Skip to content

Book Review: HOUSE OF SECRETS

Written By:

Graeme Reynolds
house-of-secrets-review

Review: House of Secrets / Author: Chris Columbus, Ned Vizzini / Publisher: HarperCollins / Release Date: April 25th

When Brendan, Cordelia and Nell are forced to move to Kristoff House in San Francisco with their parents, they are less than happy. However things are about to get much worse. Before the family have time to order in a takeaway pizza, let alone unpack, they are attacked by a crazed witch who transports the children and the house to a magical world where they must search for a book of terrible power. If they fail, they will never see their parents again; however, retrieving the book will mean that the entire world will fall under the witch’s power.

If the name of one of the authors seems familiar, it’s because Chris Columbus is a very well known screenwriter and director, being responsible for the first two Harry Potter films, among other things. And it shows.

House of Secrets plays out like a summer blockbuster movie, with lots of battles, close escapes and things generally blowing up. The book tries to tick off as many things as it can. Evil barbarian hordes? Check. Bloodthirsty pirates? Yup. First World War fighter planes, evil witches, magical battles, giants… You get the idea. House of Secrets is not a novel that dwells on anything for long, and in fairness to it, the plot moves along at a cracking pace. No sooner have the children avoided one terrible fate, than another threat presents itself. Unfortunately, like so many summer blockbuster movies, it isn’t really very good.

There are a few problems with the book, but the biggest by far is the characters. Brendan, Cordelia and Nell are as flat as the pages that they are written on, and worse, are actually irritating with little in the way of redeeming qualities. A significant amount of the trouble that they get into is as a direct result of their own idiotic, selfish actions. Not only that, but their reaction to the things around them is almost nonexistent. When one of their companions is brutally murdered in front of their eyes, for example, they dwell on it for almost an entire paragraph before returning to their old, irritating selves as if nothing had happened.

The other issue is that the book is not really clear about which age group its aimed at. The 550 pages and the sometimes brutal and graphic depictions of violence would make it unsuitable for younger readers. However, the laughable plot, wooden characters and clunky dialogue would make older children roll their eyes, then discard the book and go back to their games consoles.

House of Secrets is a bloated example of style over substance, with a contrived plot, unrealistic characters and very little in the way of redeeming qualities. I would not bet against it being made into an equally bloated and tedious movie at some point in the near future.

Graeme Reynolds

You May Also Like...

Short SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER Halfway to Funding

We couldn’t resist the tagline of ‘You’ve heard of Elf on the Shelf, now prepare for Santa’s Little Helper’ and had to check out the Kickstarter for a new short
Read More

First-Look Images and Sizzle Reel for Disturbing Shocker CARA

You can now get your first look at the upcoming disturbing kitchen sink horror film CARA, directed by Hayden Hewitt (Lips) and starring Ellie O’Hara, Johnny Vivash, Laurence R. Harvey,
Read More
chinese remake of anaconda drops trailer

ANACONDA Trailer Grants First Look At Remake Of 1997 Horror Flick

Three sequels and a spinoff-crossover film wasn’t enough for the 1997 creature feature Anaconda, which not only has a new movie in development, but is getting a Chinese remake! From
Read More
black widow star scarlett johansson in talks to lead new universal jurassic world film

Scarlett Johansson In Talks To Join JURASSIC WORLD Film

Another MCU star appears to be taking up the reins for Universal’s new Jurassic World movie: two-time Oscar nominee Scarlett Johansson is reportedly in talks to lead the franchise that
Read More

Exclusive Reveal! Titan Comics to Deliver Prehistoric Hysterics in First 2 DUMB DINOS Collection

Titan Comics have exclusively revealed to STARBURST that they’re gearing up to publish the first-ever collection of the hilarious cult digital comic strip 2 Dumb Dinos, and we’re not the
Read More

New Dates For Lovecraftian Key of Dreams

Key of Dreams has announced new spaces for its titular immersive luxury horror event. The critically acclaimed company is known for its overnight experiences that dunk you into a strange
Read More