Moonfall is exactly the film you think you think it’s going to be – only quite a bit stupider. Starring Patrick Wilson and Halle Berry, the film is directed by Roland Emmerich (who also co-wrote what we might charitably describe as the script) who, of course, has considerable form in wreaking unholy carnage upon the unsuspecting citizens of planet Earth. Over the years, he has variously unleashed upon us alien invasions, a giant lizard, a second Ice Age and even an absolute extinction-level event. One could be forgiven for thinking he doesn’t really rate the human race, a conclusion given additional credence by Moonfall, in which he decides it’s time to knock the moon out of orbit and send it hurtling towards the Earth.
Wilson and Berry are two astronauts whose routine space shuttle mission a decade ago was brought to a catastrophic and tragic conclusion when it was attacked by a strange energy swarm emanating from the moon. NASA institutes a cover-up, however. Wilson’s Brian Harper is discredited – his life and marriage fall apart, his teenage son becomes wayward and wilful – you know the score in this sort of movie – and Berry’s Jo Fowler becomes a NASA bigwig. Comedy relief janitor and part-time megastructuralist (yes, another one!) K. C. Houseman (John Bradley) – he has a cat called Fuzz Aldrin (you might want to hold your sides!) – discovers that the Moon’s orbit is bringing it closer to Earth and when he goes public with his findings on social media, NASA is forced to leap into action and Harper is vindicated. But the Moon is still moving closer to the Earth – cue inevitable but rather soulless shots of worldwide devastation; waves rolling over cities, tsunamis, peculiar gravitational anomalies. A space mission to investigate the lunar abnormality is destroyed by the swarm but luckily there’s a handy EMP device on hand that can kill the storm – but with NASA falling apart and the world in chaos, only Harper and Jo are available to launch a de-mothballed space shuttle in a last-ditch attempt to save us all. Naturally, the utterly inexperienced and untrained KC is brought on board to ‘do the math’ and the trio set off on their suicide mission. Only when they reach the moon do they fully realise they are caught in the middle of a battle for survival between two very different extra-terrestrial intelligences…
Moonfall is, of course, utter twaddle. Frustratingly, though, and despite its own best efforts, it’s shamefully enjoyable twaddle. Emmerich has left no hoary cliché unturned in his attempt to marry witless, implausible spectacle with paper-thin characters and the result is a film 100% more inane than even the likes of the more recent Geostorm or Into the Storm. We’d like to think that Michael Bay himself would turn his nose up at the stereotyped characters and ‘disaster movie A-Z’ dialogue they’re forced to spout. It’s nonsensical on almost every level, from its ludicrous disregard for basic scientific principles to the thunderingly unsubtle determination to defy the laws of physics as the characters on Earth – basically just Wilson’s and Jo’s extended families – are plunged into increasingly-unlikely perilous situations as all around them turns to ash, dust, and snow.
But despite its cosmic levels of banality, Moonfall can’t help but be fun, perhaps because we’ve not had a film of this type in a few years. It’s a movie that demands that you turn off your critical faculties (if not your entire brain) and just roar at the absurdity of all. It delivers some superb FX shots (mainly the space stuff and shots of the moon looming large over the Earth) and some iffy stuff (many of the Earth-devastation scenes that aren’t just seen-it-all-before but also seen-it-done-better-before), and the swerve into harder sci-fi territory in the final third at least provides some relief from the predictability of the original setup. Moonfall is crass and vapid but now and again that’s exactly what we need in a world of genre films that often takes itself too seriously. Moonfall is a film you will laugh at rather than with – and sometimes that’s absolutely fine.
Moonfall is in cinemas now.
