Remember that STRETCH ARMSTRONG flick we told you about last January? Quietly hoping it had gone away? Us too. Not so I’m afraid, Hasbro are still moving forward, ignoring the spectacular box office failure of BATTLESHIP proving that not all of their toys can, or even should, make the transition to screens.

Relativity, the company behind such recent duds as MIRROR MIRROR and THE RAVEN, have now signed a director to shepherd their new potential franchise-starter in the form of Breck Eisner. Eisner’s best known for 2010’s so-so remake of George Romero’s THE CRAZIES, and will here direct from a script by Dean Georgaris (Ben Affleck classic, PAYCHECK), which is rumoured to be a “gritty” take on the 1970’s toy. Oh dear.

In one piece of good news however, it seems the perpetually shirtless TWILIGHT star Taylor Lautner has now ceased to be bandied about as the film’s lead. Close call.

Expect STRETCH ARMSTRONG to be greeted with utter bemusement when it hits cinemas in April 2014. This film cannot possibly work! Even the toy was a bit shit.

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