goddamn vector graphic shooter that serves no purpose being adapted beyond the slightest of slight brand recognition the title ASTEROIDS brings, and even then it will only resonate with the 30+ crowd, hardly the key demographic a studio needs to rely on in terms of box office turnout... man I can't believe I'm getting annoyed at this all over again, what's wrong with me?! write it.
Just how many Hollywood auteurs are currently lining up to fill Emmerich's spot is still unknown, but a source at the studio assures us "there's a shitload 'cause it's gonna be, like, awesome".*
If all goes terribly, terribly wrong, ASTEROIDS will hit summer 2013.
For our previous rant on this protect breaking, read here.
* This didn't happen, it is a fabrication for the purpose of amusement only. But they probably would say that. If they'd answer our calls..
C'mon, you guys must be pretty pissed Hollywood is piping so much money into this shit too? Vent away in the Comments below or on Twitter @Starburst_Mag