The whole world is THE pattern. And maths is interdimensional. Eventually. Because science. Oh, and AFTER EARTH is a thing.

If you don’t understand the above then you are obviously not as gloriously gifted as King William Smith and his apotheosised son, Jaden. Speaking in an interview with New York Magazine – ostensibly about their upcoming film AFTER EARTH – the Smith Dynasty of America managed to out Hollywood Hollywood with the most grandiloquent oozy explosion of saccharine BS since THE PHANTOM MENACE.

And it is glorious. Like the musings of an undergrad sci-fi filmmaker writing their debut under the heady influence of their own suffocating stench.

Though it must be conceded that the interviewer is either a master troller or of equal intellectual delusion as her guests, the results are majestic either way.

Check out this nugget of wisdom:

I’ve read that you believe life can be understood through patterns.

Will: I’m a student of patterns. At heart, I’m a physicist. I look at everything in my life as trying to find the single equation, the theory of everything.

And:

Are both of you religious?

Will: No, we are students of world religion.

Magical. And to top it off:

Do you see patterns too, Jaden?

Jaden: I think that there is that special equation for everything, but I don’t think our mathematics have evolved enough for us to even—I think there’s, like, a whole new mathematics that we’d have to learn to get that equation.

Will: I agree with that.

Jaden: It’s beyond mathematical. It’s, like, multidimensional mathematical, if you can sort of understand what I’m saying.

Any interview with the prime directive of talking about dystopia fodder AFTER EARTH that includes the phrase ‘multidimensional mathematical’ deserves a prize that simply doesn’t exist yet. Probably because it’s in another dimension.

There is some talk of the film at least, discussing the father/son relationship on set, the Smith family at large and…the Kardashians, but it’s all garnished with this ever pervasive sense of grandiose magnificence.

It’s just a surprise that they didn’t sign off with the Fresh Prince rap.

(Read the full interview here for a thorough massage of the old grey matter)

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