News: Photo Evidence Exposes Actor Nicholas Cage's Dark Secret!

Written by Kris Heys Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Movie News

It's a common opinion that actor Nicholas Cage can sometimes be a little... 'odd'. Is this the explanation?

eBay user Jack_Mord has recently stumbled across a photograph featuring the actor... TAKEN IN THE LATE NINTEENTH FLIPPIN' CENTURY!

As as you're probably already thinking, this can mean only one thing.

VAMPYRE!

Don't believe us? Prepare to have your minds blown...

Obviously there are naysayers lining up to deride Jack_Mord's find, but he's studied the photo relentlessly since its discover in the Seattle's Thanatos Archive and has since got to the bottom of the Cage Vampire mythos, "My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe 70, 80 or so, then the actor 'Nicolas Cage' will 'die'... but in reality, the undead vampire 'Nicolas Cage' will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all over." 

Wow. I don't know about you, but my copies of IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU and HONEYMOON IN VEGAS are getting binned tonight. Who's with me? Let's show Cage that we will not support Vampire scum!

Jack_Mord is currently trying to sell the picture for $1 million dollars. While I'm fully behind his mission to expose the abomination that walks among the Hollywood elite, he probably dropped the ball a little by releasing the picture on the internet.

Thoughts? Share 'em with your fellow readers in the Comments or on Twitter @Starburst_Mag


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