PrintE-mail Written by Algernon Swinburne

Review: Fact or Fiction? – The Paris and M6 Crashes / Author: Colin Hall / Publisher: Markosia Enterprises Ltd. / Release Date: Out Now

TIME UNDISCLOSED: Get out of bed. Coffee, roll-up, check e-mails. Spam, Facebook updates and more spam.

10.21: Post arrives. He’s early. Starting the Christmas box campaign in April? Well there is a recession on.  What have we got here then? Looks like something from Phil at Starburst; they must be wanting a review.

10.23: Open post. “Fact or Fiction? - The Paris and M6 Crashes” by Colin Hall. Nice glossy book; looks like a graphic novel.

10.25: Not a graphic novel. What is this? A collage of Post-its and doodles; apparently random series of numbers; prints of e-mails; drawings of the paranormal’s greatest hits; lines connecting the unconnectable. It’s that bit in a movie when they break into the stalker’s flat and it’s full of weird shit. Except in book form. I like it.

10.35: Has Phil sent this as an elaborate practical joke? How do I respond and still look cool?

10.41: Maybe it’s for real. Best starting reading the main body of text.

10.42: Check e-mails. There are no e-mails. That’s odd; there’s always something.

10.43: Start reading.

11.15: I have no idea what this is about. What Paris and M6 crashes? Best do some research. Start Googling.

11.21: Anti-virus software kicks in as the first website I find with anything about these crashes actually attacks my PC. Wasn’t expecting that.

11.25: Robin Hood’s horn calls me from the kitchen. That text alert tone was amusing when I put it on there. Who is it? A blank text. From a number I don’t recognise. Odd.

11.31: My research lends me to believe that these crashes are only famous to the conspiracy theory community. Apparently there are facts that don’t add up; a cover-up afoot. Blimey. Best read some more.

11.40: Keeps talking about someone called Mike Collins. What is that buzzing noise? Keeps introducing him like he’s not been mentioned before; something to do with alien abductions. Oh puh-lease.

11.46: Landline rings; nobody there. Bloody call centres.

11.47: Rings again. Somebody is speaking. You know, if I’m not going mad they actually sound like they’re talking backwards. They’re never going to sell anything like that. Back to the book.

11.53: Oh, come on: Time travellers!? I’d have thought Phil was too busy for this kind of thing but this is definitely a wind-up.

10.45: What is “1of26”? Sounds like one of the Borg to me.

11.01: Robin Hood’s off again. Same number. Text reads: “1/26 DNRB”. What does that mean? Back to the book.

11.20: Chapter 5 starts with the phrase “If you’ve followed me so far...” Actually that’s unfortunate because, frankly, I haven’t.

11.07: Morning is dragging. (You’ve done that gag already – Ed)

11.51: E-mail check. Jacamo trying to flog me shirts. Hmmm, they also say “he's found the awful truth, Balthazar”. That’s odd; they’ve never quoted Blue Öyster Cult lyrics at me before. Don’t think they have anyway.

12.01: Text from the wife. She’ll pick up stuff we need from Tesco. Also: “Ascension says DO NOT REVIEW BOOK”. I know I was supposed to mow the lawn but I’ve got to get on with this.

12.50: Not understanding any of this. Getting a headache. Time for a cup of tea. There’s some numbers on this milk bottle; they look familiar; can’t put my finger on why.

12.58: Another e-mail check. Why is LinkedIn telling me not to review the book? Never got any work out them up to now so I’m not taking any notice of their career advice.

13.15: He’s on about codes now. Says these strings of numbers are “all but unfathomable”. He’s telling me. Mind you, like that turn of phrase; must re-use it.

13.57: Someone at the door. Hang on, there’s no one there. Oh, they’ve left a card. It’s blank; just a mobile number written on the back. No, it isn’t; it isn’t long enough for a mobile. Actually the number is all but unfathomable.

14.06: Back to the book. Mark Collins is duping the Middle East. Drawing of the Mothman. I love the Mothman; it’s just sooo weird. Gotta love a book with a picture of the Mothman. What has the Mothman got to do with this? Now I am intrigued.

14.24: He’s talking about encoded blogs again.

14.30: Van parked outside. Yes, about time Virgin Bloody Media sorted out the Broadband. Shocking download speeds.

14.46: So in conclusion it’s either a hoax or something to do with time travel. Or something.

14.57: E-mail from The Bristol Hippodrome of all people. Apparently they don’t want me to review the book.

15.10: No, it’s just looking a bit mad to cover up their real agenda. Oh, now that’s creepy.

15.18: The wife arrives home: “Have you written that review yet?” You know what, I’m not sure I’m going to. (I’m not sure you have either – Ed)

Rating: All but unfathomable.

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