MOVIE REVIEW: ZOMBEAVERS / CERT: 18 / DIRECTOR: JORDAN RUBIN / SCREENPLAY: JORDAN RUBIN, AL KAPLAN, JON KAPLAN / STARRING: CHAD ANDERSON, LEXI ATKINS, BRENT BRISCOE / RELEASE DATE: TBC
Ha-ha – Zombeavers. Best. Title. Ever. Did you watch the trailer? Best. Trailer. Ever. Beavers and zombies! Can you imagine it? Zombeavers! Best. Idea. Ever.
As far back as the 1960s, writers such as Adou Kyrou noted the sublime qualities found in cinematic works deemed technically inept and unsophisticated. Today’s mockbusters and other very low-budget monster movies, such as the one currently under consideration, count on a similarly charitable reception. Looking like a mass outbreak of crippling hipster irony, these goofy movies are lapped up by audiences with expectations fried by weed and/or copious brewskis. Mostly college kids, then.
Zombeavers – you’d never have guessed it – started its journey to the big screen as a title dreamed up one afternoon. A screenplay was bashed out and the production light turned green. It seems quite incredible such a flimsy idea can produce so much creative excitement and buzz. Was the title repeated over and over like a mantra, incantation or prayer?
Three gal pals head out for a weekend of chillaxing in the countryside. A road accident pollutes a local stream and beaver dam. The beloved water rodents get their living dead on and proceed to terrorise the girls and their bozo boyfriends, who turn up after dark wanting to get laid and party.
Even if Jordan Rubin’s modest aim was to turn in a comedy about bad monster movies, he still ended up with a bad monster movie. The stupid characters and puerile humour further exacerbate an already paper-thin scenario. Yes, Zombeavers is rubbish from start to finish and the joke, ultimately, is on the audience. Laugh at the title all you want, there is only so much mileage to be gleaned from the concept, trailer, poster and endless jokes about beavers and a lady’s holiest of holies.
Why be so hard on a horror comedy made for stoners and the late night crowd? Because it fosters anti-creativity. Really, it does. The message is this: turn in any old crap, get a wacky title and you’ll get a laugh and earn a tidy profit. These movies are not made for posterity and will be swallowed up by the abyss of time. They’re total junk. If you’re in the mood for a laugh, watch Joe Dante’s Piranha or even Alexandre Aja’s 2010 remake. Go home, Zombeavers, you're not funny.
Expected Rating: 4 out of 10