SHARKTOPUS, SHARKNADO, GHOST SHARK… You wouldn’t be blamed for ever thinking “Surely they can’t think of a more outlandish film than this?” And yet anyone who’s ever thought this about any of the Syfy channel’s output is always proven wrong.

Syfy’s latest announced plunging of the shark-filled depths is a pair of sequels for its infamous shark/octopus mash-up, both to be directed by Kevin O’Neill and scripted by Matt Yamashita. They really are ideas that would have the shark from JAWS spinning in its grave (before being resurrected by witches and mating with a hedgehog, as is usual behavior for sharks these days).

The first, currently in post-production, will be SHARKTOPUS VS.PTERACUDA, in which “Sharktopus’ offspring goes toe-to-toe with the latest science experiment “Pteracuda” in a battle for supremacy.” We’re guessing that’s some sort of flying dinosaur/fish combo, and probably derived from throwing darts at a large board of animal names to see which two to combine next. Surely they can’t think of a more outlandish film than this, right?

Wrong (and don’t call me Shirley). The real excitement is SHARKTOPUS VS. MERMANTULA. Here’s the pitch: “In order to take down Sharktopus, Ray Brady, a former basketball player, is injected with a transformation serum that alters his genetic make-up to become part man, part piranha and part tarantula. Though unsuccessful at his first attempt to bring down Sharktopus, Ray injects himself with a growth hormone, increasing his strength tenfold, and has a final showdown with Sharktopus in a baseball stadium.”

No, really. We’re not making this up. Honest.

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