Movie News: Super Important ASTEROIDS Update!

Written by Kris Heys Thursday, 10 November 2011

Movie News

Thank goodness!!! We were so worried that when director Roland Emmerich (THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, 2012, etc etc) passed on the much-anticipated adaptation of ASTEROIDS, our beloved 8-bit arcade game of old, that all hope of seeing those pixels brought to life on the big screen were lost forever!!!

We're ecstatic to report that we were wrong - Universal have pressed on undeterred, hiring Evan Spiliotopoulos, the writer of next year's SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMAN to come up with a story where there was no story before because it's a goddamn vector graphic shooter that serves no purpose being adapted beyond the slightest of slight brand recognition the title ASTEROIDS brings, and even then it will only resonate with the 30+ crowd, hardly the key demographic a studio needs to rely on in terms of box office turnout... man I can't believe I'm getting annoyed at this all over again, what's wrong with me?! write it.

Just how many Hollywood auteurs are currently lining up to fill Emmerich's spot is still unknown, but a source at the studio assures us "there's a shitload 'cause it's gonna be, like, awesome".*

If all goes terribly, terribly wrong, ASTEROIDS will hit summer 2013. 

For our previous rant on this protect breaking, read here

* This didn't happen, it is a fabrication for the purpose of amusement only. But they probably would say that. If they'd answer our calls..

C'mon, you guys must be pretty pissed Hollywood is piping so much money into this shit too? Vent away in the Comments below or on Twitter @Starburst_Mag

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+1 #6 Kris Heys 2011-11-12 15:11
I agree, the movie 'could' be awesome. All I'm annoyed at is the amount Hollywood spends on these properties, when all they're buying is a title. A title that means fuff all to anyone younger than 30. It's a waste of money. See next year's BATTLESHIPS. That IP will have cost a fortune, but the flick bears little resemblance to the actual game. They had to resort to adding aliens. It could have been called anything!
0 #5 Andy Hall 2011-11-12 01:47
It makes more sense, from a creative standpoint, to adapt this property than, say, Uncharted. Uncharted already has a narrative and is essentially a movie in it's own right. Moreover, YOU are the star. Making a movie of any current game IPs makes no sense, take away the interactive element and you just become a passive viewer. Asteroids has no narrative, therefore I'm interested to see what they do with it.
+1 #4 jim 2011-11-11 23:11
I'm digging Andy's optimism though.
Who knows, this could be amazing!
0 #3 Kris Heys 2011-11-11 22:51
Quoting Andy Hall :
I think you should all keep an open mind. Wasn't Pirates of the Caribbean based on a jumped up merry-go-round?

No. It was based on a theme park attraction with a built in narrative.
+1 #2 Andy Hall 2011-11-11 20:27
I think you should all keep an open mind. Wasn't Pirates of the Caribbean based on a jumped up merry-go-round? Imagination people! Everything starts out as one tiny idea.
0 #1 jim 2011-11-10 23:33
I can't wait to see how the plot for this pans out, I can barely wait to see shots fired, space rocks dodged and... Erm... Oh.

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