YOGA HOSERS: WHEN COLLEENS COLLIDE

PrintE-mail Written by Joel Harley

Kevin Smith, director of some good movies and writer of some good comic books, turns his hand in the opposite direction with Yoga Hosers, a comic book prequel to this year’s movie of the same name. Itself a spin-off to the questionable Tusk, this book serves as a taster introduction to Colleen C and Colleen M, bit part players turned leading ladies – the stars of Yoga Hosers, eh.

It’s a curious decision by Smith, creating a Tusk spin-off around the very worst things about Tusk, but here we are. Perhaps less curious, given that one of those worst things happens to be his own daughter, Harley Quinn Smith… thankfully the ridiculous Guy Lapointe (the worst performance Johnny Depp ever gave!) is nowhere to be seen though, letting the ladies Colleen take centre stage. When Colleens Collide details their meeting and subsequent friendship, obliquely referencing the events of Tusk, but keeping this very much its own thing. Nothing too strenuous in the plot department, then, eh.

Eh, what? What’s with the eh, you say? The Canadian gags which everyone found hilarious in Tusk also return, in a script littered with ‘ehs’, ‘aboots’ and Moose Farts. It’s exactly the same vein of humour as practiced by Justin Long’s asshole in Tusk – a crime for which Smith had him turned into a Walrus by the end of the film (not a spoiler, it’s literally called Tusk). Bit of an about turn, then, Smith fully embracing the stereotypes for When Colleens Collide. Not to mention his thereby admitting the accuracy of Long’s jibes - someone owes the Walrus an apology, methinks.

Four pages of two girls being called Colleen and five pages of doing yoga later – plus a lot more filler – leaves one wondering quite what the point is. It’s inconsequential fluff, and as a taster for Yoga Hosers the movie, downright off-putting. Either the man’s ear for dialogue has been entirely lost, or it simply doesn’t extend to writing teenage girls, for this is an atrociously written book. Jeff Quigley’s art isn’t much better, but when the writing is this bad (how bad? Worse than even The Widening Gyre!) it is, at least, not the worst thing about the book.

Shoddy fluff capitalising on the good name of a once-great writer and director, Yoga Hosers is a sad disappointment. When Colleens Collide serves not only as a bad omen for Yoga Hosers, but a stark warning too: Kevin Smith must be stopped. Bring on the Walrus.

YOGA HOSERS: WHEN COLLEENS COLLIDE / WRITER: KEVIN SMITH / ARTIST: JEFF QUIGLEY / PUBLISHER: DYNAMITE / RELEASE: OUT NOW
 


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