GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD / CERT: TBC / DIRECTOR & SCREENPLAY: ANTHONY CATANESE / STARRING: GIGI GUSTIN, BETTINA SKYE, CRAIG KELLY, ILENE SULLIVAN, DAVID M. SIBON / RELEASE DATE: TBC
If you’re a fan of cheesy low-budget eighties horror movies that focus on bad taste and ridiculous situations over actual story, then good news; they still make them. Girls Just Wanna Have Blood is very much one of those terrible movies that also happens to be quite entertaining.
The plot, such as it is, revolves around three ancient vampires who just happen to look like teenage girls. They recruit a new member into their sisterhood and they begin to chow down on the local neighbourhood lowlifes. The first half of this movie does exactly what it says on the tin; Girls just want to have blood. These four girls cut a literally bloody swathe through the town. Though as this a low budget movie, they mostly hang around in one location and let the food come to them.
The other half is the inevitable response from the local scum and some sort of attempt at redemption. Or to put it another way, it’s an eighties-style vampire movie. The cast is a great mix of people and the main characters are visually striking and memorable. The acting is about as good as you’re going to get in this sort of thing. It’s not brilliant but it is enthusiastic. The special effects are terrible and the vampire fangs impede people’s ability to actually speak. And yet underneath it all, there’s a decent movie desperate to get out.
Girls Just Wanna Have Blood suffers mostly from a lack of pacing caused by such a low budget. The movie’s main draw should be the girls going on a murder spree but obvious shortcuts have been made through out. The result is something that looks a lot grimier than it needs to be.
This is primarily a horror comedy, and most of the focus is on one liners and the odd physical gag. There’s a fine-line between gutter humour and being crass. Girls Just Wanna Have Blood doesn’t really care were the line is. When the jokes land, they land well. Some of them are real clunkers while others are pretty quotable. It’s almost cute but it’s definitely very, very dumb.
As such, it’s perfect for drunken movie nights and the like. The plot is ropey, the dialogue silly and the action and the gore border on the almost comedic. Despite all of this, it’s simply fun to watch. We’d love to see what would happen if this director and his crew were given an actual budget.
