Finally, we have arrived. The Titty Twister. It’s taken Seth, Richie and the Fullers six long weeks to get here, but the ramblers have reached their destination. Not willing to let his hostages go just yet, Seth insists Jacob and his kids accompany them inside while they wait for their contact, Carlos. It’s like Waiting for Godot, but with vampires.
It’s all a bit toned down – a Wetherspoons version of the original Titty Twister – but Seth doesn’t like it. Sensing that something is amiss, he settles in to a table and peddles booze onto Jake’ underage kids. Richie, however, is much more at home, cementing his position as the more confident brother in this version of From Dusk Till Dawn. Lord only knows how poor Seth would cope if confronted with the likes of Danny Trejo and Cheech Marin. As it is, these TV imitators are about the right level for our TV level George Clooney. Hampered by the constraints of its television network, the show can’t even let not-Cheech have his infamous “pussy” speech. The script so wants to say the ‘P’ word, it’s embarrassing watching them pussyfoot around it. Mmm… vanilla flavoured.
Seth’s simpering leaves him taking a beating in the car park while Richie ogles strippers at the Twister. Elsewhere, Gonzalez is tortured and kidnapped, and flashback Richie grows a hillbilly beard in the woods. “Say my name,” he growls, cavorting with strippers in the Twister. The Breaking Bad reference is (probably) unintentional, but it invites unfortunate comparison to what was the greatest television show in years. This, of course, is not, and even that made me cringe.
Talking of cringing: look, I’ve been trying to take From Dusk Till Dawn on its own merits (some episodes with more success than others) but when you cast Jake Busey, of all people, as Sex Machine, we have a problem. “I bet it fires blanks,” sneers Kate, in regards to his famous weaponised phallus. Knowing Jake Busey? Undoubtedly. They could have at least got Gary for the role.
Place of Dead Roads continues the story well enough, and the recasting of Richie as the stronger, more dominant brother is a clever touch. The Gonzalez stuff is a distraction, but From Dusk Till Dawn still feels as though it’s biding its time, holding back on the main event. It does culminate with some great vampire action though, so there is that.
Next up: Not Salma Hayek.
