DVD REVIEW: DESECRATED / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR: ROB GARCIA / SCREENPLAY: CECIL CHAMBERS / STARRING: HAYLIE DUFF, WILMER CALDERON, MICHAEL IRONSIDE, GIB GERARD / RELEASE DATE: TBC
A backwoods horror film starring one of the Duff sisters (not even the good one) alongside a host of obnoxious kids being bumped off by a murderous psychopath? This low-budget cabin in the woods movie (minus the cabin) should have viewers everywhere suffering from a serious bout of deja vu.
Not only is it reminiscent of literally hundreds of other backwoods horror films, it’s also remarkably similar to star Haylie Duff’s last horror effort, Backwoods (a TV horror feature every bit as imaginative as its title) – the only real difference here being a refreshing lack of rapey vibes and the substitution of an inbred hillbilly family for a crazed ex-Marine running around the woods dressed like Sam Fisher. Ironside doesn’t even play the crazed Sam Fisher type in question.
One by one, our pretty young heroes are knocked off, their demise almost guaranteed after two of their number break into Crazed Sam Fisher’s old trailer and have sex in there, right in front of the pulped remains of his wife and daughter. Hence the ‘desecration’ of the title. With the killer’s identity being revealed in the very early stages of the movie, there’s no mystery or intrigue to watching the kids wander off to get caught or killed by him – and that they don’t twig on to his evil until the final act makes them seem even stupider in our eyes. And they’re already pretty stupid looking. In theory, Ironside should be injecting a shot of class, but the man is wasted as Duff’s onscreen father, seeming incredibly bored for every moment of his scant screen time. To be fair, we can sympathise. While the acting is a cut above what you’d expect from a straight-to-DVD horror film of this vintage, the dialogue is awful. The characters mostly run about the woods screaming insults or ‘banter’ at one another, such drama apparently only being present so as to bulk up the script and fill time until the end.
And oh, how prolonged that time-filling feels. Desecrated is like every budget backwoods horror film you’ve ever seen, balled up into one, without any invention or ideas of its own. It’s as by-the-numbers as horror filmmaking gets. No doubt the filmmakers’ intentions were noble, but their movie certainly isn’t. Desecrated, sadly, is utter duff. And not even the good one.
Special Features: TBC
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