Skip to content

BAYWATCH

Written By:

Jack Bottomley
baywatch

Newsflash! The big screen adaptation of the legendary (yes, we are being generous) TV series (or Action/Drama as many call it) Baywatch, received bad reviews! We know, talk about a shocker. Seriously though, while it is unsurprising the critical masses tried to drown this Action/Comedy, is it really deserving of the scorn? Or is there a joyously silly and hilarious beach set caper here in the same cheesily charming vein as the original show?

The plot sees Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) lead his Florida lifeguard team with a big smile but a stern sense of duty, a hero among his colleagues and the beach dwellers, Mitch soon finds his feathers ruffled by former Olympic Gold Medalist swimmer-come-celebrity Matt Brody (Zac Efron) who thinks he can just coast (so to speak) on his past reputation, however he soon finds there is more to working the Emerald Bay than towel thieves. That’s your plot and from therein we have drug smuggling, burning boats, dicks caught in wooden loungers and all manner of bombastic sequences, as Horrible Bosses director Seth Gordon attempts to hit lewd gold with this update. Sadly the results seem to sink, as the film is admittedly not as aggressively awful as realistically feared but nor is it anywhere near as good as optimistically hoped, it just is ‘there’.

 

The biggest issue with Baywatch is that while passing gags are made at the expense of the show (ludicrous TV episode plots brought to task, slow-mo, referential cameos) the script never seems sure as to what level it is operating on. The action heavy and CGI assisted set pieces feel abstract to the kind of stuff the show used to tackle, as do the mega dirty gags. Then, on the flip side of that, despite some references, the film really misses countless opportunities to create a genuinely affectionate and funny homage, recalling David Gordon Green’s failed Fantasy/Comedy Your Highness in that respect. Instead it feels like a ho-hum remake of Bad Boys II (with a bickering male lead duo, loads of swear gags, explosive chases and even a morgue scene), which results in a very muddled affair, that’s less Baywatch and more Michael Bay-watch.

 

There are some laughs to be had but they are not of the gut busting kind, although this can hardly be blamed on a very game cast. Dwayne Johnson livens the film up with his consistent charm, just as Efron is committed to his savage self-mockery. Jon Bass as techie turned lifeguard Ronnie is also up for a bit (ok, a lot) of self-deprecation, Kelly Rohrjach and Alexandra Daddario are less well blessed with development as CJ and Summer respectively (but do what they can), which is strange considering the film’s strangely feministic villain in Priyanka Chopra, which feels a touch randomly inserted.

 

Overall Baywatch has a committed, beautiful and charming cast but fails to give them a fun story to work with, instead we are left with something that is not offensively bad just intermittently daft, not particularly hilarious and unfortunately instantly forgettable. So, not quite the cancerous boil on cinema some have made it out to be, just not all that good, mind you, at least it is an improvement on the hope destroying dreck that was Dirty Grandpa. Then again so is rectal surgery.

 

BAY WATCH / CERT: 15 / DIRECTOR: SETH GORDON / SCREENPLAY: DAMIAN SHANNON / STARRING: DWAYNE JOHNSON, ZAC EFRON, KELLY ROHRJACH, ALEXANDRA DADDARIO, JON BASS, PRIYANKA CHOPRA / RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Expected Rating: 2/10

Actual Rating:

Jack Bottomley

You May Also Like...

chinese remake of anaconda drops trailer

ANACONDA Trailer Grants First Look At Remake Of 1997 Horror Flick

Three sequels and a spinoff-crossover film wasn’t enough for the 1997 creature feature Anaconda, which not only has a new movie in development, but is getting a Chinese remake! From
Read More
black widow star scarlett johansson in talks to lead new universal jurassic world film

Scarlett Johansson In Talks To Join JURASSIC WORLD Film

Another MCU star appears to be taking up the reins for Universal’s new Jurassic World movie: two-time Oscar nominee Scarlett Johansson is reportedly in talks to lead the franchise that
Read More

Exclusive Reveal! Titan Comics to Deliver Prehistoric Hysterics in First 2 DUMB DINOS Collection

Titan Comics have exclusively revealed to STARBURST that they’re gearing up to publish the first-ever collection of the hilarious cult digital comic strip 2 Dumb Dinos, and we’re not the
Read More

New Dates For Lovecraftian Key of Dreams

Key of Dreams has announced new spaces for its titular immersive luxury horror event. The critically acclaimed company is known for its overnight experiences that dunk you into a strange
Read More

FAB Café to Host Free Film Screening of New Indie Comedy SECRETS OF A WALLABY BOY

We’re well known for our championing of truly independent filmmakers here at STARBURST, so it’s doubly exciting to be writing about one of our own! After joining the crew in
Read More
colin farrell returns as oswald cobblepot in the penguin series trailer

Colin Farrell Returns In THE PENGUIN Trailer

Colin Farrell returns as Gotham City’s answer to Tony Soprano in the first trailer for Max series The Penguin, which spins out of the world of the 2022 DC film
Read More