Review: Sharknado / Cert: 12A / Director: Anthony C. Ferrante / Screenplay: Thunder Levin / Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Cassie Scerbo, David Bittick, John Heard / Release Date: October 7th

Wow! Where to begin? In case you’ve missed the hype – officially 5,000 Twitter mentions per minute at one point – Sharknado brings together two monstrous, life-threatening forces: sharks and tornadoes. Ever wondered what would happen if sharks were sucked up into a tornado and left to devastate Los Angeles? No, us neither, but at least now we’ve found out.

Enter our hero, the puntastically-named Fin (Ziering), a bar-owner who loves the surf. Joining him in the battle against this ‘weather-with-bite’ we have his best friend Nada (Bittick), his goo-goo-eyes-making bartender Nova (Scerbo), resident drunk George (Heard), ex-wife April (Reid), and various other throwaway characters.

Firstly, be prepared to throw logic out of the window. Just off the top of our heads, we’ve got a shark being taken out early on with a bar stool, we’ve got the type of special effects that make an early ’00s Dreamcast game look impressive, we’ve got sharks that growl (seemingly a given in shark films these days), we’ve got sharks that can hold onto things despite only having flippy, floppy fins, we’ve got sharks coming out of manhole covers and drainage pipes, we’ve got sharks hanging on to ropes by their teeth, and we’ve got sharks that somehow do not need any water to survive. Then there’s also the small fact that characters seem to suffer random haircuts throughout the movie, and you have someone simply giving a big “Ow!” when being ripped apart by one of the planet’s apex killing machines.

So, yeah, logic is most definitely not needed for this film. In fact, any logic that you have will only serve to hinder you in any enjoyment you’re looking to take from Sharknado. Oh, and there’s even the horrendous line of “We’re gonna need a bigger chopper.” Roy Scheider would be turning in his grave. Then there’s the ending – one of the most irrational, illogical and stupid endings you will ever see. We’re talking Planet of the Apes remake bad.

Sharknado’s performances range from the okay to the usual B-movie crap that you’ve come to expect from such films. Ziering is the best of the bunch, seemingly being one of the few actors that seemed arsed to turn up and put in a solid portrayal. The rest of the characters just have nothing to them… and then there’s Tara Reid. Her character is just a total bitch from her first appearance to her last, yet there’s no reason for it. It’s as if she’s woken up to find somebody defecating in her corn flakes, then that’s set the tone for her day. Or maybe she’s just seen Sharknado.

Extras: None