Review: Alien Crash at Roswell / Cert: Exempt / Director: Phillip Coppens / Screenplay: Phillip Coppens / Starring Phillip Coppens, Jesse Marcel III / Release Date: Out Now
Ever wondered what really happened in the summer of 1947 in Roswell, New Mexico where, legend has it, a UFO crash-landed, scattering debris and dead rubbery aliens all over the dusty landscape? Conspiracy nuts have been all over this one for more than six decades despite Government assurances that the “UFO debris” was really the remains of a fallen high-altitude experimental weather and surveillance balloon. Suffice to say that this unspeakably thin, ropey, tacky US TV documentary from 2012 won’t shed any new light on the mystery. Frankly you’d be better off going out into the garden and staring at a tree for an hour for a better shot at a decent insight into the weird and wonderful world of the enigma of the Roswell incident.
Wild-haired scientist/loon Phillip Cossens is our host, blundering through the ‘story’ of the Roswell phenomenon without a script to guide him on his way, interviewing one Jesse Marcel III. This weirdo is a dead-eyed descendant of one of the first US Army officers on the scene who, it’s believed by Cossens and, undoubtedly, other people who ought to get out more, actually “handled extra-terrestrial debris with his own hands.” And that’s about it for cutting-edge factual investigation. The lack of any semblance of structure to the piece means we’re left with endless repetition – the Marcel family believe it’s true because they actually, you know, handled the debris. Did we mention this?
Cossens doesn’t even countenance the possibility that the government explanation might be true; he’s just content to tell us that “the Marcel family believe it to be true because they experienced it.” It’s also amazing to realise, apparently, that we’re not alone in the universe. Honestly, we’re not. Alien Crash at Roswell says so. Archive photographs are flashed up on the screen without explanation or context and the whole woeful endeavour is soundtracked by appalling and teeth-grindingly irritating lift muzak and padded out by poorly animated, endless scenes of a UFO flying through space or spinning above the New Mexican desert.
We’re at an absolute loss to comprehend why anyone thinks this garbage is worthy of a UK DVD release. Has no one considered the planet’s dwindling resources? Curiosity might tempt you to investigate whether Alien Crash at Roswell is really all that bad – but trust us on this, it just is. Don’t bother watching it, just throw it in the air and pretend it’s a tiny alien spaceship as it spins over your next door neighbour’s fence and crashes into a hedge, never to be seen again. Alien Crash at Roswell really is worthless nonsense.