At STARBURST, we have all the time in the world for indie filmmakers who pour blood, sweat, and tears to get their projects off the ground (not so much for nepo babies for whom it is enough to yell, “Daaaaad! Can you be in my moooovie? It’s about the Troubleeees! I’ll write you three heart-wrenching monologues!”). That being said, The Creeps walks the edge between “atrocious” and “ever heard of eyelines?”
Presented as an homage to the most obvious Eighties movies (Back to the Future, Die Hard, and above all, Gremlins), the film hangs a lot of references on the flimsiest of plots: Zach (Chris Cavalier), a nerdy American teen on holiday at a Finnish ski resort, wants to reinvent himself as a party animal and a ladies’ man. His plans hit a snag when demons from another dimension enter this one, adopting the form of snowmen (they know how big Frozen is here).
The critters have a taste for mayhem and bad one-liners and Zach doesn’t have a prayer against them. Luckily, he finds allies in the girl of his dreams, a local outcast, and the star of his favorite movie (Christopher Lambert as himself).
Listen, we can forgive the shoddy CGI and the faux Alan Silvestri score, but the plot is devoid of imagination and basic continuity, and the shoehorned Eighties references are painful to watch. In addition to Lambert, there are two deep-cut cameos likely lost on anybody born after 1985.
If there’s a positive about The Creeps, it’s that director Marko Mäkilaakso demonstrates a lot of enthusiasm throughout (creativity is a bridge too far). There has to be something there to convince Christopher Lambert to abandon his semi-retirement for a couple of days to roast himself.
THE CREEPS is available now on digital platforms.
